Disclaimer: I own nothing SON related! Except this week I own Spencer... :
A/N: Unnnghhh.. I've got so much shit to do before school starts back up. Got to do some DMV stuff, finish my summer assignment and... something else I'm forgetting at the moment. Classes start on the 19th, so if I don't update by then... it was nice knowing you all. :( Hehe. Just kidding. I'm not dying.
A/N for the story: AHHHHHH! WE FINALLY GOT TO 107! Thank you all sooo much! This is the most reviews I've ever gotten! :D This is SPENCERs point of view. If the beginning sounds familiar, it's because it's from the last chapter! ;) CAUTION: If the mere MENTION of sex with Aiden disturbs you, drop this fic and run for your lives. Seriously. RUN! It pained me to write even that one word. Ughh... Uhh... I'm probably forgetting to tell you guys a lot of things... Oh well. :)
I can feel my eyes widen when I finally look at him. I began biting my tongue to keep from screaming. My breathing picks up and a light sweat has spread itself across my forehead. I look back at her, my eyes clearly bulging out of their sockets. I focus on her features. Her brow is furrowed, her lips are slightly parted and her eyes are squinted. I watch her take her bottom lip between her teeth. She adds a small head tilt. She untucks her lips and opens her mouth to speak.
"Aiden?" Her voice is tiny, when she-- Wait a minute. Did she just say his name? She remembers him?! Oh, CUT ME A FUCKING BREAK HERE!
Before Aiden can come any closer, I stand up and meet him halfway. He's making that face that clearly shows he's worried about the situation. I pretend not to notice and give him a small reassuring smile. It seems to have calm his nerves as he leans down and places a chaste kiss on my lips. For some reason, I'm slightly taken back. I quickly turn around to find Ashleys intense gaze. I lose my train of though when I notice her features. She's clenching her teeth, her jaws tightening. Now all she's missing is the hands curling into fists and it's just like in high school when anyone who wasn't her touched me or came too close. I'm quickly remind that Aiden is still in the room and find it in me to speak.
"Um… we'll be right back, ok Ashley?" I turn around slowly, but not before noticing her hands curl into tight fists. I quickly open the door and lead Aiden out of it. Once I'm sure it's shut, I lean against it and look up at Aiden. He's staring at the ground, biting his bottom lip and pacing slightly. He's making that worried look that he uses all the time because he thinks it's cute and it'll get him out of trouble. It just makes me kind of want to hit him in the face. He looks up at me with big puppy dog eyes, his chin tilted slightly into his chest.
"Hey…" I try weakly. When he doesn't respond I try again, "What brings you here?" He stops his slight pacing and steps directly in front of me. He runs a hand through the small poof of his hair. He lets out a sigh.
"I figured you hadn't eaten yet and thought that maybe you'd want to catch a late lunch… but it seems you're busy."
"That's very thoughtful of you."
"Yeah, well…" He trails off. His eyes begin to glaze over in a slight watery film. He starts fidgeting with his hands in front of him.
"Is everything ok?"
He looks back up at me, "I should be asking you that."
I raise an eyebrow at him, "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
"Because of her. Remember? The girl that broke your heart?" The way he says it doesn't sit well with me, I shift uneasily.
"Yeah, I remember." I look away briefly and run a hand through my hair. I look back up at him.
"You don't seem very upset over it. I mean, after all, it's not like you cried for years after her. It's not like you didn't date anyone else until you ran into me. It's not like you've had intimacy issues. It's not like--"
"--Aiden. What's this all about?" He's frustrated now. The muscles in his arms are tightening. He's exhaling through his mouth loudly and a frown has found home on his lips.
"I'm just saying, for someone who never wanted to see her again, you seem to be handling this pretty well."
I cross my arms over my chests and tilt my head at him. He's agitating me with all of his movements. "I mean, it's different but--"
"--Then why don't you get another doctor to cover for you? You're not the only one that works here." He suggests quickly.
"Dr. Lynn assigned me to her specifically…" He begins to pace once more, placing his hand against his forehead. "Why is this bothering you so much?" He stops in his tracks quickly. I watch him fumble for an answer before meeting my gaze.
"I just… don't want her to… hurt you again." I stare at him for a few seconds before wrapping my arms around his torso, as if on cue. His strong arms wrap themselves around my shoulders. I place my right cheek tightly against his chest and close my eyes, listening to his steady heartbeat. "I'm just looking out for you." For the briefest moment, I feel at ease. Like when I'm in his arms it's like…. I'm comfortable. Like I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Like I don't have to fight for his love.
"I know you are. But she's my friend… and she's yours too. She needs us now more than ever."
I feel his grip loosen slightly and I do the same. I back away until I'm arms length from him. He looks me deeply in the eyes, placing his large hands on my forearms.
"I love you, you know that right?" I nod my head and give him a small half smile. "Proposing to you was the greatest choice I've ever made. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." I struggle to find words.
"I..uhh.. I…."
"Hey Spe-- Aiden!" Our gazes both land to our sides. I see her walking down the hallway with her hands behind her back. God, I'm so glad she's here.
"Kyla? Hey! It's good to see you!" They wrap their arms around each other briefly. She catches my eyes and I'm telling her that she's a lifesaver. She seems to catch my drift as she lets out a sly smile. She looks back up at Aiden.
"It's good to see you too! Hey, why don't we catch up at the cafeteria? We can grab something to eat. I haven't eaten anything except those airplane peanuts. Seriously, an eight hour flight deserves more than a dozen peanuts. I wanted some fucking steak or--"
"--Actually…" He looks between me and Kyla quickly, "How about sometime later? I kind of want to sit in on Ashley's session." I shoot him a questioning glare. He knows he can't because A) it's an invasion of privacy and B) he thinks sessions are boring.
I shake my head, "You know you can't do that, Aiden. It's against policy."
He looks defeated, "Oh…yeah. I guess it just… slipped my mind." He looks down before quickly looking back up. "Can I at least say my hellos to her? I mean, I've already disrupted your guys' session. What's another five minutes?" A lifetime. Whoa, where did that come from?
I look over at Kyla who just shrugs.
"Yeah, you guys do that. I just gotta finish setting Ashleys room up, we can just meet up afterwards."
With that she's off and I'm left with a goofy smiling Aiden. I let out a sigh and shake my head at his childish ways. I turn the doorknob and motion him to go in first. He giggles like a little girl before skipping in. By the time I shut the door and lean against it, I already see him crushing her in his arms. I don't see how they could of ever dated, she's just so tiny compared to him. I try to stifle my laughter when she pats his back awkwardly. I begin to drown out his voice when she backs away and I can clearly see her face. I watch as she fidgets under his gaze. I watch her brows knit and her arms cross uneasily. I watch her briefly run her tongue across her lips. Finally I'm met with the deepest shade of brown. I can see her lips moving as she continues talking to him, her eyes never leaving mine. I begin biting the skin at the top of my thumb.
I watch as she struggles to let out a smile. It's one of those smiles. The one that shows she's clearly uncomfortable. She used to refer to them as her school photo smiles.
His voice finally breaks through, "You should see how the girls react to me here, Ash. They go nuts! They're always like, 'Oh, Aiden. You're so sexy. Take off your shirtttt.'" I fight off the urge to roll my eyes.
She has that look on her face. The one that clearly gives away her intentions. She's thinking up a plan to get out of here. Then it happens. It starts off slowly. Her eyebrows raising, her lips parting and then the overly dramatic, "Ahhhhh…" That yawn was so fake, it makes Barbie look real. No wonder she never went into acting. She finally breaks our intense eye conversation to look at Aiden briefly. "I'm tired." She says. Her voice monotone and lacking fatigue. I watch him capture her in his arms again. I look down at her feet and see her right knee jerking up slightly as if she has a twitch.
When he finally lets her go, she rushes past him, her eyes glued to the floor. She moves closer to me, refusing eye contact. She stops in front of me when she realizes that I'm not moving.
"Ashley?" She raises her head slightly, a small smile playing at her lips.
"If you don't mind… I think I'm going to go take a nap." I bite my bottom lip and nod, moving slightly away from the door. She opens it and steps out. The gust of wind from her movement allows me to inhale the slight scent of lavender. I reach out to touch her bare skin with my hand. Electrical sparks shoot from my palm and inject themselves in my veins. Her head turns towards me quickly. I retrieve my hand to my chest, cupping it with my left hand.
The soft copper of her eyes renders me speechless. I'm silently telling her to remember me. To remember what it felt like to hold each other. To kiss each other. To love each other. I finally find my voice and start again,
"I'll see you later." I say, assuring her that I'll never abandon her like the rest of the people in her life. She scans my face once more before quickly making her way out.
I bite my lip again and turn around. He's making that worried look. His arms are crossed and his body slack. He's staring me down. We stand in silence before I finally speak,
"Let's go meet Kyla."
"Remember how hard you tried to get with her? And then she ended up being a man!" Kyla lets out an obnoxious laugh as she finishes her story. I chuckle when I see Aidens bright red face. He hides his face in his hands.
"I didn't know, ok?" He mumbles through his palms.
Kyla scoffs, "You could totally see his package through his mini skirt!" They laugh together in the memory while I stay sullen. I'm looking down at my plate, picking at what ever is left with my fork. I hear Aiden rambling on and look up briefly. Kylas warm eyes are reading me like an open book. I hesitate before finally looking away. Aiden slaps at his arms and goes on about the small bug that just sucked his blood in a vicious attack.
"It's so tiny…" He says childishly thumbing the gnat, "It's like you need a magnifying glass to see it."
Kyla lets out a chuckle, "That's what Spencer said." I let out a broad smile at Kylas immature ways. Aiden joins in with the laughter before coming to a slow stop, realization slowly creeping over him.
"Hey! That's not funny. I'll have you know what I'm packing is hugeeee." He winks at the both of us as Kyla scoffs.
"I've seen it before, Aiden. It's tiny." She turns to face me, measuring about half an inch with her thumb and index while mouthing loudly, 'This big.' I let out a small laugh before turning my attention back to my plate.
All I can seem to think about is Ashley. What she's doing right now. What she's thinking about. I glance over at Aiden, who's talking with big hand gestures. He doesn't deserve this. He deserves someone who loves him one hundred percent, not someone whose caught up in some past romance.
"Well I should get going, I got a lot of packing to do tonight." He says while standing from his chair and pushing it in.
"Where you heading?" Kyla asks, remaining in her seat.
"Basketball seasons finally starting back up. The teams flying out to L.A. for the first game tomorrow morning." He leans down slightly towards me. "I'll see you later, baby." He winks at me before kissing my cheek. I just nod my head and watch him walk off. I turn my head to look back at Kyla. Her warm eyes staring so intently into mine. Her face emotionless. She groans as she pushes out of her chair,
"Come on, Carlin. I got something to show you."
"Kyla, I've already seen my office." I say as I walk past her and sit in my desk chair. She lets out a sarcastic laugh and begins rummaging through her purse before finding a DVD. She holds it up towards me as she walks over to the T.V. After fumbling with it for a few minutes the video finally comes on.
"Let's go King High!" I watch with a scowl as green cheer uniforms jump around the gym floor. The camera shakes frantically for a few seconds before calming down. I watch as the blurry figures wave their pom poms around.
"Ugh. Kyla, really? Do I need to see this?"
"Shut up and watch."
The camera suddenly zooms in, trailing a bouncing cheerleader. I hear Ashley's husky chuckle as I study my own blonde hair on the screen.
"That's my girl." Suddenly the video cuts to black. I look over at Kyla, who is now standing to the left of my desk, eyes glued to the screen. The video cuts back in, but to a different view. Ashley's rolling around on the ground giggling while Kyla attempts to sit her up with one hand from behind the camera.
"Come on, Ash. We're making this tape for a reason. If you being drunk is the only way I can get you to do this, then so be it."
….This isn't a weird sex tape is it?
Ashley sits up sloppily, resting the back of her head on the wall behind her. She looks into the camera, pointing at it with her index finger.
"Fuck you, Spencer Isabelle Carlin. You ruined my life." She rolls her head from side to side before giggling softly to herself. "You and your baby blue eyes. Your golden hair. Your smile…. Your warm skin… fuck." My eyes are glued to the screen as I watch her pound her head against the wall.
"Tell me. What did you first think when you saw her?" Kyla, the voice of reason, asks.
Ashley fiddles with her fingers for a moment before looking back into the camera, her head swaying uneasily.
"I first saw her…. Atthelunchtables." Her words slurred and rushed. "She was sitting at the cheerleading table with Madison, yaknow? Cause her brother and Madison were….whatever." She raises a hand to her mouth and lets out a loud burp before giggling. "When I looked at her, I didn't see a relationship. I saw a conquest. A gooooood fuck. I knew exactlyyyyyyy how I was going to do it too. I'd turn on the old Davies charm, treat her like she was just shit under my feet, tease her and then bed her. Fuck 'em and leave 'em, ya know?….. But….then I kissed her." Her head drops slightly.
"What was it like?"
Her head sways as she studies the ground, "Magical. It sent chills down my spine. But the strangest part was, she didn't taste like a one night stand or a fuck buddy. She tasted like a girlfriend, a relationship," She lets out a scoff, "A wife. Her cherry lips and warm mouth said so much when she wasn't even saying anything at all. It was like she was promising me forever in that one simple kiss."
She begins pulling at her t-shirt, pounding her right fist against her chest. "God, my fucking heart. Why does it got to hurt so much?" It's a few minutes of silence, Ashleys shaking has subsided slightly, her sobs quiet.
"And then what happened?" She looks back into the camera.
"I fell in love." She sits up straight and looks further up the cameras view at Kyla, "Turn it off now." The screen cuts to black.
It's been about two hours since Kyla has left my office and all I can do is wander around. I make my way towards the nurses station. I lean against the counter and look over at Kristine and Sara. Before I can open my mouth my phone goes off.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it… the taste of her cherry chapstick." Well… that doesn't scream gay. I fumble in my pocket to answer the phone as quick as possible. I see the two older nurses smirk at each other from the corner of my eye.
"Hello?"
"SPENCER. Can you get those bitchy old nurses to let Ashley have her guitar? Seriously, she goes all psycho if she doesn't have it." Her voice seems to echo as I look around the room. I see her standing a few feet away with her back turn towards us. I shut the phone and walk up to her. "Spencer? Spencer?! BITCH, YOU HUNG UP ON ME!"
"I'm right behind you, you know." She jumps slightly before turning around.
She points behind me to the nurses station, "Older and Ancient over there won't let Ashley have her guitar."
"Well, she is a suicide risk. She could easily take off the wire strings and harm herself."
"Look, Spence. It's just…. She has these dreams. Before she just used to do a line of coke to forget about it. But I found that if she writes about it, it helps her more. She writes songs, that's just what she does to get over it. It helps her get it off her chest."
"What does she have dreams about?"
Kyla shifts to her left foot, crossing her arms and looking at the ground. She looks around briefly before looking back at me, "You."
My office is dark, the only light is the small desk lamp illuminating only a foot in diameter. The dark sky outside my window informs me that it's past my quitting time. Ashleys file is open on my desk. I've been searching through it, taking notes, tying in information I've learned and information I already knew. I push my head tighter into my hands. I'm trying to stay as late as I can. Aidens leaving tomorrow, meaning he's probably waiting up for me. I know what he wants. I'm just hoping that if I come home late enough he'll be asleep. I close up Ashley's file and tuck away my notes in the desk drawer. I walk around my desk and grab my bag from the chair. I reach over the desk and shut off the light before walking in darkness to the door. I'm halfway down the hall when I spy the hallway leading to Ashleys room and hesitate mid-step. I should probably go say bye to Kyla.
Suddenly, I find myself at the door. I study the cracks in the oak. My palms are sweating and I'm biting my bottom lip. I grab the doorknob and open it quietly. I see them sitting on the couch, staring intently at each other. I shut the door quietly behind me, standing awkwardly when their gazes land upon me. I feel as though I've just intruded on a private moment. I let out a small smile as I make my way towards them. They straighten out on the couch. I sit on the table next to Ashley's keyboard. I spy some notepads with writing on the ground by Ashley's feet. I place my hands on my thighs.
"I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm heading home now."
Kyla nods her head as Ashley stays still.
I direct what I say next to Ashley, "If you need anything, I'm number one on the speed dial." I point to the phone somewhere behind my back, "My numbers already programmed in…"
She nods her head. I look over at Kyla who has a small smile on her lips. She's telling me that Ashley's safe. That I don't need to worry. That we're going to overcome this. I smile at her before standing up.
I shut the door behind me and let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. God, I don't want to go home. I slowly make my way down the hallway thinking up ideas. Maybe I can stop at a diner or something. Maybe hang out with Kristine. Maybe Sara's willing to let me stay over for the night. Maybe-- I feel a hand on my right shoulder. I turn around and find her wide eyes. I raise an eyebrow at her, asking her if everything is alright. If she needs anything. If she suddenly remembers me.
"I want to change for you, Spencer Isabelle Carlin."
My heart stops. Does she remember?
"Wh...what?" I manage out.
She fumbles with her fingers, "I just… I want to change. I don't want to be this broken toy anymore. I want to live without this constant ache. I want to change. And you're the reason for it. I want you to be able to look at me without pity. I want you to be proud of me."
My heart starts slowly beating again. No, of course she doesn't remember me. I can't help but smile at her and she returns it. All I can do is nod my head. I watch as she walks back down the hall and closes the door behind her.
With one final thrust, he's done. His groan echoing throughout the room. He collapses on top of me. His sweaty body quickly contrasting with my dry skin. He rolls off of me as I lay motionless.
"That was amazing, huh?" He says through pants, "Mind-blowing. God, I amaze myself."
I nod my head and continue staring up at the ceiling, like I did throughout the whole thing.
Before long his soft snores begin. I crawl out of bed and throw on a long t-shirt before heading down the stairs.
I feel disgusted with myself. I feel like an object. A dirty, filthy object.
When I came home I found him waiting up. A large smile on his face. It was tradition, him leaving me for months. Of course he expected a going away present. I laid stiff as he did what he pleased.
I find myself at the kitchen counter, sitting on a tall stool. I don't bother turning on any lights. The moonlight peering through the windows is enough. I rest my head in my hands. At least he'll be away for a while. I won't have to deal with any of his surprises. I hear the faint buzz of my cell phone, vibrating against the granite top. I reach around for it, not bothering to look up. I find it and quickly flip it open.
"Hello?"
There's a long pause before the person on the other line speaks. "I'm sorry… I know it's late.. It's just…I couldn't sleep."
My body instantly warms at her voice. All previous thoughts vanish from my mind.
"No, no. It's ok. I told you that you could call." I say through a smile. I straighten up in my seat and rest my left elbow on the counter, my cheek resting against my fist. There's some more hesitant silence.
"I just needed to hear your voice."
And this is the bottom. :)
Contorce: Wonderful review, as usual. ;)
Eaglesenior: I hope you got my PM. But if not it was Ashleys.
Farah A: I hope this one was good too? :)
xvolcom11x: Hehe the last line made me giggle. Anyways, aww yes. That fateful moment. I'm planning on waiting on it for at least a while. But until then, just wait. Oh man, it's going to be HUGGEEE! :)
itswhatever: I thought I lost you! :) This review seriously made me so soooo happy. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. That's what I'm trying so hard to accomplish, and having someone tell me that I am is just completely AWEEESOME! :D
kaila5707: Recognize her? Yes. Remember her, not just yet. ;)
2162008: Nottt just yet, young grasshoppa! ;)
chloedarko: Beautiful? :D
awe: Well I'm glad to give you your first chapter! And sadly, no. Those lyrics are from the song "Rescue" by Seabird. I think the only chapter I used my own lyrics in so far is the first one. And it was like... a line haha.
Vanessa Riverton: Thank you for all your reviews! Haha.
TROPPER12: Yep, she's like the little engine that could!
Momo The Great: This review made me say aw. Haha I like that. I might use that later in a chapter, if that's ok with you? :D
Conscious: Hehe thank you!
Please review! :D
