05.11.2012


Stan Marsh: ok, so

Stan Marsh: here's the thing

Stan Marsh: I told kenny you like him because he completes you

Stan Marsh: so just go with it

Craig Tucker: Why would you tell him something that I didn't actually say?

Craig Tucker: Are you fucking stupid?

Craig Tucker: What if you lie to him and he finds out?

Craig Tucker: Then we're both fucked

Stan Marsh: you like kenny, right.

Stan Marsh: so go with it.

Craig Tucker: But "he completes me"?

Craig Tucker: That's fucking gay

Stan Marsh: you are gay

Craig Tucker: Not that kind of gay, dumbass

Stan Marsh: you're a dumbass.

Craig Tucker: What if things don't work out for some reason? And he's crushed because you lied?

Stan Marsh: well it's your fault you were high as a fucking kite. so deal with it.

Craig Tucker: Dude, seriously, fuck you.

Stan Marsh: Fuck you with a pitchfork, Craig

Stan Marsh: Fuck you with a pitchfork

Craig Tucker: I'm never too high to deal with my own boyfriend.

Craig Tucker: There's no such thing

Stan Marsh: then you should have instead of hiding

Stan Marsh: fucker

Craig Tucker: He didn't even ask me

Craig Tucker: So fuck off

Stan Marsh: you fuck off

Craig Tucker: No, you're the fucking one that started this shit

Craig Tucker: Don't fucking lie to people

Stan Marsh: you started it by dating my best friend so fuck you with something pointy, ok

Stan Marsh: Fuck you

Stan Marsh: fine I'll go tell him the truth

Stan Marsh: that you got high without him

Stan Marsh: and ignored him all night

Stan Marsh: because he was too emotional

Craig Tucker: I didn't fucking ignore him, you asshole

Craig Tucker: That's just another lie

Stan Marsh: don't care, don't give a shit, fuck you.

Craig Tucker: If you fuck up my relationship, I swear to God, I'll fuck /you/ up

Stan Marsh: sure you will

Stan Marsh: Just try tucker

Craig Tucker: Or maybe I can just have another chat with Wendy and tell her what actually happened without being as vague as I was

Stan Marsh: I already told her

Stan Marsh: right down to the condom.

Craig Tucker: I bet you lied because that's what you fucking do best

Stan Marsh: nope

Stan Marsh: I also told Kenny

Stan Marsh: right down to the condom

Craig Tucker: Sure. I bet you told her it was all my fucking fault and that I tried raping you

Craig Tucker: Lies.

Stan Marsh: But I actually told them both I initiated it, so fuck you if your relationship fails, I tried saving it.

Craig Tucker: You didn't try saving it, you're the fucking reason it's on the rocks

Craig Tucker: So fuck you

Stan Marsh: what, because you fucked with me in the locker room

Stan Marsh: Takes two to fuck things up this bad, asshole

Craig Tucker: No, just fuck you

Stan Marsh: fuck you

Craig Tucker: No, fucking go to Hell

Craig Tucker: Stop talking to me

Craig Tucker: Every goddamn day

Stan Marsh: you fucking go to hell on a magic carpet, bastard.

Stan Marsh: I don't.

Craig Tucker: You fucking do.

Stan Marsh: but I'm going to stop because my girlfriend doesn't want me to talk to your sorry ass, and I can't blame her.

Craig Tucker: Yeah, she doesn't want you to talk to me because she doesn't want you to get any more fucking attached than you already are

Craig Tucker: And I fucking agree

Craig Tucker: Wendy's fucking smart

Stan Marsh: Yes she is

Stan Marsh: and no, I'm not attached to you

Craig Tucker: Then why do you fucking talk to me so much?

Craig Tucker: And come to my house uninvited?

Stan Marsh: why don't you go shove the whole red wood forest up your ass, Craig

Stan Marsh: just fuck off

Stan Marsh: seriously

Craig Tucker: Way to avoid the fucking question.

Stan Marsh: Because you're a fuckface

Stan Marsh: so fuck off

Craig Tucker: That's totally valid.

Stan Marsh: Yep

Craig Tucker: I don't even fucking care why you talk to me, just fuck you

Craig Tucker: Leave me alone so I can get my fucking life back in order

Stan Marsh: ok, then fucking leave me alone

Stan Marsh: bye

Craig Tucker: YOU'RE the one that keeps fucking pestering me.

Craig Tucker: I'm not responding anymore

Craig Tucker: Ever

Stan Marsh: WHY ARE YOU RESPONDING.

Stan Marsh: okay

Stan Marsh: Go away

Stan Marsh: god

Stan Marsh: Drama fucking queen

Stan Marsh: and by the fucking way, I don't want you. So quit talking to Kenny about me.

Stan Marsh: It's not happening. Ever.

Craig Tucker: I don't talk to Kenny about you

Craig Tucker: Only if he fucking asks

Craig Tucker: Because for some reason he thinks I'm going to fucking leave him

Craig Tucker: So fuck you

Craig Tucker: You caused all of this

Stan Marsh: Leave him for me

Stan Marsh: I don't know why the fuck he'd think that

Stan Marsh: unless you've been hinting about shit

Stan Marsh: I didn't cause any of this

Stan Marsh: if you would have stayed out of my fucking face

Stan Marsh: and not being turned on by dirty fighting, you fucking pervert

Craig Tucker: Fuck

Craig Tucker: you

Craig Tucker: You fucking caused /all/ of it

Stan Marsh: No

Stan Marsh: I didn't

Stan Marsh: stop blaming me fucktard

Craig Tucker: Ugh, just seriously, fuck you

Stan Marsh: fuck you.

Craig Tucker: I don't need this

Stan Marsh: why?

Craig Tucker: No

Stan Marsh: because obviously you didn't participate, right

Stan Marsh: so evidently you don't need to be involved

Stan Marsh: in anything that happens after

Stan Marsh: you think my relationship is fucking perfect?

Craig Tucker: I don't care about your fucking relationship; I care about mine

Stan Marsh: I can't believe I cheated on my girlfriend with someone like fucking you

Stan Marsh: god

Craig Tucker: And how it's fucking going to the shits because of you

Stan Marsh: you've been dating a week

Stan Marsh: idiot

Craig Tucker: So? I wouldn't have asked him out if he didn't mean something to me

Stan Marsh: yeah

Stan Marsh: just like you wouldn't make out with me because he means something to you

Craig Tucker: You. Started. It.

Stan Marsh: Did. Not.

Craig Tucker: Okay, fuck this, I'm not fucking arguing about it anymore

Craig Tucker: Who fucking cares

Craig Tucker: I hate you

Stan Marsh: Who does fucking care

Craig Tucker: I fucking hate you

Stan Marsh: I fucking hate you too

Stan Marsh: go cry in a pillow about it

Stan Marsh: and then fucking shove it up your ass

Craig Tucker: Go fucking drown in vodka over it

Stan Marsh: I will

Stan Marsh: go have a bad joint

Stan Marsh: and OD

Craig Tucker: You can't fucking OD on weed, dumbass

Craig Tucker: Nice try though

Stan Marsh: if it's laced with shit yes

Stan Marsh: yes you can

Craig Tucker: I don't even fucking care. Arguing with you is fucking pointless

Stan Marsh: talking with you is fucking pointless

Stan Marsh: apathetic son of a bitch

Craig Tucker: Yeah, fuck you, why /should/ I care?

Craig Tucker: Apathetic is the best fucking way to be

Stan Marsh: for a rock

Stan Marsh: have fun with that

Craig Tucker: Is there a fucking reason you want me to care? Because I don't fucking see any

Craig Tucker: So I won't

Stan Marsh: let me play a sad melody on the world's tiniest violin for you

Craig Tucker: I'm not the fucking sad one, I'm apathetic, remember?

Stan Marsh: you're the idiot one

Stan Marsh: I remember that

Stan Marsh: what do you want from me, seriously

Stan Marsh: Why do you keep talking

Craig Tucker: How the fuck am I the idiot one?

Craig Tucker: When you don't even know what the fuck it going on half the time?

Stan Marsh: Fuck you

Stan Marsh: just tell me what you want and leave me the fuck alone

Craig Tucker: /You/ IMed /me/ assface

Craig Tucker: And you're really fucking pissing me off

Stan Marsh: I was going to STOP

Stan Marsh: and now you're just

Stan Marsh: ranting.

Stan Marsh: what the fuck.

Craig Tucker: Because fucking fuck you

Craig Tucker: I fucking hate you

Craig Tucker: You're ruining my fucking relationship

Stan Marsh: how am I ruining it

Craig Tucker: Fuck you

Stan Marsh: Kenny is perfectly happy now you moron

Stan Marsh: don't fuck it up

Craig Tucker: Never ficking mind

Craig Tucker: I'm leaving

Stan Marsh: …

Stan Marsh: this is an aim conversation

Stan Marsh: you don't leave

Stan Marsh: you just quit responding

Stan Marsh: retard

Stan Marsh: by the way

Stan Marsh: it's not ficking

Stan Marsh: it's fucking

Stan Marsh: if you're going to use fuck every other word you might as well spell it right

Craig Tucker: I'm going to kill you, stop talking to me

Stan Marsh: kill me? ooo, big scary threat

Stan Marsh: from someone who is so apathetic they can't bother themselves with dealing with shit they helped cause

Stan Marsh: you sure you won't overexert yourself?

Craig Tucker: Stop

Craig Tucker: IMing me

Stan Marsh: you stop

Stan Marsh: IMing me

Stan Marsh: in frag

Stan Marsh: ments

Stan Marsh: to prove

Stan Marsh: you really

Stan Marsh: hate

Stan Marsh: me

Stan Marsh: with as many

Stan Marsh: lines as

Stan Marsh: possible

Craig Tucker: … is there a reason you're trying to piss me off? Because really, I'm passed pissed now. Now I'm just fucking annoyed that my computer keeps dinging.

Craig Tucker: I don't want to talk to you, so just stop

Stan Marsh: why are you even pissed

Craig Tucker: Does it matter? I hate you, I don't need a reason to be pissed.

Stan Marsh: yeah. right.

Stan Marsh: you hate me soooooo much

Craig Tucker: I do.

Stan Marsh: really.

Stan Marsh: so much you're going to overexert yourself and kill me, huh.

Craig Tucker: I'm not going to kill you. I don't even want to see you. Or hear you. Or think about your fucking IMs.

Craig Tucker: So stop

Stan Marsh: …..

Stan Marsh: that's just a fucking odd comment

Stan Marsh: you don't want to hear me?

Stan Marsh: stop jacking off to my aim box, tucker

Craig Tucker: I was just listing off fucking senses, get off it

Stan Marsh: get off it? was that a phrase you used because you're currently getting it off, to my aim box

Stan Marsh: too many dings, huh

Stan Marsh: interrupting the mood

Craig Tucker: Fucking stop. Seriously.

Stan Marsh: why

Stan Marsh: are you afraid I know what you're doing?

Craig Tucker: No, because I'm just sitting here.

Craig Tucker: What would I be doing?

Stan Marsh: www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=hetaBX00wtI

Stan Marsh: that

Craig Tucker: I'm not clicking anything you send me

Craig Tucker: We've been over this

Stan Marsh: whatever.

Stan Marsh: the last time you swore a lot was when you were all up on me so I don't give a fuck if you're turned on or off.

Stan Marsh: just get the fuck over it.

Stan Marsh: not happening.

Craig Tucker: What does my swearing have to do with anything?

Craig Tucker: I fucking swear all the time

Stan Marsh: yeah

Stan Marsh: right

Stan Marsh: I'm going to stop messaging you now

Craig Tucker: Thank fucking God

Stan Marsh: yep.

Stan Marsh: (but fuck you)

Stan Marsh: Well wait

Stan Marsh: what the fuck

Stan Marsh: For four fucking nights we've bitched at each other

Stan Marsh: what's different now

Craig Tucker: Nothing is different now, good bye

Stan Marsh: that

Stan Marsh: is bullshit

Stan Marsh: what the hell are you doing

Craig Tucker: I'm not doing anything

Stan Marsh: you are too

Stan Marsh: ok, I'm fucking serious about admitting to wendy and kenny that I initiated

Stan Marsh: so don't fuck it up

Stan Marsh: by telling them I lied

Stan Marsh: because I didn't lie to them and I don't want to have to go through that shit again

Craig Tucker: I'm not telling anyone anything, just fucking go to bed

Stan Marsh: I'm not going to bed

Stan Marsh: what the fuck

Stan Marsh: Don't tell me what to do

Craig Tucker: Then don't go to bed, fuck if I care

Craig Tucker: Just leave

Stan Marsh: stop thinking about me and a bed tucker

Stan Marsh: Just get over it

Stan Marsh: just STOP

Craig Tucker: These jokes are getting old

Stan Marsh: I'm not fucking joking.

Craig Tucker: Well I'm not thinking about anything except how much I hate you, so you're fucking safe from mind rape

Craig Tucker: Because I'm a fucking rapist and you didn't consent

Craig Tucker: Just fuck off

Stan Marsh: jfc you're not a rapist

Stan Marsh: obviously

Stan Marsh: if I told them what actually happened

Craig Tucker: Then /you/ might look bad instead of me?

Stan Marsh: I did

Craig Tucker: Right, well I'll just take the fucking fall

Stan Marsh: no

Stan Marsh: you haven't

Stan Marsh: I told them what happened

Stan Marsh: every fucking detail

Craig Tucker: No you didn't; I know you'd lie about it

Stan Marsh: well then you don't know fucking shit about me, tucker.

Craig Tucker: That's why Kenny is so fucking upset all the time and he thinks I'm going to leave him

Stan Marsh: have you talked to him since yesterday

Stan Marsh: because I told him last night.

Stan Marsh: idiot

Craig Tucker: Yes, actually, but all he did was tell me he got a new job. We don't really talk a lot since I got out of the hospital because he thinks I'll hate him if he's depressed

Stan Marsh: then thats your fucking issue to figure out

Stan Marsh: i have normal fucking conversations with him

Stan Marsh: maybe i should be dating kenny instead of you

Craig Tucker: …maybe you should

Stan Marsh: …

Stan Marsh: what the fuck

Stan Marsh: was that supposed to confuse me, because I was making fun of you for your lack of giving a shit about kenny's feelings.

Stan Marsh: goddamnit, instead of talking to me go talk to him

Craig Tucker: No, fuck, all I do is make things worse for him. Just fucking stop so I can successfully ignore you.

Stan Marsh: ….

Stan Marsh: jfc

Stan Marsh: ok, whatever

Stan Marsh: i'm not even going to try and help you work things out with kenny because obviously you've given up already

Stan Marsh: fucker

Craig Tucker: I haven't given up, fuck you. I just don't need your fucking help with my problems, seeing as you're probably the biggest fucking one

Stan Marsh: how am I your biggest fucking problem.

Stan Marsh: we've been hating each other for fucking years

Craig Tucker: Fuck you

Stan Marsh: Fuck you

Craig Tucker: No, fucking seriously, fuck you.

Craig Tucker: I /really/ don

Craig Tucker: t want to talk to you right now

Stan Marsh: you're really don

Stan Marsh: hello don

Stan Marsh: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Craig Tucker: Why would I want to talk to you?

Craig Tucker: Would it help if I said "please?" Please fucking stop.

Craig Tucker: There

Stan Marsh: no, because now I want to know why you want me to stop talking.

Craig Tucker: No

Stan Marsh: c'mon, tell me

Craig Tucker: Why?

Stan Marsh: because I'm curious.

Craig Tucker: No

Craig Tucker: I just hate you

Stan Marsh: Come on

Craig Tucker: That's it

Stan Marsh: Yeah

Stan Marsh: you hated me three days ago

Stan Marsh: and we talked until 4 in the fucking morning

Craig Tucker: So? You're the one that was fucking spamming me

Craig Tucker: Does there need to be a reason to not want to talk to you until 4am every night?

Stan Marsh: ..yes.

Stan Marsh: You don't say please.

Stan Marsh: ever.

Stan Marsh: What's up?

Craig Tucker: Fucking nothing

Craig Tucker: Stop asking

Stan Marsh: It's not nothing

Stan Marsh: what is it?

Craig Tucker: It's fucking nothing; why are you so persistent?

Stan Marsh: hey, craig.

Stan Marsh: look at this baby wombat. 25 dot media dot tumblr dot com/tumblr_m3ktuut9wu1r1knwfo1_500 dot jpg

Stan Marsh: and maybe I care.

Stan Marsh: so what's up?

Craig Tucker: I don't care about the baby wombat

Stan Marsh: awww, poor baby wombat.

Craig Tucker: You don't fucking care, stop the bullshit

Stan Marsh: no, really

Stan Marsh: maybe I do

Stan Marsh: so tell me what's up

Craig Tucker: Why would you fucking care?

Craig Tucker: I don't want to talk to you

Stan Marsh: 25 dot media dot tumblr dot com/tumblr_ly3gavm5ru1r97rrio1_500 dot png baby guinea pig that fits in the palm of your hand

Stan Marsh: come on.

Stan Marsh: look at the cute animals and indulge me why you're so pissed off tonight of all nights.

Craig Tucker: I don't fucking want to

Craig Tucker: No

Stan Marsh: 24 dot media dot tumblr dot com/tumblr_ls5s18A4X71qgwu17o1_500 dot jpgo.m.g look at its hair

Stan Marsh: thats fucking awesome

Stan Marsh: come on

Stan Marsh: tell me

Stan Marsh: 25 dot media dot tumblr dot com/tumblr_lo6vmnFa961qmgj5co1_500 dot jpgdude its camoflage

Stan Marsh: come on tucker

Craig Tucker: Just stop

Stan Marsh: stop what?

Craig Tucker: Everything. Just stop.

Stan Marsh: what's wrong

Craig Tucker: You. You're my problem so fucking stop IMing me.

Stan Marsh: how am I your problem.

Stan Marsh: seriously.

Craig Tucker: You're my problem because you fucking fucked up my relationship and I don't know if it's ever going to get better and you won't stop fucking talking to me and I don't know why I even fucking respond at all because you're a waste of time and Tweek is trying to talk to me and everything just fucking sucks and I don't know what I want.

Craig Tucker: Happy?

Craig Tucker: I'm having a fucking moment

Craig Tucker: And I don't need you talking to me

Craig Tucker: So fuck off

Stan Marsh: …..

Stan Marsh: um, ok

Stan Marsh: I'll back off

Stan Marsh: night

Craig Tucker: Fucking finally

Stan Marsh: I'll leave you with this ghetto fabulous guinea pig 24 dot media dot tumblr dot com/tumblr_m3w6ijnHte1qi6m0lo1_500 dot jpg

Stan Marsh: hope things get better.

Stan Marsh: bye

Craig Tucker: whatever.

Stan Marsh: ..are you going back with tweek?

Craig Tucker: No, I'm not.

Stan Marsh: and you're not breaking up with kenny, right

Craig Tucker: Why would I break up with Kenny

Stan Marsh: like he's worried about it

Stan Marsh: I'm just making sure I don't have to kick your ass

Craig Tucker: Why would I leave him?

Stan Marsh: i don't know

Stan Marsh: because you're an idiot

Craig Tucker: Makes sense.

Stan Marsh: yeah

Stan Marsh: thought so myself

Stan Marsh: anyways.

Stan Marsh: why be so stressed about it. it's a fucking no brainer.

Craig Tucker: Maybe.

Craig Tucker: Just fuck off, seriously

Craig Tucker: I thought you were going to back off

Stan Marsh: yeah.

Stan Marsh: but you seem like, suicidal, so I'm just going to keep talking to you.

Stan Marsh: not really suicidal

Stan Marsh: just emotional

Craig Tucker: Ugh, I'm not suicidal.

Stan Marsh: that's kind of weird.

Craig Tucker: I'm allowed to have emotions, asshole

Stan Marsh: yeah.

Craig Tucker: Well you're really not making things any better, you're actually kind of making them worse. So just go the fuck away

Stan Marsh: what?

Stan Marsh: how did that make anything worse

Stan Marsh: what the fuck

Stan Marsh: I be nice and you're being a fucktard

Stan Marsh: well fuck you tucker

Craig Tucker: Yep

Stan Marsh: how am I your biggest problem when tweek's back.

Craig Tucker: Because I Tweek is easily avoidable

Craig Tucker: But you don't know when to fucking stop

Stan Marsh: …..

Stan Marsh: are you saying you have feelings for me?

Craig Tucker: No, how does that even make sense? I hate you and you won't stop talking to me, that's a problem

Stan Marsh: you just compared me with tweek.

Stan Marsh: what the fuck.

Craig Tucker: Because you compared yourself to him first

Craig Tucker: I was just following suit

Stan Marsh: sure

Stan Marsh: that's bullshit

Craig Tucker: Whatever you fucking say because you're always right

Craig Tucker: I'm done arguing

Stan Marsh: whatever.

Stan Marsh: that wasn't an argument

Craig Tucker: Since when is "that's bullshit" not an argument?

Craig Tucker: If you want to believe whatever you believe, then fucking do it

Craig Tucker: I don't care

Stan Marsh: okay

Stan Marsh: I'll just believe you have a crush on me

Stan Marsh: works for me

Craig Tucker: If that's what you fucking think, then I don't care. I'm seriously fucking fed up with this.

Stan Marsh: Really

Craig Tucker: Yeah

Stan Marsh: goddamnit

Stan Marsh: fine

Stan Marsh: if you want to fucking talk about something talk about it

Craig Tucker: I've been telling you this whole time that I don't want to talk about it

Craig Tucker: But you keep pushing

Stan Marsh: because bottling up shit is not the way to solve anything and definitely not with kenny.

Stan Marsh: he's had enough of that fucking shit in his house

Stan Marsh: don't do it to him in his love life

Craig Tucker: I'm not bottling up anything about Kenny

Craig Tucker: That shit's out in the open

Stan Marsh: what are you bottling up then

Stan Marsh: because obviously it's upsetting kenny

Craig Tucker: Nothing.

Stan Marsh: bullshit.

Stan Marsh: Just fucking say it

Craig Tucker: No, I already told Stripe, so fuck off

Stan Marsh: ugh

Stan Marsh: yeah because he can respond

Craig Tucker: He doesn't need to, the point in saying it is to get it out. Why are you putting so much effort into this? What do you want me to say?

Stan Marsh: I don't know.

Craig Tucker: What could possibly be wrong with me that you would give any shits about?

Stan Marsh: I don't know.

Craig Tucker: So why do you keep asking?

Stan Marsh: …I don't really know.

Craig Tucker: Then stop. Because I don't even know how many times I've told you to already.

Craig Tucker: And if you don't have a reason then there's no point in doing it

Stan Marsh: I kinda care.

Craig Tucker: No you don't; we hate each other

Stan Marsh: I hate you but I'm not that big of a douche.

Craig Tucker: There's a big jump between "I kinda care" and "I hate you"

Craig Tucker: So pick one because I don't need both

Craig Tucker: Scratch that; just hate me

Stan Marsh: I hate you but I'm fine with not hating you when you need someone uninvolved to listen.

Craig Tucker: Well obviously if I already told you that you're the biggest problem, you're not uninvolved. You don't need to listen. I hate you and I don't understand why you keep talking to me into the ungoldy hours of the night. it's already fucking almost 4am. Why do you keep doing this?

Craig Tucker: Just seriously stop

Stan Marsh: what are you trying to say?

Craig Tucker: I'm not trying to say anything; I'm saying go away.

Stan Marsh: ok..

Craig Tucker: Are you actually going to go this time?

Stan Marsh: you're kind of depressing me

Stan Marsh: so I'm gonna go

Craig Tucker: You don't have a reason to be depressed, it's not your fucking problem

Craig Tucker: But yes, fucking go

Stan Marsh: night

Stan Marsh: sleep well craigy-poo

Craig Tucker: Yeah