Chapter 7
"Clear!" shouted Cyborg as he touched the charged paddles to Speedy's chest. His body jumped as the electrical current ran through him.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
The heart monitor screamed in failure, Cyborg raised the charge and tried again.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Once more he raised the charge and tried again.
Beep
Cyborg froze paddles still in hand waiting to see if it really worked.
Beep
He let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. Behind him Robin and Bumblebee each did the same. After replacing the paddles and checking that Speedy's vitals had all returned to normal, Cyborg stepped out of the infirmary and walked down to the commons room where everyone else had been sent when the alarm had gone off. He found Mas and Menos being comforted by Starfire on the couch. Aqualad was pacing in the kitchen and Beast Boy sat by the window hugging Raven's book to his chest.
"Speedy's vitals are back to normal. We still don't know much else."
"What about Raven?" Beast Boy didn't bother to turn around when he asked, he simply stared out the window.
"No change."
Cyborg could see there had been a bright moment when they knew Speedy's heart had started again, but it was gone only a moment later. Nothing had changed.
Robin had taken his seat back with Raven holding her hand and watching her. Bumblebee stood over Speedy, she hadn't seen him very often without his mask, and now it scared her. It was clear how bad it had gotten. She could feel the bile rise in her stomach, it made her sick to know that her friend had gotten so bad. She reached for his hand but hesitated. Unsure if she was even allowed to touch him, to offer him comfort. She had failed him.
"It's not your fault." Bumblebee jumped at Robin's voice. She had completely forgotten he was in the room. He had his back to her still, facing Raven and holding her hand gently as he spoke
"He wouldn't blame you," he continued. "he shut you out. I would guess he would feel more like you should blame him. I don't know what happened to him, why he did this to himself, but I know him. He would never blame you and it would kill him to know that anyone is hurting so much because of something he did. He didn't ask for help, he wouldn't, doesn't know how." Robin chuckled lightly "It's kind of funny that we help people every day. We both grew up raised by men who didn't believe in asking for help, I guess it's not that funny when you realize they help people every day to.
We ended up just as broken as them, never asking anyone for help, not even the people we love and trust the most. Maybe that's the funny part."
Bumblebee couldn't see Robin's face, but she knew at that moment there was nothing but sadness on it. She reached down and held Speedy's hand tight. She stood there silent for a moment when something occurred to her.
"Should we let Green Arrow know?"
"If you tell Green Arrow what has happened, all he'll tell you is how much of a disappointment he thinks Roy is, the nicest you could hope for is him telling you to call him when Speedy dies." There was bitterness in Robin's voice. Bumblebee was shocked.
"But he raised him, he doesn't care at all?"
"Guess the novelty of a ward wore off. Why do you think he came to the Titans in the first place?"
"I guess I thought he came for the same reason you started it, to be out on your own, establish yourself as a hero rather than Batman's sidekick."
"Roy worshipped Oliver. He was his family, his friend, his mentor. They had a good thing for a long time, but he was Green Arrow long before he was a father figure. He didn't have time for Roy.
After a while he didn't even have time for Speedy. I don't know the specifics of what happened, but I know there was a time when Roy really needed him and he wasn't there. They had some kind of falling out and Oliver kicked him to the curb, left him broke and homeless. He made it on his own for a little while and when Titans East became a reality he was first in line.
As far as I know they haven't even spoken to each other in years. But I did hear Green Arrow talking to Batman once, all he said was what a disappointment he had turned out to be."
"Wow." Bumblebee found that she was holding Speedy's hand tighter. She looked down at him and wondered how he had kept a smile on his face after so much had happened, and wondered what could have happened to push him over the edge. "I never would have thought that such an annoyingly positive and happy boy could have so much eating away at him inside."
"We all wear our masks. Twenty four hours a day."
"Not that I'm complaining, but why are you telling me all this? You aren't usually very forthcoming with personal information, about you or anyone else. And if I had to guess I would say that what you just told isn't something that is public knowledge."
"Look down. Roy kept everything inside, kept his mask on twenty four hours a day, just like we were taught. Now look at him. We say that we can't share our personal lives or details or stories because we have to protect our identities, but honestly we've known each other for years. Everyone knows who everyone is. It's ridiculous." He laughed angrily.
"It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. He was exhausted." He let out a heavy sigh and breathed for a long moment before continuing. "I made the decision that we would never share our personal information or problems years ago when I first started the Titans, it was my decision, and it was a bad one. How many times could we have helped each other, Tara, Raven, now Roy?
I'm sick of watching the people I love suffer silently. I won't let it happen anymore." He felt heavy, he truly was exhausted.
"Robin you need to rest."
"I won't leave them alone. I'm fine."
"Richard." He looked up at her now "You aren't doing them any good by wearing yourself out, everyone in this building cares about these two. Everyone wants a chance to be by their side. Get some sleep; let someone else have a turn."
He knew she was right, but he glanced back down at Raven. He didn't want to leave her.
"You will come get me if there is any change, I mean anything at all."
"Of course." She smiled at him, it was strange to see him like this, so honest.
"I'll be back in a few hours." He whispered to Raven as he set her hand down. He glanced over at Speedy then walked out the door.
Bumblebee stood in silence for a few minutes before she sat down in the chair next her teammate. She looked over at him taking in his broken down features once more. She took a deep breath.
"You are lazy and obnoxious, you say stupid things and date even stupider women, but you are a good man. You are strong, you are stubborn and you can get through this. You hear me? You WILL get through this. I'm in charge here, and I say you've got more fight in you. So you fight damn it. You fight."
