'Dear Shizuo,
Shinra and I are both out working right now. We'll probably be gone the rest of the day. There's milk in a dish in the kitchen and plenty more in the fridge. I left out a bowl of tuna, too. Feel free to email me if you need anything.
Shinra says drinking a lot will speed up your digestion and get rid of the chemicals faster. He also says to make sure you use the litter box because he doesn't want cat hair in the bathroom.
Have a nice day!
Love, Celty Sturlusson.'
Shizuo squinted down at the note written entirely in thick, black ink. He'd wanted to rip it to pieces the moment he read the part about cat hair, but figured he shouldn't destroy Celty's paper. She was only trying to help.
Today Shizuo woke up as a cat for the second time. After everyone calmed down last night, Celty fed him and gave him a pillow to sleep on in her room. Much to his dismay, the pillow had been found this morning feathered in long white hairs, so maybe Shinra's worries were justified. Still, nobody was going to tell Shizuo Heiwajima where he could or could not pee.
The large white cat leapt from the counter to the floor. The dish of milk was exactly where Celty said it would be. Shizuo padded over and licked it up. The sweet taste and rich consistency relaxed him, as always.
Now what should he do…?
When Shizuo turned into a cat yesterday, he hadn't even found himself with a moment to spare. First there'd been that whole Izaya incident, then he got hungry and went to Russia Sushi, then he ran into Celty. There just wasn't any time to waste. Now he had an entire day, and he wasn't sure he wanted to leave the apartment. Without any clear method of communication and no way of tracking himself, Shizuo couldn't imagine Celty's panic when she noticed him missing. She was one of the only true friends he had; it wouldn't be right to worry her like that.
In the end, after mulling it over for a while, Shizuo sat down in front of the TV. That didn't last very long though, because Shizuo didn't have a clue how to work it. He tried mashing different buttons on the remote control and managed to at least turn it on, but all he could get playing was some sort of weird documentary about the Viking II landing. He was interested for the first five minutes or so, but after that the narrator's voice got annoying as hell. So he jumped on the remote control until the TV flicked off (though the remote might have broken).
His frustration with the TV made him hungry, so he journeyed back to the kitchen and nibbled at the tuna Celty had left him. It smelled a little old, but it was still good. Shizuo realized his metabolism must have slowed when he turned into a cat, because he wasn't really hungry as often as he used to be. Consequentially, needed less food to be satisfied.
After the tuna, Shizuo ventured out onto Shinra's patio. It was a lovely day; the air was heady and warm with dew. The patio was wet in some areas where rainwater had collected, but most of it was alright. Certain spots were heated from constant sunlight, and laying down on those felt positively wonderful. Shizuo believed he could stay on the patio forever.
However, his respite was interrupted when the apartment door clicked open. Shizuo's ears lifted and he turned his head to see Celty entering the living room. She waved at him through the large patio windows, prompting him to get up and pad back into the house.
Celty explained she'd been given an hour off for lunch. She didn't really feel like informing her client that she couldn't eat, so she just took the time and went home to check on the cat. Shizuo was thankful for the company. Celty told him about her morning as she refilled his milk bowl and set it down. It was fascinating, watching the milk pour itself as Celty typed with her fingers. The Dullahan's shadows worked like an extra pair of hands, guiding the bottle and holding the dish in place. Shizuo wondered if Shinra marveled at it every time… or was he used to it by now?
After serving him lunch, Celty stayed a little longer to play with him. Shizuo hadn't been keen on the idea at all, but when she took out a little stick with a butterfly on the end…he felt compelled to chase it! She swished it this way, he swiped with his paw; she swished it that way, he swiped with his other paw. Shizuo lowered his chin to the ground and glared up at the butterfly intensely, mapping its next move. Celty kept shaking the cat toy back and forth, chuckling to herself. Too soon it seemed she had to go back to work.
Shizuo escorted her to the door and saw her off. Then he was on his own again. He returned to the kitchen and searched for something to drink (playing with the butterfly made him thirsty). After licking up another bowl of milk, he felt a tightening sensation just below his stomach. It tingled a little, felt somewhat itchy, too.
Sighing loudly, Shizuo lumbered off in search of the litter box. He owed Shinra that much.
Following that fine adventure, the white cat trotted his way into Shinra's bedroom. He'd sort of been wondering how his old classmate organized his living space. Everything was quite neat. There was a desk next to the door, with closed drawers and stacked files on its surface. A computer screen lay propped against the wall, a network cable snaking from its hard-drive. There was a window overlooking the highway, not unlike the patio. And in the center of the room was a large, perfectly made bed.
Shizuo hopped onto the bed, testing its softness with his paws. It was lovely, much lovelier than the beds in all the apartments Shizuo had lived in during his lifetime. So, he thought, this is what the mafia pays you in. While making himself comfortable, Shizuo almost considered finding some illicit underground work to get into himself. God knows anybody would hire him there. He wouldn't be able to deal with it, though. Despite his short temper and gruff appearance, Shizuo was a sap. There was a reason Tom did the talking when they collected debts. If the sob stories didn't make Shizuo want to rip a person's head off, they easily moved him to tears. He just didn't have the heart to be a cold-blooded contract killer.
With these melancholic thoughts circling his mind, Shizuo curled into a ball and fell fast asleep. The bed was so crazy soft that staying awake was simply impossible.
When he awoke, it was to a very unusual noise. He was only dimly aware of it, assuming it must have been an ebbing dream. Shizuo attempted to rise and look around, but his body suddenly felt incredibly heavy. Probably the bed, he surmised. He hadn't been sleeping well at all, and this was he first time he'd felt a bed this wonderful. His body just didn't want to leave yet.
But then the sound grew louder and more defined. Specifically, Shizuo recognized a voice; Shinra's voice. It was struggling to produce words and instead kept choking and blabbering.
Eventually, Shizuo found the strength to lift his head. He groaned and rolled over onto his back, blinking slowly. His limbs felt so stiff…how long had he been asleep?
As soon as his eyesight returned, Shizuo became aware of several things.
One, that he was no longer a feline.
Two, that he was in Shinra's bed.
Three, that he was not clothed.
And four, that Shinra's face was ready to burst into flames.
In fact, the doctor actually had a scalpel tightly gripped in his hand. Shizuo wondered lazily if his old classmate was contemplating murder. He also noticed, somewhat belatedly, that the bed's comforter was smothered in a layer of white cat hair. Oh well.
"How dare you-!" Shinra finally croaked out.
Shizuo lifted his eyebrows.
"How dare I what?" He asked when Shinra failed to elaborate.
"How dare you come between me and my wife!" Shinra spluttered, throwing his arms in the air for emphasis. He actually appeared to be beyond anger and looked as though he was about to cry.
"Woah, hey, Shinra," Shizuo replied defensively, pulling himself into a sitting position. Blushing, he yanked the comforter off the mattress and pooled it around his waist. "You're not married. Celty isn't even home right now."
"Yes, she is!" Shinra argued, "she texted me half an hour ago saying she was done with work!"
Shizuo felt a twinge of irritation. He really didn't like being accused unfairly.
"I've been right here in this bed, asleep." He stated loudly, glaring at the doctor. "By myself." He added.
Light footsteps sounded outside the door as Shinra covered his face with his hands. Celty walked in just as he sniveled wetly.
[what's going on in]
The Dullahan nearly dropped her PDA when she properly acknowledged the situation. Shinra was in tears and Shizuo wasn't…well, he wasn't a cat.
Shizuo scowled and pointed to Shinra.
"He's freaking out about something." He said flatly.
Celty quickly tapped in a sentence, trying hard to contain the rush of black smoke flowing from her decapitated neck.
[Shinra, what's wrong?]
"Oh, other than the fact that I just found your best friend naked in my bed?"
Celty's shoulders sagged and she wrote out a response. But Shinra didn't seem ready to receive it just yet.
"Celty," he whimpered, his lip quivering, "how could you do this to me? After all the years we've spent together, all the memories we've shared-?"
Celty shoved her PDA under his nose and rested a hand on her hip.
[Stop it, Shinra. You're embarrassing yourself. Shizuo and I haven't done anything inappropriate.]
"But look at this!" Shinra cried, yanking on his hair, "I know he's in love with you; he's always asking you to visit with him!"
"Shut up!" Shizuo demanded from the bed, cheeks flushed with indignation.
[I talk to Shizuo because he needs someone to confide in. Obviously, he trusts me more than you do. Believe me, we're not in love.]
"But Celty, I do trust you-" Shinra mumbled, like a child being forced to say 'sorry'.
[I can't believe you think I'm the kind of woman who'd cheat.] Celty replied, seething.
"I don't think that! It's just with-"
Shinra paused and looked over at the bed for a moment. Then he groaned loudly and slapped his forehead, crying out:
"You got cat hair all over the bed! After I specifically told I didn't want that!"
"First of all," Shizuo began angrily, carefully holding the comforter around himself as he stood up, "You said no hair in the bathroom. And second of all, you think that's your biggest problem right now? I don't have any clothes, you idiot! How the hell am I supposed to get home? I don't suppose any of your shirts are gonna fit me, huh?"
"No, they wouldn't," The doctor crossed his arms, "and even if they would, I wouldn't lend them to you because you and I are experiencing trust issues at this moment!"
"Oh, over what? The fact that you turned me into a damn cat for your own twisted pleasure?"
"That wasn't on purpose!"
"Well neither was this!"
[SHIZUO IF YOU HIT HIM I WILL TAKE PICTURES OF YOUR NAKED ASS AND SEND THEM TO IZAYA THIS INSTANT]
Shizuo laughed maniacally.
"Go ahead! Maybe he'll claw his eyes out!"
"You're a monster."
"Wanna say that again?"
[WILL THE TWO OF YOU PLEASE CALM DOWN!?]
Nobody was even reading Celty's text anymore. The Dullahan prepared her shadows for some heavy lifting, in case things got physical.
"I would like to point out that you are wearing my blanket around your penis right now."
"Yep. Better watch what you say."
"It's not going to be a cat next time. Maybe I'll make it a flea."
"Maybe I'll break your neck."
"Maybe I'll help."
Everyone froze as a new voice entered the conversation. Two heads and a headless stump turned to face the doorway, where a young man in a fur lined coat observed the conversation.
"Izaya?" Shinra asked, blinking. "How did you get in here?"
"Dear Shinra," Izaya sighed, leaning his back against the doorframe. "I've had your keycard for ages. I'm sort of a kleptomaniac that way."
"Get the hell out of here, flea," Shizuo ordered curtly, "this doesn't have anything to do with you."
"Oh? I'd think it does, seeing as we were both felinized. Remember, Shizu-chan?"
Celty typed fast and held her phone up to Izaya.
[Izaya, did you drink the milk, too?]
"Milk?" The informant repeated, surprised. Then he laughed and shook his head. "Ah, it was the milk. No, I didn't drink any, but some splashed on my skin when Shizu-chan there threw the bottle at my head."
Shinra adjusted his glasses and muttered to himself, "I gave it to Celty, Celty gives it to Shizuo, Shizuo gives it to Izaya…the two of them are affected, so why isn't Celty?"
[Shinra. You are never going to do something like this ever again, understand?]
"Hmm?" Shinra snapped to attention and realized he was wrapped tightly in a cocoon of black silk. "Oh! Of course not, dear."
[Good. Now apologize to them.]
Shinra swallowed loudly. His eyes drifted from the frowning informant to the deeply irritated ex-bartender. Shockingly enough, the arch enemies were standing side by side, both entirely focused on Shinra's apology.
The underground doctor bowed his head as low as the cocoon would allow.
"I am profoundly sorry for all the inconvenience I've caused you these past two days."
Izaya smiled.
"Apology accepted." With that, he turned on his heels and leisurely made for the door, stretching his arms out behind him.
Shinra and Celty looked now to Shizuo, whose face was still quite sullen. He was silent for a little while, causing Shinra to squint his eyes shut and pray, but soon he spoke:
"Fine." He muttered. "Just don't do it again."
"I won't! I promise."
Celty offered to make Shizuo a riding suit with her shadow and drive him home. Shizuo grudgingly agreed, leaving Shinra alone in the apartment to properly mourn his cat hair infested bed. Later that evening, Celty and Shinra sat on the couch, watching the documentary Celty had recorded about expeditions to Mars.
While the Dullahan skipped the commercials, Shinra remarked wistfully:
"You know something funny, Celty?"
Celty shrugged, not moving her attention from the TV.
"When Shizuo and Izaya were both mad at me, they weren't mad at each other."
Further silence. Apparently, the Dullahan could think of nothing to add to that. Or maybe she was simply tired of listening to Shinra.
"I guess turning into cats forced them to call a draw, huh?"
[Quiet, I can't hear the narrator.]
Thus ended another average day in Ikebukuro.
