Author's Note: Um… I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. And that my writing still isn't really good at all… but thank you for anyone who's read my stories here until now. I know I haven't updated for 3 years… I wanted to, but the motivation, energy, ability, etc. doesn't really come easily. But, er… I finally got off my lazy butt and tried to do this, for the sake of those who reviewed kindly, I'm very sorry…


Rin was sitting alone in the darkness in her room, like usual. Quiet, breathing, face a deadpan as she stared at the flickering computer screen before her, she breathed into ice-cold hands and wondered when a warm day would come again. It was almost amusing to think of how she had, in summer, bemoaned the sweltering sun as it bore down upon her house, leaving her in a state similar to that of a heated crepe- limp, tired, and lethargic. But now, in the winter, she almost wished it would return, despite her hatred of its glaring rays stinging her eyes. Now, it was cold, and her body lacked the proper circulation to warm her. Her fingers were cold, so cold…

She had graduated from tired and angry, and at this point she was just tired. Finals were soon, and her stomach lurched at the very thought of having to go through them again. "...What's the point, really?" she laughed to herself, shuddering as she felt eyes watching her again, but ignored them. They were always there, mocking her. She had long learned to ignore them, since there wasn't anything she could do about their twisted little game in the first place. Watching, watching, always watching- what was so interesting about her mundane little life in the first place?

...She was being paranoid. Shaking her head, she lightly slapped her cheeks to try and get her out of it. The slight pain it brought really wasn't worth the mocking laughter she could feel coming from the distance, somewhere beyond the walls.

Akuneko had long left her, so she couldn't blame it on him anymore. It was odd, in a way- he had tormented her constantly, made her hallucinate and react outwardly to the paranoid delusions that plagued her, and yet she still missed him when he was gone. She was very lonely, in a way. Yes, she had friends… sort of? Companions, attachments, a few fleeting beings who tolerated her presence. But those who lived outside her mind did not grant her any feeling of fulfilment in the least, at least not long-term. Though rarely expressing longing towards seeing anyone she even considered a friend, she deeply missed her head friends.

But it was no surprise that they would abandon her. After all, someone like her must be awfully annoying to be with, always murmuring cryptically and letting out bursts of laughter at the slightest things, expression reverting to its usual blank quite abruptly afterwards. Ah, what a mess…

She was awfully tired of this. Not that she could muster up the motivation to change a single thing. It would continue on and on, a never-ending cycle. But really, she was much too tired to care…

Lying down, she wondered how her inner friends were living in a world where they could ignore her. Surely they were still alive- they even visited sometimes, and she would welcome their voice. Except for… some, but those she could deal with when they came next. They resembled Akuneko in their desires, almost feeling red dripping tendrils wrapping around her arms at the memory of their voices.

Everyone said she had gotten better in the recent years, more stable, but really, she wondered if it was true. She couldn't remember a thing about her past self, so she supposed consulting her memory wasn't a very good reference. Was it really better to believe that people wanted to poison her, that all the eyes were watching her, that everyone could read her thoughts, track her, want to hurt her, that she could be a god in her worst moments? She tried not to let on how odd her thoughts were, equipped with the knowledge of others' perceptions, but occasionally she let a tidbit slip, wondering if they would reveal that they were all just helping Them, part of their plot to harm her. But they always played dumb about it, looking uncomfortable or laughing awkwardly, even trying to explain why she wasn't so important as to be watched and wanted like that.

She knew that. Her hands curled into fists, trembling slightly. She knew she wasn't important in the least. She didn't need a reminder of that. She really, really didn't…

The laughter, always the laughter. It wasn't hearing it, but she knew it existed anyway. Laughing at her every mistake, misstep, misspeak- those baleful red, green, all the colors mixing together into a hateful dark, like a film in the back of her mind, behind her eyes and printed into all the walls around her.

She curled up. It wasn't her day. It was never her day. It would never be her day. But it was okay. She didn't deserve a day of her own, anyways. The quiet laughter that began after was only hers, that disingenuous mumble that might have resembled amusement at some point. But now, her emotions were dulled, painted over with a void. She really didn't feel like she existed in the first place, so it was only right to feel this way, then… well, it was okay.

She didn't have the power to do anything, so she might as well sleep, closing her eyes amidst the whispers and purrs of the dark. Good night.