7

After the double homicide, conversation amongst the heroes became painfully awkward and uncomfortable. As they flew over to Mount Doom on one of Raiden's Luck Dragons, no one really knew what to say. Occasionally, Yugi or someone would try to break up the silence with a joke, but no one was really listening.

"Liu Kang used to tell horrible jokes." Kung Lao muttered somberly, spreading a pained grimace of discomfort across Yugi's face like apple butter across a big slice of apple bread.

"What do we have to do when we get to Mount Doom?" Blade asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"I know, let's ask Raiden, the only person who has a freaking clue about anything that's going on!" Harry offered with a smile. "Oops! That's right, he's been murdered. We're dicked; let's just go home."

"Never." Kung Lao said. "We must complete Master Raiden's mission and destroy Shao Kahn once and for all."

"Please, he can't rule the world anymore." Harry scoffed. "He's only got one hand! Who's ever heard of a dictator with a handicap?"

"Shao Kahn's evil knows no bounds. Even if he fails in this attempt, he will try again and again. He must be stopped before he goes too far." Kung Lao said, cracking the reins of the Luck Dragon.

"Murdering your Master and Half-Brother wasn't far enough?" Yugi asked.

"Yugi, don't be foolish." Yami said, floating around above his young ward's head. "Those two were mere plot devices, completely ancillary to the actual story. That'd be like people in our universe crying about Scott Malkinson's death."

"I hate Scott Malkinson." Yugi whispered, before Blade asked him who he was talking to.

"There's Mount Doom now!" Harry shouted, pointing out the window of the Buick which was tied to the Luck Dragon's back. Below them lay a vast and desolate wasteland; a desert of black, almost tar-like sand. In the center of this horrible moor was a brightly burning volcano.

"Helm's Deep is at the foot of Mount Doom," Kung Lao said, pissing off every Lord of the Rings nerd in the world. "We'll park in the Sauron Lot."

Pulling the Luck Dragon underneath the enormous sign plastered with an impish and whimsical caricature of Sauron's weird eye-thing, Kung Lao took a mental note that he was parked between an enormous robotic spider and the Millennium Falcon. He then killed the engine and let the reins go slack in his hands.

"Now, before we go into battle, I suppose it's only fair to let anyone who doesn't want to fight leave." Kung Lao said with a sigh. To his surprise, no one moved. "You're all dedicated to this fight?"

"Hell no." The three others said at once.

"I would've left if you'd said something before we came to the middle of East Bumfuck Nowhere." Harry groaned.

"But I guess since we're here, we might as well kill a couple of innocent Fan Fiction characters, then finish this thing." Blade said, picking up his things as he opened the door on his side.

"Wait, Blade." Yugi said, gently tugging at the vampire slayer's sleeve. While the others got out of the car and urinated behind a pile of rotting Elf corpses, Yugi pointed to the inner pocket of Blade's jacket. "It's time for you to open the envelope I gave you."

Blade reached into his pocket and retrieved the small white envelope, whose flap he opened with one dark finger. Unfolding its contents, Blade saw a crudely drawn picture of himself, Harry, and Kung Lao done with Crayolas. They stood before Shao Kahn, who was apparently hypnotizing Chuck Norris with Hitler's Brain. Over to the side, Yugi lay in a puddle of blood with The Colostomizer in his belly. Atop the chilling picture, Yugi had scrawled 'THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN'.

"Take an art class." Blade said, crumpling Yugi's picture.

"Hey guys, look." Harry said, walking up to Blade and Yugi, Kung Lao tailing him. Harry was holding up a small golden triangle wrapped in plastic. Chinese characters decorated the outside, along with a picture of Chairman Mao. "I found my fortune cookie from the diner!"

"What diner?" Blade asked.

"Never mind, let's find out my fortune." Harry said, cracking open the sweet cookie shell to find the hidden message within, which he then read aloud. "'Today, the prophecy will be fulfilled'. Do you guys think that has anything to do with the huge battle we're all about to join?"

The general consensus was a 'No'.

"Nah, I didn't think so either."

The heroes looked up to the ridge overlooking Helm's Deep, and heard the screams of Mortal Kombat from within. Shadows danced in the night, as fires raged like the warrior's themselves. Lightning flew, winds danced, whilst aces clashed and heads were split. One person's silhouette flew up into the night, an enormous sword stuck in their spine. The poor Fantasy character begged his tormentor to end his pain before his neck was napped like a dry twig.

The heroes all smiled as they listened. Then, a period of silence…

"I don't wanna die!" Harry screamed, running back to the Luck Dragon. Kung Lao caught his collar.

"Get a hold of yourself, Harry!" Kung Lao said, slapping the boy across the face. "This is our mission. We must defeat Shao Kahn!"

"Kung Lao!" Cried a ghostly voice. Kung Lao let Harry go, his eyes transfixed upon two shambling shadows, which lurched forth from the mists of the moor beside the Gandalf lot. Eventually, they walked into the light, revealing themselves to be zombified versions of Raiden and Liu Kang.

"Master? Brother? Is that really you?" Kung Lao asked, eyes wide with surprise. "I though you both were killed."

"You were wrong," Raiden said. "Dead wrong!"

"Ha…" Kung Lao stuttered. "Clever. But seriously, is there anything you could say to us here to sort of, I dunno, up our spirits or something?"

"Sure thing." Raiden groaned like a typical zombie would. "You don't stand a ghost of a chance!"

"Wow, Master…" Kung Lao rubbed his forehead in disbelief. "Does dying make you retarded or something? Why would you make such a bad pun?"

"Shao Kahn's gonna dance all over you!" Liu Kang said, doing The Robot again.

"How do you even have a body? Wait, what is going on here?" Kung Lao asked.

"We've been possessed by Shao Kahn, numb-nuts." Raiden said. "And guess what: he resurrected Chuck Norris. So ha ha, who's laughing now, dickhole?"

"I wasn't laughing," Kung Lao started to feel ashamed of himself for upsetting his Master before realizing, oh yeah, he's not really Raiden. "Wait a minute, you have Chuck Norris? He's the ultimate force of Good in the Universe!"

"Not anymore!" Raiden laughed.

"No one has ever been able to hypnotize him!" Kung Lao argued.

"Not anymore!" Raiden laughed again.

"We'll save Chuck Norris, and get back Hitler's Brain! You'll see!" Kung Lao said with a proud gust of machismo.

"Not anymo- -" Raiden began, before cutting himself off. "Sorry, I thought you were, uh…" Then he sort of trailed off there. After this embarrassment, he wandered back into the shadows from whence he came, dragging along Liu Kang as well.

"Who wants to party with Zombie Liu Kang?" The young undead asked as his Master led him away.

Silence passed like a fart in an elevator, until Harry spoke:

"Who were those people?"

"Never mind that," Kung Lao muttered, turning back to face his friends. "We have a monologue to deliver at the top of the ridge."

Kung Lao then led his comrades back to Chapter One, which was one of those 'start-in-the-middle-of-the-story' things. Sorry, I know those are annoying. I'm sure you were like, 'who is this, Quentin Tarantino?', when in actuality, no, I'm not a fifty-year-old lesbian. By the way, if you've been reading this in one sitting, now's a good time to stop and make a sandwich.