All the usual disclaimers apply...

Chapter 7 – Amy's Choice

"Well, you are definitely pregnant," Dr. Watkins told Amy. "From the sonogram it appears to be a healthy, intrauterine pregnancy, about 9 weeks along, placenta looks good….." He flipped through the file in front of him and continued, "Lab work looks great. All in all, you should do just fine, Amy." The kindly older man looked up at her and smiled. "Do you have any questions for me?"

Amy looked at him and said hesitantly, "I-I'm not sure I want to keep this baby yet. What's the longest I can wait before getting an abortion?"

"Amy, I'm not a big fan of abortions, but if that's what you really want to do, they can be safely done up until week 12. After that, it becomes harder for you and for the baby."

Amy thought for a minute and then said, "OK, thank you, Dr. Watkins. I'll let you know something in a few days."

Dr. Watkins escorted Amy out the door of his office and down to the nurses' alcove, where he left her in the capable hands of Abby Ryan. "I need to see her back in 6 weeks, please, Abby," said Dr. Watkins. He gave Amy's arm a squeeze, then turned and walked back down the hall.

"Here are your prenatal vitamin samples and a prescription for a 3 month supply," said Nurse Ryan, handing Amy a small paper bag and a blue sheet of paper. "This card has your next appointment on it as well as my direct phone number. If you have any questions at all, you call me."

She looked at Amy and saw the tears welling up in her eyes. "Shay, child! It'll be all right." She wrapped Amy in a big hug and held her for a moment, then pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Trust me, you'll be fine."

Amy stepped out into the waiting room and saw Michelle. Michelle had graciously driven her to this appointment, telling Amy that she would stand by her side through the whole pregnancy if Amy needed her to.

"Amy," Michelle asked.

"Can we go back to the dorm, please," Amy said.

Back at the dorm, Michelle asked Amy what the doctor said.

"He said it's a normal pregnancy, I'm healthy and everything will be fine. He also said I have until week 12 to get an abortion." Amy let her last comment hang in the air.

Michelle stared at her. "You're kidding me, right? An abortion? You? You are the last person I expected to hear say that. You love kids. Why would you want to put yourself through that? Why not just tell Bobby and see what happens?"

"I can't. It would ruin everything for him," Amy sobbed.

"You don't know that. Tell him."

"Michelle, he's CID. A cop. A military cop. A very busy military cop. He's gone all the time solving cases. Plus, I don't want to be an Army wife. AND, I don't know that I want to be married to him. Or, that he would want to be married to me. I messed up my life, I can't mess up his."

Michelle walked over to Amy and gave her a hug. "Then at least call and tell your parents. They need to know they're going to be grandparents."

Amy's parents were not thrilled at the news of her pregnancy. After several long hours of arguing and yelling back and forth at each other, they came to tenuous terms. Against their better judgement, her parents agreed not to say anything, to keep her pregnancy a secret. They would leave it up to Amy to tell Bobby. They trusted her, but did counsel her to strongly consider having the baby. Adoption would be okay with them, but due to their strong religious beliefs abortion was not an option.

Due to the potential embarrassment for AJ if word got around the military base that the Commanding Officer's daughter was pregnant out of wedlock, the decision was made for Amy not to visit Germany while her father was still stationed there. Sadly, Amy agreed, knowing it was for the best. AJ & Elizabeth would visit Amy at her grandparents' home over Christmas.

The next phone call Amy made was to her grandparents. Grandpa AJ had always been her "go to guy" growing up, the one person she could always talk to about anything. He and her Grandma A had provided Amy with the stability she needed during all the moves her father's military career had put them through. She trusted his advice, and sought it out whenever the world seemed to close in on her. He had been there for her when Rodger betrayed her and Amy knew he'd be there for her now.

As Amy dialed the phone, she hoped and prayed that her Grandpa AJ would take the news well. Her grandfather's approval meant everything to her, and she feared his disappointment would be her undoing.

AJ, Senior took the news that he was going to be a great-grandfather better than Amy expected. Amy's grandfather would not hear of her having an abortion or giving the baby up for adoption, insisting that he would personally raise the child to keep that from happening. He and Amelia ultimately decided that they would move to College Station and buy a house. Amy would move in with them and Michelle would be welcome to live there, as well. This would provide Amy with the privacy and comfort she would need during her pregnancy. While they were not pleased with Amy's situation, they knew she would need their support and help.

Amy hung up the phone and sighed. "Michelle, my grandparents are buying a house and moving down here until the baby is born. Can you believe it? I'm outnumbered; I guess I have no choice but to keep the baby."

Michelle looked at her seriously. Amy knew what was coming next, but waited for Michelle to ask her anyway. "Amy. You ARE going to tell Bobby, aren't you? He needs to know. He DESERVES to know. None of us will think less of you if you don't, but please know that I think you are making a terrible mistake NOT telling him."

"I know. I just don't think I can go through with it. It's so hard for me to trust men, after what Rodger put me through. I want to think the best of Bobby, but…..

"But, what?"

"Well, we never really talked about what our plans were after the summer. We planned the phone calls and writing, but that was about it. We never really talked about our future, or about us in the future. I told him I might be going back for Christmas, but that was nothing definite, because Mom and Dad weren't sure what their plans were….."

"You're really scared to tell him, aren't you," Michelle asked her.

Amy just nodded, tears welling up in her eyes again.

Michelle hugged her tightly. "Aw baby, it'll be all right. You have a whole week to figure out what you want to say to him. It'll be fine." Michelle stroked her best friend's hair, and held her while she cried.

When next Thursday finally came, Amy took the initiative and called Bobby first, much to his surprise and delight.

"You know," said Amy. "There is one thing we didn't talk about before I left."

"Oh, really? We were kind of, um, occupied that last day," Bobby replied mischievously. "What were you thinking about in particular?"

"Where do we go from here," Amy said. "Are we in a long-term, committed relationship, or was this summer just a casual fling?"

"Why are you asking, Amy?" Bobby could feel the fear and panic begin to well up inside him as he spoke.

"Because I don't think I want a long-distance relationship. It's just too hard. I want to be able to go out and do things with you and you're not here. I want to be able to go out with other guys if I'm interested and not feel guilty about you and me. I mean, I don't expect you to sit around waiting for Thursday so we can talk. I would think you would be interested in going out and doing things, even dating….."

Bobby got very quiet on his end of the line. This was NOT what he was expecting, but he understood where she was coming from. Even so, the thought that she would want them to break off their relationship, after what they'd been through over the summer, came as a shock to him and he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"You're right; I'm not there. I wish things were different and I could be there," he said emphatically. "I hate not being able to be with you, to see you, to hold you….After everything you told me over the summer, it sounds like it would be fun dating you at A&M. I can ask you not to date other people, tell you that I don't want to end our relationship, but unless you really want it, too…." Bobby let his voice trail off, hoping Amy would hear the emotion in it.

Amy DID hear the emotion in Bobby's voice, and it cut her to the core. Damn him for caring about me so much, she thought. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be.

"Oh, Bobby, I know this isn't how either one of us thought it would be; I wish things were different, too. I wish you could be here, but you can't. I just can't sit around waiting for the phone to ring and going to class."

Amy took a deep breath and continued on before Bobby could stop her. "I don't want to be a soldier's wife. I don't want to move every two or three years. I hated it growing up and I don't want that kind of life for my kids."

Her volume rose as she continued on; all the hurt and emotion of growing up in the military had finally broken loose and she was crying now as she poured her heart out to Bobby. "I don't want to live in fear that the next person at my front door is there to tell me that my husband has been injured, or captured, or worse, killed, in some war zone half a world away."

"Amy, don't do this," Bobby begged her softly, tears filling his eyes, his heart hurting for her. More than anything, he wanted to take her in his arms and hold her, dry her tears, and tell her things would be all right, that they would be all right. But he couldn't, not because of the distance between them, but because he knew that everything she said was true.

"What if your next assignment takes you some place where you can't call or write me regularly," Amy asked him emotionally. "Or, or, some place where I can't come visit you, or even live with you if we were to get married? What kind of life is that?" Amy sobbed quietly now, pausing before she continued. Bobby said nothing, afraid to set her off again.

"I've had a lot of time to think about this, Bobby," Amy said, her voice a lot quieter now. "I knew I would hurt you having to talk to you about it. A long-distance relationship wouldn't be fair to either one of us; there's no guarantee that you and I would ever work out, so….I'm sorry."

Bobby had made that guarantee to himself, but it was now obvious that Amy hadn't. "Amy, I don't think anything I say or do will be able to change your mind," he said sadly. "May I still call you next Thursday, just to say hi and check on you?"

"OK," Amy replied. "You can check on me next week, as a friend."

Bobby cringed. "Yeah, Amy, as a friend. Listen, I have to go now, I had a busy day today. Heavy caseload and the Captain wants me to get caught up with my paperwork. I'll talk to you next week. Will you be all right?"

"I will. Goodbye, Bobby," said Amy slowly, hating that it sounded so final.

"'Bye, Amy…" said Bobby. He had heard the finality in her voice, and as he hung up the phone, his heart sank. To hell with paperwork, he thought to himself. What I need is a walk.

He grabbed his overcoat and headed for the door. A walk and a smoke would clear his head. It always had before.

Amy hung the phone back up on its wall cradle, and sank slowly down to the floor. Hot wet tears ran silently down her cheeks and she lowered her head to her knees. Her heart hurt. Hurt worse than she had expected. The ending of that phone call had seemed so final, more final than she had expected, and she realized that she had cared for Bobby more than she had previously admitted to herself.

Was she making a mistake, not telling him about her pregnancy? She couldn't go back now; she wouldn't let herself go back and try to undo the damage she had just done to him, and to herself. Because, she had to admit, she had fallen in love with Bobby Goren; fallen in love with him and didn't even realize it until now.

Going back and trying to undo it would mess everything up, she toldherself. He doesn't need to be saddled with a wife and a child right now, not at our age. We're too young. We'd just mess everything up. It really is better this way.

But Amy's heart refused to believe it, and she sat on the floor and wept.