A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews/favs/follows! I always appreciate any kind of feedback!


Sara's POV

When I woke up this morning, seeing Tegan's sleeping face only inches from mine was the last thing I had expected. I could feel her deep, even breaths blowing tufts of my bangs about. Even in her sleep, her face was screwed up in a sad expression. I felt guilty that she never seemed to have a moment a peace, of just pure happiness. I was always in the back of her mind, troubling her and me being here in the flesh certainly wasn't helping her any. I have to leave.

I carefully sneak out from under the blanket we're sharing and realize i'm half naked. I don't remember taking my clothes off before I pitifully fell asleep in Tegan's lap. Looking around, I spot the neat, folded pile of my clothing and start to get dressed. I smile weakly, thinking things would be better, or at least easier, if Tegan hated me but even after all we've gone through she still manages to love me enough to make sure i'm taken care of. While tying my shoes I spot the CD I found last night and grab it. She has that whole box of memories and a copy of the video on her phone, she won't miss it.

It had been very stressful trying to find my way back to Mum's and by the time I made it there, I was in tears. She kept asking me what was wrong, and truthfully the main reason I was crying was because I didn't know my way around that part of Vancouver but I didn't want Mum questioning where exactly Tegan lived so I just told her we had a fight. She would probably yell at Tegan and upset her, but I felt like I was protecting her.

Now I find myself waiting in an aisle seat for my flight to depart. Flying makes me anxious, and I don't like to do it alone. I was planning for Emy to come on this little trip with me, I even offered to pay for her ticket, but she had too many deadlines for work coming up that she couldn't slack and take a vacation. So I came alone, spending most of the time with Mum and waiting until the day before I left to try to see Tegan incase something happened and I needed to run. Unfortunately that's just how things played out, and I only had to wait at the airport a few hours, replaying the last 24 hours in my mind.

When I got in the cab earlier, leaving Tegan standing helpless on the sidewalk I wanted to die. I didn't need to see her face to know that she was completely heartbroken. And what would have happened if I had stayed? She would have asked too many questions that I didn't want to answer, like the real reason I left her. I couldn't tell her what had happened and how she had failed to be there and protect me. How I felt damaged and no longer good enough to be with her. It was just easier to make up some half-assed lie and go, but time had caught up with me and I missed her so much. I just wanted to see her and have a lame superficial chat to hold me over until I couldn't take it anymore again.

The seat belt sign flashes and I buckle up, glad that we're finally about to take off and choosing to instead revel in the thought that in just mere hours i'll be back in my home with the girl I think I love. I turn my head to the side, glancing out the window across the aisle from me. I make eye contact with the teenage boy sitting in the middle seat and do a double take. He has chin length shaggy brown hair, a tattered Pink Floyd tee on, and a piercing under his bottom lip. He looks a lot like how Tegan did our senior year of high school. I smile, remembering our more care-free, experimental times together.

"Are you sure the smell will be out by the time Mum and Bruce get back?" I nervously ask Tegan, cracking an egg on top of the brownie mix powder in the large mixing bowl.

"Yeah babe, we'll be fine. We just have to make sure to air out the kitchen." She nods, concentrating on grinding the small buds of marijuana into a fine powder. She dumps the last bit into her bowl and walks over to the stove, turning the burner on medium and dumping the pot into the skillet. She pours the oil in a few minutes later, stirring and mixing it around.

I blend the powder and eggs together, then dunk my finger into the batter and shove it in my mouth, licking it off while I wait for her to finish up.

She looks over at me, then down to the batter, and back at me raising her eyebrows. I smile and stick my finger all the way into the batter, before pulling it out and holding it out for her. She grabs my wrist and takes my whole finger in her mouth, swirling her tongue around it and sucking on it before pulling it back out.

"Delicious." She smirks, giving me a wink. She turns off the burner and dumps the oil and weed into the bowl, setting the dish in the sink.

I pick the mixer back up, dipping it into the bowl. Tegan steps behind me, resting her chin on my shoulder and reaches around, placing her hands on top of mine. We move the mixer around, blending everything together one last time. She sprays the pan with non-stick grease and I pour the batter in, spreading it around evenly and place it in the oven, setting the timer. She puts the rest of the dishes in the sink for us to do later and turns back to me, grabbing my waist and guiding me backwards until my back hits the fridge. She leans forwards and brushes her nose against mine sweetly.

"I'm surprised you don't have more cavities, with how sweet you are." I tease her, my lips barely grazing hers as I speak.

She chuckles breathily and pulls away, rolling her eyes. She rests one hand on the fridge next to my face, the other staying put on my waist as her thumb makes small circles across my bare skin under my shirt.

My forearms rest loosely on her shoulders and I idly twirl a chunk of her curly brown locks between my fingers. Mix her shaggy hair with the ratty band shirts she's taken to wearing recently and she looks like a complete stoner. But she kind of is, so it fits. Mum nags her all the time to get a haircut and to clean up her look, but she won't listen. I like the style she currently has going on, it makes her look tough, like she'll beat you up if you even look at her the wrong way, and like she doesn't give a shit about anything. But I know better. Tegan's so sweet, kind of shy, and would never hurt anyone, unless they hurt me. I tilt forward and give her a kiss. It's so nice living in the same house as your girlfriend, but it's even better when no one else is home and I kiss and touch her all I want in any room I want.

"How much time is left?" I ask, already getting impatient. No one ever wanted to get high from brownies because it took so long to make, it was much easier just packing a bowl, laying back, and lighting up.

"Uh.." She turns her head, checking the timer. "Thirty minutes."

"That's soo long." I complain. "Make the time go faster, Tee."

She flashes me a cheeky grin and guides us over to the kitchen table, lifting me up slightly so i'm now sitting on it. I wrap my legs around her waist, hooking my ankles together and pull her closer. Tegan always did have the best ideas.

Tegan leans forward, breathing warm breath onto my lips, teasing me. I can smell the aroma of her coconut shampoo wafting off her hair and up through my nose. My head is spinning and she hasn't even touched me yet. I pucker my lips and close the small gap that is between us. A faint feral growl creeps up her throat, angry that I didn't let her start. She pushes roughly on my shoulders and I fall back onto the table, panting with desire. Reaching behind her back, she pulls my feet apart and my legs fall open, half dangling off the table. She climbs onto the table, and hovers over me. I tangle my hands in her hair, and she resists my attempts to bring her face closer to mine. We remain in our positions, testing each other to see who will give in first. Only a few seconds pass before we're both diving forward, attacking each other with open mouths. I can faintly taste the brownie batter on her tongue and I can't help but moan. I really love chocolate, especially when I can taste it on Tegan. She slowly shifts her body, so it's resting on top of mine and my hands roam down her back, slinking into her back pockets. She keeps one of her hands steady on my side and the other continuously runs through my hair, gently massaging my scalp. She reluctantly pulls away to breathe, and I instantly attach my lips to her neck, coated with a light layer of sweet sweat. I suck on her sweet spot, right behind and slightly under her earlobe. I make sure to leave a mark, one that will be hidden by her hair to every one, but we'll both know it's there and it'll be our little secret and reminder until the next time we can find privacy. She lets out a shuddery breath and I smile, nipping at her neck as I move lower towards her collar bone. My hands have moved back out of her pockets and slowly start to bunch her shirt up when the timer goes off.

Tegan groans and drops her head, sitting back on my hips. I let my head fall back onto the table, catching my breath.

"Well that certainly made the time fly by."

She chuckles and nods, agreeing with me. She climbs off the table and grabs an oven mitt, pulling the brownies out to cool.

"They smell yummy." I say, still lying on the table and watching the ceiling fan spin round and round.

Tegan steps back over to me, standing between my legs. She runs her hands up and down my thighs, her thumbs grazing especially close to where I always want her.

"Someday we'll have our own place and we can do this whenever we want." She says softly, stopping her movements and squeezing my legs.

"I wish that day was now." I mumble, sitting up and press my face into her chest. "I don't wanna wait for the brownies to cool. Can we eat them now?"

She backs away, leaving me feeling bare without her body next to mine, to grab a knife and cut the brownies into squares. She chews on one while she cuts the rest, putting one on a napkin and handing it to me. I eat it in two bites, chewing loudly with my mouth open. I toss my napkin away and head upstairs to Tegan's room. With the black light she had, her room was always better to be in when high.

She joins me a few minutes later, laying on the floor next to me and we wait for the drugs to kick in. Her hand finds mine against the carpet and I turn to look at her. She's got brownie smeared all around her lips and I giggle.

"What?" She asks, eyeing me up and down.

I wipe some of it off with my thumb, pulling one corner of her lips into a frown and lick it off.

She giggles in return but never stops laughing, just keeps getting louder and louder until she's clutching her side in pain and tears are running down her face. She is so blazed.

"Tegan..." I start to scold, sitting up and straddling her. Her body continues to shake underneath me. "How many did you eat?"

"Three." She laughs harder, tilting her head back. She runs her hands up and down my arms.

I can't help but join in, and soon i'm lying on top of her, our giggles the only sounds in the whole house. Her laughter starts to die down and she flips us over, so she's now on top. It's only become recent that Tegan's taken to dominating me. I was the leader between the two of us, and she usually followed me around like a lovesick puppy but every once in a while she would take charge, and I completely loved it.

I look up at her and she's staring back down at me, or at least I think she is. Her eyes are all squinty and her eyebrows are way too far up on her forehead.

"Dude, Tegan. Can you even see me right now?" I can't figure out if she's got her eyes shut or if she is just that high.

"Shut up!" She says defensively, but she's smiling. She playfully punches me in the shoulder.

I retaliate and grab her hips, forcefully putting her on her back so i'm top again. Her nostrils flare and she tries to get me back but i've got her pinned down by the wrists. She sticks her tongue out at me and pushes her hips up into mine, causing my arms to falter for a second. She takes that opportunity and flips us back over and we tumble around on her floor, competing for dominance until she abruptly sits up and looks to her door. I look at her curiously and she pulls us both into a standing position.

"Munchies." She grins goofily, pulling me out of her room and down the stairs to find some much needed snacks.

I snap out of my reverie, blinking moisture back into my eyes. I realize i've been staring at the boy for at least five minutes, completely missing the anxiety I usually go through when the plane takes off. He's smirking at me, no doubt thinking that I am checking him out. I smile feebly, whipping my head forward and staring at the back of the head rest in front of me, embarrassed.

I pull my ipod out of my pocket and untangle the mess the headphones are in. I figure some good music will help pass the next five dreadful hours I have ahead of me. I plug the headphones into my ears and turn it up, tapping my foot to the beat and closing my eyes, drifting in and out of sleep until I can feel the plane bouncing around from landing. I unbuckle and grab my stuffed backpack from the overhead carrier, waiting impatiently for the people ahead of me to file out so I can get off this cramped thing and find Emy.

The boy from earlier steps around who I assume is his mum and pulls his own bag down. He turns back around and faces me so there's only about five inches between us. I try to look away and ignore him, but he just reminds me so much of her I can't turn my head away.

"I saw you staring at me before." He smiles with only one side of his mouth and flips his bangs out of his face.

"Oh, sorry. I spaced out and just happened to be looking your way..." I murmur, blushing. He probably thinks i'm just acting shy or hard to get, not that he reminded me of my twin sister I am, uh, was, in love with.

"That's what they all say." He chuckles, flashing a cocky grin.

"I bet," I say, rolling my eyes at him. "You're probably like, what, 16?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I'm almost ten years older than you, and even if I wasn't, i'm not interested in whatever it is you call that thing in your pants." I say rudely, stepping into the aisle and walking off the plane.

I hear him mutter something from behind me, probably "bitch" or "dyke", but I just shrug it off, trying not to let it bother me. I hated to be the stereotypical "man hating lesbian" but it was true. I found that most of them were pigs, only thought with their dicks, and objectified women every chance they could. They were disgusting and I could count the number of men I trusted on one hand.

I spot Emy waiting by the gate for me and pick up my pace, thankful to see her face again. I walk up to her with open arms and pull her in close, burying my face into her chest. She smells like strawberries and I inhale deeply. It's not as comforting as Tegan's coconut but I can't complain.

Emy is the most ideal partner I could have found. She's cute, nice, funny, artistic, and has a job but deep down I know that will never be enough and i'll never be able to fully commit to her. When we met, I wasn't even looking for anything more than a friend but she was so good at making me forget my past that I needed her to stick around, and being with her seemed like my only option. I may love her, but I can never be in love with her like with Tegan. But Tegan's not here, and Emy is, so I have to stick with what i've got.

"How was your fight?" She mumbles into my hair, and kisses the top of my head.

"Long. I just want to go home and relax." I sigh, pulling away. I take her much larger hand in mine, and guide us towards the parking lot.

"Bubble bath?" She suggests, knocking into me and laughing.

It would be a wonderful idea if she meant for me to take it alone, but I know she missed me while I was gone and probably wants to have sex. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind sleeping with her, and she's good at what she does but she's the only person besides Tegan i've had sex with. It feels weird sometimes because we aren't the same size. She's skinny but she's taller and built bigger than I am. I feel like I can't really be dominate and I think she feels like she has to be careful with me since i'm so small. I'm not great at communicating my thoughts all the time because it wasn't something I had to do with Tegan, she just knew what I was feeling and acted accordingly to that.

My mood plummets quickly thinking about such things. I can't let myself become unhappy with Emy. Our one year anniversary is coming up soon and I know she's happy with me and will want to celebrate. She squeezes my hand, bringing me back to reality.

"Okay." I look over to her and smile, agreeing and laughing along with her.