To new and old friends alike...every once in awhile we smile and reflect on the road we've walked. Thank you all for being there.
One down three chaps to go....and hint, shhhh, tell no one. Only one more character to show us the way left.
Not mine, but this trifle is.
Chapter 7 ~ I Am MAN, Hear Me Roar!
I hauled Bella behind me, paying no mind to the way she stumbled. The bottom of her newly purchased shoes scraped on the dirt with a grating sound. She didn't say anything, but the occasional grunt fell out. My death grip on her wrist was still unforgiving. She either didn't register it or just kept her mouth shut, for once.
My breathing was ragged and as the cool air of the northwestern night infiltrated me, I felt no relief. The salty sheen of sweat on my skin caused a chill that gave me goosebumps. The sensation was welcome. It contrasted against the blood that was boiling hot inside. It took away from logical thinking. It made me push and pull and keep going. It made me stop at my car to get something to keep us warm.
I retrieved an old red and black plaid blanket my mom stashed in my things. To remember home by, she said. Bella and I had used this blanket before. Many times. We snuggled under it watching the horror cult slash films she loved so much. I had to admit, Night of the Living Dead was one of my personal favorites, only because she tended to fall asleep during that one and nuzzled into my neck for comfort and warmth. I hated washing it after those nights. The action wiped her smell away, replacing it with detergent. She wasn't clean like that.
With my old trustworthy crutch tucked neatly under one arm and Bella's wrist still secure in my hand, I pulled us into the trees beyond the bar. The danger of this escaped me. My normal 'stop, think' repertoire I reserved for Bella was not functioning. I was working off baser impulses. One's that have been suppressed for eighteen years. They were over being shoved into that small closet in myself and sufficiently ignored. I had just one drive I was focusing on. The adrenaline of my machismo in full gear. The words "I Am MAN, Hear Me Roar!" barely being contained.
I pushed us passed the brush and errant branches hoping to find somewhere to stop. After five minutes of walking, Bella found the inevitable tree root to trip over and went down. I almost dragged her up and pressed on, but when I saw her face, I just couldn't. Her eyes swam with tears and the confusion of this night had finally taken it's toll. I had never seen her look more like the Bella I had grown up next to than at this moment.
"I-I'm sorry. I'll get up." She tried to stand, but there was too much pain from the twisted leg. There was a scrape on her knee that didn't bleed profusely, but threatened it. I knelt down and wished for some antiseptic, neosporin and a band-aid. If I had that, I could patch her up. But I didn't and there was dirt in her wound. What I had, was a blanket. I used it's edge to wipe away the earth sticking to her raw skin. She winced and I quit my half assed nursing.
"Don't apologize. It's my fault. If I had-"
"Edward, please. Just stop." Bella looked at me imploringly. I stopped. I took the blanket and laid it out in the bare dirt and eased her back onto it in a sitting position. I leaned down next to her and perused the damage I had caused.
"Can you bend it?"
"I think so." She lifted her knee, effectively pulling her leg up, but wincing as she did so. "Give me a bit. It's just sore." I nodded and sat next to her, fighting the urge to apologize again.
Bella and I remained silent for awhile as we reveled in our own inner musings. It was a lovely evening and the stars were readily available on this rare clear night. They twinkled down on us and had conversations amongst themselves. I pictured them staring at me and shaking their heads. Laughing at me for being young and silly in my own selfishness that I never knew was there. They told me that one day when I was older, things would be different and I'd look back and find myself ludicrous. I didn't believe them.
I believed in my frustration and anger. I believed in the things I had assumed of Bella for years. I believed that we were truly alone for the first time in a long time. And I really believed that it was mild enough out so that when I took off her clothes, she wouldn't be too cold.
"Edward." I turned my head to face Bella. "Have you ever wondered what it would be like between us?" Yes. But I didn't say it. "Like, I always thought one day, when we were older and wanted the same things. You know."
Wanted the same things? I saw what she meant. She wanted me to sit by with the burning I had for her and the life I couldn't extricate from my mind while she went on to find whatever she was searching for. The hell if I was going to let her set the timeline I was going to live by. Fuck her if she thought I was made up of infinite patience and understanding.
"What I know is that I wait and I think I'm going to do this." I turned my torso to face hers. One hand went to her thigh and the other went under her chin. I pulled her face to mine and went back to that first time. I kissed her and felt her stiffen. I didn't care. I pushed harder, forcing her to yield. She softened and I let my tongue trace the peak of her upper lip. Her mouth parted, but she didn't move to hold me. I had always held us both up and I would do it now. My tongue found it's way to hers. I had initiated the challenge and she would either answer me or not, but I wasn't going to stop. She met me and for now, I wasn't late.
This wasn't an alien experience this time around. I had kissed another girl like this, but never with such want. I had laid another girl on her back and hovered over as my hands roamed and found skin. I had thought with a small amount of sadness that the girls of my past weren't Bella. I had never wondered if they had been that girl with another boy just yesterday.
I focused on the now and where I was. I pulled myself up and in between Bella's legs. I let my pelvis lay against hers, pressing so she knew. I felt her wince when my leg pushed against her injured one. It made no difference to me. I didn't stop kissing her. I couldn't. I just wanted to be here with Bella and her smell and her little moans. I thought again how long it had been since she had made that noise for another. The now was not immune to the anger of then.
My mouth on Bella's became rougher. It bruised her and she paused for a moment sensing the change in my demeanor. Then again, she took it and let me poor all of my bullshit into her. She let me pull out the knot holding her shirt and yank it over her head, before I pulled off my own. She let me crush back down on her mouth while the inhale of air through my nostrils was loud and ragged. My hands found her breasts and I pulled her bra down. I cupped her in my hand completely and squeezed. She arched and I left her mouth to find the dusky pink at it's apex. I sucked and nipped. I didn't tease and it wasn't gentle. I pulled and made her cringe. I almost stopped, but she let that sigh escape and I continued. She didn't put her hands to me still.
My hands moved lower and unbuttoned her shorts. I took care to pull them down, because I wanted to feel the flesh of her legs more than concern for the pain I could cause. Then I sat back on my heels, my knees digging into the ground through the blanket. I stared at her like this. Her knees bent, a glistening from the place where her legs met her body, abdomen flat and soft, bra askew and her chest rising up and down, eyes sharp and hooded lids, all of that chestnut hair fanning out behind her, neck exposed by her chin raised in defiance. Like I would find anything to complain about. She was the embodiment of that young perfect girl before womanhood filled out her hips and mind. Innocence in a body that had seen more than that.
I moved to undo my own pants and as I did so, Bella sat up. Still kneeling in between her legs, I stared down at her face. It was inches from my chest. She took her bra off while looking up at me. She remained silent as she finally touched me. She splayed her hands on my chest and let them trail up and down. I closed my eyes and felt the sensation take me in. I felt her lay small gossamer winged kisses on me. I felt her tongue leave it's line as she tasted me. I felt myself shudder as her forearm grazed my dick. I felt her push me back and come upon me.
As Bella straddled my hips, I grabbed her waist. We held each others' gaze for a moment. I saw understanding and acceptance. I saw devotion and need. I saw love, but it wasn't what was reflected in my eyes. I pulled her down. I held her in place on top of me. In her, but not really. She gave me this. I saw it in her eyes. This gift to me, to ease the place I lived with her. I would take it and be grateful for now, because this was the closest I had ever been to where I always wanted to be. But not quite.
All I could do was guide her up and down, meet her when we came back together. I put myself into every arch and push and pull. I let my feelings for her rule my movement and hoped that she felt that although I was in her now, she had always been in me. I felt my dick harden and grow. The life we had flashing in snippets. Strawberry patches, cold sea foam, a pink bikini, kisses, Blue Moon, diet coke, a plaid blanket, tears, that brilliant smile, muddy eyes and bruises. I saw it all as the only thing I had ever known. And as I pulled her off of me right before I spilled myself, I thought that I wouldn't take the risk. I wouldn't risk letting myself flow into her on the off chance it would be that one time I could tie her to me by a mistake. I wouldn't let this gift to me be life long. I would let her make the choice to let me in, and if it had to wait until we were older, then I would always wish we were.
I know you're scared
But don't leave this place
Just turn around and let me see your face
And now you're crying
And you hold me
And you whisper in my ear
Whoa-e, oh-we, oh oh (x3)
I wish we were older (chorus x2)
Tonight we'll touch
And they won't know
I know you're dying
To take off your clothes
Just trust in me
I'll never run away
You kiss my lips
And you taste my pain
And while I'm pushing it, I'm moving
Somehow you manage to say...
Whoa-e, oh-we, oh oh (x3)
I wish we were older (chorus x2)
Wish We Were Older by Metro Station
