This took so long because I've been really sick Iand/I my confidence is shook XD I'm not sure how long the last chapter is gonna take, It's fighting me like mad... but hopefully it'll be done in a week or two depending on me getting better *still sick as a dog*
After Ivan left, Matthew was alone with his thoughts.
For about an hour at least, then his phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hey Mattie!" Alfred's cheerful voice came over the phone, giggling excited children in the background, "We're takin the kids to Chuckie Cheese for lunch, wanna come?!" he sounded almost more excited than the kids…
"No thanks Al… I kind of have a headache" It wasn't a lie, the crying and hormones set one off "Are you guys okay with them?" he asked to double check.
"Yeah we're good" He said cheerfully "Just didn't wanna leave you out. Take a nap or something and we'll drop 'em off after okay?'
"Okay, thanks Al.. you're the best."
"Duh, I'm the hero!" he said with a chuckle, "Talk to you soon!"
"Okay, bye Al" Matthew hung up the phone and leaned forward into his hands. That would buy him another two hours to think.. But he was having trouble thinking at all with how his head pounded..
Finally he sighed, standing and moving down the hall. Maybe a nap was a good idea.
He got to the bed, stripping down to a shirt and boxers and climbed in under the covers. He flipped onto his stomach, hugging the pillow to his face like usual when it hit him. The scent. He could smell vodka as well, but there was so much Ivan…
It choked him up, causing his eyes to water and his chest to ache. He buried his face deeper in the pillow, surrounding himself with the smell, the safety… that safety he hadn't let himself feel in so long… It was still tainted as a small fear reaction made its way into the air.
What if, from all this, he let Ivan come back and he turned around and left again. Or worse, what if he didn't want to come back at all. If Matthew made the offer to let him come home and he was shot down again. Could he deal with that? Could the kids deal with it if Ivan left? Was it all bullshit about Yao?
No… It probably wasn't bullshit. Ivan was never really a liar. He'd told Matthew right away when he'd cheated… but not only that, every time something had happened he'd owned up to it. They'd agreed right before they got married that they needed to be honest to a fault. They wanted their kids to know honesty.
Well.. except Matthew hadn't told them their father was there before shipping them off with Al. He didn't want to excite them… But they would be so excited wouldn't they? If their mom and dad were together everything would be normal. They wouldn't have to go back and forth, they'd have both parents. Matthew might even be able to work less to take care of them instead of daycare. He could have his little family back.
If he didn't try, and they found out later in life, would they blame him? Would Matthew blame himself?
How would he feel if Ivan went on to mark another Omega again?
His chest was tight and he couldn't help but wonder why it felt like he was being punished for something that wasn't his fault…
Eventually he fell asleep, soothed by the scent and only waking up to his cell phone going off to let him know Alfred was back with the kids, an ample distraction.
His week was fine, blocking out thinking about it and focusing on his children and work. Running himself into exhaustion so he didn't have to consider it.. By the time saturday morning rolled around, he'd only spared a few painful hours to think about everything. He'd gotten good at avoiding pain… but he still wasn't good at confronting it.
That's why the knock at the front door wasn't as warmly welcomed a reminder as he wished it was…
"Hello Matvy" Ivan said sheepishly standing on his front step, no bag in hand. Honestly he was guessing most of Ivan's stuff was in the car anyway since he'd been couch surfing for so long. Matthew wasn't even sure who he'd being staying with honestly. Unbidden jealousy stirred for a moment, but he shook it off and smiled weakly,
"Hey Ivan" He said looking a little worse for wear. Last night had been spent in the same internal battle. Putting off thinking about it so long had caused him to panic, which in turn caused it to be hard for him to fall asleep and when he finally did it was three in the morning..
The kids , who had gotten up at six like always, were in the living room in front of the TV. He'd just been too tired to do anything with them… "Can you help me get then ready? Then you can take them" He said stepping aside and letting the other in the house. It felt strange to let Ivan in. His feelings were still so raw, part of him wanting to make him wait outside, the other screaming that it just wanted him to be able to come in without invitation.
"Of course." He stepped inside and two children appeared, smiling brightly greeting their father. "My sisters are in town" He said simply with a small smile "They rented two connected hotel rooms and are letting me use one for the kids tonight. I thought if you wanted more time" He said with a small, sad smile.
Matthew hugged himself and nodded "thank you. Come on guys, let's go get you dressed so you can see Aunties Kat and Talia" he held out a hand, Aurora running and grabbing it while Alek drug his father to his bedroom, ready to get dressed and go.
"Mommy?" Aurora asked as Matthew helped her into new clothes. "Do you not like Daddy?"
Matthew looked somewhat surprised at his daughter, "Of course I like Daddy hunny, why would you think I didn't?" He asked slipping the shirt over her head
"You always look sad when he's here" She observed putting a hand to Matthew's face "you look really sad Today and yesterday, the day before too" She was frowning and Matthew mirrored it. He didn't mean to let them know he was sad.
"Come here" He said softly, sitting and pulling her into his lap, Aurora curling up easily and putting arms around Matthew's neck "Your daddy and I still like each other, I promise." He started gently "Sometimes Mommy just gets sad that you're leaving, but today Mommy isn't feeling too good." He lied and immediately felt guilt. But she was too young for the truth.. At least the whole truth. "Mommy and Daddy had a little fight, but it'll be fine. Just like you and Alek fight right?"
Aurora nodded, "Was he mean? Did he push you like Alek does sometimes?"
"You push too sometimes princess" Matthew chuckled, tapping her nose, "But no Daddy didn't push me, and he wasn't mean. It's just something Mommy and Daddy have to work through. I promise it'll all be okay." he said hugging her closely
"Okay Mommy" Aurora said hugging back.
"Are you ready Rora?" Ivan said, walking in with Alek on his hip. She bounced up with a smile, but she stopped before reaching him
"Daddy" She said in a very serious tone for such a small child, obviously mirroring Matthew. "Fighting isn't nice. You and Mommy need to hug and make up" She insisted.
Ivan looked confused, Matthew looked embarrassed. "Matvey?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
"She asked why I was sad, I just said we had a fight, but sweetie" He said standing up and walking over to crouch in front of her "I don't think Mommy's ready for hugs and making up just yet. I still need to think about everything. Just like when you're on time out. Tomorrow I will okay?" one way or another...
Aurora looked put off for a moment, frowning. "Okay Mommy… but promise okay?"
"I promise sweetie" He said with a small smile, leaning forward to kiss Aurora's forehead. "For now, move your butt, you have a fun day with Daddy!" He looked up at Ivan and smiled then stood and took Alek squeezing him and getting a laugh "and so do you~ should we get you in the car?" He breezed out of the room, the others following him.
A quick round of goodbyes, avoiding the awkward feeling with Ivan, and they were gone off. Matthew went inside, sitting on the couch and took off his glasses. He sat back on the couch and ground his palms into his eyes. He needed to lay down… he spread out on the couch again and quickly fell asleep.
Matthew dreamt of the past. He could see so clearly as he stood at the end of the isle, arm hooked around his father's, all the people looking at him, but what he focused on was Ivan, the large Alpha with a bit of childhood roundness left in his face absolutely beaming at him as he drew closer. The rest the world fading away.
The image changed, another bright smile, tears running down his face as he looked at their little girl. Ivan looked back over at him, face brimming with joy and love. He'd felt exhausted, and he was sure he looked a mess, but the way Ivan looked at him made him feel amazing.
Even a switch to Matthew sitting, so tired with Alek in his arms in the middle of the night. He was nursing the baby, rocking and fighting to stay awake. Ivan came into the nursery, bringing him a glass of juice and some grapes. He remembered the tired grin as Ivan sat on the ground in front of them and quietly spoke with Matthew, looking at the pair of them so warmly.
It shifted so fast… the deep shame, shaking hands and paleness as Ivan explained what had happened in a hollow voice. How destroyed he looked as Matthew cried. The look that had convinced Matthew they could fix it.
Matthew woke, chest tight struggling for breath, realizing quickly he was crying as he sat and curled in on himself. He was awake, but the memories didn't stop playing… He continued to cry as he thought about a few days later. He woke to Ivan packing…
"What are you doing?" He asked, rubbing his eye as he sat up.
"I'm packing my things" Ivan answered, no smile on his face for once.
"Why?"
"I need to leave." He said simply. Matthew had gotten out of bed, taking the shirt he was about to pick up.
"Don't." He replied
"I have to" Ivan said simply picking up another bunch of shirts.
"I want to work this out. I want to try and get past it"
"...no" Ivan said without explanation.
Matthew felt his blood run cold, "Why not?!"
"I marked him" He said in the same hollow voice from the night before.
"So?!" Matthew was getting desperate and emotional, tears stinging "You marked me too! Does that mean nothing?!"
Ivan paused clenching his jaw. "I have to go" He said through his teeth. Matthew snapped.
"Fine! Get out! Get the hell out of my house!" He yelled, throwing the shirt in his face, tears flowing freely. "You don't give a shit so just leave already!" It felt like he was being stabbed. He could smell the intense distress in the room. Ivan quickly threw the last of his clothing in that damned black duffle bag and he turned. Matthew followed only to watch him walk out the door.
He'd fallen to the floor sobbing… and it only took Alfred ten minutes to show up as Matthew fell apart. His brother had tucked him in, His new mate behind him to help with the babies, both staying in the living room for the next three days as Matthew's world fell apart.
It hadn't been till months later did he even consider that the reason Alfred has shown up was because Ivan had called him. He'd never asked about it, or probed into it…
He picked up his phone now and dialed his brother, breathing still shaking, but he needed to know…
"Heya bro, what's up?"
"Alfie?" Matthew said in a small voice.
"Whoa, what's wrong?"
"N-Nothing but Al… I need to ask you something."
"Anything Mattie, just ask"
"When Ivan left, he called and told you I needed you, didn't he?"
"...yeah he did. Least he could have done" Alfred grumbled.
"How did he sound when he called?"
"Matt… that was over two years ago. What difference does it-"
"Please Al! You promised."
Alfred heaved a sigh, "I don't know Mattie… He didn't sound good" Alfred said, sounding exhausted himself. "To be honest, I had to ask him three times and I was scared you were in the hospital… He was blubbering so hard I just couldn't understand him. Then he screamed at me told me to get my useless ass over to the house to help you." Matthew sobbed, and nodded about to try and say thank you when Alfred continued. "He called later too. Checking to make sure I'd gone. Asking how you were. He stayed on the phone the whole time I yelled at him, he didn't fight back, just kind of took it."
"Al...:" Matthew said between crying,
"Don't Al me… You were a mess! He just up and left after fucking around. I couldn't just not yell at him. He's lucky you told me not to do anything else" He grumbled. Then he sounded softer "Do I need to reconsider that now Mattie? What's the matter?"
Matthew broke, launching into the whole story, taking hard breaths in between sentences. Alfred listened, saying a word or two here and there and by the end, Matthew had stopped crying. His chest ached from the effort he'd just been using to breath, but he didn't feel like he was dying anymore.
"Mattie come on.. No don't do this again! He doesn't deserve it!" Alfred pleaded.
Matthew cringed, "It's not like I thought I would ever even consider-"
"Then don't consider it!"
Matthew sighed, " Al, If it were Kiku... wouldn't you consider giving him another chance?"
"Not if he took off with the other dude for two years!" Alfred protested. "I think I'd have more sense then that!"
"But you don't know if you would... I need you Alfred" He finally pulled out, "I need to know, no matter what I choose, that my brother is gonna be on my side..."
Alfred heaved a deep, annoyed sigh after a full minute of silence at the statement, "Okay, look Mattie… I'm never gonna trust him, and I doubt I'll ever like him… but in the end this is your choice, and duh I'm gonna be there for you no matter what, even if I wanna ring your neck. Just know if you make the, in my opinion, stupid choice to kiss and make up" He said sounding a little grossed out by the last bit, "and he hurts you again, you won't stop me" He warned.
"Thanks Al" Matthew said quietly, taking the reassurance he needed..
