Misunderstood

Chapter 7

Amanda slowly became aware of dim noises and sounds. Her head felt heavy and her mouth dry. Her eyes fluttered open and was relieved to see Olivia sitting beside her, glasses resting on the tip of her nose, biting the top of her pen, completely focused on the task in hand. She looked well rested, Amanda though and studied the detective's features once again, almost intimidated by her beauty and poise.

She shifted under the sheets and felt a dull familiar ache in the pit of her stomach. She whimpered and curled up into a ball with her arms wrapped around her middle, tightly squeezing her eyes shut.

Olivia looked up fom behind the black frame of her specs and smiled gently. "Hey, you're awake." she instantly saw that something was wrong by the way the blonde was holding herself. "What's wrong, sweetie? You wanna throw up?" she got up from the chair, ready to retrieved the trash can but stopped when Amanda shook her head. "I'll get Dr Boland. I'll be right back, honey. Hold on."

Two minutes later Olivia came back with Angela close behind, ready to assess the situation. "Olivia told me you're experiencing some stomach pains? Can you lie on your back for me and stretch out. I'm just going to press gently on your stomach to see what's going on, okay?"

Amanda searched Olivia's brown worried eyes and then let her gaze wander to Dr Boland's before doing as she was told. "Just let me know where it hurts, okay?" she gently placed her hands on Amanda's, all too slim, stomach and felt her way around but there didn't seem to be anything serious that would cause her discomfort and pain.

Pulling the covers back up, she turned to Olivia then back towards the blonde. "There doesn't seem to be anything to worry about. My best guess is that your stomach is trying to get use to the sudden change of... um, what you've been going through. It will pass in time but I'm afraid its going to take a while. Your stomach is not use to eating. The toast you had earlier this morning is digesting and causing you to experience cramps. We have to introduce food slowly and you should eat little but often. It's just one of those things that's gonna have to run it's course. I can give you something to ease the pain a bit, if you'd like?"

After thinking about it for a minute, Amanda agreed and Angela handed her two tablets and some water in a plastic cup. "These should be taken before a meal so I'm gonna get a nurse to bring you some soup. That should go down easily."

Once the doctor had left, Amanda curled back into a ball on her side and tried to breath normally as she waited for the medicine to do it's job. Olivia came closer and brushed her blonde hair away from her face and saw how uncomfortable Amanda really was. "I'm sorry you're going through this, sweetie." she said, her voice full of empathy and care.

Amanda just looked up at the striking detective, seeing the kindness in her eyes and held her gaze for slightly longer than expected. Liv sat down on the bed and gently removed the tightly wrapped arms, that were positioned around her torso, and placed her own hand on the flat stomach, rubbing small circles over the material of the gown, wanting to ease some of the pain. Amanda didn't deserve anymore pain.

After continuously rubbing soothing circles on Amanda's upset belly, a nurse came in with a cup of vegetable soup and some lightly salted crackers. "Eat what you can." Liv soothed, "Don't force it."

The soup was half gone when she finally pushed the cup away and then looked at the crackers like they were huge and wondered how she was going to be able to eat even just one of them. She managed two and was about to start the third one when Liv placed a hand on her lower arm. She could see tears in Amanda's eyes and how she tried to force the crackers down and it broke her heart to think that, something so easy and apart of everyday life, was so difficult for her to do.

"It's okay, you did great. Don't force it." Liv soothed and took the plate of crackers away, watching a wave of relief wash over the blonde's features when she realised she didn't have to eat anymore. At least the cramps hadn't gotten worse but still she couldn't help the tears from falling and how her bottom lip trembled. She was an emotional wreck.

"Oh, sweetheart!" Olivia wiped at the tears as they fell but more kept coming. "Can you sit up?" she gently enquired while ghosting her fingertips across her cheek and forehead. With Liv's help, she was finally seated, the pillows supporting her back and the covers were brought up to her chin, making sure she was warm enough. "Can I sit with you?" her voice was so gentle that it brough even more tears to Amanda's blue brimming eyes and she stiffled a sob.

Olivia scooted in beside her, lifted one arm and draped it across her shoulders and pulled her close. "Shhh, baby! You're alright, everything is okay. I've got you, sweetie, just let go of whatever it is you're feeling. It's okay to do so. I'll be right here with you."

For a good half hour Amanda cried, her head resting on the detective's strong shoulder and Olivia catched each tear as they fell. When the sobs stopped all she could hear was the occasional hiccup and sniffle, sounding almost like a small child.

Liv slowly moved from her position so she was facing the blonde. "There's something I have to talk to you about. Something that I recently found out." she wiped at Amanda's blotchy face. "We got DNA from three different men from your nightgown. We couldn't find a match for any of them in our system but our Medical Examiner ran your DNA against them all and..." she sighed for what was about to come. "Amanda, one of the men was your father, wasn't he?"

The detective had prepared herself for a breakdown of some sort but all the blonde did was nod her head calmly and looked Liv straight in the eye. It caused shivers to run down Olivia's spine when she saw the dead and defeated look in the blue orbs, empty and distant.

Large warm hands cupped Amanda's face gently. "Sweetie, I need you to talk to me. Please! I need you to tell me where this happened, the name of your father and the other two men. I need you to tell me this so I can stop them and put them in jail for what they've done to you. I promise they will never hurt you again but there's nothing anyone can do if you don't talk to me, honey. Please!" Liv pleaded, her eyes watering up along with Amanda's. "Please." she whispered again, moving her thumbs softy over tear stained cheeks.

Amanda's breathing had turned heavy as she fought an internal battle with herself. She wanted to tell Liv everything but fear was holding her back, thinking that if she opened her mouth she would get punished with a fist, a belt or wooden rosary beads, hitting her so hard it would slice the skin open and bleed for hours. She knew that Olivia wouldn't do that to her but the fear was still there, lingering inside, making a little nest for itself to settle down. She would always carry that fear with her wherever she went.

A flicker of hope ran through Olivia as she saw the blonde opening her mouth. She stopped breathing for a minute, afraid that her breath would somehow interfere with Amanda's voice but the young woman quickly closed it again, pressing her lips so tightly together they almost turned white. "Sweetie, I can give you my word that none of these men will ever hurt you again." Amanda vigorously shook her head, refusing to use her voice.

"Okay, honey. Do you think you can write it down for me?" she suggested and reached for the pen and her notebook that she always kept in the pocket of her jacket to quickly jot down any information that would be relevant to a case.

Small hands shook as she grabbed the pen and paper from the detective's steady ones. The trembling made it nearly impossible to write but she managed, after some time, to scribble down three names before handing it to the anxiously waiting brunette. Olivia scanned the piece of paper;

Father Anthony Rollins - my father

Michael and Lucas Garcia - priests and brothers.

Liv grabbed her phone. "I have to call this in sweetie. I'll be right back." she disappeared out the door and dialed Fin's number.

"Fin, I need you to look up three names for me."

Fin got the short version and was told to ring her back when he had more information on any of them. She took a deep breath to collect herself before entering the room again. "Okay, my partner is working on finding them and, I don't want you to worry because they will find them and they will be prosecuted."

Blue eyes looked at her intensely and with doubt. She wouldn't take Olivia's word for it until she could see, for herself, that they were behind bars and were never getting out again. Only then, would she feel safe.

Liv decided to change the subject to a more nutural one and picked up the bag that had been standing on the floor. "I brought you some of my clothes and toiletries. They might be a bit big on you but I'm sure they'll be more comfortable than what you're wearing now. I also brought a spare ipad with loads of movies on it so you won't be bored and to keep your mind off things. Give yourself a break. You wanna change into something right now?"

Amanda frowned, tilted her head slightly and wondered why this woman was so kind and comforting. She didn't know her at all but yet it felt like she did. There was something so familiar about her which made the whole thing even more confusing.

"It's okay." Liv reassured and placed the bag on the bed. "While you get changed I'll run down to the cafeteria and get us some hot chocolate, how does that sound?"

Once alone in the room, she carefully opened the bag and pulled out the first garment that layed on top. A pair of navy sweats that indeed looked way too big for her but they were soft and seemed warm. Next she pulled out a plain white fitted t shirt, socks and a navy NYPD hoodie that looked old and well worn. Without thinking she brought it up to her nose and inhaled the sweet scent of Olivia's washing powder and the smell that was just unique to her. A soothing and calming smell of vanilla and something else that she couldn't quite figure out.

She grabbed the clothes and headed into the bathroom to change. The t shirt was suppose to be a tight fit but since Amanda was malnourished and lost so much weight it looked about three sizes too big. The sweats were soft and comfortable even though they hung loosely on her bony hips and the hoodie was like a tent meant for two people. Liv was right, she instantly felt more at ease knowing she didn't have to wear the awful looking gown and stockings.

When she was fully dressed she accidentally saw a glimpse of herself in the small mirror above the sink. Shocked at what she saw she just stood there, mouth slightly open, brows furrowed and eyes wide. She hadn't really looked at herself in a long time and what she saw frightened her. Looking back at her was not the Amanda she remembered, not the Amanda she once knew and not the Amanda she had wanted to turn into. In front of her was a stranger that looked like Amanda, but different.

Her eyes were dull and wooden, dark circles framing them, hair dry and slightly clumped together in random places, skin pale and sickly looking and her body was literally skin and bones. She hated what she saw in the reflection and had to turn away before she would let her hand fly through the glass to get the image of herself out of her head.

Just as she walked out, Olivia came through the door, a cupbin each hand and a gentle smile on her face. "Much better. A bit big, as I said, but at least you'll be warm and cozy."

Amanda looked adorable in her old sweats and she had to supress a huge grin from creeping over her face as the blonde petite woman stood before her, swimming in her clothes, a shy expression playing across her features and she swallowed nervously and quickly made her way back to the bed and sat down on the edge, her legs dangling off the side.

Olivia offered her a cup and she shakily accepted and sipped in silence, her eyes intermittently studying the brunette tentatively over the lid of the cup, taking in her beauty and strength.

"Amanda," Liv said softly and joined the blonde on the bed, their legs almost touching. "Is there anyone I can call for you? A family member, a friend, a relative perhaps? Is there anyone that I can contact?"

Sipping her warm beverage, Amanda silently shook her head and turned her gaze down towards the floor, her eyes following a hairline crack on the cheap flooring bellow.

"Okay, if you're sure." she paused and had an idea. "Why don't you let me brush your hair, ugh? I bet it's really tangled up and it will probably make you feel a bit better. Can I?"

Amanda looked up from the floor and into Liv's brown eyes, lingering for a long time, wondering why she was so gentle and kind, why she was so keen on helping her and making sure she was comfortable, safe and protected. Why was this stranger so genuinely empathetic and understanding towards her? What was in it for her?

Eventually she agreed with a nod and let the tall detective gently run her fingers through her blonde locks, untangling the worst knots that way before swapping to the brush. As Liv worked through the knotted tresses, trying not to hurt her, she could tell that Amanda was beginning to relax under her touch. It made her smile and gently scratched her nails against her scalp from time to time, listening closely as the blonde's breathing became heavy.

She made a French plat and tied the end with an elastic, that she got from her pocket, and then positioned the plat over her shoulder, standing in front of her to admire her work. "Feel better?" she asked gently and tilted her head to the side and she smiled when Amanda slowly nodded but flinched when Olivia's phone rang out loud.

"It's okay," she soothed and held her phone up with one hand. "It's just my partner ringing me, okay. I've got to take this, honey. I'm gonna step outside for a minute but I'll be right back." she left the room quickly and swiped her finger across the bright sceeen.

"Fin, please tell me you've got something?"

"Have I ever let you down, girl?" he chuckled, "We got an address for Father Rollins and a couple of churches where he's assigned to. The two brothers are a bit harder to track down. Do you know how many Gracias there is in New York? A shit load! Just give me some more time and I'll serve you their balls on a silver platter."

Liv let out a deep breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Thanks Fin."

"No problem, you want me and Carisi to bring him in?" he asked, eager to help and Liv knew that he must've spent a lot of time by his desk and was dying to get out and do something productive, like busting perps or drive the squad car unnecessarily fast down bendy roads just for the thrill. He could be such a child sometimes.

"No, I want to see his face when we arrest him. I want to make him squirm and sweat in his seat, make him suffer for what he has done. I'll leave the hospital now and I'll see you at the precinct in a few minutes and we'll all go together. I want this guys ass on a spit and in jail where he belongs."