11
IF YOU WERE AT ALL CONFUSED BY THE TEST RESULTS IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER, READ THIS FOLLOWING AUTHOR'S NOTE.
AN: After receiving two reviews where the readers pointed out some "mistakes" to me in my test results, I realized that some readers may have been very confused. First and foremost, THE BIRTHDATES AND THE PHYSICAL AGES WERE NOT MEANT TO COINCIDE AND WERE NOT "WRONG" EVEN THOUGH IT APPEARS THAT WAY. In this regard, you will just have to trust me as the author that I know (and knew) what I am (was) doing. However, those two reviews also inspired me to do a double-post, so there is a bright side to this. And, yes, the revelation of the results to the rest of the family will be in the next chapter and that "mistake" will be explained.
Normal Author's Note:
AN: All right, now that that's taken care of, I do want to thank those (the negative and the positive) that reviewed. It made me realize that some readers may have been confused. You may not have realized this, but I happen to LOVE complicated plots and/or plot twists. This story is full of them. I like keeping my readers guessing to the end. So, if something seems like a "mistake," instead of getting frustrated, just trust me. It's probably just a hint at a future plot twist. Anyway, I hope that, that problem has been dealt with. Enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT or any other character affiliated with the FF season, or Sudoku. However, I do own this plot.
Never Alone
The garden was a quiet place to think when you felt as if the world were suffocating you. The already tall plants swayed gently with the light breeze that blew lazily across the rooftop. Donatello sat with his shell to the garden, his knees pulled up to his plastron as his eyes watched the sun as it slowly began to disappear from the horizon. Tucked inside the bag at his feet were the test results, minus the last apart about the chronic illness.
It had been Cody's suggestion, although Donatello had been thinking along the same lines. The young boy had neatly trimmed the last paragraph from the piece of paper and tucked it away in his jacket for safe keeping. He had then urged the distraught turtle that they should return to the old O'Neil Tech building turned penthouse before the others began to worry.
Donatello had stiffly agreed, robotically grabbing his bag and following Cody down the hallway to the hangar where their HoverShell was housed. All of his earlier enthusiasm for the blood test was gone. It had been replaced with the cold reality that was a chronic illness.
He had AIDS. No matter how he put it in his mind, it still made him feel dirty. He knew that nothing he had done would have caused this. In fact, if the paper hadn't stated the contrary, he would have earlier claimed that they couldn't contract such an illness.
The more he thought about it, the less it made sense. That was why he was still on the rooftop. He had begged Cody to go ahead, saying that he just needed some time to himself to be able to think. Things in 2105 weren't like they had been back home. Although Cody did have several large rooms full of gadgets that he could tinker with, there was nowhere that was just Donnie's place, minus the small guest bedroom on the thirty-seventh floor that he was using as a bedroom. Unfortunately, it wasn't big enough for Donnie to do much more than sleep.
Donnie had always been a turtle of solitude. It wasn't that he was unsocial or didn't enjoy company. He was just more comfortable by himself, holed away in his lab for hours on end tinkering with his "toys." The lack of "alone time" was nearly sending the reserved turtle over the edge. He couldn't breathe! If his brothers and father found out about his having AIDS, it would only get worse! They wouldn't leave him alone for one second!
Second to the AIDS but just as bothersome were their family relations. Yes, Donatello understood that it didn't matter. They were brothers to the end. And, yes, he did understand that his brothers didn't care that he wasn't their blood brother.
But looking at that piece of paper and seeing the words as clear as day, telling him the news he had always feared deep down, made it all a harsh reality. Mikey and Raph were fraternal twins, for shell's sakes! And, although not their full brother, Leo was at least related to them, having apparently had the same mother.
The odds were one in a million, but it had happened. Donnie sighed, pushing the bag away, resisting the urge to pull out the paper once more, hoping against hope that the words had changed over the two hours since he had last read them.
He wrapped his arms around his knees and pressed his face against them, fighting back the salty tears that threatened to fall from underneath his eyelids. This wasn't something worth crying over!
HE HAD A FRICKIN' STD! How the #&^% had he even gotten an STD?! Yes, he realized that sexual intercourse was not the only way that an STD could be transmitted from person to person. Use of unsterilized needles could lead to it as well, if the previous user had already been infected with the HIV virus that caused AIDs. Yet, Donnie made sure to sterilize any needle that penetrated his or his brothers' skin. That, and his brothers were the only ones he had ever used the same needle as, but never without it being sterilized first.
Another way was through a blood transfusion, but that also didn't make any sense. Leo was the only one that he had ever taken blood from, since they both had AB negative blood, the rarest blood type. And, the test had proved that Leo didn't have AIDs, so that couldn't be it.
The only thing that was left was the transfer of the disease from a mother to her child. That idea was nearly as ludicrous as the others, but it was the only way. His mother had been a frickin' turtle, and, last time he had checked, turtles didn't get AIDS! Although, if everything he knew about science was wrong and turtles did get AIDS, that would explain why his brothers didn't have it. They were not born of the same mother.
They were not born of the same mother.
Donnie sighed and pressed his face deeper into his arms. Why would that bother him anyway? His mother was just a normal turtle, as were his brothers' mother. Even if he stumbled upon her while at a pet store or a turtle farm, he would have no clue it was her, and she certainly wouldn't know him.
She was nothing more than an animal.
That brought even more disturbing thoughts to Donatello's mind. Something that had always bothered him. He knew he wasn't human. But was he a person? Was he just an animal as well? His mother was an animal. Sure, that mutagen had made him a larger, much more intelligent, sentient being. But had it made him a person? Did he have a soul? Did he have a spirit?
They were able to meditate. They, on some level, could enter the astral plane. Did you have to have a spirit to be capable of such things?
They weren't thoughts that Donatello liked to dwell on. The question of his humanity was a no-brainer, but the question of whether or not he had a spirit, whether or not he had value, was another one entirely.
"Donnie?" The quiet voice behind him startled the deeply in thought turtle, making him jump and whirl around. He had been so entrenched in his morose thoughts, that he hadn't even noticed his eldest brother's approach.
Yes, eldest brother. Leo really was older than the rest of them. The DNA test had proven it.
One look into his brother's eyes, and Donnie knew. "He told you," he mumbled hoarsely. He had begged Cody not to tell them, but the boy had refused to promise such a thing. Donnie had hoped that his friend wouldn't tell his family, least of all one of his brothers, but he really shouldn't have been surprised. Discovering that you had a chronic illness was not something you should keep from your family.
Leo said nothing as he took a seat beside his brother. "The sun's beautiful when it sets, isn't it?" Donnie's vacant gaze followed his brother's line of vision, his vision blurry as he saw that the sun had very nearly disappeared behind the tall buildings surrounding them. The sky was bathed in soft pinks, oranges, and yellows, soothing colors that did nothing to soothe the turmoil in the youngest turtle's heart.
"Yeah," he replied, his voice soft. He could feel his brother's eyes on him, but he refused to raise his head from where he had once again pillowed it on his arms. If Leo were able to look into his eyes long enough, he would see just how much pain he was in.
He didn't want any sympathy.
"Oh, Donnie," Leo breathed quietly. "I wish there was something I could say that would make all of this go away," he clenched his fist and hit it into his palm. "But there isn't. There are just some things we can't control."
"You mean you're actually not blaming yourself for this?" Donnie mumbled. The very idea that his having AIDS could be his brother's fault was ludicrous, but Leo was known for having a completely irrelevant guilt complex. It was amazing the things he could blame himself for. He probably would have blamed himself for WWII if he had been alive while it had been occurring.
Leo blinked at him before sitting back and sighing. "Cody warned me that if I did, he would get in Turtle X and beat some sense into me," he smiled wanly at that. "Apparently, he thinks I have a problem."
Donnie laughed humorlessly, his voice and face emotionless. "Everybody thinks you have a problem, Leo."
Leo frowned at his brother, but not for the comment. Even with only the few moments he could see them, he had seen the emptiness in his brother's eyes, and he could hear the pain in his voice. He could sense his inner turmoil. "Why are you hiding from us, Donatello?" He asked, his voice gentle and quiet, but firm.
Donnie finally forced himself to raise his head from his arms and to meet his brother's searching gaze. "If you had just found out you were going to die within a year, maybe less, you wouldn't be that thrilled about being the center of attention either."
Leo said nothing, just kept his gaze on his brother. Donnie squirmed uncomfortably, the tears still threatening to fall. "What do you want from me?" He finally asked, his voice forced and desperate.
"I want you to trust me," his brother replied quietly. "And to let me help you. You don't have to go through this alone, Donatello."
The silence that stretched between them felt endless to the blue clad turtle as his distraught brother stewed in his thoughts. Leonardo hated seeing his brothers in pain, but hated it even more when his brothers wouldn't let him help with their pain. He couldn't understand why Donnie wanted to be on his own, isolated from everyone he loved when he was going through something so difficult. Leonardo was a reserved turtle as well, and he knew what it meant to keep everything inside until it changed you from the inside out.
He had gone through that once himself, and he didn't want to see his quiet, tender-hearted brother broken as well.
Finally, after what felt like years to the other turtle, Donatello raised his eyes and met his brother's gaze. Then, without a word passing between them, Donatello lay down on the rooftop, his body overcome with exhaustion, and buried his head in his brother's lap. "Help me, Leo," he choked out, no longer to keep his tears at bay.
Leonardo petted his brother's head with one hand, using the other to soothingly rub his brother's shell. "Shhh, Donatello, it's all right. I'm always here for you. You're not alone."
The blue clad turtle watched as the sun finally disappeared from sight, bathing the city in darkness. It wasn't long before he began to see the faint shimmering of stars in the sky. He could only hold his brother and pray to whatever deity was listening for a miracle.
Because this was one situation that the leader had no plan and the genius no miracle cure for. They were helpless to the cruel plans of Fate, whatever they may be.
TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT
Mikey and Raph glanced up as their brothers entered the main living area. Leo had disappeared over an hour ago to go check on Donnie, and the two remaining turtles had been fighting back boredom and random bouts of panic as the clock had kept ticking.
Mikey had mostly kept himself busy through fiddling with his nunchucks, since he was still forbidden from playing his video games. He was seated on the floor with a Sudoku puzzle spread out before him, but he had ceased attempting it a long time ago. Raph was seated a few feet away from him, leaning against the back of the couch with one leg pulled up to his plastron, one arm looped around it. He was clutching a holographic magazine in his other hand, but was only pretending to read it to hide how worried he was.
Both were about to let out sighs of relief at sensing their brothers' entrance, but froze when they actually raised their eyes. Leo had stridden in with the half-asleep Donatello in his arms. "Did you two wait up for us?" He asked quietly as his brother stirred in his arms.
"'Course we did," Raph snarled back, his worry coming out as irritation as he leapt nimbly to his feet and placed the magazine on the ground. "Donnie okay?" He nodded at the trembling turtle in his brother's arms.
Leo sighed and cradled his brother closer before answering. "I wish I knew, Raph," he replied quietly. "I only came to tell sensei that he was okay before taking him to bed," he craned his neck in his search of the main room. "Where is he?"
"He said he felt tired," Mikey replied from where he was still seated cross-legged on the floor. "He went to bed about half an hour ago. He wanted to wait up for you too, but we told him we would wait for him."
Leo smiled tiredly in gratitude. "Thank you. Sensei needs his rest." He was quiet for a moment, slowly rocking his brother back and forth and humming to him quietly under his breath.
Mikey and Raph shared a look before returning their gazes to their two brothers. They knew by the way that Leo was acting that whatever had happened between him and Donnie had been pretty intense. They hadn't seen Donnie look so frail and—vulnerable—since they had been young children. Leo himself didn't look much better, although he just appeared defeated.
"I'm going to take Donnie to his room and put him to bed," he said quietly, startling his two brothers. "If Donnie feels ready to, he'll tell you what is going on." He sighed, tightening his hold and closing his eyes tightly. "Until then, you'll just have to be patient. Don isn't ready for everybody to know just yet."
Mikey nodded in understanding, but Raph was silently fuming. Donnie was still awake enough that he wouldn't say anything, but he sure didn't understand why they couldn't know what the shell was wrong with their normally composed brother. This kind of behavior just wasn't natural.
The red clad turtle could only watch as Leo disappeared back out the doorway, murmuring something to Donnie that not even his sharp hearing could pick up.
He growled and sat back down on the floor with a thud once they were gone. "He's hidin' sumthin'."
"Of course he is," Mikey replied. "Did you miss that part?" He returned his attention to his Sudoku puzzle before sighing and standing up, gathering up the puzzle with him. "I think I'll turn in too."
Raph could only watch as his only still normal brother disappeared as well. "I don' know what's goin' on," he grumbled to himself. "But I'm sure as shell gonna find out." With that, he too stood up and disappeared from the doorway, heading for his own bedroom.
TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT
He was bored. In fact, he was beyond bored. He was on the point of just flopping down and letting his whatever-a-word-for-beyond-boredom-is put him out of his misery. He was in the infirmary. All alone. In the dark. In the middle of the night. In one of those mobile force field prisons.
He didn't like the dark. He especially didn't like the dark of the middle of the night. And he downright hated being alone. He wasn't used to it. In the short seven and a half months AN: Since I have no idea how much time passed in the original FF season, I can't say if this is accurate. This story is meant to take place after the events of that season, by the way. (Yes, Zixx survived. Go figure, right?) that he had been alive, Dark Mike had never been alone. All, or at least one, of his brothers would be with him at all times.
The other Dark Clones had realized his fear of the dark and had tried to "beat it out of him" with subtlety. Dark Raph had tried jumping out from behind things and scaring him while he was out patrolling the sewer tunnels, but that only proved to make it worse. Dark Don had tried mixing together a cure that would render him fearless. The only thing it did was render him sick to his stomach.
Then there was Dark Leo. The impatient, always glaring, impenetrable leader. It would be no surprise to those who knew his original that he had been the one to find a remedy to the situation, but Dark Leo had not found this "remedy" intentionally. Rather, it found him, in the form of Dark Mike's coming to him late one night and asking to spend the rest of it with him.
Now, Dark Leo had not taken kindly to that request. They were giant mutant turtle clones that looked like something out of a late night horror movie. They were NOT scared of the dark. And they most CERTAINLY did not spend the nights in one another's rooms.
However, one look into the swimming eyes of Dark Mike, and Dark Leo felt his resolve weakening. The leader was not nearly as hard-hearted as he liked the others to think, but his "softer" side (if you could really call it that) only came out around the smallest mutant. Something about Dark Mike pulled at Dark Leo's heart strings (yes, he does have them) and makes him act completely out of character.
After a grunt of assent from the disgruntled blue mutant, Dark Mike had happily curled up on the floor beside his brother's bed, which was actually just a large slab of rock that Dark Leo had beaten smooth with his bare fists, stuck his thumb in his mouth, and went fast to sleep.
But, now, there was no Dark Leo to go running to when he was scared. (Yes, the impromptu sleepovers had continued after that point, much to Dark Leo's irritation.) There weren't even a Dark Raph or Dark Don to pester until the emptiness went away.
Dark Mike whimpered and buried his face in his arms. When he was alone, he could let down all barriers and just be who he was. Dark Mike was by far the most child-like of all of his brothers, but this was a fact they found irritating, and he had to strive to hide it while they were around.
Sometimes Dark Mike wished that his brothers would touch him more, and he didn't mean by hitting him. They did that plenty. He meant comforting touches. The kind that a mother or father might give a distraught child. What Dark Mike didn't realize is that his brothers needed those touches just as much as he did.
The life of a dark clone was a dismal one. Even though the turtles had lived a similar existence back in their own time, they had, had something their clones did not. Splinter, their father. Darius Dunn was by no things a father-figure, and rather treated the clones as something akin to animals—at the best, indispensables whose only purpose was to serve him.
As Dark Mike sat on the cold floor in the dark all alone, he thought of how miserable his life was and if perhaps just ending it would make the emptiness inside him go away. He examined his claw, his extremely sharp claw, as he thought that. He could drive his claw into his temple, that would probably kill him. Dark Don had once told him that the temple was the only spot that the skull did not cover the brain. And Dark Mike knew that the brain was important, although he wasn't sure why, so driving his claw into his brain would probably kill him, right?
Yet, as he thought about his brothers, he knew he couldn't do it. "Leo would kill me if I killed myself," he muttered to himself, giggling at that absurd thought.
No, he would hold on. His brothers would come. They might fight, call each other names, and attempt to commit fratricide daily, but they did care for each other. They would come. And then he could escape this loneliness.
AN: I can't help but like the Dark Clones. I see them more as victims of circumstance than actual criminals. Crime is all they've ever known, and they haven't known much. They haven't known family, and they certainly haven't known love. The closest thing they have to a "family" is each other, so I imagine they cling tightly to what little they have. I especially like Dark Mike, and see him as a lost little boy (or turtle, if you prefer) who just wants to be held and loved. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And don't forget to review! As you can see, they really do motivate me, even if they are somewhat negative. I accept all kinds, and do appreciate the pointing out of my mistakes. Just remember, most of the time the "mistakes," unless they're spelling and grammar mistakes, are actually not mistakes at all. Anyway, thanks for reading!
