Hello! I realize I haven't updated anything in a long time and I'm sorry about that.
I've been busy actually. New apartment, lot of drama, plus my roommate is an idiot and didn't pay the wifi. Obviously I would've if I had the money but sadly that's something I'm lacking right now. Hopefully that'll change soon. :)
Anyways~ a little more emotions thrown around in this one. Plus some sad feelings about Frigga. And no I won't get over Frigga in TDW. You can't make me. Things will start getting more serious now though, should prove to be fun. All I can say to you as a reader is good luck. I do enjoy torturing you.
Comments and critiques are welcomed!
"Y-yes, sir, I'll have someone draw up those contracts right away." Steve twirls the pen in his hand and sighs, swerving back and forth in his chair. Dealing with people was the hard part of the job—they never shut up. "I'm sure Mr. Odinson will be glad doing business with you as well," he chuckles, tapping his pen against his knuckles. "Though I can't say for sure which Mr. Odinson you'll get to talk to."
Steve looks towards his closed door and sighs. Loki hadn't been in to bother him all day. In fact, he hadn't seen or heard from him for a few days now. Not that it mattered. Natasha was right. Steve got too excited too soon about a relationship that wasn't really a relationship. It was sex. He couldn't do just sex, it wasn't him. Steve needed someone he could rely on and pursue for the long run, he wasn't some kind of toy. He liked Loki a lot but if he was more interested in fooling around with whoever was willing to give him attention then fine. That was his problem.
Still…
Why was it that whenever things got dramatic it felt like high school all over again? Steve acted like a jealous teenager. It was unprofessional and even if Loki didn't harbor some kind of romantic feelings towards him he deserved to be let down easy rather than accused of being a flirt.
Sex with Loki was so great though…it was the only thing keeping Steve's nerves together. He was finally sleeping through the night. But he couldn't just keep Loki around for that sole reason. Steve was starting to like him, he was starting to get attached, and if Loki didn't feel the same then there was no point to it. Loki would try to argue that he was the only reason Steve was keeping this job but—he already had plenty of information to go on. The FBI could get someone else to fill his shoes if he got fired, Steve didn't care. He didn't want this job anyways. The one Loki thought he was doing and the one the FBI had him doing. Both of them were shit and it was stressing him out. He was a soldier. He wasn't a spy, he wasn't a businessman, and he wanted a chance to figure out what he wanted.
"Alright, sir, I assure you, you'll be in touch with one of the Odinson's today," Steve swivels in his chair. "If not today then their secretary will take down your information and they'll set up a meeting for you."
His door swings open and bangs against the wall, Steve raising his brow. Loki scowls at him and slams the door closed, stalking towards the desk. He was nearly ready to yell at him for it when Steve realized he was still on a call.
Steve stutters and places a hand over the receiver. "I-I-I'm sorry about that, bit of construction going on. I'll put you through to Ms. Barb and she'll get you in contact with whoever is free. Thank you again." He transfers the call and hangs up the phone quickly, glaring up at Loki. "What the fuck are you doing?! You can't just-"
"Shut up!" Loki raises a finger to Steve's face. "I don't know where you get off-"
A flustered Barb opens the door and frowns at both of them, her pudgy face splotched with red. Loki's lips curl slightly when he looks over his shoulder at her. "Mr. Laufeyson," she sighs. "You can't go around slamming doors as you like! Some of us are working-"
"Get out, you cow!" Loki hisses at her.
"Well!"
She looks between the both of them and scoffs, shuffling out of the room and closing the door behind her. Loki rolls his eyes and turns his sneer back on Steve. There was fire behind his eyes. "I don't know where you get off deciding what I can or can't do, but I know for damn fucking sure that you can't call me a slut and think you're getting away with it."
"I didn't call you a-"
Loki rests his hands flat on Steve's desk and narrows his eyes. "I don't care if you fucking called me a faggot to my brother's face…you're a prick and I'm not going to let you get away with it."
"Loki, will you just let me-?"
"Shut up!"
Steve bites his tongue. He wasn't going to goad Loki on if it was going to lead to the both of them saying things they didn't mean. Especially here in the office. Their relations so far were inappropriate enough. Steve calmly watches as Loki's teeth grit at him, taking his time to think about what he wanted to say. Nothing pointed or accusing, simple honesty and straightforward language.
Knowing what little he did about Loki so far was that he had a temper and he was going to twist anything Steve said into an insult to his pride. This wasn't a fight Steve was going to win.
"I insulted you," Steve attempts, keeping his voice steady. The vein in Loki's temple flares. "I understand that, and I apologize for it. It—it was uncalled for. I acted irrationally and rudely towards you and relied on speculation rather than my trust in you. That was unfair."
"Oh, you apologize?" Loki sneers through his teeth, stalking around the desk towards him. "Where was my apology yesterday? Or the day before? Or even hours after the fact?" Steve winces. "You're only apologizing now to save your job! Because you think it'll somehow make things right!"
He takes a deep breath. "Loki—that's not why I'm apologizing. I sincerely am sorry for insulting your pride, and worse in public. I didn't want to apologize over the phone but I wasn't going to approach you without permission either."
Loki laughs bitterly through his nose, crossing his arms. "Anything to save your job, right? After all…if you didn't apologize I could've gone straight to Odin couldn't I? Let you fall, watch you squirm…" There's a hesitation, Steve flinching from the way Loki was studying him. He narrows his eyes. Steve didn't like how dark and empty they seemed—not like they were when they were normally alone. "Maybe I will."
Steve felt a jolt inside of him as he began to panic. Loki was already mad at him. If he told Odin about them and Steve's cover was blown…what would happen then? Loki would never talk to him again. He could be put years back in the FBI. More importantly Loki never talking to him…Steve didn't want that. Too much was unsaid, too much was boiling inside of him. He just couldn't put these feelings to words.
"Please, Loki-" He reaches for Loki's hand, only to watch it draw away from the desk. "Let's talk this out—just please, don't tell Odin."
"And why shouldn't I?" Loki sneers. "Why shouldn't I tell him? You only ever agreed to sleep with me when you knew you were in over your head! He may be impressed by you now but he won't once he's learned you've been using me to stay where you're at! Once he's done shitting all over your name you'll be lucky to find work at a McDonald's in New Jersey."
He wasn't sure how to respond to that. This felt as though it was going a little deeper than what had happened between them. Steve knew he was out of line and that Loki deserved to be bitter sure but this was different. He stands, slowly, stepping around the desk towards him.
"I'm not using you, Loki," Steve furrows his brow. "You know that I'm not. I enjoy spending time with you, you know that I do. If I didn't I wouldn't have reacted the way I did when I saw you with Stark."
Loki scoffs, rolling his eyes. "Oh, so what—you were jealous? That's your big excuse?"
"It's not an excuse, Loki, of course I was. But I know I don't have a right to be. Sex is sex. We aren't exclusive and I shouldn't have acted like we were. You and Stark have a history that we don't and it made me—anxious."
Steve clenches and unclenches his fist by his side. Loki was watching him with narrowed eyes, mulling over what he'd said with a bitter expression.
"That's all you have to say?"
He raises a brow. "What else do you want?"
Loki clicks his tongue and laughs dryly, stalking towards him. "Stark wanted to sleep with me you know." Steve felt his insides squirm. His face felt like it was burning. He was sure from the nasty smirk Loki gave him he reacted the way he wanted. "What if I had? Would you still brush it off as sex, Rogers? Just shrug it off and act like it never happened?"
Steve's back hits the glass behind him. He hadn't realized he'd been stepping away as Loki was stepping forward. "You're trying to get a rise out of me, I'm not sure why."
"What if we had fucked all night? Would you still be apologizing for insulting me?"
"Of course I would," Steve answers coolly. "It was wrong of me to accuse you of any mannerisms you may or may not have shared with Mr. Stark. I saw the pair of you on the balcony, I saw you kiss, I got upset, but it wasn't fair of me to lash out at you."
"Tch," Loki rolls his eyes, turning away to sit in Steve's chair and swiveling to face him. He crosses his legs. "You're pathetic."
"I'm sorry—do you want me to be mad at you for something? Or are you still mad at me?"
Loki raises a challenging brow. "I'm just curious as to why you think you're so much better than Stark."
"Excuse me?" Steve had to try not to laugh. "What makes you think that?"
"Why else would you act like you did? You were jealous weren't you?" He snorts, a wicked smirk playing at the corner of his lips. "What? Do you believe yourself more worthy of my time than him?"
He wasn't sure if he should answer or not. Steve couldn't tell if it was legitimate, a jest, or a challenge. Loki was already in a mood there was no point in worsening it. But if this was a chance for him to admit how he really felt and maybe even establishing something more permanent…
"Yes," Steve answers, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I do."
Loki lets out a short bark, leaning back in the chair. "Oh, really? And why's that? Because I praise you for the way you fuck?"
"No…I just—I'd treat you better than he would. You'd be a person to me, Loki, just like you are now. Stark looks at you like a prize, an object, not a human being. That's why I don't like him." Steve hesitates, unsure if he should continue. "And you generally seem to like me more. So I'm not sure why you're attempting to dangle him in front of me."
Loki didn't respond. He stared at Steve for a while, thoughtfully, but with his brows knit tightly together. It was Steve who broke the silence, growing anxious from standing at attention and aching to have his chair back.
"So what now? Are you punishing me with silence for speaking my mind?"
The younger man shoots a look. "I'm still contemplating whether the sex with you is worth it."
That stung for some reason. Steve was actually starting to believe Loki was moving more towards an established relationship but maybe Steve had just been kidding himself. Maybe Natasha was right. He wasn't cut out for any of this, it wasn't him, and it was time for him to move on.
"That's all I am to you, isn't it?"
He could already feel a dull ache in his chest. Loki's eyes lift back up to him, still cold and unresponsive. His words had been pretty, full of potential and weighed down by their lies, but that's all they were. An illusion. And Steve had fallen for the magic trick.
"Well that's not what I want to be." Steve lets the air settle around that statement, waiting for Loki to scoff, or to retort, but there was only silence. "That's why I was upset—about Stark. I let myself think that maybe you were interested in something more than just exchanging sex for this job but I was just fooling myself. I'd rather fail miserably here than continue being played like a sucker for something that isn't going to happen between us. I'm sorry that I insulted you or if I led you on in anyway, and I apologize for letting you think I was comfortable with our casual sex. But I can't do this anymore."
"I told you what this was!" Loki snaps, his face glowing a faint shade of red. "I told you what this was going to be! So don't try to act like I led you on to believe you were anything more than a sex toy-"
"You didn't lead me on to believe anything, Loki! Yes, you told me what this was going to be from the start, but it's difficult for me to imagine a life where the only sexual interaction we have is from casual hookups and sloppy seconds until we grow bored of one another. I can't do shit like this without getting attached, I need a physical and emotional relationship and if you want this to continue between us that's what we're going to have to do."
"And why would I want that?"
"Because I thought-" Steve sighs. What was it he thought again? That Loki was testing him? That Loki was jealous? He didn't know anymore. "I thought that's what you wanted too… Maybe I did think you thought of me as more than just sex. And I led myself to believe this was something that was actually going to happen. That you and I could be something more than just a lazy hookup in a bar." He clenches his fist, keeping his tone steady. "But I guess I was wrong."
There's a faint frown in the crease between Loki's eyes but otherwise Steve couldn't tell what he was thinking, or what it was he was going to say. Whatever it was he'd decided against it.
Loki doesn't respond. Steve swore he saw a flash of color and emotion enter his eyes but it was gone as soon as he noticed. Loki made no noise. Made no response. Not even a hum. He stands, lingers only a moment, and silently exits the room.
Steve pries himself away from the window and shakily steps towards his desk. He flops down into his chair. Loki didn't say anything. He barely even reacted. What did that mean? His eyes glaze over as the minutes tick by, staring blankly at the papers on his desk. He was sure his phone rang at one point but the sound seemed muted, distant. Like it wasn't even there.
The next day Loki comes into his office. He actually knocks first, waits for Steve to respond. But the flutter in Steve's stomach was quickly replaced by heavy regret when Loki simply holds out a folder for him to take.
"Mr. Odinson would like you to go over this account. Make sure everything's in order."
Steve nods and takes the paperwork from him, Loki turning swiftly to stride towards the door. His name tangles itself in Steve's throat. Steve half-stands from his seat, bumping his desk and knocking over several picture frames.
"Wait, Loki-"
Loki doesn't answer. He doesn't even turn to look at him as he exits the room.
Loki furrows his brow. He'd been standing in the kitchen staring out the window for some time now and he couldn't quite figure out why. It had been so long that his tea was starting to grow cold. He continues dipping the bag into the lukewarm cup, attempting to focus on his task at hand.
What did he come in here for again?
"Is my soup ready yet, love?" Frigga hums, slowly stepping into the kitchen, her shawl bundled tightly around her shoulders.
Right. Soup. Loki reaches for her arm to help her, Frigga brushing him off and tentatively shuffling towards the breakfast nook. She seats herself with some effort as Loki bumbles around the kitchen in an attempt to get her something to eat. He searches the cabinets in a flash, pulling out the cutting board he needed and knocking his tea all over himself and the counter. Loki swears, grabbing a dish towel and patting himself dry, wiping the counter down as well.
Frigga frowns as she watches her son frantically chop up fresh chives and dump them into the soup he'd had bubbling on the stove. "Loki." He glances at her, pouring more cream into the pot. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he sighs. "I just forgot about your soup, that's all."
She coughs, pushing herself up and walking to him. Frigga takes his arm and presses against him, Loki stirring the contents of the pot together. "That's not what I meant. You've been tense ever since the charity ball. And you haven't stayed out late anymore." She smiles pinching his cheek. "And I haven't noticed any new love marks this past week."
Loki flushes, clearing his throat. "That's not—I mean—why would I have-?"
"Oh for goodness sake's, Loki, it's not a mystery you have sex. You're twenty-two. At your age I was married with children." She rubs his arm soothingly, resting her head on his shoulder. "Did something happen with you and your newest beau?"
"I-" Loki hesitates, setting down his ladle. Normally he could tell her anything. This almost felt too personal. "It's nothing. He wanted to move forward and I—I don't know what I want."
Frigga coughs into her hankie, Loki getting her a bowl and leading her back towards the nook. She 'tuts' him as she sits. "Oh, Loki…you never know what you want! You just keep making choices and not seeing any of them through!"
He comes back with his own bowl and sits opposite of her with a snort. "When have I ever done that?" She arches a brow at him, sipping delicately at her soup. "Fine. Point taken… But this—it's just-" Loki stares down at his soup and stirs his spoon. "It's different."
"What's so different? If this one is different from Stark I'd count that as a blessing, not a hindrance."
"That's just it though." Loki places his head in his hand and closes his eyes. "He's vastly different from Stark. He's kind and thoughtful and charming and wholesome and-" He blushes when he realizes Frigga was watching him, a coy smile pulling at her lips.
"Well! He sounds absolutely splendid. If he were anymore perfect I'd have to leave your father." Loki rolls his eyes, holding his tongue from saying anything sharp. Frigga sips her soup, thankful it makes it down before having a coughing fit into her handkerchief. He stands and moves towards her in concern but she raises a hand to stop him. "It's nothing, I'm fine. Don't fret, you eat your lunch…" She continues to cough, placing a hand on her stomach.
Loki moves to her regardless. He strokes her hair gently as she coughs, gasping a bit for air and dabbing at the tears streaming from her eyes.
"I'm fine, really," she chokes out. Loki hands her a glass of water. Frigga thanks him for it and stares down at the handkerchief still in her hand. She notices Loki following her gaze and quickly conceals the red stained cloth, clearing her throat. "It's nothing…"
He moves away from her and retakes his seat, staring blankly at the wall. It had been this way for some time now. Loki assumed he would grow accustomed to it. The doctors said her medications weren't doing as much as they should. That they weren't fixing the problem. They would help with the pain but all anyone could do now was make sure she was comfortable. That was all any of them could do.
"Loki…" He doesn't respond. "Loki, look at me." He turns his head to her, Frigga lifting it ever so gently to look in his eyes. "You do so much for me. You take care of the house, you make dinner, you keep me in check with my medications…if this is about receiving my permission for you to be happy, you should know you never need it. All I want is your happiness, my love. And if this gentleman of yours makes you happy then take the chance. No one ever got anywhere in life from backing down from a challenge."
"What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if I pushed too hard?"
"Then he doesn't deserve to capture your heart any more than he has."
Loki stares at her face and studies it, his eyes beginning to well up until he snivels, attempting to turn away. Frigga chuckles lightly and rests his face against her stomach. She strokes his hair and hums a tune, letting him sob a while.
"Hey, Steve, are you okay? I can barely hear you, are you sick?"
He breathes slowly, trying to concentrate on the voice over the receiver, but he found himself focusing more on the ceiling in his crummy little apartment. Barton tries talking to him again, Steve blinking and trying to listen.
"Sorry, Clint…" he sighs. "I guess I'm just not feeling like myself."
"Well, listen, I have some good news." Steve grunts in response. "The investigation is going really smooth so far. The assistant director says you've built up some good evidence but we're going to need something more incriminating to actually go in and shut them down. Try to focus more on the funds and where this illegal money is being applied. Focus in on their foreign accounts and see if any of the money they're making with their US accounts is being sent there. Do all that and we should wrap this up and get you out in a matter of months. Just a few more months, okay, that's all we're asking?"
"That's great, man, I'm sure I can figure something out."
There's a pause, Steve barely noticing. "Are you sure you're okay, Steve? Need Natasha to come over and help you with some of your reports? She says you haven't returned any of her calls."
Natasha. That was the last person he wanted to see right now. She'd simply pull the I-told-you-so card and attempt to force him to move on. Probably try to set him up on some blind dates. Steve shuddered at the thought.
"No, I'll be okay. Just a head cold."
"Well alright. Let us know if you need anything, okay? We'll get you out of there soon."
Steve didn't bother saying goodbye. He ends the call and sets his phone aside, taking another deep breath.
It wasn't something his psyche was prepared to deal with—rejection. He'd had a hard time with it in the past. Relationships ending for reasons he couldn't control. Steve didn't even get to live this one out. What if he regretted it for the rest of his life? What if he kicked himself constantly for not saying something sooner? For not chasing after him?
Well…it didn't matter now. Loki was barely even speaking to him.
Any exchanges in the office were strictly business and it was driving Steve mad. He didn't know what else he could say. For all Steve could figure was that this was Loki's way of rejecting him.
Steve wasn't angry with him though. Not really. From what he'd been reading Loki had a difficult life so far. Being adopted, looked down upon, the way Odin treated him—Steve could understand not wanting to be considered his son. Still, though…being constantly followed by paparazzi had to be exhausting. Always reminded of the mistakes he'd made. Dropping out of school, being arrested, public indecency, his more risqué relationships, drug addictions, rehab…
Not to mention his mother being sick. Steve tried reading more into that but there wasn't much to be said. Odin was apparently good at keeping the press off of that subject.
There's a faint knock on his door. Steve glances at it with a frown and reluctantly pushes himself off the couch. The peep hole had been cracked some time before Steve started renting the apartment so there wasn't much use in checking. He undoes the chain and bolt and opens the door only to resent his decision.
Loki wrings his hands together and glances bashfully at Steve. He looked—well he didn't look terrible. But he certainly looked different than usual.
"I'm sorry for the inconvenient hour but—I was hoping we could speak. I'll be brief because I understand if you don't wish to hear what I have to say. I just-" He bites his lip. "I need—I needed a few moments away from home."
Steve regrettably steps aside to let him in, Loki shrugging off his coat. Rather than throwing it over the couch as he usually did he holds it against himself, looking around curiously. Steve offers him a seat at the pathetically small table he'd somehow fit in his even smaller kitchen.
"Would you like some coffee?"
"Yes, thank you."
He pours Loki a cup, thankful that it was still warm to the touch. "You like milk in it, yes?" Loki nods, setting his mug down on the table as he straightens his coat on his lap. Steve opens the fridge, the door banging against the table, Loki catching his mug as it spills over. "Shit…" He flushes a deep shade of red, handing him the milk. "Sorry about that…" Steve grabs a handful of napkins and begins dabbing up the coffee, keeping his head down.
"Steve—it's fine, really," Loki's hand touches his for a moment and their eyes catch, the both of them pulling away. "No harm in spilled coffee, right?"
Steve forces out a chuckle. "Right…"
They sit in silence, Loki sipping his coffee and Steve thumping his thumb on the table. This was the longest they'd been in the same room together since their "talk." Steve glances at Loki who was still looking around curiously. At least his eyes seemed alive today.
"You rearranged."
"Hmm?" Steve blinks and looks up, Loki nodding towards the furniture in the living room. "Oh." He looks over his shoulder and shrugs. "Yeah…couldn't sleep."
"I hope not because of—me."
"No, no…bad dreams…"
Technically he was only having the dreams again because Loki wasn't there to distract him. But there wasn't any use in saying that.
Loki sips his coffee. Steve sits in silence. He was trying to pretend this didn't seem as surreal as it was. Days had gone by with him moping and just when he was starting to settle with the idea that Loki wasn't interested Loki of course had to show up, looking enticing as ever in his dark colors. That's just how things were for him he supposed.
Then again life wasn't exactly a fair game.
"I-" Steve lifts his head when Loki speaks. "I suppose you're wondering why I'm here…"
Steve hums, watching him. Loki seemed a bit shaken. "Only a little."
"I wanted to apologize…for before…" He doesn't answer. "I acted extremely rude towards you before and it was uncalled for. I was lashing out of hurt, not distaste."
"I know that."
"Well, I-" Loki flushes a rich pink around his ears. "I've given what you said a great deal of thought. And you weren't wrong. It's not like I haven't—haven't thought about it. About us."
Steve could feel his heart leap inside his chest. Was this really happening? He'd thought it was over and done with. That Loki hadn't felt the same.
"As for Stark…" Steve felt a twinge of heat burn in his cheeks. "We're over and done with. We have been for some time now and I should've given you a warning about him before the charity. He's a flirt and he's harmless and he was a phase. I was young when I met him and rebellious and dating him really made my parents' skin crawl. I'm still young, really. I'm only twenty-two. I've never given much thought to what I want—me personally—and settling into a relationship hasn't been something on my mind."
Why wasn't he saying anything? Steve's tongue felt stuck, like he couldn't articulate any words.
"Then I met you…in that bar…and I knew you were different. You were shy and polite and sincere…and I liked you. Not to mention sex with you feels like dying and being shocked back into reality." Loki chuckles, the sound dying out when Steve doesn't respond. "What I'm trying to say is that…you're intimidating, Rogers. If there is such a thing as perfection you come pretty close while I'm—well I'm probably the farthest thing from."
Say something, you idiot! Steve couldn't find any words that seemed useful. Loki was waiting for him to respond and Steve was just sitting there.
"You're not teasing me…are you?"
His eyes widen just slightly at the accusation but he looked more hurt than angry. "No! No, of course not, I—I do like you, Steve. It was lustful before—and maybe still is—but I…I am rather fond of you."
Steve furrows his brow. He'd never noticed how young Loki really looked. He acted mature for his age, sure, but there was something in the quirk of his lips and the spark in his eye that still gave him that childish look. Steve felt old in comparison. He was only older by a few years but he'd long lost that spark and that quirk. Most likely years before Loki's age.
Funny Loki should bring up his age though. Steve had given a great deal of thought about how perhaps Loki's behavior was brought on by his immaturity. He already had a temper which was greater fueled by his know-it-all attitude.
"And when you were jabbing at me in the office? Were you fond of me then?"
Loki grips the mug tightly. His voice comes out a whisper. "O-of course I was…" He bites his lip. "I acted out of anger, I thought you were like the others, I thought I'd-" he lets out a breath, "I thought I'd misjudged your character. That you weren't as endearing and generous as you'd seemed."
A lump grows in Steve's throat. "I did apologize for what I said though, and I meant it."
"I know you did…I was the one in the wrong, Steve, I know that." Loki chews on his bottom lip, his fingers tensing on the mug. "You—you did mean it, didn't you? What you said? About wanting to be something…more?"
"I did, yes. At the time," Steve adds bitterly.
The bit of hope in Loki's features melts. "At the time?"
"Well…" Steve's voice chokes. But only slightly. "I think maybe I should think about this…give myself a little time."
"And what if-" Loki's eyes darken, "What if I were to help you decide now?"
He watches as Loki leans across the table to him, not having to lean very far. Steve allows him to pull his face towards his. Loki wets his lips with his tongue. It was unbelievably sexy and unfair—Loki knew how it turned him on.
Loki fingers Steve's hair, arching his head back for their lips to meet, his tongue flickering against Steve's lips. Steve hums. His lips part instinctively, but Loki's lips draw away from him. There was a scent to him, a scent Steve enjoyed. It was cold and fresh and rich—like winter.
But this close to him Steve could see that he was crying. Or at least had been.
Steve knew the answer he wanted. However there was the matter of whether or not Steve wanted to give him that satisfaction. There was a glimmer to Loki's eyes. The kind that usually appeared during their sexing. A playful sort of look that was very endearing…and almost unnerving.
"It's getting late."
The spark that was there faded in an instant. Loki dips his head to stare down at the coffee mug he was now rolling between his hands.
"I appreciate your listening to me then," Loki sighs, pushing his mug away. They stand, Loki holding his coat in quivering hands, Steve pushing his chair in. "I do hope you keep what I had to say in mind. I—I suppose I care for you…in a sense. And I am sorry…for the way I acted."
Loki's eyes glazed over, his coat neatly tucked over his arm. Steve follows him to the door, unhooking the chain and opening it for him. He watches Loki grip the door in such a manner that screamed his not wanting to go. Steve was pushing him away, just as Loki had done to him.
They were acting like children, the both of them, but Steve couldn't help feeling guilty. He did after all have a few more years under his belt. Loki was barely an adult. And in a sense what he said made him right. He was irrational, rash, and had no time for taking a slow pace. Steve remembered that age as well. He wanted to have sex and drink and rule the world. He thought joining the military was going to inspire him into becoming the artist he always wanted. That fell through of course since the army took more out of him than it did put in.
While Loki had been crude and nasty with the things he said he'd been reacting out of anger, just as Steve had done. He'd reacted nasty as well and to a misunderstanding at that. Natasha had gotten in his head about Stark and Steve was a possessive person.
Loki turns to him a final time. A small smile played at his lips. "I am sorry to have called upon you this late. And thank you again for the coffee-"
Steve shoves Loki against the door, latching it in the process. His hands tangle into his hair as he kisses him, desperately, hungrily. They hadn't gone this long without intimacy in the month they'd known one another. He kisses across Loki's face to the spot just under his jaw where he nips, gently at first, then sucks hard, Loki's body tensing against him.
The coat Loki had been clinging to drops to the floor.
His tongue ravishes the mark he'd made, Loki responding with small noises that were shooting straight down Steve's spine. Steve grabs for his hips and lifts him up to pin him against the door with his own. Loki whines and drags his fingers across Steve's scalp, the feeling causing Steve's hair to tingle.
They separate to catch their breath in sharp gasps, Steve holding Loki's face in both his hands.
"I don't need to think about it," Steve pants. "I don't need a few hours or days or weeks, I don't need to make a decision, I stand by what I said before…" He runs his thumb over Loki's cheekbone, staring deep into his eyes. "I just want you. And only you."
Loki's entire aura lights up. He grips at Steve's hair and pulls him back in to devour his mouth, forcing his lips apart with his tongue. Steve responds in tandem, gripping Loki's ass and pressing him into the door, Loki already slinging a leg over his hip.
