A/N: You all really have no idea how much I love you, do you? –hands out rum, cookies, and hugs- You've made me think I am way funnier then I really am. Anyway, this wasn't really a Sparrabethy scene, but… hey, they talked…! Something that is a rarity in AWE… My longest parody yet for this series, by the way. I think… Review?

Warning: I've taken a liking to being perverted and profane with these, so those with soft, squishy, and pliable minds… I'd suggest you don't read. And seriously, there be dragons ahead – I was high off air when I wrote this, so it is SERIOUSLY screwed up…

Cameo appearances in this chapter by me and my good friend Benny Craig - the brother of Jenny Craig!

Chapter Seven: The Purgatory

Crew: -coughgagsputterchoke-

Will: It's a good thing we had the magic of Disney to make it so we didn't die from that thousand-foot fall that would of surely killed us if it were the real world. Hey, if this is Davy Jones's locker, where is his used, dirty jockstrap and everything? I wanted to see it… hold it…

Elizabeth: And Disney paired me up with you for what reason?

Will: … maybe even smell it… Oh god, I bet the aroma is heavenly… What I'd give to lick it…

Barbossa: Your Troll Doll collection?

Will: -appalled- NEVER!

Gibbs: This truly is a craptastical place…

Davy Jones's Locker: Oh yeah, bitch all you want but when the mortal world wipes itself out in 400 years due to global warming, don't come crying to me.

Elizabeth: I don't see Jack… I don't see Waldo… and I certainly don't see anyone.

Barbossa: He's here; Davy Jones keeps all his 'playmates' here, and he doesn't share them… greedy bastard.

Will: And does it matter? We're trapped here by your doing, no different then Jack. Dare I suggest all the men here strip down to nothing and get in a big pile…?

Crabs: Let's all crawl up Tia's skirt and then onto her vagina and give her crabs. –climb up her dress-

Audience: -think of eighty million crab related jokes for Tia Dalma-

Tia Dalma: Witty Jack… -sensually strokes her crabs all sexy like- is closer then you think.

Black Pearl: -appears over mountain of sand-

Everyone by the shore: -stunned-

Crabs: This is my rifle, this is my gun! This is for shooting, this is for fun! Sound off!

Jack: Now this totally beats the entrances from all the other movies. Look how sexy I am up here – way better then the nose thing.

Fangirls: OMFG JACK IS SO HOT! –die-

Black Pearl: -splashes into the ocean-

Gibbs: Slap me fat, bare fanny thrice, till it's swollen and red and hand me to me mama, it's Jack!

Audience: What the frick does that mean?

Everyone Reading This Parody: -twitch- BAD IMAGES! –carve eyes out-

Elizabeth: -runs forward, but then remembers the whelp and stops- You do nothing but HOLD ME BACK. Fecking bastard.

Will: Bitch, don't you go to him… I'll shank you… I swear to god I'll shank the fecking hell out of you.

Me: Let's fast forward now, shall we? –fairy dust all around-

Fairy Dust: -shimmers are pretty like -

Everyone: -runs forward as Jack steps ashore-

Gibbs: Jack!

Jack: Mr. Gibbs! Dare I say your fanny is looking more red and swollen then usual?

Gibbs: Why thank you… I mean, erm, sir?

Jack: There has been a lack of creativity upon my vessel! Everyone looks like me!

Gibbs: Sir, you're insane. You're in Davy Jones's Locker, captain.

Jack: … LIES.

Will: He thinks we're a hallucination.

Jack: Oh great, it's you. William No-Dick, tell me something. Did you come here to because you are, in fact, a whelp and wished by some strange happening that you could persuade me to lie in bed with you?

Will: OH GOD YES, er, I mean no. I like… girls… I like… breasts… -cringes- Vaginas are nice, I guess…

Jack: Then you wouldn't be here, would you? So you can't be here! Q.E.D, you're not really here! It's all quite logical really. I'm not insane. –frothy at the mouth-

Audience: What the hell does Q.E.D mean?!

Elizabeth: Jack…

Sparrabethers: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, here it comes!

Elizabeth: This is real… we're here…

Jack: -so shocked he can't speak-

Will: Bitch, I told you… I told you not to go up to him! You're so getting shanked!

Jack: -runs to Gibbs- The Locker you say?

Gibbs: I said that like, five minutes ago dumb ass.

Elizabeth: We've come to rescue you!

Will: Oh bitch… you're really going to get it…

Jack: That's very kind of you, but seeing as I possess a rather large, magnificent, ship…

Elizabeth: Oh god… innuendoes… that's hot…

Will: That turns me on too. Erm, I mean, BOOBS.

Jack: Shut up! Anyway, basically, I want to leave you here to die because you're a bitch and you left me to get eaten by the Kraken, which oddly, its mouth sort of looked like a giant vagina with teeth.

Me: -shifts- Oh what… IT DID. Go watch it again, I SWEAR to god it does!

Barbossa: I see my ship… -gestures to the Black Pearl- Right there.

Jack: I can't see it; it must be a tiny thing, hiding somewhere behind the Pearl.

Audience: -giggles- Oh Jack… Who knew you'd love arguing about metaphorical dicks all the time.

Will: Jack! Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones! –sighs fondly- And he holds my heart too…

Elizabeth: -grabs Jack's arm which is surely firm and muscular and awsome-

Sparrabethers: NDSDKJDOEG, LOOK AT IT!

Elizabeth: He's taking over the seas.

Tia Dalma: The song has already been sung!

Jack: I leave you people alone and everything is falling apart!

Fangirls: LOL.

Gibbs: Aye Jack! We're all idiots without you! We need you back somethin' fierce!

Audience: Does Gibbs remind anyone else of an ignorant hick from the good old south? With his sideburns touching his fricking chin… it's most likely the equivalent of eight fricking sheared sheep. Oh, and his hill-billyish choice of language.

Will: And you need a crew.

Jack: Why should I sail with any of you! Four of you tried to kill me in the past! –points accusingly to Elizabeth- one of you succeeded!

Elizabeth: -sheepish- Er…

Will: Bitch!

Everyone: -turns to Elizabeth-

Jack: You didn't tell them? God, you're even bitchier then I thought! Well, you can all talk about it while you're here! –walks up to Tia Dalma- As for you…

Tia Dalma: Oh, but you enjoyed it at the time.

Jack: Haha, right-o, you're in. –keeps walking; reaches Ragetti- You just scare the crap out of me, to be entirely honest.

Ragetti: Aww…

Jack: Gibbs you can come… Marty… -reaches Pintel- Lay off the Big Macs mate, and we'll talk.

Pintel: I… I did join Benny Craig… it don't work!

Benny Craig: Bullshit! My program is kick ass! Bastard!

Jack: Cotton… Cotton's parrot I'm a little iffy, but I guess I could converse with you instead of Gibbs or Marty whom are perfectly capable of talking. –keeps walking and reaches Tai Haung- Who are you?

Tai Haung: A traitorous person that will lead to you getting ambushed later. This is my posse.

Posse: Yo.

Jack: You like high bids?

Tai Haung: Yup.

Jack: Cool! –yells- Everyone… go do stuff to get the Pearl ready! –opens compass-

Compass: WEEE, LOOK AT ME SPIN! I'm still vexin' yah old Jackie!

Elizabeth: No, I'm vexing Jack! Ted and Terry said so!

Will: Bitch, you're fricking vexing me. DON'T TALK TO HIM.

Barbossa: -strokes his maps all sexy-like with his beautiful, rugged, filthy nails, much like the way Tia strokes her big ass crabs- Which way you going Jack?

Jack: -closes compass- Oh bugger.

Jack the Monkey: RAWR.

A/N: Lesson of this chapter? I'm insane! And also, become green/eco-friendly! If it's yellow leave it mellow, if it's brown flush it down…! Review! :D Oh, and there's a poll on my profile - I need feedback on something! Please answer. :3