I should be at work right now.

But I'm not.

I really hate myself sometimes.

Do not take any example from me. I'm a bad, bad, irresponsible person.

######

It's been a week since the insident in the parking lot. Me and ichigo did not contact each other for the time been.

It doesent bug me. Not at all.

Nope.

*sigh*

In the meantime, I've gotten myself sick. And I'm SO fucking bored.

I want to text ichigo. He always used to nurse me back to health.

Don't think that I'm a tottal idiot, by now I Fuckin KNOW that I've fallen for the brittish Ginger again.

Deal with it.

I take my phone and write a message.

"I thought I told you to call me you prick."

I send it to him and go to blow my nose. I'm laying on my bed so I wrestle my way out of the covers. Its starting to get cold.

I hear my phone go off playing citizen cope's if there's love.

"Where you been hidin'?

I'm believing

You give me life

Life my dear

You give me strength to beat the odds

And overcome my fears

You make me feel like I belong under the sun

You never grow old

Because you're forever young"

What can I say? I like chilll music.

I walk to my room as I finish sneezing.

"if there's love

I just want to have something to do with it

I just want to feel yours"

"hello?" my voice is really gruff right now because of all the coughing.

"whoa Grimm, are you okay?" I hear Ichigo's voice trough the phone. So he called.

I grin.

"I'm bored out of my mind" I lay back on my bed. Gah! My nose is so stuffed!

Ichigo took a second to respond "you don't sound to good, are you sick?"

"will you entertain me in these hard times Ichigo?"

He took a moment to think and let out a snort "sure mate, I'll make you some soup"

I smile and explain how to get to my apartment. I like his brittish words and accent.

"on my way"

He said and hung up.

If you think that now is the time for me to furiously clean my apartment, you are terribly wrong.

You see, I'm a tidy mother fucker. And I will fuck shit up if there's something amiss.

But I am an idiot calling my legendary ex to come to my apartment alone. Well I don't care. I'm sick and my head is dizzy.

I roll around in my bed and decide that if I don't want to get too exited waiting, I'll have to do something.

So I went to take a shower. I turn the handle to the hottest temperature there is and feel it warm up my aching body.

The steam unclogging my sinuses. I sigh, I want to say here forever.

With ichigo. I smirk sourly. I'm such an idiot.

After washing up I walk out of my shower, putting on a towel and hear a knock on the door. "'m coming!" I holler and open it.

all that hot air made my mind blurry, so I cluched my head looking at Ichigo. " sorry, I'm kind of dizzy. Come in"

He looked at me dumbly, and I KNOW I saw a blush. "you should sit down then" he said looking to the side walking in.

"I'm just gonna get dressed, wait a sec." I say rubbing my face and walking to my room.

"be careful." he says after me.

I got dressed in soft grey pants that I wear at home and a black hoodie with a sugarskull drawn on the front.

I find him in the kitchen heating water on the stove. He notices me and asks " you okay?" I lean on the wall " just peachy" he chuckles and goes back to making soup "when you sent me that text, I was gonna call back with a snarky retort. But then you answered before I could say anything. frankly, I thought you were dying or something." I gave him a hearty laugh but I started coughing hard in the process. He just laughed at me." you should look in the bag, I brought us some movies to watch."

After I calm my lungs down I grumble and go to look at what he brought.

After picking a movie, some Japanese shit called "battle royale" That should be interesting enough, I heard Ichigo call from the kitchen "Grimm where do you keep your salt?" "in the cabinet in front of you" I holler back. I hear rummaging and he calls again " where? I can't find it!" I get up and walk back to the kitchen, I see Ichigo struggle to reach the top shelf and I guess that's why he couldn't find it. I walk closer behind him, trying to reach the shelf and at that EXACT same time he turned to call for me again "GRI-mm..." he was surprised, he probably didn't hear me even come in. I reached above him and got the salt. It was kind of awkward because he was facing me and our bodies brushed from the action. "here ya go." I say roboticaly and hand him the salt. "thanks" he looked up to me and blushed a bit. We were still very close, I felt like if I don't stop here I'll do something stupid. Again. So I step back and say "it's nothin'" as I walk to sit at the kitchen table.

He rubbed the back of his neck and asked "so did you pick a movie?" he went back to cooking. "yeah, battle royale or some shit" he cuckled "we always watched weired movies together didn't we?"

I smile "yeah we did, I'm gonna go set the movie and blow my nose"."wow, attractive~." I hear Ichigo call after me and I sout back a "shaddap!" he just laughed.

#####

Half an hour later we were sitting in my living room watching the movie and eating soup.

"hey doesn't that silent killing guy look like you?" I say before I take a spoonful of soup to my mouth.

Ichigo snorts "you mean because he looks badass?" I grin at him mockingly "I like that you act like I didn't mean you looked similar because of your hair color" he yawned and streched his arms "what can I say? I'm smooth like that." he glanced at me smirking.

I finished my bowl and Ichigo put his hand to my forehead "shit, my hands are hot because of the bowl of soup I was holding, that won't do..." he mumbled and got up and pressed his lips to my forehead instead.

I would be lying if I would say that I was calm.

He got up and brought me a pill for my cold and a glass of water "here, drink this." he instructed.

I took the pill and the glass from his hands murmuring a "thanks" before downing the water with the pill.

" how are feeling?" he asks as he sits himself once more next to me. "I gotta blow my nose again" I look at him with red eyes and nose, my nose is starting to burn because of all rubbing it gets with tissues today.

Ichigo chuckles at me as I blow my nose hard.

"I missed you you know?" he looks at the screen with a soft smile.

I finish what I'm doing and chuck the tissue in the trash can next to me.

I look back to the movie "I know I did." shit, I missed him.

"I just wanted you to know that." he looks at me with an stern look.

I realize that I looked at him this whole time. I feel my eyes burning and my hands itching to touch him. Shit I can't. So I only turn my body to face him. "hn.." I answer.

he noticed the tension that I've been giving out and looked away, toying with his hands. "I-I better put the dishes in the sink. I know how you hate messes." he talked fast, trying hard to cover his blush as he trys to get up. But his foot hit mine and he fell off balance and onto my lap. I try to catch him but my mind was hazy from my cold so I ended up hugging him instead.

We sat like that for couple of seconds, shocked. But then ichigo buried his face in the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply "Grimmjow..." he murmurs as he exhales.

I felt a growl form in my chest as I hold him closer, crushing him to me. " I thought you didn't want us to make out or have sex out of the blue." I say smiling. He tensed and pushed away from me by my chest. "I-I... You're right I'm sorry." he says in panic and starts getting up but I grab his hand to bring him back.

I glare at him, my eyes burning with lust and longing "I want you" I pull him to me, he fell straddling me and I ran my hands up his thighs, pulling him even closer by his ass. "hah..." he shuddered. I felt my dick twitch just hearing him.

He had his hands on my shoulders and I leaned into his neck, kissing and nibbling the soft skin. He let out small moans and put his forehead on my shoulder. I slipped my hand under his shirt and stroked the toned back, going to his side and to his stomach.

"Grimmjow..." he said breathless and lifted his head. He looked at me with hooded eyes and cupped my face "Grimm... Hah.. Grimmjow stop." I halted my movements, my hand still under his shirt and the other on his ass.

I look at him confused "why?" I wasnt doing much thinking as my little buddy down there was taking all of my juice, so I was just shocked. He pressed our foreheads together sighing "it's... It's not that I don't want to-fuck.." he chuckled "I want to." he looks into my eyes. " I talked to Nnoitora." he says bitterly.

What? "so?" I didn't get the point.

He breathed deeply closing his eyes "I can't-I WONT do this to you anymore Grimmjow." he let go of my face, sat up and took my hand into his hands, looking at it.

My mind is fucking blank. What for fucks sake is going on?!

"he told me what happened after I... Left, In what situation you were in and what you did."

He inhaled shakily. "You don't deserve this, Grimm. You deserve someone that cherishes you." he squeezed my hand.

"and I... I did. But at the time, my mom fucking died Grimm." he shuddered a breath " my whole life crashed as I flew back to the hospital. But I was fucking too late. My dad lost it, he fell to depression and wouldn't work anymore so I had to provide for my sisters because goat face was in his own fucking lala land drinking. I refused to talk to anyone. I was holed up in work and then going home to Karin and yuzu. I was lifeless. And then I saw your messages begging me to come back. I didn't know what to do Grimm." he begged "I never WANTED to be there. I didn't want you worry and I couldn't think. I started using drugs and didn't give a fuck about anything. I didn't want you to fucking know about this because I didnt want you to feel sorry for me-The guy that abandoned you. But when I saw you in my show I was so high on E that I just HAD to get you to fuck me. Everything felt like fire, I missed you so much..." he looked at me with glassy eyes "so fucking much." he whispered. "Nnoitora told me what's been happening to you since the time in my apartment, I don't want you to be like that. Nnoitora is right, I should have listened to him and not contact you anymore. I mean look at you, you're a branch manager, you're a hard worker and you accomplish your goals, you're doing something in your life. I... I'm just a washed out drug addict that dosent know what he's doing anymore. I don't deserve you, I ABANDONED you like you didn't even matter. But you do. And I'm sorry. I can't let myself do this to you."

He's quiet now, as if afraid to move.

I take in everything that he said, what happened to his mother, I knew he loved her very much. His dad, and his life in general.

I didn't know shit. I didn't know he went trough that, or that Nnoi talked to him. Telling him to leave me alone. That he thinks I'm better off without him.

My eyes harden and my blood starts to boil. I grab him and slam him on the couch I was sitting on, throwing him off of my lap.

And growl "who the FUCK let you decide what's better for me?" I pin him down and glare as hard as my eyes can fucking cut through to his.

I felt the pain come back. Gushing through every fiber of my body. How could they do this?

Why did I not KNOW all this shit. And it was all about ME.

"WHO THE FUCK LET YOU DECIDE WHAT'S THE BEST THING FOR ME ICHIGO?"

I screamed so hard that I felt my throat burn.

I was so fucking angry, my head started to hurt and I saw black in the corners of my eyes.

"I've been through so much shit because of this. And I didn't even get to fucking choose!"

I finally lost it. I looked at ichigo and he looked so pained, accepting all my abuse.

"you could have told me! We could have worked this out! I wouldn't have to feel this way, I fucking LOVED you ichigo!"

I felt so helpless. Like I was trapped in a glass box screaming for help, but no one could hear me.

My head started to get really dizzy from all the pressure I was giving out and then everything went completely black.

#####

"wha-?..."

I felt my body laying slack and heavy.

"Gri-? Oh bloody hell, THANK GOD."

"my head hurts." I grumble.

"drink some water" I hear ichigo say.

I sit up slowly and open my eyes, everything was spinning for a couple of seconds and then I saw ichigo sitting on the edge of the sofa handing me a bottle of water with a worried look.

"please Grimmjow" he pleads.

All my body was feeling groggy and heavy, but I took the water bottle anyway. Downing half of it.

I didn't even realize I was that thirsty.

Ichigo reached out to me "are you okay? Should I call a doctor?"

I raise my hand to shush him.

"fuck this shit. I'm going to bed, I'm tired, and I feel like I was skull fucked by a horse." I get up and pop two pills in my mouth, downing them with the last of my water.

"okay, I'm gonna leave you to rest-" "you are NOT going anywhere. You are going to stay here." I say sternly.

"but..."

"stay." I turn to look at him with the most serious look I can muster in my current situation. And he agrees quietly..

I went to my bedroom and say while I'm walking "do whatever, as long as you don't leave." I finally fall to my bed and immidiately fall asleep.

Finally I know what I'm doing.

#####

And the truth uncovers ladies and gentlemen!

They are all worried idiots!

But let's face it, aren't we all like that?

When you try to hide something from someone thinking it will be better if he didnt know because it will hurt him?

Of course, there are people taking it as an excuse for cheating on someone and then, there are people like ichigo.

No self esteem, well I guess the only self esteem he has is on stage, or high lol.

But because he has non, he thinks it's better that he doesn't ruin other peoples lifes.

But you should ALWAYS tell the truth.

So says me.