Organization Cheese
Author's note: FYI: Feta cheese is not aged for 50 years...rather, it is stored in salt to preserve its deliciousness. The scenario in this chapter is for...very...dramatic purposes only. We do not endorse intoxication...
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Disclaimer: We do not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Gossip Girl, Scrabble, the Academy Awards, or any of their affiliations.
Chapter Five: Snack time!
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"Stand back, everyone," Axel warned the travelers. "Now Sora, point your keyblade toward Roxas, and Roxas point your keyblade toward Sora—face each other."
Roxas and Sora did as they were told.
"Like this?" Sora asked Axel, pointing his keyblade toward Roxas.
"Exactly," Axel confirmed, nodding.
"But nothing's happening," Riku commented.
"Axel, my arm is getting tired," Sora whined.
"Hmm," Axel mused, whipping out his Mission Briefing manuscript and placing a pair of red reading glasses on the bridge of his nose. "Let's see here…align the keyblades, yadda yadda…AHA!" he yelled, snapping the book shut, "Sora, you have to—"
Sora yawned, then yelped. All of a sudden, a mysterious light began to emanate from the small space between his and Roxas's keyblades. Bubbles of light began to float away. Riku, Kairi, and Axel chased after them, popping them with glee.
"You guys, I don't think you should—" Roxas began to warn, but at that very moment, the doors to Castle d'Italia creaked open.
grumble grumble grumble
"Wow, those doors are loud," Kairi commented.
"Actually, that was my stomach," Sora admitted sheepishly, "I don't think we've eaten anything since we started on this journey a few hours ago"
"Wow…it feels like it's been YEARS." Riku said, annoyed.
"Okay guys, we can't save the world on an empty stomach." Axel decided. The rest of the group nodded in agreement. Axel then reached into his coat, and in a flash he pulled out a large cube of feta cheese and a loaf of bread.
Sora dropped his keyblade, breaking the connection with Roxas, and ran towards the snack, flailing his arms in the air.
"WOOOOOOAHHHHH!!! HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!? IT'S MAGIC!!!!!!!!!"
"Did I forget to mention that my coat came with a built-in cooler? Oops…teehee!" Axel giggled.
"SO, you guys, we'll eat our snack and then finally set off on our mission, right?" Kairi commented in a demanding tone.
"YES MA'AM!" All of the men of the party yelled, saluting Kairi.
A half hour later, the adventurers were…satiated. Sora was lying on the ground alongside Riku, rubbing his belly. "Ah…that was some gnarly cheese and bread. Eh, Riku?" Sora turned his head to face Riku.
"Yeah, man…gnarly. Ah, I can just feel the sea breeze like back home…Ahhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…."
"You said it, Riku…yum-yum-yummmmmyyyyy!" Kairi exclaimed.
"OMIGOD AXELWHATISTHISTUFFIT'SDELICIOUSSSSSSS!" Roxas was amazed by the simple dairy and grain products in his hands.
"Um, Roxas, it's just cheese and bread…" Axel replied.
"CHEESEANDBREAD?! NEVER HEARD OF IT! GENIUS!!!"
Kairi whispered to Axel, "Psst…Is it possible to get drunk off of cheese?" Axel was dumbfounded.
"Uh…I never thought so before, but apparently Roxas has managed intoxication by cheese."
Roxas started running around, then ran to the top of a nearby hill. "NAMINÉ, I LOVE YOOOOOUUUU!!!" Tears were streaming down his face.
"Hm. Interesting. Maybe it's possibly because the cheese has been aging for 50 years, and the bread for 25? Perhaps somehow there was an ingredient that fermented? AHA! I've got it! The yeast from the bread mixed with the sodium chloride in the feta, therefore causing the isotopes to become inversely charged and therefore the Bunsen burner in my jacket as well DISRUPTED THE HYDROGEN BONDS AND INCREASED THE SURFACE AREA OF THE CHEESE, CREATING AN ALCOHOLC DISTURBANCE, MWAHAHA! BY GOLLY I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER!!!" Axel was now throwing his arms in the air, screaming, and evil glint in his eyes.
"WHAAT?! 50 YEARS OLD?! HOW DOES IT TASTE SO GOOD?!" Kairi, Riku, and Sora all exclaimed at the same time.
All of a sudden, Kairi felt something escape from within her…
"Roxas, I LOVE YOU TOO!!!" A blonde girl emerged from Kairi.
Uh…who are you?" Roxas asked, teetering towards her.
"But—but you just said you loved me!" Naminé, the blonde girl, cried out, reaching for Roxas.
Roxas giggled and evaded her grasp. "Yup! And I love Sora, Riku, Kairi, Axel, Hayner, Pence, Omelet—err, Olette, Larxene, Vexen, Xaldin, Lexaeus, Saïx, Zexion, Luxord, Marluxia, Demyx, Xigbar, Xemnas, King Mickey, Donald, Goofy…and…and Blair, Serena, and all the Gossip Girl characters! I love you all! Thank you so much for your support! Without you guys, and all my loving fans, that Academy Award would never have been possible! Thank you, I love you all SO MUCH!!!" With that final comment, Roxas collapsed and passed out cold.
"Um…what just happened?!" Kairi asked, startled. She stared at the blonde girl in front of her. "Who are you and why were you possessing me?!?"
"Naminé! Long time no see!" Axel said, outstretching his arms, running towards her for a hug. Naminé, however, ignored Axel, running past him with tears streaming down her cheeks and shrieking, "Roxas!!! DON'T DIE!!! ROXAS OPEN YOUR EYES!"
"Ouch…" Axel commented, a bit miffed that Naminé just brushed past him: Suddenly his hair started flaming at the tips and he screeched, "DON'T TOUCH ROXAS!" He held a chakram to Naminé's neck before she had a chance to put a hand on Roxas' chest. She looked up at him fearfully from her position kneeling by Roxas' side.
"Axel! Stop that!" Kairi ordered.
"QUIET." Axel hissed. Kairi, Riku, Sora stopped dead in their tracks, a few feet from the spectacle.
"Axel! I'm just concerned!' Naminé squealed.
"Oh really, darling?" Axel snarled. "Good thing Roxas sealed the Spirit World when he did. Looks like Sephy's reached even that distant place…"
"What's going on, Axel? She's just worried about Roxas!" Riku exclaimed.
"Axel! Calm down! I'm your…friend, remember?" Naminé looked up at Axel. Suddenly, her golden eyes glinted. "I never knew you were such a jealous person, Axel. Tch. You're not fit to be the guide for these children." She smirked at him evilly.
"Naminé has never smirked evilly in her entire non-life!" Axel declared, finally whacking her over the head with his chakram.
"Axel! Why did you hit a poor defenseless girl?!?" Riku exclaimed, and ran with his friends toward the unconscious duo. He scooped Naminé up in his arms while Kairi checked her pulse.
"Fool," Axel snorted, brushing Naminé's hair aside. "Take a look." Underneath her long blonde hair, on the back of her neck was a golden-glowing gadget.
Riku stood back up and put his hands on his hips.
"Pshhh. I knew it from the beginning. I was just playing along," Riku triumphantly remarked.
"Suuure, and I have a bright pink Mohawk…" Kairi replied sarcastically.
"Um, Kairi, you do…" Sora scratched his forehead, puzzled. Kairi's hand shot up in front of his face. "NOT relevant…"
While the trio was bickering, Axel magically pulled out another pair of scissors, twirled them about 100 times per second for 5 seconds (he had to get warmed up), then finished the trick by stabbing the evil little device in its center. It shuddered, then its glow dimmed slowly until turning to black and falling into the dirt below.
Ten minutes passed, and neither Roxas nor Naminé had come to. Axel was a nervous wreck, pacing back and forth. He had checked their pulses, and the two had been normal… He had considered giving Roxas CPR but figured it would appear a bit creepy to the others, and Roxas appeared to be breathing. Sora, Riku, and Kairi had started up their Scrabble game once again. They had quite gotten used to the ups and downs and oddities of the voyage.
After an eternity of five minutes, Roxas's long, luscious, Covergirl eyelashes finally fluttered, and his deep blue eyes reopened. Axel instantly made a ninja-esque back flip/leap over there, and swept Roxas up in a hug.
"Roxy! I was so worried! Thank gorgonzola you're alright!!!"
"Ugh…" Roxas put a hand to his head. "My head aches quite terribly," he put his other hand to his stomach. "Oh, and my tum-tum feels just awful! Why, Axel, cutie, do you by chance know what happened to me?" Roxas asked, a cutesy innocence in his voice.
Axel was just a little creeped out. "Uh…you ate ages-old cheese and…were turned delusional? Hopefully?"
"Oh me, oh my! Oh dearie!" Roxas put his hands to his cheeks and gasped. He then looked at the sky, and shielded his eyes from the sun. "Ah! What a bright floating object above! I fear I may need a sun bonnet!"
A muffled "—I think you still are—" came from a figure approaching from behind Axel. Riku stepped up, a wooden sword held in his hand. He raised it above Roxas's head…
"Oh my chicken cheese dumpling!" Roxas exclaimed, shocked.
Riku knocked Roxas unconscious again.
"That should do it…I think his secret desire for being an Elizabethan baroness came out all of a sudden…"
"Hey! How do you know that and not me?!" Axel demanded.
"…" Riku was silent, then grunted, "Don't ask."
