It was a peaceful evening in Gravity Falls. Samuel left Greasy's Diner and locked the door. On the way out, he passed by some gnomes standing on top of each other, attempting to steal a pie. Terrified, Samuel bumped into a payphone and dialed 911.

"I'd like to report something," Samuel said, trying to stay calm. "I'm at Greasy's Diner. You won't believe what I've witnessed. It's unbelievable! It's indescribable! It's-"

Suddenly, a man wearing an elegant red and gold robe approached Samuel and took the phone out of his hand. "Come with me," he said. "I can help you."


The next day, Dana was in her room examining a poster board on her wall entitled 'Who is the Author?'. She stared at the board as she fiddled with a loose lock of her long hair. She then untied her hair, only to tie it back up in a ponytail.

Without warning, Marcus ran in with a bottle. "Hey, Stargirl," he said. "Look what I got!"

"Yay, a filthy green bottle," Dana said sarcastically.

"It's a bottle message from Abigail, remember?" Marcus reminded Dana. "She's my mermaid girlfriend from Gravity Falls Lake. I wonder what exciting news she wants to tell me!"

"I wouldn't get your hopes up, Marcus," Dana said.

"Too late!" Marcus said. "Hopes are way way up!" He opened the bottle cap and read the letter.

Dear Marcus, I must inform you that my parents recently forced me to get married. They said that order to prevent an undersea civil war, they set up an arranged wedding with the King of the Manatees. But since I'm already in a committed relationship with you, I refused to participate in the wedding. The good news is that I don't have to marry that filthy manatee. The bad news is that my parents want you to come to the bottom of Gravity Falls Lake so they could meet you. Apparently they didn't believe me when I said I already have a boyfriend.

Marcus was shocked. "I'm starting to realize the problems with having a mermaid girlfriend."

"Oh Marcus," Dana said. "You were bound to figure it out sooner or later."

"You don't understand, Dana," Marcus said. "On my first day here, I made a scrapbook page for summer romances. Abigail was a perfect match for me, but now..." He sighed in defeat. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Hey, if it's any consolation, my summer mission isn't a huge success either," Dana said. "I'm still trying to find the author of this journal, but with this laptop smashed, I've lost any lead in finding her."

Marcus looked at the laptop. "Wait a minute," he said. "Dana, look!" He held out the empty green bottle.

"Through your bottle?" Dana asked.

"Just do it," Marcus insisted.

Dana peers through the bottle, and noticed a logo entitled 'McGucket Labs' magnified on the back of the laptop. "Wait, Old Woman McGucket?" Dana asked.

"You don't think..." Marcus said.

"Couldn't be," Dana said. "Doesn't make any sense, unless..." She walked over to her board and started connecting pictures and tying strings to a picture of Old Woman McGucket. "So that would mean... Old Woman McGucket wrote the journals?!"


At the Surprise Hut gift shop, Salls was sweeping the floor and listening to a song on the radio.

Am I blanchin',
Girl we blanchin',
I live up in a mansion

"Are you blanchin', yeah we blanchin," Salls sang along. "I live up in a mansion."

William groaned. "I can't get that terrible song out of my head!" he complained.

"Oh, you mean Straight Blanchin' by 'Lil Big Dawg?" Salls asked. "It's the catchiest song of the summer."

"What is blanchin'?!" William asked. "Rappers can't just make up words!"

"Rappers are visionaries, William," Salls said. "If they told me to eat my own pants, I would do it."

Eat your own pants,
Eat your own pants,
Yeaah

"I guess I have no choice," Salls said.

Suddenly, Dana and Marcus ran into the gift shop. "William, Salls, we need to go see Old Woman McGucket!" Dana said.

"We'll explain on the way!" Marcus said.

And with that, Dana and Marcus ran out of the gift shop with Salls and William following them.


In the junkyard, the group searched for Old Woman McGucket. "Old Woman McGucket, are you here?" Dana called out.

"Here hillbilly-billy-billy-billy," Salls called out.

Old Woman McGucket came out of her junk home. "Visitors! Come, come." She lead them inside her home. "Pull up some rusty metal. You're just in time for my hourly turf war with the hillbilly that lives in my mirror."

"You can drop the act, McGucket," Dana said. "I know you're the author. You studied the mysteries of this town and wrote this book." She held up her journal.

"Dude, you're the genius Dana's been searching for all summer!" William said.

"Uh, genius?" Old Woman McGucket asked, confused. "I'm no genius. I've never done nothin' worthwhile in my life. Everyone knows I'm no good to nobody. I can't remember what I used to be, but I must've been a big failure to end up like this."

"But the laptop has your name on it," Salls said.

"What about this book?" Dana asked. "Are you sure you didn't write it? Here, look closely." She flipped through the journal.

"I told you, I don't recall," Old Woman McGucket said. "Everything before July 4, 1982 is just a blur. Just a hazy..." The journal flipped forward to an image of an odd circular pattern. She yelped. "The circular seal! Robes, the men and women, my mind! They did something!"

"Who did?" Dana asked.

"I don't recall," Old Woman McGucket admitted.

"Oh, you poor old woman!" Marcus said. "No wonder your mind's all broken. You've been through something intense."

"What if McGucket learned something she wasn't supposed to know, and someone, or something, messed with her mind?" Dana asked. "We've got to get to the bottom of this."

"What is the earliest thing you can remember, McGucket?" William asked.

"I think it was when I woke up in front of the town history museum," Old Woman McGucket recalled.

"That's where we're going," Dana said.


As Salls drove the group over to the museum, Straight Blanchin' was playing on a CD. "Salls!" William exclaimed. He grabbed the CD and tossed it out of the car window.


At the history museum, everyone entered through the windows. "Hello?" Salls called out. "Anyone here?"

"All right, keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious," Dana said.

Marcus sighed. "Marcus, are you okay?" William asked. "You just walked by a cat without petting it."

"I just discovered a downside to dating a mermaid," Marcus explained. "Now I kind of regret it."

"So your last memory was here," Dana told Old Woman McGucket. "Anything coming back?"

"Guys, look!" Salls said, pointing at a shadowy figure.

"Hey, who's there?" Dana called out.

The group ran into a room filled with depictions of eyes. "Well kettle my corn," Old Woman McGucket said. "That person vanish-ified."

"It doesn't make sense," Dana said. "Where did he or she go?"

Old Woman McGucket looked around. "I feel like all these eyeballs are a-watchin' me."

Dana noticed a pattern with the eyes. "Wait... they are!" she said. "Move aside."

Old Woman McGucket moved aside, revealing a central eye. Dana pushed it and a staircase formed behind the fireplace. "A secret passageway," Dana said.

"We'll have to be stealthy," Old Woman McGucket said. "I'll hambone a message if there's trouble."


The group walked down the staircase, entering a room. There were men and women dressed in elegant red and gold robes.

One man stepped forward, dressed in a fancier red and gold robe, implying he was the leader. He was a thin man, with a gaunt skeletal face. His right eye was pink and has a red X over it. He was bald and had tattoos on his head, which resembled phrenology maps. He also wore a silver gauntlet on his left hand.

"Who is the subject of our meeting?" the bald man asked.

"This man," one of the society members answered, revealing Samuel.

"Blind Eye Samuel?" Marcus asked.

"First of all, do you wish to forget what you have witnessed?" the bald man asked.

"Of course!" Samuel answered, still panicking. "It was unnatural!"

"Very well," the bald man said. He pulled out a small circular disc. "What is it you have seen?" He opened the disc.

"Uh, well, uh, I was leaving the diner, and I saw these little female doodads, and I was, like, 'Bwaaa?'," Samuel confessed.

"There, there," the bald man said. "You won't be confused for much longer." He closed the disc, and a circular pattern appeared on it in a flash of yellow light. "Blind Eye Samuel, what do you know of little women?"

"Little women?" Samuel asked. He chuckled. "I haven't seen any little women."

"Guys, are you seeing this?" Dana asked. "They somehow wiped Blind Eye Samuel's memory!"

"Blind Eye Samuel, how do you feel?" the bald man asked.

"I feel great," Samuel said as he was being led away. "I can't even remember what was wrong."

"Your confession will be safe with us," the bald man said. He placed the disc in a pipe, sending it to another room. "Meeting adjourned."

When the society left, the group of five came out of hiding. "Amazing," Dana said. "A secret society of evil mind erasers. I'll bet they erased McGucket's memory a long time ago. If we could find where those memories have been hidden, it could be the key to unlocking all the mysteries of Gravity Falls. All right, Marcus, William, you two stay here and make sure those robe guys don't come back."

"Whoo! Boy's club!" William cheered.

"Salls, you, me, and McGucket are gonna go find the memory discs," Dana said.

Salls' hat was sucked into the pipe. "Follow that hat!" Dana said.


While the girls were searching for the room full of circular discs, Marcus and William waited in the main chamber. "I just don't get it, William," Marcus said. "How could I have rotten luck with dating?"

"Love happens in strange places," William said. "Take me for example. I wasn't expecting to fall in love with a younger girl, and now I'm dating your sister. But if it bothers you that much, you should just forget about this Abigail person."

"William, that's it!" Marcus said. He picked up a blank disc. "I just need to talk about Abigail while this thing is open and I won't feel bad about dating her anymore."

"Whoa, hold up, Marcus," William said. "We don't even know what these things do. You could accidentally erase learning to read, or breathe, or..."

"Or one of those terrible summer songs you can't get out of your head?" Marcus asked.


Eventually the girls found the hat in a room filled with small circular discs. "Whoa, look at all these discs," Dana said.

"People must've been getting their memories erased all over town," Salls said, putting her hat back on.

Dana picked up a disc. Instead of seeing a circular pattern, words started to appear. She read the name that was on the disc.

Rebecca Steven Valentino

"Guys, I think I found Becca's memories," Dana said.

Salls and Old Woman McGucket walked over to Dana. "How can you tell?" Salls asked.

"It says so right here," Dana said. "'Rebecca Steven Valentino'."

"All I see is a circular pattern," Salls admitted.

Confused, Dana placed the disc on a viewing machine. The monitor showed Becca, who was in her human disguise.

"I was hanging out with my friends at an abandoned convenience store when ghosts came out of nowhere and attacked me! They trapped me inside my own theremin and I've been having nightmares about being stuck in a dark room ever since!"

"Why are they erasing peoples' memories?" Dana asked. "I still don't get it."

"Maybe one of these discs have those words what people call me," Old Woman McGucket said.

"She's right," Salls said. "Dana, if you can somehow understand these circular symbols, you can see which one has McGucket's memories."

And so, Dana looked at the discs, trying to figure out which one contained Old Woman McGucket's memories. Eventually...

Franny Hadron McGucket

"I found it!" Dana said. She took the disc, which set off an alarm.


"I don't know, Marcus," William said. "Are you really sure this is a good idea?"

"All ideas are good ideas!" Marcus said. He was about to open the disc when the alarm went off.

"Do you hear that?" William asked.


"The alarm in my brain is a-ringin' again!" Old Woman McGucket exclaimed. She hid while Dana and Salls ran off.

Dana and Salls ran into a dark area of the room. "Okay, I think we're safe," Dana said.

Suddenly, hands reached out from the shadows and covered Dana and Salls' eyes.


In the main room, Dana, Salls, William, and Marcus were tied to a pole. They were surrounded by the men and women dressed in red and gold robes. "You shouldn't have come here," the bald man said.

"Who are you bathrobe-wearing freaks?" William asked.

"Why are you doing this?" Dana asked.

"What's with your creepy British accent?" Marcus asked.

"Well, I suppose we might as well explain," the bald man said. "You may call me Blind Ivan, and we are the High Council of Timelords. We came to Earth thirty years ago when an unfortunate accident occurred that led to the disappearance of our Lady President."

Blind Ivan continued. "As you have no doubt discovered, Gravity Falls is a town plagued with supernatural strangeness. No one knew how to stop the things that went bump in the night, so we took it upon ourselves to use these special Confession Dials to help those who want to forget by making them face their demons and make their peace before the selected memory is removed. Now the people of Gravity Falls go about their lives in a state of calmness, thanks to us. Everyone has something wish to confess. In fact, your own brother was about to use a Confession Dial on himself. Isn't that right?"

"Marcus? Seriously?" Dana asked.

Marcus laughed nervously. "Maybe..."

"Don't you see?" Dana asked Blind Ivan. "This is ruining lives! What about Old Woman McGucket? She lives in a hut and talks to animals, thanks to you. Don't you feel bad about that?"

"Did you say McGucket?" Blind Ivan asked. "She's the reason why we came here!"

Suddenly, Old Woman McGucket showed up with a handful of weapons. "I raided the mining display for weapons," she said as she untied Dana, Marcus, Salls, and William. "Now fight like a hillbilly, fellers!"

"It can't be..." Blind Ivan said. "Franny McGucket, is that you?"

"How'd you know my name?!" Old Woman McGucket asked.

"You don't remember?" Blind Ivan asked. "You came here thirty years ago. We can show you if you want." He looked over at Dana. "Just hand over the Confession Dial."

"How do I know this isn't a trick?" Dana asked suspiciously.

"Because we know you are familiar with the Guardian," Blind Ivan answered. "She was our Lady President prior to her disappearance."

"The Guardian?" Dana asked. "As in, the Guardian of Time and Space?"

"That is her," Blind Ivan said.

"Marcus, so many people and creatures we came across mentioned the Guardian," Dana said. "Brandy Blandin wanted to confiscate her time machine, the Manicurs were terrified of her..."

"And those golf ball people apparently hate her," Marcus said. He noticed Dana's confused expression. "Don't ask."

"It seems the Guardian has quite a reputation in this town," Blind Ivan said. "Now please, give us the Confession Dial so we can show Ms. McGucket her memories."

Dana gave Blind Ivan the Confession Dial, and he checked the circular marking. "Yes, this is the one," he said. "I'm surprised you are able to understand Circular Gallifreyan."

"So that's what it's called," Dana said.

Blind Ivan puts the Confession Dial into the machine. An image popped up on the screen of a woman. She had shoulder-length light brown hair and she wore glasses. She also wore a green floral shirt, blue jeans, and brown shoes.

"My name is Franny Hadron McGucket, and I wish to unsee what I have seen. For the past few years, my two friends and I have been working as companions for a woman known as the Guardian. I have been cataloging our findings about Gravity Falls in a series of journals. I recently had an idea to build a machine that I thought had the potential to benefit all mankind. We finished the machine, but something went wrong. My two closest friends, the ones who always had my back, are now gone! I-I miss them so much. The Guardian said you guys can help me forget the pain, but now... I just want to forget everything."

The confession ended.

"Oh, McGucket, I'm so sorry," Marcus said.

"Aw, hush," Old Woman McGucket said. "You kids helped me get my memories back, just like you said."

"But did you want those memories back?" Marcus asked.

"After all these years, I finally know who I am," Old Woman McGucket said. "Maybe I messed up in the past, but now that I seen what happened, I can begin to put myself together again. Thanks for opening my eyes."

"Well that's one mystery solved," Dana said. "But according to your confession, you worked with this Guardian of Time and Space. Do you remember who she was?"

"It's beginning to come back, but I need more time," Old Woman McGucket said. "I got some rememberin' to do."

"So Marcus, you still wanna erase those memories of Abigail?" William asked.

"You know, no one likes having bad memories," Marcus said. "But maybe it's better to remember the bad things and learn from them than to go all denial crazy trying to forget."

"That's some mature junk right there, Marcus," William said.

"Yep," Marcus said. "Mister mature. That's me."


After saying goodbye to Blind Ivan and the Timelord Council, the group headed outside. "Hey, um... I have a confession to make," Salls said. "Marcus, for the first few days of summer, I thought your name was Marius. No one corrected me."

"I only like some of the Pony characters," Marcus said. "I might be losing interest in the franchise, and the guilt is killing me."

"I'm not actually laid back," William said. "I'm stressed 24/7. Have you met my family?"

"Sometimes I use big words, and I don't actually know what they mean," Dana said. "I mean, I'm supposed to be the smart girl. If I'm not the smart girl, who am I?"

"I know who you are," Marcus said. "You're my sister."

"And you're my friend," Salls chimed in.

"And you're my girl," William added. He leaned down to give Dana a quick kiss on the lips.

Dana smiled warmly. "Thanks you guys," she said.

The five got into the car. "Hey, you know what?" William asked. "Going on this big adventure actually made me get that stupid song out of my head."

"Nice," Salls said. She started the car.

Am I blanchin',
Girl we blanchin',
I live up in a mansion

"Oh, come on!" William complained.