A/N : this chapter starts out kind of slow and what not but it was needed to get to where I'm wanting to go with the story; seems like there will be a little Sad!stuck in later chapters :/ but things will be okay in the end! Just hang around and bare with me as I try writing this fic; it's my first multi-chapter one. :|
===== STEAL ALL THE MUFFINS
You grab a few muffins from the basket behind the counter and lazily walk to your seat near the window. Sollux has work today, and Terezi is actually here; so you have all day to relax in this coffee shop and do nothing.
Absolutely.
Nothing.
...BUT HOLY FUCK ARE YOU BORED.
And you sure as hell aren't about to go chat it up with Terezi. Fuck that. She's been a complete bitch ever since she started paling around with Vriska again, and you have no intentions of falling back into her trap.
"KK, bro, are you jutht going to thit here all day again? I don't feel like baby thitting your thorry ath again." Sollux says, bringing a coffee over. Must be his break.
You hold up your middle most phalanges toward him, giving him a scowl.
"Theriouthly, if you're jutht going to loiter in here all fucking day, why don't you jutht get a job? You know you'd get hired." Sollux says, sipping at the coffee which you had assumed was for you; But apparently wasn't. The dick couldn't even get you a coffee.
"No, fuck that, I work here enough as it is and I hate it. But I'm not gonna get free muffins by staying home all god damn day, wasting my summer in bed." You say, crossing your arms and jamming another muffin into your mouth. The place was quieter than usual; not as many loud rambunctiousness hipster douchebags around. It's a relief; not having to watch all those college kids sitting and taking pictures of their orders for once. You laugh inwardly as you think to yourself , ' if I had a dollar for every beanie wearing fuckass who walked in here daily, just to take a picture of their coffee...I'd be fucking rich'.
"Then go hang with Gam, jutht get out for onth." Sollux's sighs, getting up from the booth. You watch him return back to behind the counter, saying something to Terezi before she looks over her shoulder at you; her usual smirk is gone and a look of worry is painted on her face.
You don't need her. You don't need her to give a shit about you...not anymore.
For a few moments you sit there, looking out the window into the streets. The sky was dark; looming over the city with a sadness to it. The rain was falling hard and you could see couples sharing umbrella's and running together in the rain, and for the love of god are those two kissing in the middle of the street?
Ugh. You hate this; never being able to take a chance with anyone, and always too scared to find love.
Fuck it, you're going to go see Gamzee. He's been nagging you to come over all week anyway..
"Bye." You flip Sollux off again as you exit the shop, pulling the hood of your hoodie up over your shaggy mess of hair and making sure Terezi saw.
====== WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT VIDEO GAMES
You are not bad at video games; you are absolutely horrendous. This makes no sense to you, though, considering you live with an Asian who literally spends everyday playing on some kind of system for three hours. It's odd that you're completely horrible at them and Sollux can play anything at any time and do splendidly.
"Jeez motherfucker, you're shitty at this" Gamzee laughs dryly. He's sober again, and it's scaring you; you might just agree to smoke with him so that he doesn't have some schizophrenic episode.
"Shut the hell up you lousy clown faced shit excuse for a best friend, my controller is why I'm sucking so bad, I swear." You glare at the screen as you try your hardest to pass him. But you can't. Because like it has been mentioned , YOU ARE HORRENDOUS AT VIDEO GAMES.
Gamzee laughs again, winning for the fifteenth time in the last half hour.
"Fuck Mario Kart, this game cheats!" you say, scooting closer to Gamzee and sinking deeper into the couch. You cross your arms and your shoulder is exposed as Gamzee's over-sized Bob Marley shirt hangs off of you.
Your soaked shirt and hoodie are upstairs in the drier, considering you were already shivering from the cold when you had gotten there.
Gamzee sighs, searching under the couch for his bong. "wanna try it?"
You eye the purple glass thing, raising an eyebrow. You've always wondered what the big deal about this shit was.
"Sure." you say, watching him prepare the bong. Your stomach is jumping and your nervous, considering you've seen the long term effects of this kind of thing. But you tell yourself it'll be just a one time thing, even if Gamzee pesters you about it after this.
He tells you to sit facing him on the couch, and do what he does. So you sit cross legged, the way he's doing, watching him carefully as he sets the bong in his lap. He encloses the top of the tube with his mouth, taking a lighter to the bowl. You're not sure if you're ready for this really, but anything for Gamzee.
The water begins bubbling and you watch Gamzee's cheeks cave in a little as he begins sucking to get a good suction. He removes the bowl as the bong fills with smoke, and he quickly sucks all of it in. He holds it for a few seconds, then lets the smoke out of his lungs.
"Do you think you can do that?" He says, his voice dry and raspy from the smoke. You shrug and he shoots you a grin, handing you the bong.
"I'll light it for you, alright? Just put your mouth around here and suck when I tell you too.." He says, looking you in the eye as he instructs you. You nod, doing as he says.
You wait as he lights the bowl again, and watch as the smoke begins filling the chamber. You wait until he says "suck" and you do, taking in as much smoke as you can. Your eyes water, and before you can get it all in you start coughing. Gamzee quickly covers the top of the bong, trapping in the smoke and waits for you to stop coughing.
"You alright motherfucker?" He asks, sitting quite close to you now. You nod, but continue coughing.
"God, how do you do that everyday Gam?"
"It gets easier...Here, I know how to make it easier on you, if you want to try it."
You look at him questioningly, and he begins to explain. "It's called a shot gun. I take the hit, and breath the smoke out and you breath it in."
"...alright."
He repeats the process once more, motioning you to move closer. You do, and as if he's about to kiss you, he leans in inches from your mouth and exhales. You breath in, and it's much smoother than before. "Hold it in for like seven seconds." Gamzee says, watching you.
Once again you listen to your best friend, holding in the smoke for seven seconds before releasing it smoothly.
"That was better." you say, feeling completely normal.
"Wanna do it again?"
"yeah, sure"
And so with that, you both repeat the process a few more times.
On the last hit, however, Gamzee adds another step to the process.
His eyes are already heavy lidded and glossy, and he has that mischievous smirk on his painted face. But you don't notice; your mind is too foggy and everything feels too good.
So when his lips press against yours softly, your instinct is to open your mouth and accept the smoke he's breathing out.
===== FIVE MINUTES INTO THE FUTURE
You're laughing so hard right now and you can't understand why; but you're completely okay with it because Gamzee is laughing right along with you. Of course this is not much of a laughing matter, but you can't worry about anything in the state your in.
"You're so cute when you're laughing Karkles" Gamzee says, leaning back down to suck on your neck. Your laughs turn into quiet giggles ( MANLY GIGGLES! ) and then to a low purr in your chest. He's nipping and sucking and licking so perfectly and you want him and you can't keep yourself from saying what's on your mind.
"Gam.." You say, his name coming out in a soft moan. He responds with a slight groan, continuing his work. "Do you wanna.. uh.."
"Fuck?" Gamzee laughs a little, seeing your face getting flushed. You were embarrassed, but you continued to smile.
"I was going to say go to your room, but I guess that works, too."
Gamzee smiles at you, getting off the couch and picking you up. You cling to him like he's your life line as he carries you bridle style up the stairs. Oh god, you're so not ready for what's about to happen but your lusty mind isn't going to even think about telling Gamzee you want to wait. Even when he starts stripping down to his boxers and is tugging on your jeans, you just can't think to say no. Because you want it. You love him. Not just because you have to, but because you want to. And he's so special to you and you've wanted him for years now and Tavros is gone and this is your chance.
This is your chance.
"Gamzee.." You softly speak his name as he begins pulling up the shirt he had lent you, and he's never looked so beautiful to you before. He's so toned; he's muscles visibly moving under his tan skin. His face paint almost completely smeared, leaving his face more exposed than usual. Gamzee's body was so perfect and just staring at him was making you want him more.
"Yeah?" He says, smiling up at you.
"Are you doing this just because you want to right now?" You ask, having that question run through your mind constantly. What if he was just high and didn't care right now? What if...after it's over...you're just friends again.
"What?" He says with a small laugh, looking confused. "I really want you Karkat, if that's what you mean."
Not exactly the response you were looking for, but your hazy mind is too far gone to even understand what he really meant right then. You took his answer, and stripped yourself of that pesky shirt that Gamzee was still tugging on.
"Wow Kar. You're so.." He says, running his hand over your chest and sloppily kissing you again. "This'll be fun."
You smile, because you just can't help it. You want him so much and you love him so much and nothing is going to-
"DUDE!" Sollux's very familiar voice booms through the door, which an extremely high Gamzee had forgotten to close.
"GET THE HELL OUT, JESUS FUCK!" You scream, shooing him away. He has the most disgusted look on his face as he slams the door shut, and oh my god are you embarrassed.
====== BE THE PILE OF LAUGHTER THAT IS GAMZEE
You are now the pile of laughter that is Gamzee, and you can not contain how hilarious you think that whole scene just was.
"Shut up, and help me find my fucking clothes. Sollux is such a dick, oh my fuck, Gamzee I'm sorry, but we'll have to do this some other time."
Your best friend who is almost completely naked and sitting next to you on the bed is freaking the motherfuck out.
"Don't worry about it.." You say once you can catch your breath, and you bring him in for one more kiss to tide yourself over. "We'll pick up where we left off some other time."
The blush on his cheeks is so deep, and you give me a kiss on the forehead as you hand him his jeans.
"Take my hoodie." You say, throwing him your favorite purple sweatshirt. He looks at you for a moment before pulling it on and oh my god does he look adorable; his hair all messy and your giant hoodie on his tiny frame and oh my god.
"You look cute." He blushes again, and you pull on a pair of shorts so you can face the wrath of Sollux without making him feel awkward.
====== BE THE RAGING ASIAN
"OH MY FUCK WHEN I THAID TO GO HANGOUT WITH GAMTHEE I DIDN'T MEAN GO GET HIGH WITH THE BATHTARD AND FUCK HIM!" You let yourself yell at Karkat just this once, because holy fuck is all of this too wrong. Gamzee needed him in his life; there was no way they could have a relationship because of Gamzee's mental state, and Karkat should know how dangerous it is by now. But no. He's off fucking a damn clown like an idiot.
"WE DIDN'T FUCK." He snaps, slamming the door to his closet again. You were so happy that Dad wasn't home yet; there was no way you were letting this slide and you figured yelling at him about it anywhere else would have some pretty bad consequences.
"YOU WERE GOING TO! JETHUTH FUCK KK, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? EVER SINCE HE FLIPPED HITH THHIT YOU'RE JUTHT COMPLETELY LOTHING YOUR GRIP ON THINGTH. YOU DON'T FUCKING WORK, YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE, YOU JUTHT THIT HERE AND FEEL THORRY FOR YOURTHELF AND FUCK THINGTH UP." God, you're so angry. You're too angry to even realize what you're saying until he's grabbing his bag and leaving.
======= BE KARKAT
You are now Karkat, and the pain in your stomach is almost unbearable. You can't take this. You can't feel it again. You've just been kicked out once more, but by Sollux. Or at least that's what he was implying, and so you left; taking your laptop and clothes and backpack.
You stand outside the apartment you've only been in a few times; much bigger than Sollux's and much wilder. So much noise; and so many lovely scents that waft out of the kitchen when you're there. Kanaya and Rose spend a lot of time together now; cooking and watching tv and going out to eat.
knock. knock. knockknockknock.
"Vantas?" Dave calls from inside. You've got a secret knock to know who the other is now; even though you guys have been having more disagreements than usual and you could barely agree on the knocking sequence.
"Dude.." Your voice is shaking; you're not sure what to do right now. But you hope Dave lets you stay, despite how shitty you've been treating him.
The door opens, and he's standing there in his red and white record shit, and his black jeans; and, of course, his mysterious shades are placed on his nose. He looks down at you, and you assume he sees you're holding your bag because he immediately stands aside. "Drop the bag in my room, you can have the extra bed in there.."
You nod, wondering how Dave always knows exactly what's going on. But you just stay quite, keeping a straight face as you pass the kitchen where Rose is drinking a cup of tea. She does not ask you why you're there, nor does she tell you to get out. She just nods and sighs, kicking her feet up into the chair across from her at the table.
Dave follows you into his room, closing the door once you've settled on the bed. He sits next to you, leaning back to rest against the wall. "I heard it downstairs; I'm sure everyone could hear that lispy douchebag..I didn't think he'd kick you out."
"...you heard him?" You say, bringing your knees to your chest and choking back a sob. Dave knows about Gamzee; he knows how long you've loved him and why you can't be with him and knows how complicated things are inside your head. But he's told you time after time to stay away from those things. Not Gamzee - but the things Gamzee does. There's something off about the clown to Strider, and you can understand why. Now you're just afraid he's going to be mad at you, too, and make you leave.
"Yeah..." He sighs, his southern accent less present in his voice than usual. "I'm not mad. It's just...I don't know what to say.. I guess you can't stop the inevitable. But you need to realize what's going to happen after you two..." he trails off, moving his gaze to look away from you and to the window.
"I know. I know what could happen. We could break up, if we ever do even get together...and it'll be hell. And he'll kill me. Because he needs me. Or maybe he won't even love me back; maybe he just wants me for sex. I don't know, Dave. I...I can't leave him alone. But I need time away from him to just...stop thinking about him that way." You let a sob escape as your heart breaks a little more. Things are so hard right now. And that's all they'll ever be. But you don't want to be here all alone, so you have to stick by Gamzee's side. Sollux kicked you out; he doesn't want you around. Dave will end up leaving, too. You just know he will.
"Come here, Karkat." Dave sighs, pulling you over to him. You cuddle into him, crying softly. You two have become so close, but he only knows you as the loud grumpy teenage kid who loves to say the word FUCK in almost every sentence. And here you are, him petting your hair and telling you it's going to be alright while you soak his shirt through with your tears...and you're completely okay with that.
"Help me Dave...please" You say to him, realizing he's the only one who's really there for you anymore. The only one you go to for help anymore, the only one you really, really..need.
