Dream On
"Enjoying being Jesse?" Giselle taunted for the millionth time in nearly three months. Robbie glanced up from stretching and chuckled. Giselle had been utterly if not totally distraught when Jesse left Carmel and, more importantly, Vocal Adrenaline to join Rachel Berry at McKinley with her "squad of losers", New Directions. What made her angrier was that Robbie was now their lead singer. A freshman as lead? It was outrageous.
"You made me his legacy, remember?" Robbie replied flippantly. She scoffed, stomping off. It gave Robbie such satisfaction to do that. Even though he had taken Jesse's spot, Robbie no longer acted like him. He was taking on his real identity slowly but surely, but he kept Jesse's dismissive and cool attitude to hold everyone's confidence in him. If he reminded them a little of Jesse, they'd continue to trust his mother's choice, yet if he acted himself, they'd get used to the real Robbie as well. It was a win-win deal.
"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let's get to work!" Shelby called, entering the theater. Robbie smiled, standing to his feet. While the other students were cliqued up, Robbie really had no friends. He only hung out with Andre on the weekends to work out and dance since he wasn't in Vocal Adrenaline. And in the almost year he'd been here, his only company had been Jesse, though he knew everyone's name. In all honesty, it had been lonely without his senior mentor. But hey, it was lonely at the top, right? Robbie was learning that.
Robbie walked in, sweat dripping down his face from a long day of working out and dance lessons from Andre. Those were starting to become less and less frequent now with regionals coming soon and Andre's own schedule. He was out of breath from so much exercise, his duffel bag hanging from his shoulder.
"Hey, mom, I'm… home." His tone dropped as he closed the door behind him. "What's Jesse doing here?" The only idea Robbie could come up with was that Shelby had actually sent him to spy on the McKinley kids, using his girlfriends as the way in. But that was low for his mother, pathetic. They were barely competition. At least send a spy to a real competitor.
Robbie looked from Jesse to Shelby. Her car keys were in her hand, her jacket hanging over her arm. She was preparing to leave. Were they going somewhere together? No, Robbie, they're not dating; that's stupid.
"Going somewhere?"
Shelby looked at Jesse then Robbie. She sighed, taking a step forward. Robbie's eyes widened slightly. He stood firmly in place.
"Honey, the- there's something I need to tell you," Shelby said. Robbie had never heard her stutter.
"Wha- What's wrong? Mom, what's happened?" he asked urgently, grabbing her hands.
"Go wash up. Then we'll go."
Jesse re-entered the car, soaking wet. It had mad Robbie angry that the senior boy had sat in the passenger seat, leaving Robbie in the back, but that quickly went away when he realized they were at Rachel Berry's house. He didn't understand. Why were they dropping St. James off and waiting at his girlfriend's house? What did his mom have up her sleeve? Why was it so serious that she had to tell him something? What did Rachel have to do with this?
"She has the tape," Jesse said once the door was closed. "She won't listen to it." He turned his head to look at her. Robbie looked up from his lap. Tape? What tape? Was this some sort of sabotage? This was going beyond low.
Robbie's head shot in Shelby's direction as she spoke. He felt like he was in some old mobster film.
"What?" she practically whispered. "She has to listen to it." Robbie sighed, hating being in the dark. He looked out the window at the heavy rain. He crossed his arms over his chest, feeling the anger build in him. He hated secrecy. Always had, but now it reminded him of when he'd found out he'd been a baby of contract, not necessarily of love. "That's the point of all this."
"I'm doing my best," Jesse pushed. "Look, when you told me to seduce her-"
"'Befriend her' was the word I used actually," Shelby corrected, looking at Jesse. Robbie's eyebrows knitted again. His mom had known about this? Even before they'd met Rachel? Jesse was two years older than her. Robbie was merely a year younger. Why hadn't she just asked him? Trusted him?
"Whatever," Jesse began. Robbie scoffed at the response. "The thing is I was into it, because I thought it would be a good acting exercise, but now, I kinda like her. I don't want her to get hurt."
"Look, one more week, this will be all be done, you can come back to Vocal Adrenaline where you belong."
Robbie looked at Shelby wide-eyed. Not only had she planned for him to meet Rachel, but his quitting and transferring had been her idea, too? She had known Robbie's time as lead would be temporary? She'd set this up. If Jesse returned, the kids in Vocal Adrenaline would disrespect him again. He'd be stuck in Jesse's shadow again. He didn't want to go back there. The thought made him seethe, clench his teeth. But he would remain silent. He would handle that trivial issue later.
"I don't understand why you don't just go up to her and say 'Hi, I'm Shelby; I'm your mom.'"
"I signed a contract," Shelby replied in a weary tone.
"She's what?" Robbie finally said, feeling his heart stop for a moment. Jesse had called Shelby Rachel's mom. That would make her Robbie's older sister. But Robbie had never known that. Contract meant either she was given up for adoption or was in the same situation as Robbie except her parents had kept her.
He felt his throat close up, his eyes burning and watering. He swallowed hard, looking back out the window. He bit his lip. He had a sister.
Shelby looked back at him, sighing, before looking back at Jesse. She had planned to tell him herself while Jesse was gone; she just hadn't found the right words. Jesse had said it all, though. There was nothing for Robbie to figure it out from those words.
"I can't contact her until she's eighteen," Shelby finished sternly. "She has to come to me. That's why she has to listen to the tape." She paused. "Once she hears it, she won't be able to sleep until she finds me."
At those words, Jesse and Robbie both looked at her. Robbie could hear the desperation in her voice. He'd never known her to want anything so badly in his fourteen years of life. It made him sad for her.
Shelby looked back at Robbie. He quickly looked down at the car floor, too – he didn't know what emotion he felt, but he couldn't look into her eyes at that moment, those same ones he had. Shelby knew her next words would resonate with her son, that it would answer a lot of questions.
"I answered an ad in the newspaper," she began, looking back at Jesse. Robbie glanced up again. "Nine months work here would make me enough money to go live in New York for two years. Her dads seemed like nice guys, so I went for it." She paused, no longer looking at them, and Robbie figured she was figuring out her next words. But when he looked at her, he knew she was containing her emotion. She and Robbie both hated being vulnerable toward people. "I never got to hold her." Another pause. Robbie felt a tear fall from his eye.
"And I only saw her for a second when they were cleaning her off. It was through a bunch of nurses, but she turned her head and looked at me." A longer pause. She chuckled, but Robbie heard a sniff mixed in. "I failed as an actress. My walls are lined with trophies instead of wedding pictures." She looked back at Robbie. "And yes, I got to keep my precious Robbie." She managed a smile, saying his name, as she reached back and caressed a tear from his cheek that threatened to fall. "But through all of that, I only have one regret." She looked back at Jesse, all aggression and persistence returned. "You get her to listen to that tape."
Jesse nodded obediently, preparing to go back out into the rain. Shelby smiled a bit, looking back at the steering wheel. She listened to Jesse get out of the car and looked up when the door shut. Robbie saw the tears in her eyes. Now it was just them again.
She looked back at the steering wheel before turning her focus to her son.
"Hey," she said softly. Robbie shook his head.
"We'll discuss it later."
He returned his gaze to the rain outside, listen to it hit the window.
"You lied to me again," Robbie nearly shouted as Shelby closed the apartment door. The story had touched him, but the time had passed. Now his indignity had returned and he would tell her how he felt. "You kept another secret from me! You should have told me you had a child before me when I found out about my conception!" He stopped, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He released it slowly, pushing the air with his hands. "I am not twelve anymore. I can handle this more maturely," he said to himself. "How could you? Do you know how it makes me feel?
"You're searching for this long lost daughter and you don't tell me. Am I not good enough for you? Did I mess up? Tell me what I'm doing wrong," he pleaded.
Shelby cupped his face, grabbing him by the cheeks gently. He looked down at her, feeling the tears fall from his eyes finally. They fell quickly and without ceasing.
"Robbie, you are perfect the way you are."
"Obviously, I'm not. You've made me to be like Jesse since I joined Vocal Adrenaline. And now you're looking for this daughter. Are you sick of me?" his voice cracked. He took in a shaky breath, trying to calm himself down.
"Robbie, you are the perfect son. I am sorry if it seems like I'm trying to make you Jesse. Honest to God, I am not." She kissed his forehead. "Rachel has always been my one regret even before you were born. And then I had you and I am so proud of what you've become. But sometimes I wonder what things would be like if I had the both of you, raised the both of you."
"So we're like the two different sides to a story. What happens when a family wants the surrogate child and what happens if they don't."
"Don't say that. You met the couple that hired me to have you. You had the right to get to know them and you chose no. Shouldn't Rachel have the chance to get to know me?" Shelby asked. Robbie sobbed and instantly regretted it. He hated himself for being so irrational.
Shelby pulled him into a hug.
"You promise she won't replace me?"
"I promise, Robbie. No one will ever replace my precious, baby boy."
