Disclaimer:All characters, terms and places associated with Harry Potter belong JK Rowling. The concept of Stranger than Fiction belongs to Columbia Pictures. Which, in itself, borrows ideas from the book; The Comforters by Muriel Spark. I have never read this book, but read this piece of information on Wikipedia. The concept of Mary Sue's belongs to no one in particular. I did not invent them, or the idea of this story, it is merely my interpretation of what might happen in such a situation. I have no intention to infringe on any copyright; this fiction is written for pleasure not profit. All I own is the story and of course, the occasional OC. Don't send your lawyers after me; I have no money.

Chapter 7 - We never speak of this again

"Fiction is an act of revenge.

John Hawkes


"Owww..." Draco held his hand against his head. "Oh, it hurts. Close the curtains."

Blaise groaned and covered his face with a pillow. "I can't move... The light is burning my retinas."

"It serves you both, right. You'll get no sympathy from me." Narcissa opened the window in Draco's bedroom. "Now it's time to get up, it's 8 o'clock."

"Nooo... Too early... Sleep..." Draco pulled his covers over his head.

Narcissa shook her head with a sigh and then moved over to the sofa Blaise was laid on, pulling the pillow from his head. "Up!"

Blaise groaned, trying to cover his with his arms. "Ugh, please just kill me..."

She moved over to her son's bed, pulling the covers off his head and staring down at him. "You have ten minutes to come downstairs or I'm sending your Father up."

Blaise sat bolt upright, giving his friend a slightly worried look before stumbling off the sofa, hobbling as fast as he could in the direction of the bathroom. "That was a bad idea... I'm gonna be sick..."

"Ten minutes." Narcissa reiterated to her son before shaking her head slightly and walking towards the door. "Blaise, try to get it in the toilet!" With that she left Draco's bedroom, leaving both boys to groan with agony from their hangovers.

"Draco awoke bright and early, ready to face the day, a spring in his step and a smile on his face, he felt like the whole world was singing to him, the sun was bright and the sky was bright and the birds were singing to him as well, he wanted to go outside and run with the birds and scoop all the flowers from the garden up into his arms..."

Draco screamed.


The boys stood outside the dining room, holding each other up, Blaise looked at Draco. "Alright, let's get one thing sorted. Let's make this as brief as possible, half a cup of water, claim we're not hungry, but we're going out, then we can go back to my house and go back to bed." He paused, scrunching his face up. "Well I'll be going to my bed..."

"Goes without saying, mate..."

"Draco smiled at Blaise, he liked the thought of going back to bed with Blaise. He liked the idea a lot. All he could think about now was climbing back into the warm bed with Blaise... "

"Blaise, kill me. I mean it, kill me."

"Don't be daft, mate, couple of minutes then we can spend the rest of the day recuperating, let's just get it over with." Blaise slowly pushed open the door, wincing as it creaked loudly. He walked to the chair set out for him as quickly as he could, almost collapsing into it. Draco sat next to him a few moments later.

"SO!" Lucius said loudly, smirking as both boys groaned and clutched their heads. "What are your plans for today?"

Blaise held his head as Lucius' voice resounded through the room.

"Don't-know." Draco reached for the glass of water in front of him, raising it to his mouth and taking several large gulps.

"Well, I'm sure you'll think of something." Lucius picked up a small, glass bell on the table and rang it.

Draco and Blaise groaned.

"Hmm, I don't believe he heard that." Lucius reached behind him and picked up a large brass bell and rang it using the full force of his arm. "SCUTTLE!"

Draco and Blaise held their hands over their ears in agony until Lucius stopped ringing the bell. Blaise folded his arms on the table and buried his head, he gave up caring about table manners. Draco held his hand over his mouth, he felt like he was going to sick all over the table.

"I can't take it!" Blaise wailed. "Make it stop, I'll do anything!"

"The happy sound of bells, made Draco's heart skip with delight."

"Kill me!" Shouted Draco, folding his own arms on the table and hiding his head inside them.

"Do you know, I feel like putting some music on." Said Lucius. "Something loud, with lots of drums."

Blaise started sobbing.

"Alright, that's enough. You can both go back to bed." Narcissa said, the boys needed no more prompting, they both fled from the room as fast as they could. She shook her head and looked at her husband, who was smirking broadly. "You are a sadist, Lucius Malfoy."

"Well it was your idea."


Several hours later...

Draco opened his eyes and recoiled in horror.

"Draco opened his eyes and smiled, he was happy at last, being wrapped in the arms of someone who loved him more than anything, he only wished it was Alyssa and not Blaise who held him closely to his body close..."

"Blaise-get-the-hell-off-me-now!"

Blaise opened his eyes, then lay frozen in shock. He his arms wound tightly around his best friend and had hooked his leg over Draco's. He did not want to know if he had woken up with the morning, horn, that would be beyond disturbing.

"LET ME GO!"

Blaise pushed Draco away, both boys sat up in the bed, looking at each other in horror.

"We never speak of this again."

"Agreed."


"What am I going to do then?" Draco asked as he threw a stone across the pond at the back of the Malfoy Manor.

"Don't ask me, mate." Blaise said, plucking a piece of grass from the ground and rolling it in his fingers. "I'm out of ideas."

"First thing that comes to your head, I don't care how stupid."

"This is insane, why don't you just tell your dad?"

"Ok, I draw the line at ideas, that stupid." Draco said, picking up another stone. "My father would have me locked up in St Mungo's if I told him I was hearing voices."

"Well, not if you explain it properly."

"It's a bad plan. Next idea."

Blaise sighed, rolling his eyes and throwing his arms up in frustration. "I don't sodding know, it's your head that's being haunted. Why don't you fly to sodding, bloody, bollocking, Crimdon Dene and go beat her over the head with something blunt and heavy?"

Draco looked at Blaise, a smile spreading across his face. "You're a fucking, genius."

"I was joking, you fucking idiot."

"No,think about it, we can go get the book, then burn it and then maybe string this girl up by her toenails and take turns in sticking pointy objects into her body." Draco's face was filled with glee.

"And then what, oh barmy one?"

"Then she'll stop talking in my head, cos she'll be dead."

Blaise shook his head. "Alright then, off you pop, I'll just wait for you here."

"Blaise, your coming with me."

"You want me, to fly to Crimdon fucking Dene, to attempt to find a girl, who may or may not be the voice in your head?"

"Yes."

"Right then, I'm going to tell your dad, that you've lost it." Blaise stood up.

"The only place you're going, mate, is Crimdon Dene." Draco said, standing in front of his friend.

"I can't fly."

"Yes you can."

"No, I can't. I lied."

"Then why do you have that SwiftStick in your wardrobe, that you think I don't know about?"

"Bollocks. I knew I should have hid that under the bed."

"What, with your collection of knickers, that belong to women you've slept with?"

"Have you been going through my room?"

"Ugh! I was joking, you're one sick cunt, you know that?"

Both boys started laughing.

"How you talked me into this, I'll never know." Blaise said, as he mounted the SwiftStick.

"With the power of my charming personality." Said Draco, mounting his Nimbus 2001.

"Again, I repeat the statement."

"Just shut up, will you?"

Blaise smirked and kicked off from the ground, following Draco as he took to the air. "Just follow close behind me." Draco said, turning his broom.

"Do you even know where Crimdon Dene, is? It's bloody, up north."

"I know." Draco grinned. "We can go get a lemon top."

"What the fuck's a lemon top? You've gone mental, you have." Blaise pulled up next to Draco as they began to rise up, above the clouds so they wouldn't be seen.

"My mother told me about them, apparently she was quite partial to them, you can only get them in the north."

"When we land, I'm going to start hitting you and I shan't stop until you start speaking sense again."

Draco laughed.

They spent the rest of the journey in relative silence, Blaise following Draco closely until they began to come down from the clouds, landing on a deserted beach.

"What are we going to do with the brooms?" Blaise asked as he dismounted his SwiftStick.

Draco shrugged. "Shrink 'em and put them in our pockets?"

"Good a plan as any, I suppose." Blaise pulled his wand from his pocket and pointed it at his broom, casting reducio until it was small enough to slip inside his trouser pocket. He smirked as Draco did the same and turned to face him. "Hey Draco, is that a broomstick in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "How long have you been waiting to say that?"

"About ten minutes."

Draco chuckled a little. "Alright then, what now?"

"What do you mean, what now? This was your plan, you can't just wave your wand in the air and shout; Accio stupid voice."

Draco considered this for half a second, then dismissed it. "Well, I thought that you might have thought of something on the way up here."

"Draco looked into the eyes of the large black wizard, who he had spent the night with, his eyes were almost black, he had no hair, but his head was especially shiny and his body, his body rippled with muscles, which Draco thought were rather nice..."

"Argh!" Draco slammed his hands over his ears. "She bloody wants me to be gay now, I wish she'd bloody make up her mind."

"Draco thought of Alyssa, the way her hair swung softly in the breeze..."

"Hang on a minute." Draco took his hands off his ears, looking around in surprise. "She's louder. That's what we can do, we can follow the voice."

"Well, how are you going to get the voice to talk?" Blaise asked, following after Draco as he ran up the dunes and off the beach.

"I don't know, I usually don't try to provoke her, she usually chimes in when I'm doing something..." He turned and looked at Blaise. "I know how I can get her to say something..."

"Really? How? Wait... Why are you looking at me like that...?"

"Look, mate, I need a favour..."

"Oh no! No, no, no, no!" Blaise started backing up, holding his hands up in protest. "I know what you're thinking and no, not that. There's got to be something else, how about I hit you? That sounds like a much better plan to me."

"It'll only be for a second. You can pretend I'm a better looking version of Frobisher."

"No, Draco, you've lost it. You're not gay!"

"No, but the voice banged on for ages this morning, I think she likes that sort of stuff."

"Draco looked into his eyes, he imagined feeling his lips against Blaise's..."

"There!" Draco said. "She just said something again, come on mate, I need to get her to talk for a long time and I think this will do it."

"Do you even realise what you are saying? You can't be asking this, it's just... wrong!"

"Just shut up and let me kiss you... And never, ever tell anyone I said that."

"Draco!" Blaise held his hands up, walking backwards, he stopped as his back hit something, he half turned to see what it was and couldn't stop Draco as he grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards him, giving him a quick peck on the mouth. "Bleargh!"

"BLEARGH!"

Both boys started spitting and wiping their mouths with the backs of their hands. Blaise pointed at Draco. "Don't you EVER..."

"Shut up, shut up." Draco said, waving his hand at Blaise. "She's saying something..."

"Draco's heart skipped a beat..."

"Right follow me!" Shouted Draco, running off towards a lot of plastic buildings.

"When we get home, we're going to have a very long discussion about this!" Blaise said, chasing after him.

"He had finally kissed Blaise, it wasn't Alyssa, the one he truly wanted for his own, but if he could turn Blaise into a gay, then he wouldn't want Alyssa anymore and he could have Blaise to himself..."

Draco reached a sign, reading it, he quirked his eyebrow. "Caravan Park...?" He looked at Blaise who was coming up behind him. "She must be in here, somewhere, it keeps getting louder."

"Well hurry up and find her before you have to do something again, that will force me to punch you."

"Draco thought about the way Blaise's lips felt, so soft and sensual, the way Blaise's tongue had crept inside his mouth..."

"He never did that, you lying bitch!"

"Shut up you idiot, I don't care what she's saying, just follow the sound." Blaise said as he and Draco, ran past several caravans. Blaise wondered what kind of muggle would choose to live in a plastic house.

"The way Blaise's hand had grabbed his hair and pulled it hard, that had made Draco get hard..."

"When I find her, I'm going to kill her..."

"Draco wanted to push Blaise to the floor and make love to him right there on the floor, their two bodies connected together on the floor as they made love on the floor..."

"I'm going to take great pleasure, in killing this bitch..." Draco stopped as Blaise grabbed his sleeve, pointing to a yellow caravan, that had flowers painted all around the sides.

The words: Mary Sue, were painted in a fancy scrawl, next to the door.

Draco ran as fast as his feet could carry him, Blaise following a few footsteps behind. He grabbed hold of the door handle and slammed the door open, pointing his wand, before standing there, mouth wide open in shock.

Blaise ran up behind him, banging into Draco's body. "Ooph! Why did you stop?" Blaise peered into the caravan as Draco took a few steps inside, his mouth dropping open in equal shock to Draco.

"You?" Draco said, in utter disbelief.

"Me. Took you long enough to get here."


Author's Notes:

Couldn't resist ending this one on a cliffie. Hehe.

I'd like to thank, Jonathan J Strange, red-gumm-bear75, snapefan2007, Ms.WrightingFantasy, Angel of Music Lover and Hysteria and Choas for all their lovely reviews. They made me giggle.

Hope you guys liked this chapter, sorry it took longer than usual, I took a little break to write a rather long one-shot that I am currently waiting for my beta to return to me. (Hint, hint, sug. ;) )