Hey guys! Today I wanted to give you readers a glimpse of Beth's past. Here you will see what life was like for her, and learn from her perspective of how hard it is being transgender. Watch as she grows and begins to understand what she really wants to be, and see how she comes out to her own family. This used to be an individual story, but it confused some people who haven't read this story yet because they haven't even heard of Beth before. So instead I made it into a chapter in this story. Sorry to all of you for the confusion. This time I got it right.
Chapter 7: Born This Way
I've have always known that I was different because even though I was born as a healthy baby boy, deep down I am really a girl trapped in a guy's body. My name is Bethany Louisa Simmons, and I am male-to-female transgender. Even when I was too young to really think, I knew deep down that I was a girl regardless of what people said I was. When I used to be a boy, my name was Kevin. God, I hated that name. It's just a really dull name, and even if I were a boy I would still hate that name.
It sucks so much. How could God just screw me over like that? I'm a very kind hearted Christian, and I have always thanked God for the good things he did for us all. But how could God punish me by putting me in a different body. When I was young I used to ask God every night before bedtime why he did this to me. My mother always told me that God loves each and every one of us. But if he loves me so much, why would he do this to me? Being transgender means that I can look forward to a life of complications and of course, non-stop bullying. My life has always been complicated, mostly because I was trying so hard to understand what I was.
I must have been around five years old when I first realized I was different. I always loved the color pink. Every year for Christmas I hoped and prayed to God that I would get the present I always wanted, a Barbie doll. Whenever I saw commercials for them, I would be thinking of how much I wanted them. But I was too afraid to ask for it, since boys don't play with dolls. So instead I got lame boy things like toy fire trucks and baseball cards. I was eight years old when I was invited to a friend's birthday party. I hated it so much. There only boys there and all we did was play soccer. I faked being sick so that I wouldn't have to play. It was one of the most miserable times of my life. While the parents were watching the guys play, I snuck into the house to use the bathroom. When I was done I noticed a door opened, and heard laughter inside. I peeked through the crack, and saw that it was the birthday boy's little sister's room. The walls were light purple, the bed sheets were cotton candy pink, and there were stuffed animals and dolls everywhere. It was the room of my dreams. The kind of room I wanted so much, but could never have. I saw the little sister on the floor playing with two Barbie's. When I opened the door slightly, she looked up and smiled at me.
"Hi," she said with so much joy and happiness.
"Hello," I said shyly.
"What's your name?"
"Kevin. What's yours?"
"Callie. Want to play house with me?"
When I heard her ask me that, I smiled slightly because it was one thing I actually wanted to play besides stupid soccer.
"Sure," I said in a happier tone. I walked over, and sat beside Callie where she handed me a guy doll. I frowned as I looked at it.
"Umm could I use a girl doll instead?"
She looked at me with a confused look on her face.
"But you're a boy. Don't you wanna be the boy doll?"
"Uhhh not really."
She stared at me with that same confused look on her face for a few more seconds before finally she said:
"Okay, here! You can play with my Cinderella Barbie, and I can play with my mermaid Ariel Barbie."
"Okay."
So for the next fifteen minutes we played with the princess dolls, making them do all sorts of crazy adventures. We even had time for a tea party. It was the first time in a long while where I was actually doing something I enjoyed. When it was time to go home, Callie came up to me and put her Cinderella doll in my hands. I looked at her with confusion, and she looked at me with a smile.
"You can have her. I already have lots of dolls."
"Thank you."
It was truly one of the best days of my young life. I got to have a fun time at a party, and I got to go home with my very first doll. I kept it hidden, of course, but whenever I was alone I would always play with her.
When I was ten my parents were out to dinner, and my sixteen-year old brother, Jaden, was babysitting me. So while he was watching TV I snuck into my parent's room, and tried on some of my mother's make-up. I would always try to watch my mom put some on, and I was curious to try some on myself. So I toyed around with the lipstick, and some eye shadow. I went into her closet, and put on her red high heel shoes. I strut around the room as if I were a model, and trying to act like my mom, when Jaden opened the door and saw me. I was so shocked when he stared at me with the makeup on my face, and the high heel shoes on my feet. He then walked away, and I took off the shoes, wiped the makeup off my face, ran to my room, and cried into my pillow. I was so embarrassed that he saw it, but most of all I was scared that he might tell mom and dad. The next day I was in my room just drawing, when my parents came into my room.
"Kevin sweety," said my mom as she slowly opened the door, "can I come in for a second?"
"Sure mom."
She came in, and along with her came my dad and Jaden who I was definitely not happy to see.
"He told on me! He told on me!" I screamed in my head.
They all sat on my bed while I remained on the floor. I looked away from them, and continued drawing. I couldn't bear to look at them, and see the expressions on their face. I was too ashamed to look at them.
"Kevin, Jaden told us something about what happened yesterday? And we, umm, were just wondering if you might be feeling okay?"
"Yes I'm okay. Whatever Jaden told you is a lie? A big, fat lie!"
"Kevin, are you feeling strange or maybe even worried about something?"
"No. Please just go away and let me draw!"
"Young man don't you yell at your mother," said my dad in strict tone.
"Don't call me that!" I said with much emphasis as I looked up at all of them with anger eyes. I couldn't believe that I actually said that. I honestly had no intent on saying that out loud at all. It's just when he called me "young man," I don't I just sort snapped and I said it.
"What do you mean sweety?" my mother asked in a very concerned tone. "What don't you want us to call you?"
I decided not to say anymore, for I was fearful that I might say something else that might reveal my secret. So I just continued with my drawing.
"Kevin please, tell us what's wrong."
I ignored her, but it was very hard to. I hated to make my mother worry.
"Kevin! Please talk to us. Are you made because Jaden told us what you did?"
I kept ignoring her.
"Are you mad because your father yelled at you?"
I was still silent, refusing to say one word.
My mother's eyes started glittering from the tears that were forming. She took a large gulp and said, "Or is it because he called you a boy?"
By that time I stopped drawing, dropped my crayons, and slowly looked up at my mother with a panicked expression on my face. My mother realized she hit the right question.
"Sweety, i-is that why you yelled at your father?"
Tears began forming in my eyes because I knew that I couldn't keep my secret hidden forever.
"Y-Yes mom."
Now small tears trickled down her face, and she looked like wanted to speak but couldn't. So her father started talking.
"Son, do you believe that you're a-" he stopped and looked at his mother for a second before turning his attention back to me.
He took a huge breath before saying, "Do you believe that you're a boy or a girl?"
Now I was totally in shock and surprise. He had asked me the biggest and most defining question of my life. I had to make a choice: either I tell them the truth and be shunned by them forever, or lie to them so that they would still love me. Although after what Jaden saw last night, I doubt I could make a descent explanation. So I just followed my heart and did what it told me to do.
"I think that I might actually be a…. a girl."
Everyone was totally speechless after I just basically told them I was transgender. They all looked at me for a few minutes, and then they all gave short glances at each other. I thought that now they were gonna hate me forever, and think of me as a freak. That's when I started crying silently because I thought that now my family would never love me. My mother saw me crying, and when she did she got off the bed and went on her knees. She pulled me into her arms, and gave me a comforting hug. I could hear her crying as well, and I was confused as to why she was hugging me.
"Don't cry baby, it's okay," she said. She wiped her face to remove the tears, and kept on hugging me.
"No it's not okay. You hate me momma. You hate me and you know it."
My mother cupped my face in her hands, and looked at me straight in the eye.
"Baby I could never hate you. Do you understand me? I could never hate you."
"But I'm a freak."
"No you're not! You are most certainly not a freak!"
I kept on crying, and she pulled me back in a hug as she slowly rocked me.
"You're not a freak, you're just different."
I sniffed a little, and wiped my tears away.
"Different?"
"Yes, different. You're different because you were born a boy, but in your mind you think you're a girl."
"I don't think I'm a girl, I know I'm a girl!"
"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't say it right. What I meant to say is that you are what we call as transgender. Do you know what transgender means?"
I shook my head to signal no.
"It means that even though you were one gender, you are actually the opposite gender in your mind. Does that make sense sweetheart?"
"Yes."
"There's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Yes there is! I'm supposed to be your son, but I can't be your son because I'm not really a boy. Why would God do this to me?"
My dad got off the bed, and bent down on one knee. He placed one hand on my back, and started rubbing it to calm me down.
"Kevin. If there's anything I can say about God it's that he never makes mistakes. And when God gave you to us, well it was one of the happiest days of our lives. And he gave you such wonderful qualities. You're smart, funny, and you're the most kind and empathetic person I have ever known. You care so much about other people, and you always try to make the worst of times the happiest of times. What you have is a gift? God gave you this gift to make up for the one thing you don't have. But the thing is kiddo is that no matter what, whether you're a boy or a girl, your mother, and I will always love you. And we would rather die than give up or even hate you."
"Really?" I said while sniffling.
"Of course. But I won't lie and say that we're completely happy about this. We are a little shocked that you're like this, but we still love you."
"That's right," said my mother, "and although we can't understand this now we are all going to try really, really hard to do so. We'll work at it together."
Jaden got off the bed, bent down on one knee, and I looked at him.
"And you know I'll work at it too."
"I thought you hated me Jaden."
"Squirt I could never really hate you. You do annoy me sometimes, but it has nothing to do with your gender. To tell you the truth you are just as normal as every other annoying little brother or sister. And there are people out there who don't quite accept people like you, but believe when I say that I'm one of the few people who actually tolerate them. But I'm gonna try to not just tolerate you. I'm going to work hard so with mom and dad so that we can understand and even accept you. And I'll always love you. You know that right?"
I smiled at him and said, "I know. I love you too."
I really did love my big brother. He wasn't like the stereotypical bully of a brother. He was actually a much kinder person. He was very smart, and much more mature than most boys. It's no wonder all the girls at his school love him.
"I love all of you," I said as I looked at everyone, "And I really hope you'll still love me."
"Sweety, we will always love you. And with time there will come a day where we will all look at you and love you for who you truly are."
"That's right," said my dad with a smile on his face. "We just got to work hard to understand each other."
"Yeah," said Jaden. "And we're always here for you buddy."
That's when we all came together and formed one loving family group hug. We were all cried softly, but not out of sadness. We were all crying happy tears because even though I came out with a huge secret we all still knew that we loved each other. I was so happy that my family was willing to try to understand me. This made things a little better for me.
"I love you guys so much"
My mother kissed my forehead, and smiled at me.
"And we love you. More than you will ever know."
And from then on my life changed forever. When we moved to Las Vegas a year later, my parents saw it as an opportunity for me to transition into a girl into a place where nobody knew me. I let my hair grow a little more so that it looks at least a little girly. I was allowed to wear the girl's clothes that I dreamt of wearing. I swear I wore nothing but pink for the first year we were there. And my mom and dad even let me legally change my name from Kevin James Simmons to Bethany Louisa Simmons. When my parents asked me what name I wanted, Bethany was just the first thing that popped up in my head. I chose the middle name Louisa after my grandmother who died when I was nine. She was always so nice to me, and I loved her so much. As soon as I came into adolescence, I started taking estrogen and hormone blockers. And since then I lived a normal life as a girl. I still wish I was born as a girl in the first place, but at least I had a family who still loved me. I am also thankful that one day I can take a simple surgery that will make me into a full-fledged girl. I may have to wait a while, but it will be worth it in the end. I still believe in God, and I am always thanking him for not giving me a more terrible life. I thank him for giving me life, love, and the greatest family I could have ever asked for. As long as I kept my head up high, and love myself for who I am, nothing will bring me down.
I really hope you liked this little tale. Now that you got an idea of Beth's early life, we can go back to the present and see what mischief Fiona is planning on separating Adam and Beth. Please write some reviews.
