A/N: Heey *waves* I'm sorry for the late update, but as exams are approaching college is just crazy. I really do think about you all a lot, feeling guilty for not updating before.
I hope you like this chapter, I really liked writing this one.
If you like it, please REVIEW, because reviews inspire me to write more. Also my biggest thanks to the ones that review regulary, I love you for it!
She was not a coward.
Spencer Hastings was not a coward. She has been through a fair share of pain, and nobody could say that she it easy, but when it came to telling the truth to someone she might possibly be in love with – she was terrified. She wandered around the block, ignoring the fact that the sky was ripping open and it was raining cats and dogs and possibly elephants too. She knew the address; she saw the door, but going there and knocking was a little harder. It took all of the will she had to remember why she had to do this, and finally lightly touching the door with her knuckles.
"Spencer?"
He opened the door quickly. Sooner than she expected. His surprise and confusion were soon replaced by worry when his eyes wandered and noticed her drenched clothes, her damp hair and her body, which was trembling with cold. He pulled her inside and as she followed him, she left a trail of water and mud behind her. Not that he seemed to care about that. She barely even registered that he brought her a big fluffy towel and wrapped it around her tiny body.
While he put some more wood into the fireplace to warm her up, she cleared her throat three times, with the intention of telling him, but she couldn't. Something stopped her. Something bigger than her, seemed to steal the voice, the one she knew she should have and yet she was capable of making no sound at all.
"We should get you out of these clothes," Toby said and she raised her eyebrows at him quickly. "Unless you'd like to spend a month at a hospital with pneumonia."
She finally nodded and he pointed her in the direction of the bathroom, where she could change. "Do you want me to lend you a shirt, while your clothes dry?" She nodded again, wondering where on her way she had dropped her voice, but at the same time she didn't really know what she would say if she had it.
"So… that was fun." Caleb said after Spencer had rushed after Toby.
Hanna chuckled and nodded. "I knew these two had some issues to resolve, I just didn't think Toby would bring it up during dinner." She had to admit to herself that Spencer was right about one thing; Caleb was a great cook and she could easily get used to eating that kind of food. "Thanks for dinner by the way, it was delicious."
"Anytime." He could see now, how everybody might make a mistake of confusing her for a shallow Barbie, but she definitely wasn't that. There were demons in those penetrating blue eyes. He wondered if people really bought the act of happiness she put on, he wondered what made her hide from the world the way she did. "So, what's your story?"
"It's still being written," she answered with a smile. "I'm hoping the best part is yet to come."
"Aren't we all," he murmured and helped her carry the plates to the sink. They did the dishes in silence, but in one of those enjoyable ones, that feel soothing and unforced.
From where he was standing he could see perfectly well, how her hair tickled her neck, how her skin seemed soft and he couldn't help but wonder how it would feel like silk beneath his fingers.
"What's yours?" She finally dared to ask, while they were drying the plates, side by side.
"No parents, brought up by an uncle that raised both, Spencer and me. I guess I was lucky."
"Did your parents die?" She asked, obviously not being able to resist her normal curiosity. He didn't seem to mind though, as he shrugged in answer.
"No idea if they're dead or alive. I don't know who my dad is, and my mom abandoned me when I was about 8." He paused slightly, wondering if he should tell her the rest of the story. "I stayed with mom's friend after that, she was a drug addict and when she decided to trade a little boy in for a fix, I decided it was time to leave."
His voice was calm. It took a lot of time for him to accept his backstory. But this was his life, and after a while he realized that he should be proud of who he became, despite the awful circumstances. She didn't seem to be disgusted by him yet, so he continued.
"I lived on my own after that, I was about 9 or 10 when I wanted to hotwire the car of this old man. Instead of calling the police, he offered me a choice. He took me in. Gave me a home. Gave me a family."
"Sounds like a great man." She answered, trying to imagine a ten-years-old Caleb, hotwiring the car, living on his own. Her heart ached for her, for being abandoned by the one person who was supposed to make him feel safe, but also here stood this great man, who managed to get past his terrible childhood and make something out of himself. She didn't know anyone who was that brave.
When he looked into her eyes he didn't see judgement, nor repulse. He saw something that could almost be admiration. Caleb had no idea what was it, that made him open up to a complete stranger, but weirdly enough he wanted to let her know who he is. He wanted her to know.
She decided that after that story, she could also open up. "All my life, everyone around me, told me that I was stupid," she started and he cut her off.
"You don't have to tell me just because I told you," he said before she could continue.
"I want to." He nodded and encouraged her to continue. "I was blonde and girly and I liked fashion. They all thought I was shallow and stupid, so I think I began to act that way just to please them. I surrounded myself by boys. I was quite promiscuous back in high school." She snorted. "Oh the irony. You see the truth is, I was always really romantic. I believe in true love, but by the time I had come to my senses and wanted to take things seriously, no boy in the state took me seriously anymore. I was labelled as easy and stupid." Her lips were trembling slightly as she finished. "It's not tragic or anything, not quite like yours." She knew her story probably seemed insignificant next to his.
"Just because it's not as tragic, doesn't mean it matters any less." He said, wiping a tell-tale tear from her cheek. "It might sound cliché, but I really mean it. Hanna, it's their loss. If anyone should be labelled as idiots it's them."
She smiled softly. It wasn't the biggest of the smiles, but he thought it illuminated the whole room. "Thank you." Her lips brushed his cheek tenderly, a touch ever so slight, but it gave them both goose bumps. "Good night," she said, before disappearing into her bedroom. For the first time in months, she didn't cry herself to sleep.
"I'm sorry to barge in on you like that. You were probably busy," Spencer apologized in a low voice, glad that she was at least able to say something.
"I'm not busy… you know what I am? Confused." He knew he shouldn't be upset like this, but the words seemed to come out alone. "What are you doing here Spencer? Who are you? Are you even the real Spencer Hastings? Because she used to be my best friend and you act like you don't even know me. Like we weren't the closest until you disappeared one day and left me." He awaited her reaction, but it wasn't what he had expected. In his own distress he realized he just made her cry. And he remembered, like yesterday, the moment he had promised himself, he would never make her cry again.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to lie to you, I never meant to hurt you. I just… I didn't know if I could trust you."
"You couldn't trust me? Don't you remember I promised I'd always protect you? Even when you didn't seem to need protection? Don't you remember?" His words got louder and more upset, but most of all he felt as if he had never been so confused in his life.
"No. I don't!"
She didn't mean to yell, but it was the last straw of self-control she had. Then it all came bursting out. She talked and talked until she got it all out. She spoke incoherently and fast, so it took him a while to get a grasp of the story she was telling him. As she finished, she just sat there, with tears meandering her face, like tiny rivers. "I'm sorry."
"You don't remember?" He asked, and for the first time since she got there, everything seemed to make sense. He watched her shake her head, and he reached for her face, drying the tears tenderly. There was still a lot he didn't understand, but from what he could make of the story, she's been to hell and back, and he could wait for her to explain when she would be calmer.
"Why did you tell me?" He asked. "Why now?"
"Because I can't stop thinking about you since I got here. Because that kiss made me feel the most alive I've ever been. Because I think I…" she stopped there, her mocha eyes meeting the baby blues. "Because I think I fell in love with you, and I knew I would lose you either way, so I wanted to risk it, and tell you the truth, in the off chance you might, I don't know, feel the same."
He saw her now, the trace of the little girl that used to be his best friend, he saw her light features, and he saw the same eyes when she looked at him, just like she did, all those years ago. At the same time the girl disappeared, and now he could also see the scars and the cracks, and he decided he didn't care. His lips crashed against hers in an act of utmost desperation and necessity and something else. He felt the insane need to try to comfort her. It was different this time, he knew her lips already, but this time they tasted like rain and somehow she also tasted like the coffee he saw in her eyes. She responded immediately, kissing him back, spreading her lips slightly, and inviting him in, letting out quiet moans while trying to readjust herself. He pulled her closer, onto his lap, deepening the kiss. They parted, only when the need for air kicked in, and they breathed heavily, their hot breath tickling each other's faces. Their fingers entangled and it felt just like he always imagined it would. It felt right. As if their fingers were made to fit together.
She set foot back in reality. "Look… I don't know where this is going, I just know I have feelings for you and I…" he interrupted her by putting a finger to her lips.
"We'll decide as we go along," he said and she nodded in agreement, her eyes flickering with happiness. They leaned into another kiss, this one, however, was slower, gentler.
"I should go."
"I'll take you." He said, getting up as well. He had no idea where this was going either, but he couldn't care less. He just knew that as long he was with her, his heart pounded hard again, just like it did before it got broken, it felt alive.
"No it's okay, I could use a walk anyway," she said, he was just about to argue that he's not letting her walk in that storm. "It's not far, besides, it stopped raining," she pointed out with a smile he never saw before, and really, as he looked out, he saw the sky had cleared up and was now serene and calm after the storm.
He walked her out on the porch and watched her leave; she even turned back and waved goodbye. From a distance, there was a sound of a car coming closer, a car that didn't exactly seem to be slowing down, but rather speeding up. It all happened too fast and he acted impulsively as he ran towards her as hard as he could and knocked her out of the way, just before the car would have hit her.
Instead it hit him.
