Shades of Grey
Chapter 6: Questions & Concerns
Chapter Rating: T {For mild heterosexual references/themes}
Disclaimer: See prologue.
A/N: Comment. (I apologize for the few grammatical errors in the previous chapter. Those who caught them, I commend you. When this fic is done, I will go back and fix all of the problems and repost the chapters.)
Isabella Swan, 1st Person
The rain that pelted down on Jacob's bedroom window brought me out my comfortable sleep. It was dark outside, and the fog was so thick and the clouds were so bloated that I couldn't even see the stars. I looked at the fat raindrops through my misty vision and traced the trailing drops with my eyes. In a way, I felt as if my life was similar to those droplets. I never knew who I would be around, or if I would be stationary or if I would just fall blindly into what was coming my way…
I shifted my body to a more comfortable position and gazed at the body next to me. Jacob Black.
I wanted to be surprised, and I wanted to regret what I had done with him, but I couldn't. It was one of the best experiences I'd had with any human being (or any immortal, for that matter). I wanted to scream at him and cry and ask him why he did this to me, why he didn't ask me first…
And I also wanted to do it again and again. I wanted the feelings that I'd experienced with him to be with me for the rest of my life. I wanted to forget about everything with Edward. I needed to forget about Edward.
Jacob let out a soft snore and I smiled in his direction, though he couldn't see it. He was lying flat on his back, with one arm thrown haphazardly over his head and the other was resting on his dark stomach. I sat up, facing him, with my legs to the left side of my body. I pulled my half of the sheets over my body. For some reason, after all that had happened the night before, I was still very self-conscious.
I checked to see if my fingers were cold by pressing them to my naked thigh. I was sure that they were cold enough to wake him if I touched him. I brought my fingers to his chest anyways. He jerked a bit but he didn't wake.
Of course Jacob was a tall and broad individual, but when his clothes had been ripped off via my hands, I was pleasantly surprised to find tight muscles and extremely soft and warm skin. I felt stupid next to him, with my boring, milky skin and my soft, barely toned body features. I was pitiful at his side. Looking at him, I almost forgot that he was two years younger than me. Sixteen years old. Just a baby.
"You're beautiful," I'd said.
"And you're not?" He'd replied with a smile. For some reason, that had made everything all right.
I traced small, lazy circles on his left pectoral muscle and his eyes cracked open.
"Hello," I whispered.
"Hi." His muscled tensed as he stretched upwards.
"I'm sorry that I woke you up." I wasn't sorry at all, though. I wanted to see him when he was awake.
"It's okay, Bells." Reaching his hand up, he pushed my hair out of my face. He looked out the window and saw how dark it was. In an instant, an expression of pure panic washed over his face; I started to freak out because he was freaking out.
"What's wrong?" I said as he jumped off of the bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants.
"My dad!" He replied in a hoarse whisper.
"What about him? Isn't he out with Sue?" My cheeks went red with anxiety.
"Do you really think he would be out that long? Look at the time!" He pointed at his alarm clock. It read in digital numbers "7:00PM".
"Just stay in here and I'll go out the window." I told him.
"Bells, what about your car?"
"I can walk to Sam's." When I said Sam's name, Jacob visibly cringed.
"If he's home, Bella, chances are that he's seen your car." He didn't give me a chance to say anything more because he left the bedroom and closed the door with great caution.
I waited in silent panic for him to come back. I strained my ears to hear anything that was going on outside of the door.
"What's going on, Jacob?" I heard Billy's voice. Crap, was all I could think.
"Nothing, dad." I could imagine him scratching the back of his head--that's what he does when he knows he's in trouble.
They exchanged a few more statements but I couldn't make out most of what they were saying.
"…doing here?"
"Dad, it's not…she isn't…no, dad!"
"Jacob, it's not proper."
"Dad, it just happened."
"What just happened?"
There was silence. I heard footsteps come towards the door and I hid under the covers of Jacob's bed.
"Bella?"
"What?" I said. My voice was muffled from the sheets. I heard the door close and I peeked out from under them.
"It's okay, Bells."
"But your dad--"
"He knew it would happen."
"You and me or you and me and sex?"
He let out a sharp chuckle and squinted at me through the darkness.
"I'm not sure, but he knows now."
"You told him?" my eyes went wide in fear.
Jacob shuffled over to the bed and sat down next to me.
"No. He kind of…heard."
"Excuse me?"
"This wasn't exactly a quiet affair."
"Why didn't he walk in and freak out about it?" I was scared of what Billy would think of me.
"Do you think my father would actually want to do that? And Bella, he can't walk."
"You know what I meant. Jacob, how can I go out there now?"
"I'm not sure, Bells. It's okay, though. Don't worry about it. It'll blow over."
I gave him a look that I hoped he perceived as annoyed.
"I didn't plan to sleep with you, Jacob," I said suddenly. "I didn't even plan on kissing you today."
"I know," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "but you did anyway."
"Are you mad?"
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"I don't know. Just wondering, I guess." I sighed. I wanted to ask him so many other things, like, Do you know that I didn't do this out of love? and Do you think this was a one-time thing? but I didn't. I couldn't.
"I love you, you know. And even if you don't love me, my feelings for you will never go away." I thought about his statement and imprinting came up in my mind.
"What if you find someone else?"
"I won't, Bella. I only want you."
"What if you imprint?"
"I don't know. If it happens I won't handle it like Sam did, that's for sure." His lip curled in disgust.
"I do love you, Jacob. I really do, and you know it." I placed my hand on his forearm.
He adopted a somber look upon his face.
"What?" I asked him.
"Nothing." A forced smile reached his lips. "I think you should get dressed, Bella."
I only nodded at him. I got up with the sheets still wrapped around my body and collected my clothes from the foot of the bed. I held them in a clump in my free and looked at Jacob.
"Um…"
"Do you want me to leave?"
"Will you?"
"Yes, Bella. And by the way, I've seen you naked before. It doesn't matter." He chuckled at me.
"It does! Your dad is out there. Just let me change." Jacob stood and moved towards the door, opening and closing it with minimal noise.
As I put on my clothes from the night before, Edward invaded my thoughts. Where was he? Where were the Cullen's? How was Edward? Was he all right? The worry clouded all of my other concerns.
I felt selfish thinking about him, but it wasn't like I could avoid it. Would the night with Jacob have been different if I had actually shared it with Edward?
Yes, of course. Much different. I knew that it would never have happened, that he would have hurt me, that Jacob was here for me, and Edward wasn't. I kept trying to convince myself that Edward was gone for good, that he didn't want me; it was getting increasingly difficult.
I really was stuck in between someone I needed and someone I wanted. I needed Jacob--and I wanted Edward.
.|*.|*.|*.|.*|.*|.*|.
It was more than awkward being in the same room as Billy Black. I felt his eyes bore into mine, and it made me very jumpy, nervous, and ashamed.
Before coming face-to-face with Billy, Jacob had taken me aside and explained to me that we had to tell his father about Charlie.
"It's too dangerous for my father to go see Charlie. Bells, if your father ever tried to lure him to your house…" He'd said to me.
Sitting at the kitchen table, the air was uncomfortable and stale.
"Dad, I need to tell you something." Jacob said.
Billy cleared his throat and moved his eyes from mine and onto Jacob's face. "I already know."
"No, you don't."
"Jacob, I won't tolerate you having sex in my home!"
"Dad, it's not about that. And it's my home, too. Just listen to me for a second."
Billy became stoic and silent. I decided to take that as a good sign.
"Do you want to tell him?" Jacob asked me under his breath. In a split second, I nodded, even though I regretted it instantly. They both looked at me expectantly. I swallowed hard.
"Um," I opened my mouth and closed it again. "Well, Charlie, he--"
"Bella, it's okay."
I took a deep breath and gained sudden confidence.
"Charlie's a vampire, Billy. You can't see him anymore."
The look on his face was strained and confused.
"Edward changed him before he left me, so he's very young, so to speak. I'm sorry, Billy."
The sudden information looked as if it was putting a great toll on Billy. I felt like a parent telling a child that their 'papa' or 'nana' died. It was excruciating to tell him that his friend was not himself anymore and wouldn't be ever again.
"I think he's responsible for the killings that have been on the news lately, dad. And they've been saying that Chief Swan has been missing. He hasn't been to work at all."
I shot Jacob a confused glance. I'd known about him avoiding work. It was required of his new lifestyle, until he could get a grip on his cravings. "Killings?" I hadn't watched the news in a long time. "What are you talking about?" I asked. Both of them were silent for a long moment.
"Bella, you must know that Charlie needs to…feed." Jacob adopted a deep grimace.
"I know." I closed my eyes. I didn't want to believe that my father, the one who helped bring me into existence, was a cold-blooded killer. In an instant, I felt the corners of my mouth pull downwards as the tears welled up and spilled down my cheeks.
Following Billy Black & Sue Clearwater, 3rd Person
Knowing that his son had engaged in adult activities in his own home didn't help the fact that Billy Black knew that his best friend was a new vampire. It made him think of the days' previous events with Sue Clearwater.
"Billy, I asked you to speak with me for a reason."
"I figured as much, Sue," he'd chuckled at her.
Sue rolled her eyes at him and continued. "Where has Charlie been?"
Billy hadn't known the answer. If he did, he wouldn't have had the heart to tell her.
"I'm not sure, Sue. I haven't seen or talked to him in weeks."
"Well, if you don't know, then I'm not sure who will." She nodded at her own statement. "You know, Billy, I wanted to speak to you about my children."
"Seth and Leah?"
"Yes, Billy."
"What's wrong with them?"
"Well, there's nothing really wrong with them, it's just that I'm worried. I need advice on what to do with them, you know?"
Billy folded his hands in his lap. "I guess. I have some worries about Jacob, too. I know how you feel. Go on."
"Well, I'd like to talk about Leah first. She's been…well, very distant."
"She always has been. Why are you so concerned now?"
"She's been sneaking out. Last night, she came back with a black eye and a cut on her cheek."
"Leah came home looking like that? What happened to her?"
"She won't tell me, Billy. She's so secretive."
"Get her some help." He said simply.
"Where am I supposed to go? She's almost a legal adult. When that time comes, I won't be able to do anything about it!"
"Have you really tried talking to her? Trying to get to her?"
"Yes, many times. It just won't work."
"I'm sorry, Sue. I've never had to deal with females in the house after my wife died."
"I know. It was wishful thinking to even imagine that you could help me with Leah. She's a tough one to handle."
"I can imagine." Billy looked at Sue's aging face. She was nearing fifty years old, and the wrinkles on her forehead were getting deeper and more defined. He felt sorry for her--after Harry had died, she had significantly and physically aged.
"I know you have Jacob, Billy," She cleared her throat, "so I wanted to talk to you about Seth."
"He's not leaving the pack too, is he?"
A look of surprise washed over her face.
"What are you talking about? Seth's not leaving the pack."
"Well, Jacob told me that he was taking a break, so I didn't know if he influenced Seth's decisions at all."
"No, no. If he's thinking about leaving the pack, he hasn't shown any signs at all. But this situation with him does have something to do with Jacob."
"What?" Billy was confused now. What did Jacob have to do with Seth's issues?
"I think Seth might be gay."
"Gay?" He repeated.
"Gay."
"Sue, I can guarantee you that Seth is not gay. You have nothing to worry about."
"Oh, I'm not worrying about it. Don't get me wrong, Billy, I'm very open." Her facial expression said otherwise. "He's just been talking about Jacob a lot."
"Talking about a friend of the same gender doesn't make him a candidate for being gay, Sue."
"A candidate? Billy, your choice of words really gives me a riot sometimes." She slapped her knee and laughed heartily. Billy laughed, too, though in an uncomfortable manner.
"Sue, was that all you needed?"
"No. Can we talk about this some more, if you don't mind?"
"If you want to."
"Please, Billy, I have no one else to talk to anymore. I need your help with Leah and Seth."
"Sue, I'm here for you. Do you want to go out and get something to eat, and we'll talk then?"
"Sure, Billy. Where do you want to go?"
A/N: I know that this was a pretty slow and uneventful chapter but I'm having a bad case of writer's block. I'm already working on the next chapter, though--It'll be a lot better, I promise.
Colum: Thank you once again!
