Yeah, I know; it's been a while.
I'm just a super perfectionist with this story.
Hope you like the update!
chapter seven: dreams last so long (even after you're gone)
I hardly slept that night. I was so convinced that I had made the right decision. That I wasn't to have any regrets. There was a job I had to do and not only would she get in the way of said job but I risked her safety if she remained. It was the sensible and logical choice and, for the first time in a long time, I felt I had done something good. Something that mattered.
Though why did I feel so terrible?
Deciding I needed some air, I slowly arose from my bed noting the sun was near rising on the horizon. Snow began to fall I noticed in the small dungeon window in the top portion of our dormitory so I gathered a heavy winter jacket and boots as I made my way outside of the Slytherin common room.
What I saw both appalled and nearly killed me.
There was a girl lying face down on the ground with blonde, shimmering hair…and a blue and silver scarf around her neck. In shock, I threw myself down to the ground near her head and, once I verified the identity of the victim, screamed.
"LUNA!"
I awoke from my bed, jumping as if I had just been stabbed. My heart beating, I looked around the room and saw all of my dorm mates still asleep and realized that it could be no later than midnight. The sun wasn't even nearing shine. I could feel sweat dripping off my forehead as I wrestled with the understanding that it had all been a dream. That being said, even though it was a dream, it was still highly realistic. I hadn't slept in weeks, partly due to dreams just like this.
Luna and I had minimal interactions since our amicable separation, for lack of a better term. She seemed to hold no vendetta towards me, which I honestly expected. Had it had been the other way around, I probably would have pitched a fit about her being selfish and careless. How she had dragged me along just so she could feel better about herself. How if I die, it's on her.
Of course, Luna Lovegood was not Draco Malfoy. And thank goodness for that.
There were a few times we've interacted.
I had arrived early for breakfast one morning, mostly due to insomnia, and was eating by myself. She came by just for a moment, placing her hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly, and walked away.
My Charms class always proceeds hers and her and I have always shared the same desk. When I arrived to our chair for charms class, she had left behind a drawing of a raven and a snake sleeping side by side, the ravens head resting peacefully on the snake's neck and the snake lovingly curling up against the raven.
Another time, it was just a glance we shared. I had been sitting in the courtyard with Crabbe and Goyle and Luna had been standing talking with her friends Hermione and Ginny. While Crabbe and Goyle proceeded to talk about the latest Quidditch tournament and her friends Hermione and Ginny had their own private conversation (most likely about men), Luna and I shared a glance. It was as if we were having our own private conversation from yards away. Smiling softly and nodding, then our eyes glancing away when our name was mentioned in conversation.
"What are you staring at?" Hermione and Goyle asked.
"Nothing," we both said.
It was these moments that meant more to me than anything in the world and as I stressed out about my vicious plot to take down Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, possibly the greatest headmaster in the history of Hogwarts, thinking about Luna took my mind off such unpleasant things.
I made a habit of following her around often. Not so much to check up on her, although I took to doing that too. Mainly her presence soothed me and seeing her walking past with her happy skip and shimmering hair was a nice, calming distraction. Forget about Katie Bell tucked away in the hospital wing. Forget about the bottle of poison that I'd arranged Slughorn to gift to Dumbledore (through a third party, of course). Forget about the worst-case-scenario cabinet in the recreational room, knowing anyone could stumble upon it. Forget about the fact that if the next two ideas failed it would be the end of me and my parents lives.
When she walked by, all that mattered was that I was a boy in love. Hopelessly in love.
Luna made a habit of going to the library every Friday afternoon to read her father's latest issue of the Quibbler that he sent her that morning. I distanced myself from her but I knew she noticed my presence. I could be wrong but I had a feeling my presence calmed her, too.
This particular Friday afternoon, she had a visitor. Famous Harry Potter himself and I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at him as he sat himself beside her. It took everything in me to not push him aside and drag her out of the library. Harry Potter was her friend; I had to accept that.
"Hello, Harry Potter," she said, her eyes still glued on her father's magazine.
"Luna," Harry greeted, smiling at her. "Haven't seen you much lately. Everything all right?"
The edge of Luna's mouth widened a bit. Only a bit.
"Yes, fine," she replied. "I suspect your year has been more occupied than mine."
What a lie, I thought.
"Just about," he laughed.
Rolling my eyes, I couldn't take this small talk much longer and made to leave, making my way towards the door; however, what Harry said next made me stop and I leaned my ear against the bookshelf between us to further eavesdrop on their conversation. Clearly, stalking was not so far above me.
"Listen, I wanted to ask you," he said. I frowned. This wasn't good. "Well, Professor Slughorn's having a Christmas party and I was wondering if you'd like to join me. As friends, naturally. Hermione and Neville will be there, though I think Neville's too shy to ask you."
I could feel her smile from behind the bookshelf. I couldn't help but hate that she was smiling. Neville fancied her? Pathetic little git.
"The collector of the well-endowed?" she asked. "Well, I suppose I do need a distraction. The nargles are strongest in the winter."
Had I not have been feeling slightly vengeful at the time, I might've burst out laughing. Only she would mention something as ridiculous as that.
"Erm, okay," Harry said. "Does that mean yes?"
"Of course, Harry Potter," she said calmly.
"Great," Harry said, laughing hesitantly. "Meet you tomorrow at the Great Hall at six?"
Of course, I made arrangements to position myself within the Great Hall at exactly 5:30, one half-hour before the famous Harry Potter was meant to take Luna to the ball. Not that there was much that could be done either way. I'd made my decision and whoever she may or may not end up with as a result of those actions was none of my business. I was meant to keep to my business and focus on the much-more-dire contract instead to prevent the Dark Lord or anyone else observing my actions or thoughts.
It's for her protection, I tried to convince myself.
I saw her enter the Great Hall early in the most bizarrely enchanting dress that I'd ever seen her in. It was a bronze knee-length dress that frilled outwards three times with black leggings and glossy Polaris earrings that ones eyes could get lost in. She never did cease to take my breath away as her eyes glanced around the Great Hall searching for her partner. Of course, I found my breath again when I realized that it was not I she was searching for, but my arch nemesis, so to speak.
I could not make out any dialogue. All I saw was that disgusting Harry Potter smile in delight towards my beloved, take her gentle hand, and slightly bow, chuckling as he did so. She beamed with delight and grasped her hands together rocking her shoulders back and forth. Harry Potter reached his hand forward, gesturing Luna in front of him and as she stepped forward, he gently placed his other arm across the small of her back.
What is the opposite of butterflies in your stomach? I felt an uneasy sensation in my stomach as the two walked away, like frogs croaking uncontrollably. I never thought that letting go of her I'd be thrusting her into the arms of my adversary straight away.
It brought out a lot of that vengeful side of me that Luna had been so talented at extinguishing before. I was not a good person without her. Without her, I had no morals. I had no guidance. Reason. All I knew was wrong and Luna.
Who could've guessed that I was such a romantic?
I know I wouldn't have.
I waited a bit after the two of them had left, fingering the picture that she had drawn for me days before. The snake and the raven sleeping peacefully together. If only.
After waiting a satisfactory amount of time, I made my way down to the party. For what reason, I still wasn't sure. Jealousy had never been a very common color on me. I was Draco Malfoy. I had nobody to be jealous of, especially not for a love interest. I've gotten every relationship I ever wanted, as well as got out of ones I didn't deem worthy, such as Pansy. Jealousy was a new feeling for me and I had no great ideas of dealing with it.
I didn't plan on poaching the party. All I meant to do was watch over her and make sure that Harry's intentions were purely platonic. Not that I missed his not-so-subtle glances towards his best mate's sister (I consider myself a fairly perceptive individual) but that couldn't necessarily guarantee that he wouldn't want to plunder in the most willing target to appease his failure in obtaining the one he truly wanted. Not that I rightly blame him…but he would've chosen the wrong target were that the case.
I didn't have as great of faith in him as my dearly did.
The festivities were loud and obnoxious. Watching member after member of that pathetic professor's little gang of celebrities made my stomach churn. Was it jealousy? If so, of whom?
Not being able to stand it after hours of snooping, I slowly sneaked my way through a back entrance of the room. All I needed to do was spot her. See what she was doing. Who she was talking to. Why, I wasn't quite sure, but the last thing I wanted was for Neville Longbottom to pull a fast one on her and take her somewhere.
"What are you doing down here?" someone asked.
Filch.
Before I knew it, he had his slimy hands on my collar, dragging me to the center of the party where Slughorn was. We passed Luna on the way in and I tried to avoid her gaze.
"Get your hands off me, you filthy squib," I spat, shoving his grip off.
Severus, of course, glimpsed my entrance and glanced towards the direction of Luna. I glared at him, following his lead on his 'escort' out of the party. The last thing I needed was a lecture from this fool.
"Don't think I don't know what you were doing here," Severus spat.
"Stay out of this, Snape," I spat.
"Draco, you're stressed. Let me help you."
"No," I insisted. "I was chosen for this. It has to be me."
Sending one final look of disapproval, he glided back into the stupid party. Moments later, another presence appeared in the door. White, shimmering hair in a beautiful, bizarre dress. She had her arms crossed in an uncomfortable state, gripping herself tightly.
Almost instantly, my mood softened.
"Katie Bell is going to be better," she told me. "I-I thought you would be glad of that."
I said nothing.
Strictly speaking, I wished no ill intent on Katie. She had never wronged me in any sort of fashion. My only regret of her living was my worry that she would hear my voice in her head…coaxing her to deliver the necklace.
"I am glad," I admitted lightly.
With a small sigh, I leaned up against the wall, my fingers lightly fidgeting with the edge of my jacket. Occasionally I glanced in her direction. Her eyes were fixated on the ground as well and she eventually leaned against the wall next to me. She said nothing.
I made acute notice of how her feet lightly shifted, seemingly uncomfortable as she quietly stood there next to me.
"I don't care for them, you know," she quietly said. "They're not…they're not you."
For a moment, my head shifted from worry to slight satisfaction as I smiled at her light attempt to appease my jealousy. I hadn't exactly hidden my envy.
"You don't have to do this, Luna," I said, forcing a smile.
At this, she was quiet.
"Neither do you."
My lips pursed together, fighting back tears. When did I become such a sappy little girl? Out of slight desperation, my fingers found their way to Luna's palm as I curled them into hers like a safety net. I gripped her tight like a lifeline as the two of us stood there, side by side, staring straight forward in silence.
I heard a small commotion at the door as I saw famous Harry Potter emerge from the Slughorn party. On instinct, my hand retracted from Luna's.
"Luna," Harry said, questionably. "What are you doing here?"
His eyes scanned from Luna to myself. I saw them harden as they fixated on me in a "what the hell are you trying to pull" kind of way. At this point, I was too emotionally exhausted to rally against him. He can make his assumptions and fire against me, I cared very little at this point.
"I-" Luna started, slowly walking towards Harry. Away from the monster Harry sought me to be. "I was just looking for something."
Harry's eyes narrowed.
"What did he take?" he asked, accusingly. My temper slightly raised.
"I didn't take anything, Potter!" I exclaimed.
"He was helping me, Harry," Luna said, trying to appease him. Unconvinced, Harry stepped forward, positioning himself in front of Luna in a protective-like stance. His eyes stared me down accusingly as if he were trying to mentally squeeze the truth out. Of course, I doubted this was about Luna but of a more pressing matter of the plotting-to-kill-Dumbledore variety.
Granted, I doubted he had any idea that was the end goal. He may be intelligent but that is perhaps giving him too much credit. I've actually observed him lately and his frustration with being kept in the dark was almost becoming too much to bear.
I know the look of someone kept in darkness. If I didn't know better, I'd say we weren't all that different. Unfortunately, I do.
"Come on, Luna," he huffed. "We're leaving."
Harry firmly grabbed her hand as she gave me a small helpless glance. I could do nothing but watch as my dear beloved was dragged away by my arch rival. I suppose it is something I should get used to. After all, it's not as if I had any choice in the matter. This was my future. Watching everything I care about being willed away from me. This was my destiny.
