A/N: Soooooooo wow. I just wanna say thank you for all of your love and support for this story. I can't wait to dish out more. Again, none of this is possible without my lovely assistant, Miss Spockista Fruitista. Luff you hun! :3 Now on with the show!
Disclaimer: Just gotta throw out there that I don't own the characters and blah blah blah, you know the drill.
Warnings: Uhhhhh There's a whole lotta' Bones this chapter but that can be a good thing. =3
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I'm On Call
Jim's eyes fluttered open only to close again. He saw a streak of blue but couldn't stay awake long enough to fully make out the shape and that same streak haunted him throughout the week while he slipped in and out of consciousness' grasp.
As far as he was concerned, he was dead.
As far as he was concerned his last request was fulfilled and then he had given into death's suffocating embrace.
That's all there was to it.
So why did his eyes open abruptly to the pain of his muscles giving a hard jerk and the loud beeping reminiscent of sickbay monitors?
"Ungh!"
His eyes widened as a worried Bone's came into view before the familiar pinch and hiss of a hypospray filled the air. It eased the pain along with lowering the hard, fast thumps of his erratic heart.
The doctor gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze as he looked into his friend's pale blue eyes.
McCoy's voice was soft and gravelly as it took on its natural southern drawl, "Hey, Jim," he greeted.
Although the darkness that had filled Kirk's senses previously seemed really appealing, confusion took over his mind instead. Experimentally working his jaw words came out without his acknowledgement. "Bones?" the Captain whispered, his voice cracking.
"Yeah, Jim, it's me."
"Bones?!" he asked again, panic setting in.
The doctor gave his shoulder another gentle squeeze. "It's alright, calm down, you're safe now," he continued, paternal instincts kicking in.
However, his soothing voice did little to calm Jim, in fact, it made him worse. "Oh God!" Jim moaned. "I am dead!"
McCoy gave him a look that frankly screamed, 'are you insane?'
"Jim. You're alive. You could've died- but I'm not gonna' get into that! Look, the point is you're alive dammit!"
Jim gave the doctor a skeptical look. "Yell at me again," he whispered after swallowing hard.
"Dammit, Jim. No. Jesus Christ, I'm sure you've been in enough shit as it is," he cursed.
It wasn't true yelling, but it made him seem a bit more Bones-like, but Jim still wasn't sure.
He'd play along for the time being.
The Captain nodded solemnly, running his cracked lower lip between his teeth.
After a few moments of silence Bones checked his vitals and ran a tri-corder over his healing body. The doctor lowered himself into the chair Spock had made his home for the past week. It was surprising that the pointy eared bastard wasn't in there right now, but then again, he still had duties to perform.
McCoy made a note to tell the Vulcan that Jim had finally woken up after talking with his friend first. It was only fair. After all, he was the doctor.
He settled into the seat before continuing, "Well, you're doing a hell of a lot better than before."
Jim nodded, biting the inside of a hollowed cheek.
"I can't help but wonder what they did to you, Jim. I mean, fuck from all of those wounds… the broken bones…your muscle spasms…" Silence had once again taken the reigns of the conversation as the good doctor ran a hand through his hair.
He let out a breath he'd been holding before finding the words to speak again, "What happened, Jim?" The doctor's tone was serious but also strangely soothing in that moment.
Swallowing hard, Jim squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as the old movie reel of very real images ran through his brain. "I can't, Bones," he whispered. "Please, not now," he pleaded. His blue eyes shimmered as they filled up with unshed tears.
He would not cry.
Bones understood and nodded while not-so-secretly glancing at the heart monitor.
"Alright, alright. Damn, calm down."
Jim tried to heed to the doctor's orders and slowly and methodically breathed in and out, forcing his heart back to its regular rhythm.
"Jesus, Jim, you've already gone into cardiac arrest once. You don't need to add a goddamn heart attack into the mix."
The Captain was unsure of what to make of his order and his mind began to wander as more quiet settled upon the two.
McCoy hunched forward and folded his hands as he stared at Jim, wondering for a moment if the man in front of him was the same man he knew.
"Jim, are you al-"
"No," he cut the Doctor off. "You've read my scans-more than that-you've seen my body, my mind …I…I don't know if I can even go back to my job," he choked out.
Bones gave his forearm a gentle pat of assurance as a smirk slipped onto his face. "You can recover. I know you can."
Jim just shook his head and lied back against the stack of pillows. "How long have I been out?"
"A week," Bones supplied.
Although Jim wanted to avoid the next question, it tumbled out of his mouth. "Where's Spock?"
Bones waited a moment before answering, studying Jim's features. "He's on the bridge playing Captain. He figured you'd be asleep still."
Jim's eyes widened. "He's been here?"
Bones cocked his head to the side. Where was the cocky, self-confident, whirlwind of a kid that he knew? Was Jim correct when he voiced that he might not be able to recover?
No.
That was wrong. Bones might not have known the extent of what happened but he knew that Jim was no quitter. What made his thoughts stutter was the look on the bruise covered face. How could things have gotten this bad?
Well, the timing was one thing. Four Goddamn months. Shaking his head a bit, he gave his friend a look which spoke of fondness and exasperation in an attempt to reassure him.
"Where else would he be Jim?"
"Not here."
"Yes, here, every night. The minute you were out of your surgery, which was some of the most fucking extensive work I've ever done in my life. By the way, I never want to do that ever again," he said while shaking a finger and leveling Jim with a serious look.
Jim nodded, and flinched. "Sorry." Kirk whispered giving the doctor a bitter smile.
Bones once again gave his usual head shake. "Don't be. Just don't get into any accidents like that ever again, simple as that."
Jim cracked a small smile, though a faint one. Bones gave a chuckle ad gave a crooked grin back. "There we go," he mumbled to himself.
Jim's eyebrows drew together and he tilted his head to the side at the Doctor's mysterious, whispered words. "What?"
"Nothin' Jimmy," Bones let out while patting his shoulder.
Jim flinched, shoulders tensing and screwing his eyes shut. "No," he let out in a harsh breath.
"Jim?" The medic got up to help his friend and check the charts.
"Don't," Jim continued eyes still shut and breathing labored.
McCoy was at a loss. What'd he do wrong this time?
"Please, don't call me that. I- it's-just don't. Eventually, just not…not right now."
Bones had actually grown quite fond of the nickname he'd been calling his good friend since their academy days. The fact that it now held a negative connotation was to say the least, a bit disconcerting. Why in the hell would someone else call him Jimmy? A person that tortured him no less…Maybe he didn't want to know...
Coming back to reality, the frowning CMO nodded. "Alright. If you say so."
"Just for now," Jim added in a rushed panic.
Bones gave him a look and chuckled while he once again patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Like I said we'll work through this."
"'We'll'?"
"Yeah, as your doctor I have to monitor your recovery. I'm here to help as long as you're willing. And you've got the will."
"What about Spock?"
Always with the pointy eared devil. Jim was so worried about him when he should having been using all that brain power towards his recovery.
"He'll help too," he answered with a smile.
That seemed to ease Jim and he relaxed further into the pillows. They sat there again in silence, though this one was a bit more comfortable as they dipped back into their friendly banter.
But it still wasn't the same.
"Well, it's time for me to go back to playing doctor." Bones moved over to the end of the bed to study all the charts and then pulled out a data pad to look more things over.
"Bones?"
"What is it Jim?" he asked and reverted his attention back to his Captain.
"I wanna' sleep in my own bed. I'm glad to see you and all, don't get me wrong. I just want to be in my quarters."
The way Jim backtracked led Bones to further his belief that something had screwed with Jim's brain. It just wasn't like him.
"I know Jim. I'm sure you also know how much I really can't let you do that right now. You need to stay in here so I can monitor you, considering this is the longest you've stayed conscious in the past week. I was beginning to think you slipped into some sort of coma."
Jim's lower lip jutted out as his mouth turned into a pout. "Awwww come on Bones. Please?"
McCoy met his crystal gaze and didn't speak for a long moment as he deliberated it all in his brain. As much as he knew he needed to keep Jim here, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe he would get a more restful night's sleep in his quarters. He could possible keep him monitored all night long…haul some equipment up to the Captain's quarters.
"Maybe," he finally concurred.
Jim nodded before letting out a loud yawn. He wanted to stretch out his limbs. He tested a few before doing so, the pain minimal except in his back, neck, abdomen, and ankle.
Even with all the sedatives in his body, pain still hampered him in those sore spots. Little did he know he had let out a strangled whimper much like an injured animal, catching Bone's attention.
"Jim, don't move your ankle so much. If it starts healing the wrong way I'll have to re-break it."
Jim went silent, eyes widening and ceasing movement immediately. He didn't want to break anything more than he had already tallied up.
"Please don't."
"Not unless it's necessary, so stop worrying," Bones replied while his stylus hovered over the PADD in indecision before punching something in.
The captain studied his friend as the other quirked his lower lip, it was a nervous habit of his and seeing something familiar almost made Kirk feel at ease.
Almost.
He still couldn't trust himself. Trust this place…No. He needed hard evidence but Jim's musings were interrupted by his Doctor. "Huh?"
Shaking his head a bit Bones repeated himself. "Since you seem adamant about sleeping in your own bed, I could possibly arrange something for tonight. I'll just need to keep running tests and scans on your vitals. I'll bring some equipment up to your room. That's the best I can give you Jim."
"Thank you," he said lowly with a nod of his head.
Bones nodded back and gave a reassuring squeeze to the younger man's shoulder. The doctor's voice became hushed and soft again as he spoke. "Just promise me something?"
"What's that?" Jim asked in equally quiet tones.
"Don't scare me like that ever again."
"You know I can't make any promises," the blonde's voice nearly cracked
"Jim, I almost lost you…"
"Bones, don't. I'm still here. That's what matters," he answered grabbing his friends hand with his own bruised one and giving it a weak squeeze before cracking an old Kirk smile.
Bones nodded, composing himself once more before gathering equipment and handing it over to a nurse to hook up the Captain's room. He took it upon himself to find Jim something to eat while he contacted Spock as promised.
"McCoy to bridge. Spock, you there?"
"Indeed Doctor, this is Spock. Has something occurred in sick bay which I need be informed of?"
"No, just decided to let you know that the Captain is awake and doing much better."
The brunette man decided to leave out that he could come down and see his boyfriend; the whole damn bridge didn't need to hear that, in fact he didn't even need to hear it the first time.
It was as if the whole bridge let out a breath they'd been holding in all at once. All the tension in the room began to ebb away. Amazing what one simple message could do.
Spock paused before answering. "Thank you Doctor."
McCoy cleared his throat before speaking again. "Well, you know I'm going to speak with you about how long he'll be out of commission, along with some other matters." There. That seemed like a logical enough excuse to see the Captain without it looking too suspicious.
"I shall see to your request after the completion of my shift. Is that a suitable time or are these matters pressing?" he asked coolly, despite a faint feeling of nervousness and anticipation beginning to seep in.
"After your shift is fine. I better get back to work, McCoy out."
Spock went back to his duties and attempted to work as efficiently as possible without
thinking of Jim. Most of his efforts were failures.
The doctor blipped off the communicator and walked back over to Jim, who had hardly touched his food and instead prodded at it in silence.
"Do I have to force feed you?" Bones asked with an eyebrow raised and a hand on his hip.
"Sorry. It's just…this is all so…" Kirk trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Jim, I know you're in a state of shock, but you need to realize that you're safe now. You do know that, right?"
The Doctor's eyebrows knitted together in concern as he sat back down to get a good look at his friend.
Jim wouldn't meet his eyes as he stared at something invisible on the sheets.
"Look at me." McCoy whispered.
After a moment Jim finally looked over at him, his eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. "I can't do this," he whispered back.
McCoy swiftly grabbed his friend by his shoulders. "You can," he answered, giving him a shake for emphasis. "Jim, you are going to get through this and I'll do whatever it takes to help, but you will make it. You hear me? So stop saying you can't do this…If you really couldn't you wouldn't have made it through surgery or through the hell you've already been through. You're still fighting for your life whether you believe it or not. You can't just call it quits kid, for chisssakes! Dammit Jim! Promise me you'll try! Fuck, I'm not going to lose you! You understand me?!" His eyes grew teary out of frustration and the sheer pain of seeing his good friend in such a broken state.
Hesitantly, Jim reached out and squeezed the hands on his shoulders. He only nodded, unable to find words. What was he supposed to say? Bones was confusing the hell out of him. Why would he be so concerned over a dead man?
The CMO let out a hearty sigh and blinked back the tears as one hand fell to his side while the other rubbed at his chin in thought. "Tell you what. If you really want your room tonight you'll finish what's on your plate. Got it?"
Kirk nodded and after receiving a pointed look from his friend, took a small bite.
Nodding, Bones left him before making sure everything was properly set up in Jim's room. Once he got back, the plate was empty, which was a good sign, but a very tired Jim was trying to keep himself awake.
"Don't make me hypo you," Bones mumbled as he came over and gently pushed on Jim's shoulder so he fell back into the pillows.
Jim lied back begrudgingly as the doctor continued talking, "Your room's almost ready to go. I'll roll you in there after a while. For right now, get some sleep."
Jim just gave in, what the hell. Who knew? Maybe he'd go back to the pitch black that he knew was inevitable. With that last thought, his eyes finally drifted closed.
Satisfied, Bones picked up the food tray and returned to his work.
***
Spock knew he had another twenty minutes left, but there were no matters left for him to handle. He had performed all of the actions that Starfleet required, including filling out paperwork and informing the proper authoritative figures of their current situation. Now they were simply traveling until they reached a space dock.
Sulu and Chekov had everything under control at the helm; nothing required his attention except his Captain.
Although he wouldn't admit it, he was relieved when his subordinate came in early to relieve him of his duty.
Finally, he left for the turbo lift to head to sickbay in hopes of seeing Jim now that he was finally awake.
***
Jim had woken up many times and was starting to get antsy. Bones finally decided to get him ready before he sent him off.
Removing the cover off of Jim, he began to unravel bandages and take off the braces he had used for his ribs and breast plate.
Bones tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but Jim kept cringing away from him…It was pulling on his heart strings. The damage was far more than skin deep. "Jim, it's alright," his voice soothed, like he was speaking to a small child.
He ran his scanner over some of the wounds, while covering others in salve and doing both to those wounds that needed it. He worked his way down, getting to the one injury that made his blood boil in anger and rage. How someone could rape Jim was beyond him. He hoped the fucking bastard got what he deserved.
Addressing the torn opening, Kirk whimpered and screwed his eyes shut. McCoy went about it as quickly as possible unable to handle how much it hurt his friend. Finally, he placed a brace on his ankle to ensure it would heal correctly. That was the easy part, now came the hard part.
Transferring Jim to his room.
Bones ran a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. "Alright Jim, now I need to warn you, I can't drug you up anymore than you already are, it just wouldn't be good. So I'm going to try and make this as painless as possible, but you gotta' work with me. I'm gonna' have to get you into that chair," he explained, pointing at the wheelchair beside the bed.
Jim only gave a nod by way of response. Before he knew it, Bone's had his hands under Kirk's knees and around his shoulders, securing him.
A fiery burst of pain bloomed in Jim's back, starting at the spine and ending where Bone's touched. "Gah!" His eyes screwed shut as he tried to squirm away from the gentle grasp holding him.
He let out a whimper before twisting when Bones set him into the chair. Jim's breathing became labored as he tried to reign in the pain and focus.
"Jim, what hurts?" Bones asked, already scanning him with a tri-corder quadruple checking everything.
The Captain gnashed his teeth together and shook his head. "It's mostly my back," he murmured. McCoy nodded as he put away his tri-corder and wheeled his friend to his room and with some difficulty, got him onto his own bed.
"If you need anything you know the drill," Bones supplied while giving Jim's forearm a pat before walking out of the room.
McCoy groaned at the thought of more paperwork, grumbled until he caught the sight of a half Vulcan and was stopped by him.
Without any formalities, Spock jumped right to the chase, "You informed me the Captain was awake, but he is not here?" he asked while quirking a brow.
McCoy gave a small smile and nodded. "Yeah, I figured he'd have trouble sleeping here and set him up in his quarters, you're still welcome to see him. He's awake right now."
Spock gave his version of a nod and thanked the doctor while he swiftly moved with a long stride towards the Captain's quarters, becoming even more aware of himself and the flow of many emotions from memories of a pain-stricken Kirk lying on the floor.
However, he pushed those images away as he chimed to be let in. A mumbled, "Come in," was heard before the slightest hint of nervousness hit Spock as the door swished open and then proceeded to close after Spock stepped into the room.
Jim looked up to see the most unbelievable sight before him. There stood his green tinged angel, angular face in a similar state of disbelief, even for Vulcan standards.
Even with the shadows under his deep black eyes, the way they looked at him, lingered and saw him like in ways no one else could. His throat tightened and his mouth went dry, unable to find words.
It was like that first realization all over again, déjà vu hitting him with full force. It was when he first realized and knew Spock was his and he- dare he say it- loved him.
There was no way that was still true.
Spock seemed to be having some difficulty of his own as he stood statuesque while calculating his next move.
There was so much damage it was almost unbearable. To think someone would target Jim all because they had something against the federation was beyond logic.
With a small amount of hesitation he stepped forward until he was standing next to Jim's bedside. Swallowing, he found the words to speak, "Jim, although I generally do not express such sentiments, I am glad you are safe, and here… alive."
Jim's insecurity showed as he looked up and lost himself in the warm, deep pools he missed. Like a small child, he sat up and held his arms out for his first officer uncertain as to if the gesture would even be met.
Spock made his movements deliberately slow as he sat on the bed before his Captain fell into him, enveloping him in an embrace that displayed what little strength he had left. He was so fragile…
Jim's body gave a hard twitch as he made an attempt to squeeze tighter, fearing that Spock would simply disappear. Jim buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck and breathed him in as arms automatically settled around him and gave a gentle squeeze.
"I'm glad too. Don't let go," Kirk whispered.
The insecurities were present in the connection along with uncertainty and pain, physical and emotional…then there was shame.
Jim's grasp moved to Spock's face as if he were a blind man, tracing the contours of his cheeks and running a bruised finger over his sweeping eyebrows before trailing it down to his lips, causing the Vulcan's breath to hitch.
Spock raised a brow as Jim continued running his hands over his frame. One hand had now moved to his hair while the other snaked around his waist and squeezed.
"Jim, I cannot help but notice your sense of bewilderment at my presence."
Kirk stared up at his face as Spock continued, "I can assure you, I am neither a figment of your imagination nor some sort of apparition."
Jim's face was stricken as his chest constricted and his muscles twitched. "I can't tell anymore. I'm so tired of guessing. How can you prove it to me?" he asked, choking up.
Spock simply took the young Captain's hand that rested at the back of his neck and placed it in his own, extending their index and middle fingers.
"This is simply enough."
Jim could feel Spock, on every level unlike the ghosts that had come to torment his brain. This Spock portrayed what he felt through the connection they shared and Jim began to start feeling safe again.
"I'm not dead?" he posed in a whisper, unable to meet the very real Spock's gaze.
Spock's eyes subtly widened. "No," he said with hushed force, before tightening his grip on Jim, keeping their fingers touching and abuzz. Spock had a silent bubbling fury that was settling, Jim noted.
He looked at their entwined hands as he moved his to grasp Spock's, his purple and blackened bruises mixing with vibrant green ones.
"What happened?" he whispered running a thumb over a nasty bruise.
"I believe that is my question."
Jim winced and cringed into Spock, curling into him despite his protesting bones.
"I can't," he whispered, screwing his eyes shut and squeezing the hand in his with more grip than anticipated. "Not now."
Spock inclined his head in a short nod. As he lifted Jim's face to his, he examined the hollowed cheeks and bruises before meeting pale blue eyes.
Unable to control his impulses, Jim leaned up. He needed Spock, to know he was real and constant. His dry lips met the softer pair. The kiss was warm and tentative as it lingered and Jim felt complete for the first time in what seemed like forever. The soft lips trailed kisses down Jim's throat, slow and assuring, birthing a sound of relief from the shattered human. This was real. It had to be because fuck, it would be hell if it wasn't.
The kisses slowed as they reached his collarbone and then they stopped altogether to his dismay, but his head was pulled to his First's chest and he moved his free hand to Spock's side to feel the flutter of a heartbeat.
It was a moment or two of just reveling in the fact they were here and together. Finally. Reality became a possibility as Jim began to close his eyes while his first officer laid his head atop his own and leaned them back, Jim resting in Spock's arms on his chest, Spock's own head on the pillows, hands still clasped tight.
"I understand," he said at last before continuing, "I suppose you still want me to divulgedetails as to how I attained my injury?"
Jim nodded sleepily and brought the hand that was held in his own to his lips to kiss as Spock let out a small, pleasant shudder.
Spock then began to explain in cool tones, tinged with anger and rage about what had happened as Jim listened very carefully before falling asleep.
Panic shined through, but quickly diminishes as Spock didn't so much as move so much as an inch from the spot he was in, and fell into slumber with his T'hy'la.
Jim was back.
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A/N: Oh my I loved writing this. Longest chapter to boot. Hope you like. Reviews and reading is always appreciated.
