so this chapter includes indirect Kurtbastian sex referencing, as it's a conversation between Sam and our dear old Bas! ;)


Chapter 7

Rating Scale


"What are you doing, Sebastian?"

"Well, Evans, I'm rating people in my little black book so I can remember who's worth the fuck and who isn't."

"You rate hook-ups?"

"Yes."

"You hooked up with Kurt about seven times?"

"Yeah."

"Why is the first one a negative number and has a comment of 'get pictures from Kurt'?"

"I don't remember it. And he took pictures of me in Rachel's wedding dress. He fucked me when I was wearing a fucking dress. Blaine said by then, Kurt was just as hammered as I was, except he didn't wear a motherfucking dress."

"And the second time has a gold star sticker next to it?"

"It's to spite Berry. Plus, that was the best revenge sex I've had in a long time."

"There's revenge sex?"

"Oh puh-lease. Don't act like you haven't had sex with someone just so you can get revenge on them for having sex with you in a wedding dress."

"I've never quite had sex with anyone in a wedding dress."

"I thought the phrase was 'you only live one' so you might as well fuck women in dresses."

"Kurt's a boy. And the third time is…the third time has a sticker of a box of Lucky Charms and a reminder to buy some more."

"Hummel wanted an excuse to fuck me for revenge, so he got angry when I was ogling a box of Lucky Charms. In the end, it was nice sex. We actually both remember it this time. I called Blaine afterwards and told him his boyfriend has casually had sex with me."

"Oh man. What happened to Blaine?"

"He? I got him so drunk he slept with Karofsky so really, it's not a problem. We evened it out by then. He let it go."

"Fuck, Smythe. What the hell is this mess you got yourself into?"

"Oh, look at this. This is the fourth time we did it. I wanted him to check if I moaned in French. He said I did. It was a fun party. I rated it as a five out of ten, because of the roses."

"Hummel gave you roses?"

"No, dude. That's gay. Even for me."

"And the next time?"

"We had sex because I bought him new Tom Ford. I said that because it doesn't smell like him, it doesn't really constitute as sex and he didn't really cheat on Blaine."

"What happened?"

"Kurt cried, and confessed and was about to call Blaine to tell him that. But something happened."

"And that is…?"

"We had sex. I told him that I wanted to do an experiment where I'd see how many shots it takes for Hummel to start looking sexy to me. Then he called Blaine after sex."

"And what did Blaine do?"

"They broke up."

"Shit."

"Then Hummel punched me so hard I thought blood was gushing out of my nose. He rated me as two for being such a sucky comfort. I told him that fucking his problems away is the best way to go anyway…so we had sex."

"Why does it have ten stars?"

"Man, you should see how sexy Hummel gets when he's mad. He looks like he finally grew a pair of balls. Fuck. I think I came just thinking about it."