7….Hide and Seek

Adam rode into the yard only to see Hoss looking under a bucket he had lifted over his head. Then, after obviously finding nothing, he rubbed his chin in exaggerated puzzlement and said "Not there neither." Then, seeing Adam, he said, "Hey, Adam. Trial over?"

"No. I have to return tomorrow in case I'm needed." Adam dismounted. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm playin' hide 'n seek and lookin' for Kitty. She's the best hider I've ever known." Giggles came from the porch and Adam glanced and saw Kitty sitting under the table.

Adam grinned and then turned back to Hoss. "You? Hide? Even the barn's not wide enough for you to hide behind."

"Well, that may be true, and it may be that Kitty's such a 'little-bit' that she can hide most anywhere, but I looked under this here bucket and behind that bush over there, stood back and looked in the trees, and I can't find her anywhere. Why I may hafta miss dinner lookin' for her and it's getting' dark and I'm gettin' hungry."

"Here I am!" Kitty crawled out from under the table and stood on the porch, triumphant. "You couldn't find me!"

Adam's heart swelled and he felt sudden emotion strangle him. The sight of his daughter moved him; she was so beautiful, so alive and a part of his soul – and so much like Ava. "You are a good hider," he said. But Kitty didn't respond to his comment. "Hoss, would you put my horse away? I've had a day."

"Sure, Adam," Hoss took the horse's reins and walked it to the barn.

"Unca Hoss," Kitty called. "It's your turn to hide!"

"Game's over, Kitty. Time for dinner. We been waitin' on your pa."

"One more game! Please?"

"C'mon, Kitty," Adam said, putting out his arms as he approached the porch. "It's time for dinner. Let's go wash hands." He walked up to her but Kitty took off running to the front door. She tiptoed to reach the door latch but couldn't quite get it, her fingertips grazing the metal. Adam walked up behind her and wrapped an arm about her waist, lifting her up.

"I want down." Kitty struggled slightly but Adam reached and opened the door but before he sat her down inside, he couldn't help himself – he kissed her hair, enjoying the slight odor of a child's perspiration mixed with the soap used to shampoo her hair. She moved her head away and Adam put her down on the Indian rug.

Ben stood up from his chair where he had been sitting, smoking his pipe and waiting anxiously for his eldest to return from town. Hoss and Joe had told him about the trial when they had arrived late for lunch, what Adam had sworn to in his testimony and that the same man who had asked for Adam a few nights ago had also been at the trial, and walked out after Adam's testimony. Ben didn't like it, hadn't liked anything about the trial, about the stranger, about the federal aspect of it or Adam's involvement.

"Glad you're home. Is the trial over?" Kitty ran to her grandfather and climbed up on his lap. Ben helped her up, lifting her partway. He toyed with her hair she sat quietly, leaning back against him, enjoying his attentions.

A twinge of jealousy bothered Adam; he liked to think he was above such petty feelings but had found himself beset by envy and jealousy more and more; he tried to suppress it. "Probably, but I have to be there tomorrow. Imagine it'll go to the jury then. Smells like fried chicken." Adam sat down after divesting himself of his jacket, gun belt and hat. "It's been a long day. Nothing wears me out more than just sitting."

"What do you think the verdict will be?" Ben asked.

"I think it'll be guilty."

"Seems that's the right decision unless something else came up in the trial."

"Not that I heard. I'd say it's a fait accompli. You know how people feel about outsiders coming in, making money and then waltzing out, especially if they cheat and kill…" Adam stopped; Kitty was listening to him and he remembered the princess and the frog and the well; Kitty seemed to remember everything. "And kill time." Adam raised his brows at his father who realized the reason for Adam's self-censoring.

"As soon as Hoss comes in, we'll eat." Ben leaned to see Kitty better. "Sweetheart, would you go wake up Uncle Joe? Just knock on his door and tell him dinner's ready, would you?"

"Okay, Grampa!"

Ben lifted Kitty down and holding onto the uprights of the bannister, she climbed the stairs. Ben and Adam waited until she had reached the top landing and they heard her shoes on the floorboards as she ran to Joe's room.

"Joe asleep?"

"Said he hadn't slept well last night. He told me about the man who was at the trial – the same one who asked for you. Did he say anything to you today?"

"No, not a word. Anyway, I'm going to wash up. Then I'll tackle Kitty and try and get her to wash her face and hands."

"Don't worry about it, Adam. I'll handle it; you've had enough for today."

Adam stood and looked up as Kitty appeared at the top of the stairs and carefully looking down, she negotiated each stair; no one had taken children into acount when the stairs were built and the rise of each wasn't easy for Kitty's short legs to handle. "No, Pa. I need to start asserting some authority around here." He looked at his father and pointed a finger. "And you and Hoss and Joe need to stop spoiling her so much!"

Ben looked sheepish. "I know, Adam, but, well, I want to give her everything she wants – anything that might bring her happiness."

And Adam sighed. He wanted to be the one to give his daughter everything – maybe then she would love him the way she seemed to love the rest of his family. How wonderful it would be to play games with her and swing her about as Joe did, holding onto her hands and swinging her in a low circle while she laughed with delight. But someone had to be her father and it was he.

"I'll take her to wash up." Adam noticed that her white stockings were spotted with mud.. Her small black shoes were scuffed, and one strap of the pinafore over her blue-flowered dress was hanging off one shoulder. "And brush her hair. She runs around here like some wild child. I swear, Pa."

"Maybe we should buy her some dungarees and boots. Save the dresses for church."

"I don't know, Pa, I don't know." And Adam, squaring his shoulders, went to confront Kitty about washing up.

~ 0 ~

Adam felt worn to the bone. Kitty had protested she wanted Mrs. Jepson to take care of her and put her to bed.

"I told you, Mrs. Jepson's gone to live with her sister."

"Why?"

"Because her sister was lonely."

"What's that mean?"

"It means that her sister missed her, wanted to see her again. So, Mrs. Jepson, who wanted to see her sister just as much as her sister wanted to see her, went to live with her in a city far away. Now, Kitty, don't fight with me anymore. Let's just finish."

Earlier he had struggled with her to wash her teeth. "I don't want to." "But if you don't, you'll get holes in your teeth." "Why?" "Because that's what happens. If you get holes in your teeth, they get bigger and bigger, and then your teeth fall out and all you can eat is soup – you can't chew with no teeth." Adam wondered if he should feel guilty about exaggerating. Usually, he espoused telling the truth at all times to children but he was starting to see the benefits of little lies.

He took the hairbrush out and Kitty immediately folded her arms over her head and hunched her shoulders.

"Kitty, I have to brush your hair before you go to bed."

"No! It hurts!"

"Kitty, it doesn't hurt. I'll be very gentle, I promise."

"No!"

Adam sighed. He'd wait until the morning to fight over her hair. He'd have to brush it then anyway. Besides, unfamiliar territory came next.

As for using the chamber pot, Mrs. Jepson had always handled it. Adam wondered who had taken care of the matter during the day, but now it was up to him. He pulled the chamber pot out from under the bed and sat it on the rug. The china bowl was brightly painted around with daisies.

Initially, they first day Kitty had arrived, he and Mrs. Jepson had walked Kitty to the outhouse; it was daylight. "She's only used to inside commodes, Mr. Cartwright, always running out and covering her ears when the chain's pulled because of the noise." He watched while Mrs. Jepson helped Kitty with her pantalettes and then held up the child in order to sit her on the privy, but Kitty, looking behind her at the hole, kicked her legs and grabbed desperately onto the woman. "No, no!" "Kitty, what's wrong, child? Just sit on the hole and do your business!" "NO! It's big! I'll fall in!" "No, you won't child, I'll hold you." "NO! NO! NO!" The outhouse had not been a success and Mrs. Jepson hadn't tried again.

"C'mon, Kitty," Adam said. "Time for the pot." He kneeled beside it and held up Kitty's nightgown while she sat on the chamber pot. He couldn't help but smile; she was so small that she had to grip the sides to keep from falling into it. He had seen in catalogues pictures of children's toilets, removeable chamber pots placed into wooden chairs. He'd sketch one and ask Joe to build it for Kitty.

Eventually Kitty finished and stood up. A small trickle ran down her leg. Adam pulled out his handkerchief and wiped her leg and then handed her the square of linen. "Here, Kitty, wipe yourself." She looked at it and raised it, about to wipe her face when Adam stayed her hand. "No, no, no. Wipe your bottom. Wipe yourself dry." He lifted her nightgown again and averted his head while Kitty used the handkerchief but Adam realized she wasn't good at it. But for now, it would do. Adam decided he would take Kitty to visit Mrs. Shaughnessy. She would fill Kitty up on lemonade and sugar cookies. Then Mrs. Shaughnessy could teach her what a girl needs to know.

"Time for bed," Adam said.

"I want Grampa to put me to bed."

"I'm putting you to bed."

"NO!"

Adam stopped and waited until his limited patience returned. He was tired and Kitty was making it worse. He bent down and picked up Kitty, depositing her on the bed. And then he saw that her feet were dirty, particularly between her toes; the dirt from outside apparently came into the shoes. He should have known since her stocking had been filthy, and considered his next act.

"We need to wash your feet."

Kitty sat up and watched while Adam went to the washstand and rewet the washcloth.

"I don't want my feet washed." Kitty shoved her feet under the covers that had been folded down.

"You have to wash your feet or they'll smell like stinky cheese." Kitty giggled and Adam suddenly had hope. Maybe, just maybe, his daughter would take to him after all.

Kitty slipped her feet out and falling back onto the bed, raised one leg. "Smell my foot," she said, giggling.

Adam grabbed one, sniffed and then made a face of exaggerated disgust and said, "Peeyew!" Kitty giggled again and Adam wiped her foot with the washcloth and then sniffed it again. "Smells much better. Smells like perfume now." Kitty laughed and stuck up her other foot. Adam again went through the same actions only this time, before releasing her foot, Adam kissed her toes.

Kitty giggled again. "That tickles."

"Now get under the covers and let's say your prayers." Adam sat on the side of the bed.

"I already did." Kitty snuggled under the covers.

"I didn't hear you say them."

"I said 'em when you weren't listening."

"Did you now?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay. Adam tucked the covers up higher and bent over to kiss her but Kitty held her hands over her face.

"Good night. I'm down the hall if you need me." Adam stood up and started to put out the lamp when Kitty sat up.

"I don't want it dark!"

"It won't be. I'll leave the door half-open. There's a lamp on in the hall. It won't be dark. Now go to sleep."

"I can't."

"Oh?" He walked back over to the bed and sat back down. "Why not?"

Kitty paused, her brows drawn. "I'm scared."

"Scared, huh? Of what?" Adam was ready to take her fears seriously as he knew what it was like to be a frightened child. He reached out and pushed back a lock of her soft hair.

Kitty waited and then answered. "Of ephants."

Adam pursed his lips to keep from smiling. "Elephants, huh? There are no elephants on the Ponderosa."

"Uh, huh! I seen one!"

Oh, God. She's beginning to talk like Hoss! "You saw one."

"Yeah, I did. And a tiger – a big one!."

"Well, I'll make sure no elephants or tigers get you. And elephants only eat hay and plants – not little girls. Especially those with stinky feet." Kitty giggled as Adam smiled. In a serious tone, he added, "I'm your father and I won't let anything bad happen to you even if I have to sit in the hallway all night and keep watch. Now…" Adam stood up and was ready to tuck her in when Kitty looked wide-eyed at him.

"I can't sleep 'cause….I'm lonely."

Damn her memory! "Oh? Lonely?"

Kitty's eyes welled-up with tears. "I'm lonely for Momma. And Mrs. Jepson. I wanna go live with them. I want my Mommy."

Adam knew not to make light of this. He dropped his voice and sat back down. "I'm lonely for your mommy too. But she's very busy right now and going on a long trip. She thought it would make you happy to come stay with me for a while. I know that it makes me happy as…" Adam found he was becoming emotional. "I was lonely for you."

Kitty looked up at him and then burst into tears. Adam was taken aback. He lifted her up and held her against him while she sobbed as if her heart was broken. "It's all right, Kitty. It'll be all right. I promise you that." He slowly rocked back and forth and her sobbing subsided to sniffles. Adam kissed her head and lay her back down, and wiped her tears away with his thumbs as he caressed her face. He reached down and tucked the covers up again.

"Kitty, since you're lonely, maybe I should stay with you for a little and keep you company until you go to sleep? Would you like that?"

Kitty nodded and then she scooted over and patted the bed beside her. "You can be here."

"Okay", Adam said. He lay down on the bed and crossed his legs at the ankles, his hands resting on his abdomen. "Good night, Kitty. Sleep tight."

"G'night," Kitty whispered as she snuggled down further in the covers.

Adam's heart soared. His daughter had turned to him for comfort and suddenly the world didn't seem so bad anymore. Other matters may occur in day-to-day life, people may cheat and kill and suffer but here and now, all was calm and he was happy. Adam sighed deeply and closed his eyes, content with his state. And soon father and daughter were both asleep.