You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the why's, will all be crystal clear-
P!nk- Blow me one last Kiss
Facing Reality
Ch. 7
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You don't know how you ended up in the Vega's driveway but that's where you have been parked for the past thirty minutes. You think back to when you were in high school and how you would drive here -sometimes in the middle of the night- to ask Tori for advice. That's why you're here really; you want advice, and you want -need- it badly. You want the old comfort that her words would provide when she whispered, "It's going to be okay, Jade." But now she's gone forever and you'll never get that comfort you so badly ache for, ever again.
Its not like you two were on speaking terms anyway when she was here.
It wasn't the first fight you two shared, but it was definitely the worst. You had planned on apologizing but you were too much of a coward to ever call her back. You remember the glimpse of hope you got when your phone displayed her name calling you. That was going to be your chance to make everything right and become friends again. She, after all was all you had left. But instead of hearing her voice on the other line it was Holly, her mother telling you, "There was an accident."
Now your best friend is dead and your sitting in her parents drive way, slung over the steering wheel quietly sobbing. Chessa is in the back seat watching you. She doesn't know how to react to what is going on around her. You know that you should talk to her but you can't. You think to your self that a mother isn't supposed to act like this towards her kids. A mother is supposed to remain strong and positive at all times when in the presence of her children. But then again you can't be a mother.
A mother is not you.
Suddenly you hear the passenger door open and then shut. You look up through your cloudy eyes to see David sitting in passenger seat. "Grandpa!" Chessa exclaims. It's the first word she has uttered since you two left the grocery store in a hurry.
"Hey, baby girl," David smiles as he turns slightly to look at his grandchild. "How about you run inside and go see grandma. I believe that she is baking cookies."
You see Chessa's eyes light up from the rear view mirror. She quickly unbuckles her seat belt and hops out of her car seat. She looks at you before exiting for conformation. It scares you that she is already treating you like a mother or at least beginning to. She shouldn't be because you're not her mother. Tori was her mom and still is. "You can go." You whisper, your voice sounding course and strained.
As soon as Chessa is inside the house, shutting the door behind her David turns to face you. You look down at your hands not wanting to talk to him. A part of you wishes that it were Holly who had come out here to talk to you. She reminded you so much of Tori it was crazy. It wasn't the way she looked but more of her personality and that she was somewhat easy to talk to like Tori was. "You do know that you have been parked out her for at least 30 minutes… And as much as we love you, we don't run a parking garage," David laughs somewhat at his intended joke, but stops when he realizes your not laughing along with him.
"Did you and Beck, I don't know, fight or something again?" David asks hesitantly. He has known you long enough to be afraid to approach you when you're upset. But you're not upset.
You're ruined.
Fucking ruined.
"Is that why you're here?" He speaks again. This time his voice is sturdy and tough. You figure that this is the voice that he uses when ever he is speaking to the criminals he picks up on the daily bases. The perks of being a cop, you guess.
"Jade, I am not leaving this car until you tell me what is wrong. I know that we've never really had a serious conversation before, but I would like to consider my self as sort of a father figure to you and I would hope you would think the same. Now tell me why you're in our driveway crying."
He must be able to get the truth out of all the criminals he picks up because you are opening your mouth ready to speak to him. "Everything is wrong. My best friend - your daughter- is gone and so is Andre. Not to mention the fact that I'm now forced to raise their child with a jackass who cheated on me with someone else and got her pregnant. I love Chessa, I really do… but I don't think I can do this… at least not with him." You rush all the words out and it feels somewhat better now that the bubble you created around yourself, filled with all your thoughts and emotions since your encounter with Melissa has been popped.
David doesn't talk for a while after that, soaking in all your words. "You know Jade, I went through the same thing. Not the whole spouse having a baby with someone else, but I was cheated on," He finally says.
You look towards him shocked. "You mean that-" he doesn't let you finish.
"Yes, Holly had an affair and just like you it was with somebody I worked with, my very own partner." You look at him with a strange look. You figure that Tori told him that Beck cheated on you with your co-star. But instead he says, "You're all famous so everything is in the papers. Plus I'm a cop, I find out about everything," He chuckles.
"You're lying." You say bluntly. You don't want him making up this ridiculous story just to connect to you better. " Holly would never cheat on you." You really do hope that he is lying but something in his posture and over all attitude telling you that he isn't.
"Just like you believed that Beck never would cheat on you," He mocks and you decide to stay silent. "I never saw it coming," He continues. "Actually when I look back on it I did see it coming. She would always smile differently when Gary was around and then she started to grow her hair out to the length it was when we were younger. And then one day her phone buzzed while I had it and it was Gary texting her about what an awesome time he had with her and that he couldn't wait to see her again. It was all just – just bullshit." David voices rises as well as his anger. You have never heard him curse before and it frightens you, but over all makes you feel sad for him.
All this time you thought that you were alone. Who would've thought…
"Anyways," He says now calm again. "It turns out that Holly had been sleeping with Gary for about half a year. I considered leaving her. I was just going to pack up my bags and move out. By the time I found out Trina had graduated and Tori was finishing up her senior year at Holly wood arts, so it wouldn't have impacted our family as much."
"What made you want to say?" You ask, the curiosity in your voice scaring you. You are still just shocked that Holly did this to David. They were a couple you looked up to. They were people that truly loved each other and supported each other. They made a decent living and had two very diverse children. You loved the way they remained so strong grieving the loss of their youngest and noticeably their favorite out of the two.
" I loved her and I still do. I couldn't let one mistake of hers ruin our life together. So we talked things out and she agreed to stop seeing Gary for good. She loves me, she just messed up that's all. It was a big mistake and I still get angry over it, but I forgave her and were moving past it."
"Tori never told me any of this." You whisper.
"It was apart of mine and Holly's agreement to keep it from them. I didn't want them looking at their mother differently. She was still a person and I didn't want them treating her like a monster." He sighs. He shifts in his seat and runs a hand through his curls. Beck comes rushing to your mind with this action. Sadly Melissa telling you she is having his child, rubbing it in your face earlier today joins in on your thoughts as well. You start to cry again and you hear David sigh once more.
"I get what your trying to tell me, but I'm… we're not you and Holly. We can't fix this and I'm done trying to-"
"But you never did try, Jade. All you did was run away the minute you found out. Running away never solves anything in life. If anything it makes things ten times worse than it actually it is. Beck messed up, but he still loves and I know you love him too. If you didn't you wouldn't be sitting here crying. "
You snap. "I did try!" You shout. "Me coming back here and actually deciding to stay was Me trying. And do you want to know what trying did? It hurt me even worse. I was staring to feel an once okay again with him. Hell, I started to believe him when he kept saying that he didn't sleep with her - that he didn't fuck her- while we were together. But now Melissa is pregnant with his child and him and I are suppose to raise another one together. So now he gets everything he ever wanted." You feel David grow tense again at your second outburst.
"We'll keep Chessa the rest of the afternoon." David slowly speaks in his cop- voice. And you stare down at your hands again avoiding whatever look he has on his face. " You need to go talk to Beck and sort things out. You might not stay together but you should at least resolve the problem. I don't care about anyone more in this situation than Chessa. My dau-ughter," He hesitates, losing the edge in his voice. And you wonder if her face just appeared in his mind like it just did in yours. "-And her husband trusted both of you to take care of her and that's what you'll both do. And like Holly and you agreed, if after six months this doesn't work out between you two you can run away again." He says the last part to stab at you and it does.
He steps out of the car and you look at your self in the rear view mirror. You don't look as bad as you thought you would but you can still tell that you have been crying and over all had a long stressful day. You re-adjust the mirror taking a deep breath and begin to back up out of the driveway.
But before you do, David knocks slightly at the passenger side window. You roll down the thin sheet of glass and he leans inside. "I want you and Beck back here by 6 sharp to pick up Chessa. When you guys come back I expect you and him to have an agreement.'' You have no choice but to listen to him. He is after all a cop and you don't want to do anything to piss him off.
But you decide to bite back anyway with saying, "But that's only an hour and a half from now."
"Drive fast."
Tori's determination in life could have only come from him.
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When you arrive at Tori and Andre's place he is outside waiting for you. You figure that he must have gotten worried since you've been gone for quite awhile. You pull out your phone from your purse to delay you getting out of the car. When you unlock the screen you see two missed calls from Beck as well a text message, which reads: Is everything okay at the store? I hope you haven't gotten into any… trouble.
You delete the message and the missed calls and place the phone back in your purse. How can he act like everything is okay between you two? The way Melissa spoke about the baby implied that he knows about it. You want to start crying again and drive off. You're scared of David but you don't care anymore. Your hurting and being around Beck just makes the hurt grow even more. You start to form a plan in your head of what you could do to get out of this. You could go back to David and Holly's, pick up Chessa and have Jeff book you both a flight to New York ASAP. You could raise her in the city and be the mother that you always wanted to be. Or at least try to be. You have legal custody over her and even if Beck tries to take you to court because you both have custody over her you could just tell the judge about the family he has brewing here in L.A.
The family without you.
You are about to do it but then David telling you about the affair that almost ruined his marriage comes into your thoughts and you can't do this to him nor his Chessa. So with out knowing exactly what you're doing, you unbuckle your seat belt and slowly open the door and step out of the car. You look at the ground immediately. You don't want to look at him because you might start to see Melissa's and his baby. But you started to imagine it the minute you stepped out the store. "Hey." He sighs contently, snapping you out of your thought. When you look up, you realize that you are now standing on the porch steps in front of him. He is leaning up against the doorframe on his bad leg. You want to yell at him and tell him to get off of it but you could care less if he is hurting right now.
"Where's Chessa?" he asks. "I called you like twice and I texted is everything okay?" He rushes out all of his words and you just roll your eyes. You are going to be strong through this even though you're clearly not. You move inside the house and into the living room. He follows behind you, shutting the door, and you turn around in time to see him limping to the couch. He takes a hand and pats the spot on the sofa next to him wanting you to sit down next to him, but you remain standing. "So you're not talking… Jade, I thought we moved past all this or that we were starting to."
"You know, I believed you." You whisper but still say it loud enough for him to hear. He tries to talk but you continue, " I was so stupid because I thought you loved me. I mean you told me over and over again that you didn't do it and that you loved me and I was stupid enough to believe y-''
"Jade what are you talking about?"
"Let me finish!" You didn't mean to shout but you're so angry right now that you can't help it. Beck looks at you with eyes squinted but doesn't say anything else. You take a deep breath before starting again. "I loved you for such along time and you threw it all away for some… some whore! Do you want to know what hurts the most?" He sits up a little ready to answer but you don't give him the chance. "I thought that when it came out that you where fucking her… No wait I think that with what you two did it was called making love, right? I thought that it would've ended after I ran away - as everyone likes to call my departure that. I thought that you would at least care about me enough to end it! What was it Beck? Huh? What made her just so amazing that you had to go back for more? Did she make you-''
"Enough, Jade!" You didn't even notice that he is standing only inches away from you now. You move back but he grabs your arm making you stay right where you were. "Where did this come from?" He is breathing so hard causing you to lose all the confidence you just possessed. "What happened when you went to the store?"
You don't say anything but instead reach into your back pocket and pull out the sonogram photo. It had been burning a whole back there. He quickly snatches the photo and he stares at it blankly. "Melissa was at the store and she told me to give you this cause due to my best friends funeral you were forced to miss the last appointment." You breathe out crossing your arms against your chest. You feel it rise as your breathing is just now as rapid as his. You wonder if this is the same way David confronted Holly. Beck wrinkles the photo in his hand and looks down to his feet. "You're pathetic," You say.
"It's not mine." He mutters barley audible but you still hear his words. Why is he still trying to deny it? "I can't believe that she actually did it." He says till in a hushed tone. He looks up at you and says, "Jade, I'm sorry. She said that she was pregnant but I didn't believe her because I mean… never mind. I swear Jade this isn't my child. Please stop crying and look at me."
You didn't even know that you were crying. A part of you wishes that the words out of Beck's mouth were, "I swear I haven't talked to her at all since you left," or, "Everything that you just said is a completely lie Jade, I swear." But he only denied the baby and nothing else. He lied to you over and over again and you believed him.
So stupid Jade… So fucking stupid.
"You lied to me!" You shout.
"I didn't lie, Jade! But-''
"But what?" Why should you even listen to what his excuse is? "Damn-it Beck, can't you just tell the truth! You cheated on me and now your getting what you want, okay? You can go play daddy with Melissa and just enjoy life. Just please stop lying to me," You look at him in his eyes and you see them flicker with anger.
"You just think your so fucking innocent, don't cha?!" He yells running a hand through his hair. "All I did was kiss her when you were gone! She was at this bar two months ago that I was at because I had lost all hope in what we had. I had come to the point that you were never coming back again and that we were done for good. I was drunk and I started to rant and I kissed her that's all! I did it because I was angry at you but I regretted it afterwards and I told her to leave me alone." You don't believe him. "I can't remember much after that but I know I didn't sleep with her. About two weeks before the -the accident she shows up here with a pregnancy test but I know I didn't sleep with her." He says every word so fast and filled with anger. He rubs his temples like he is trying to justify what he just said.
"I don't believe you!"
"But you did something way worse," He glares at you changing the subject and your heart drops. He can't know, you think. The only people that know are dead. You didn't tell him what happened with Andre. You remember him asking about New York while on the way to the hospital but it was never discussed again. "Oh what, you thought that I didn't know? You were ready to spread your legs quick… and for a married man too."
You gulp hard ignoring his glare. This wasn't supposed to happen this way. You try to think of what to say but you don't get a chance as he moves closer to you pushing you up against the wall.
Déjà vu.
"What you did Jade was horrible. I didn't even believe Tori when she came crying to me. I told her that there was no why in hell that Jade… my Jade would fuck around with Andre. There just had to be another answer. Then Tori said that she talked to you on the phone and you confessed and Tori, isn't one for lying. I don't even know why she became friends with you in the first place. You hurt her so many times Jade but she just kept forgiving you time after time after-''
"Beck," you say trying to move from around him, but it doesn't work.
It never has.
"No, August! It's my turn to finish what I have to say." He shouts and you stay put. He said your middle name so you know he's serious. "You even confessed the other night when you were drunk. And I acted like I didn't even know and that it wasn't killing me inside. Don't you know, Jade that you ruined them. You ruined me.'' He whispers the last part right in your ear to make it hurt. It does.
"What made you stop? Why didn't you just go all the way with him? You could've just been with him and really make me pay… Cause that's what you wanted, you wanted to make me pay. I understand making me suffer, but Tori?" You look at him to see that he is crying which just makes you cry even more.
He backs away from you and you move as far away as you can but staying in the room. You two don't speak for what seems like ages. You both just stand there crying not facing one another. When you pull out your phone you realize that it is six pm. "We have to go to David and Holly's to pick up Chessa," you whisper. "They also want to talk about how you and I are going to make this work for six months."
It takes a while for him to respond. It's almost like he didn't hear you. "So, were done now?" He asks and you can't tell weather he is saddened by the question or not. His voice is full of exhaustion and hurt.
You swallow hard before nodding your head up and down. You wipe your eyes of all the tears. You didn't expect it to be like this and by this you mean so blunt and fast-paced. Both of you have done so much damage toward one another and it's all out in the open now. The air feels thicker with the amount of tension surrounding you two and overall this house. Suddenly you can't breathe with everything caving in around you. Even though their dead, it feels like Tori and Andre are here as well being engulfed in the all the pain. You remind your self that its their house everything in here is pieces if them or what use to be.
"You should g-go to Holly and David's place now and I'll be there in soon," He says when he sees you nod your head. You leave the room at his last word going outside in a speed that you didn't know you had. You can breathe again and the air around you becomes thin again. You get in your car quickly and start it up. You look up before you leave and see Beck exiting out of the front door, locking up behind him. He walks to the curb and gets on his motorcycle that he rode up here on. Before he pulls off he turns his head back to look at you and you look away. When you hear the bike roar to life you look back and notice dents and scratches along the bike. Almost, as if the bike had been hit by something bigger than it. He pulls off before you do, the wind blowing in his hair and it scares you that he doesn't have a helmet or anything to protect him. But you two are over and whatever he does from now on doesn't matter to you.
Right?
Then you wonder if the bike being all messed up has anything to do with his leg. You lean your head forward onto the steering wheel, knowing that he is still keeping something from you. Then you remember that Jeff wants you to find out about his leg anyway, but you don't know if you can have another civilized conversation with him. You already know that being with him at Holly and David's is going to force you back into the atmosphere you just were in, one that you wish to escape from for good.
You wish you returned back to New York after the funeral like you had planned so you wouldn't have to deal with any of this because life down here, under the sunlight and Hollywood sign sucks. Husbands cheat, wife's cheat, others get knocked up and the real lucky ones as you would like to think are the ones like you who live in this city and experience all of the above.
You are definitely a lucky one.
A/N:
Long time no see. I hoped you guys enjoyed whatever this chapter was. I promise it won't stay all angsty for long. As always review and have a fun new year.
Follow me on twitter if you want to talk about the story, just talk, or fangirl together( I changed my name since my last update): Kendraramma_
Oh, I got one of those ask things so go ask me things Link is on my twitter
-Kendra.
