Emmett's a peach

Chapter 7

Rosalie vs. Alice

A/N: Remember when Rosalie said "she'd get Alice for this" back in Chapter 4? Well, here's her revenge. Also, I haven't noticed any chat room fanfics with Rosalie and Alice.

Warning: There's a death of a main character in this chapter. Not for the faint of heart.

(Rosalie has entered.)

Rosalie: Whoop-de-doo. Bored.

(Alice has entered.)

Rosalie: Oh, hell no! I'm not that bored!

Alice: Oh… wonderful.

Rosalie: What do you want?

Alice: Nothing, dear, I was waiting for someone with a brain to show up. This is a public chat room.

Rosalie: The funny thing? Whenever I'm on here, there's no one here but us.

Alice: So, anyway, we might as well talk. Why is it that the Team Rosalie fangirls are always bitches and the Team Alice fangirls always nice, bright, and cheerful?

Rosalie: Shut your face.

Alice: No, really, why do you think that is? I'm dying to know.

Rosalie: You're already dead.

Alice: You know what I mean.
Rosalie: Maybe they're kind, beautiful people who have brains larger than a gopher's, and can therefore sympathize with me.

Alice: I do sympathize with you, Rose, but sometimes, I think you're laying it on a little bit too thick.

Rosalie: No, I don't.

Alice: Yes, you do.

Rosalie: (grits teeth) No, I don't.

Alice: Grrr… yes, you do!

Rosalie: NO, I DON'T, YOU LITTLE… wait one second.

(Rosalie has left.)

Alice: Finally. Now I can have peace.

(Rosalie has entered.)

Rosalie: Hello, Jacob!

Jacob: Oh, fuck.

Rosalie: How are you doing this fine afternoon?

Jacob: This can't mean anything good…

Rosalie: Both of us are coming over to Bella's home and getting back at Alice.

Jacob: Why are we getting back at Alice?
Rosalie: BECAUSE I SAID SO!
Jacob: Yes, ma'am.

Jacob: Wait, why do you need ME, for chrissake?

Rosalie: Because then, Alice won't be able to see my moves to outsmart me.

Jacob: This cannot be good…

Rosalie: Actually, I'd like you to do it for me.

Jacob: Oh, no.

Rosalie: Now, I'll explain the juicy details when we get to Bella's place.

Jacob: Fuck.

Rosalie: Live with it, puppy!

(Jacob has left.)
(Rosalie has left.)

Alice checked her e-mail and found an interesting one from "Mr. Xavier Candelabra". There was no return address. It contained pictures of Emmett and Rosalie having sex. She didn't even need to use her precognitive abilities to figure this one out. This screamed "Rosalie" all over it.

All right, Mrs. Smart Ass, thought Alice, How will I get back at you?

Meanwhile…

"Ah, sweet revenge," said Rosalie.

"Well, I'm glad that you censored my e-mail address," said Jacob. "Now, I'm going home."

"Oh, not now, puppy," said Rosalie. "Alice is here."

"Holy- I think I need to go home!" shouted Jacob.

Rosalie held Jacob to the ground. Jacob phased, and then something dreadful happened…

Meanwhile…

"I'm home!" said Bella, who just came in. "Pee-yoo, something smells awful. Oh, hi, Alice."

"Hi, Bella," said Alice perkily. "Don't mind me, I'm going to kill Rosalie."

She sped at vampire speed upstairs. There was a horrible smell emanating from the closet.

"Blech!" said Alice. "What did you do, kill somebody?"

Rosalie said nothing. She looked apprehensive. Puzzled, Alice opened the closet, and a pile of ashes fell out. It smelled like werewolf. Alice flipped.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Joseph, and Mary!" she screeched at the top of her lungs.

Bella checked out the situation, and found the remains of Jacob. She began bawling, fell to the floor in utter horror, and scraped her chin. Alice comforted her.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry," Bella said.

Just then, pure venom marked Bella's eyes.

"Who did it?" she demanded.

"I don't know," lied Rosalie.

Bella looked her straight in the eye and caught Rosalie's apprehensiveness.

"It was an accident!" sputtered Rosalie. "We were fighting… and I… bit him…"

"Way to break the treaty!" shouted Alice. "But that's the least of our concerns! Look at this poor girl, just look at her! How horrible can a person be to reduce her to this?"

Bella looked like her heart had been broken in two.

"Well- well, you know what?" snapped Rosalie. "I'm sick and tired of you awful people… fuck this. I'm leaving."

"The werewolves are going to kill you, you know," said Alice, "And, I can't predict their moves. We'll protect you. Once you leave, you'll be lost."

"That's exactly what I want," hissed an enraged Rosalie, "And Emmett's coming with me! He's the only person in my miserable life that sees me for who I really am!"

Rosalie stormed out of the room and ran to fetch Emmett.

"And now, the end is nigh," quoted Alice.