Summary: Shepard and Garrus get some time to talk via comm-link and it doesn't go quite as planned. We also get a glimpse at Shepard's mother, Hannah, and her reaction and questioning about her daughter's whereabouts.
Author's Notes: I really hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter and wasn't completely turned off by the threesome between Shepard, Garrus and Tali. Obviously, like I wrote in the chapter, I got the idea from Tali when she was sitting on the bathroom floor in her drunken state. Tali is a favorite character of mine and I always felt that Female Shepard should have been able to romance her, so I thought that was a good way to give readers a bit of what they wanted. As always, please enjoy this and leave me a review! I love and long for feedback as it fuels my writing and helps me with new ideas and whatnot.
Disclaimer: I own and want for nothing. Bioware and EA control all the rights to the Mass Effect series and franchise. I just wish I could have a part of it that was truly mine.
All along it was a fever
A cold sweat hot-headed believer
I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something,"
He said, "If you dare come a little closer."
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay
It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take – it's given
Round and around and around and around we go
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay.
Ooh the reason I hold on
Ooh cause I need this hole gone
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving
Not really sure how to feel about it.
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you.
It takes me all the way.
I want you to stay, stay.
I want you to stay, oh.
-Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko
"Shepard?" EDI was trying to clean up the connection as best she could and so far all he could see was a blurry human shaped object. "Shepard is that you?" The image became clearer and he breathed a sigh of relief, his heart pounding against his chest as he took in every inch of her body bathed in blue. She had certainly seen better days, but it was her.
"It's me, Garrus. It's really me," she said stepping forward so he could see her better. Her voice was hoarse and it cracked when she said his name, but hearing her say it after weeks of not hearing her voice was like eating Turian chocolate. He closed his eyes, wishing he could hold her in his arms, and let out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding.
"How are you feeling? Are you healing okay?" He had a million questions he wanted to ask but he decided it was better to wait for the answers he was seeking once he was back on Earth and he could touch her to make sure this person doused in blue light was truly his Shepard. She laughed a dry raspy laugh and smiled at him her eyes conveying how much she loved him.
"I've certainly felt better, but I'm doing okay. Miranda worked her magic and seemed to have gotten my cybernetics working so I'm healing fairly quickly," she said, leaning against something for support. "But what about you? You look like you've seen better days. How is your side?" He smiled to himself. He rubbed the mentioned area and raised his brow plates at her.
"Not bad considering I almost got crushed by a Mako. You don't need to worry about me, Shepard. Dr. Chakwas patched me up. I'm more concerned about your sling," he said motioning with his hand at the mentioned member. Spirits, he wanted to touch her. He wasn't sure if she blushed or not, it was hard to tell through the link, but she rubbed the back of her neck; a habit she had of doing when she was nervous.
"It's nothing serious. Just a break, but it'll heal in due time." They stood in silence for a moment, their eyes looking over the other to assess any damage and just taking in the appearance of each other. "I hear that you're trying to get the jump drives installed. Haven't used them in a while. How's it coming?"
"It would be faster if they had never been put as a back up and instead stayed installed," he said, agitation marring his voice. He didn't want to talk about the damn drives. He wanted to talk about her, to make sure she was truly okay, but he knew that was probably the last thing she wanted to talk about. She never wanted to talk about herself. He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "It looks like they are almost installed. I calibrated the drives as best I could, it's not really my expertise, but EDI said that my calibrations were approximate."
"Speaking of EDI, not to cut you off, but Miranda mentioned that something is wrong with her?" He noticed the worried lines that creased into her forehead and he wanted nothing more than to press his against hers and soothe her.
"We're not sure what it is exactly and Joker's frantic worrying isn't helping either." She gave him a soft smile.
"That's love for you," she murmured, shifting her weight and leaned her left hip against, presumably, the console, rubbing her right leg. Pain flickered across her face but it passed just as quickly as it had come. He looked away from her for a moment, his heart twisting in his chest. Even through the link she looked horrible. She looked thinner, if possible, then he remembered. He looked back at her and sighed.
"I know all too well. You should know that," he said softly, his voice rumbling deep within his chest. She gave him another soft smile, her lips curving upwards and separating to show her blunt white teeth and coughed out a raspy laugh. It was hard seeing her like this. He'd hoped that seeing her would help, but he now felt that it was making it worse. He could see the long scar, however faint, running from her temple down to her chin.
Her hair was pulled back, not something she normally did, and her collar bones stuck out in a gruesome way, making his stomach churn. She had dark circles under her eyes which looked tired and not as bright as they normally were. She looked exhausted and broken. This wasn't his girl, the love of his life, in front of him. This was someone else and he didn't know how to deal with it, but for her sake he would be damned if he didn't try.
"I know. And don't think I have forgotten either. Does Tali have any idea what is wrong?" He was pulled away from his dark thoughts and shook his head.
"All her readings are coming out normal. Everything is running fine, but EDI can't compute certain things. She's not talking much either. She just sits up in the cockpit with Joker, doing whatever it is that she does, and only talks when she's spoken to directly. It's going to sound strange saying this, she is an AI, but she seems almost… depressed, Shepard." She drew her brows together again and seemed to look past him. She looked at him with her "thinking face" and he had to bite back a smile; that was a flicker of the human woman he had fallen in love with. That was Commander Elizabeth Shepard.
"That's not strange at all. What do you mean she can't compute certain things? Like what? Has Liara tried filtering through all the Cerberus Intel to see if she can find something, anything, which would explain this?" Her mind drifted back to her conversation with the Catalyst, his words ringing in her head over and over again.
"The Crucible will not discriminate. All synthetic life will be targeted. Technology you rely on will be affected."
"Shepard," Garrus said stepping forward as if he would touch her to bring her back to the present but stopped since he couldn't. She looked up at him. "I'm guessing it has something to do with whatever happened with the Crucible. After you did whatever you did she went offline. One example is she can't predict how many jumps it will take to get us to Earth and the fact that she didn't even think of using the jump drives until I mentioned it. Normally I would have said to go see Chakwas but considering she's just a robot there is nothing Chakwas can do. Only Tali and Liara can help her right now." Shepard shook her head at words, bowing her head he voice barely louder than a whisper. When she looked back at him, her eyes were glistening.
"She wasn't offline Garrus. She was dead, just like the Geth. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make to ensure the Reapers were destroyed. It was a selfish act. Action, reaction. That's what this is." He shook his head. He didn't understand.
"Shepard I don't-"
"I know you don't and I don't have the time or the energy to explain it either. I'm sorry," she said cutting him off with frustration creeping into the edges of her voice. She glanced to the side and back at him, a grim look on her face. "I had options and that was what I chose. Just see what Liara can learn from the Cerberus Intel. Try to get in touch with the scientists who were working on the Crucible and see what they know. I'll talk to Kasumi. There has to be a way to fix this," she said, mostly to herself. A dark look flickered over her face and settled in her brow, her eyes looking off somewhere distant.
He drew his brow plates down and looked at her, trying to understand what she was saying but she wasn't making any sense. Options? What options? What sacrifice did she make and how did it tie into the current situation? This Shepard he was very acquainted with. She was shutting down and slipping into Commander mode, shutting everyone out. Including him. It made him angry. They were a team. She had said it herself, "There's no Shepard without Vakarian". He hated this. The distance, the cold shoulder.
"Shepard just talk to me," he ground out, his voice rising slightly. She tossed him a look that said "drop it" but he refused. Deep down he knew he was being unfair, he had no idea what she had been through or what she had seen, but he needed something. Anything would be better than the fucking vague explanations that had little to no help. "You don't have to tell me what happened now, that can come later, but I need something to help me try to understand." Her jaw clenched and a muscle started twitching in her cheek. She crossed her good arm over her chest, tucking it underneath the sling and leaned back on her feet.
"What would you have me tell you Garrus? Nothing I say would help you. None of it would make sense. I can barely make sense of it myself! Until I can understand it, this is a need to know. I've told you all you need to know," she spoke darkly through gritted teeth. His brow plates rose in shock then his blood began to boil slightly, anger radiating off of him.
"Need to know? What I need to know is what you know about EDI and the Geth is we're going to fix this mess," he growled back, his hands clenching into fists as he crossed his arms over his chest. She shook her head and ran her fingers over her forehead as if she was getting a headache.
"I don't know anything else." He blew out an angry breath and leaned forward slightly.
"You said it was a sacrifice you were willing to make. What does that mean? What else is there?"
"I already told you-"
"Quit lying to me Shepard!" he cried angrily, his voice getting louder to an almost shout. "I can't help fix this bullshit if you don't talk to me. You did this; you have to have a better explanation to fix what you did to put us in this mess." She stepped back and felt like he had slapped her. She stared at him, her mouth open slightly, in shock. Immediately he wished he could take back his words. It wasn't what he meant. Her mouth snapped shut and her eyes crackled with a fire he'd never seen before. She stepped forward and laid her hands on the console.
"What I did was save the entire galaxy. I made certain that life, all life, prevailed. Sacrificing all synthetic life was the only decision I could stomach. You want to know what happened to me up there? You want to know Garrus?" Her eyes were burning with such intensity he'd never seen before. Through the link he could tell that she was using her biotics. The anger she was directing at him was beyond pure anger, she was enraged and furious. He raised his hands and shook his head.
"Shepard I'm-"
"No!" she cried and something behind her shattered. She had to let it out. To tell someone. Anyone. She felt like she was exploding from the inside out. Before she could stop herself, her words were tumbling from her mouth like water cascading down a waterfall. "You asked, Vakarian. Now you're going to stand there and listen to me. Before I was shot up into the beam towards the Citadel I was hit by Harbinger. I made it to the beam and was shot up to who knows where. I felt like I was being controlled by a force that wasn't my own. Maybe I was being indoctrinated, I'll never know and that," she said pointing at him. "That bothers me. It bothers me to not know what the fuck was happening to me." She looked away from him, licking her dried lips.
"I shot Anderson. I didn't want to but I had no control over my body. Do you know what that's like? To be completely aware of what is going on but to have no control over your actions? Something made me shoot Anderson. I killed him. And then I killed the Illusive Man for trying to control the Reapers, for trying to control me, for fucking up the mission on Thessia." He stood in silence while she spoke, his heart aching for her. He voice cracked when she spoke about Anderson. She had tears of anger in her eyes. "I watched Anderson die next to me. Whatever was trying to control me stopped when I killed the Illusive Man, but the damage was done. Then Hackett was talking to me, telling me that nothing was happening with the Crucible. I tried to get to the console but the pain was too much. I was bleeding out. I felt like death and I wanted to die." She got quiet for a moment, bowing her head in anguish. When she looked up at him again, she looked broken. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore but she continued to talk.
"I gave up," she said swallowing a lump in her throat. "The great Commander fucking Shepard gave up and I collapsed. Next thing I know I'm in this area with this incessant blue light streaming down. That little boy, the one I saw on Earth, was standing in front of me telling me to wake up. It wasn't the little boy; he said he was the Catalyst. He was the Intelligence that Leviathan created which started the harvesting of all organics every fifty-thousand years." She stopped speaking and looked as if her mind was somewhere else.
"We spoke about Leviathan, the Reapers and the purpose of the Harvest. He said it was to prevent chaos. Chaos that began with organics creating synthetics because the created will always rebel against their creators, that's what he said. He refused to see that I had made peace with the Geth. He didn't understand organics and that-that was his failing, but he didn't see it. He talked about his solution which was to wipe us out, all organic life but said that it wouldn't work anymore. He gave me three options. I could destroy them, I could control them, or I could synthesize with them. He told me what the consequences of each were and I, alone, decided that the ramifications of destroying them were better than the alternatives." She drew in a deep shuddering breath and squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head slowly. She opened her eyes, running her tongue over her cracked lips, and wiped at the tears sliding down her cheeks angrily.
Garrus stared at her. He felt frozen to the ground listening to what she was saying, hanging on every word. His heart was pounding against his chest, his palms were sweating but he didn't say anything. He let her continue to speak, to let out whatever she needed to let out.
"Destroying the Reapers would lead to the destruction and genocide of all synthetic life. It would severally damage the Mass Relays but he said that certain technology could be fixed. I would survive with this choice. He told me that I could control the Reapers. That they would obey me but that I would die and I would lose everything. I couldn't trust him. I couldn't trust that they would obey me every word and command. My last option that he gave me was synthesis. That was, what he tried to tell me, was the final evolution of all species. Synthetics and organics would become one." She paused and looked at him, her eyes full of sorrow and despair and it was killing him.
"But who was I to make that choice for all sapient life? What would that do us? Would we all lose our humanity? Would we still have the same feelings, emotions and thought processes as organics do? He said that my essence, my very being, would be expelled into the galaxy and I would take his place as a corporeal form on the Citadel. I would forever be alone. And I was a coward. I didn't want to die or become some goddamned ghost. I couldn't make those decisions. So I chose to destroy them and wipe out all synthetic life because we could create them again and not make the same mistakes we did the first time around. I didn't want to lose you, Garrus. I couldn't." Her voice broke and she began crying in earnest, her body shaking from the sobbing.
He would have given anything to have been able to hold her in his arms tightly and try to take away her pain. His heart constricted seeing her like that. He didn't know what to say or do to make it better. He was billions of miles away from her. He'd never, not once in the years that he had known or loved her, seen her cry. He could deal with her anger and he loved her happiness, but this was something else altogether. He felt inadequate standing there watching the woman he desperately loved, and would do anything in the galaxy for, sob and it made him furious that he couldn't be there with her.
"Shepard," he said quietly once her sobbing had stopped. She looked up at him with her dark eyes, tear streaked face and took a deep breath. "You're anything but a coward. You did the impossible and accomplished what no one else ever could have. You never gave up believing that the Reapers were real and were a true threat to all galactic life. You went to Ilos, you saved the Council when even they didn't believe you. You made it back from a suicide mission through the Omega-4 relay because you believed that it would help. You sacrificed an entire Batarian system to ensure you delayed the Reapers. You, only you, delayed the Reaper invasion twice. You cured the genophage to save the Krogans because my people needed them and you made peace with the Geth for the Quarians. You saved the Rachni. You convinced Leviathan to join the war because you proved that they couldn't hide any longer. You and Aria took back Omega from the Illusive Man because it was under heavy Cerberus control and it would help the Alliance. You stopped the Cerberus Coup. You were the only one who could open Javik's stasis pod and you convinced him to join us. Single handedly did you, and only you, bring all of the species in the galaxy together to fight the Reapers when no one else in the galaxy could have ever done that. You are not a coward because you didn't want to die. You are not a coward because you couldn't trust or believe what the Catalyst said. You are a savior. You saved everyone. You saved me, Elizabeth."
She gave him a soft smile, her eyes still leaking tears and gave a quiet laugh. She turned at the sound of Miranda's voice and when she turned back to him she sighed. "I have to go. I need to get my dressings changed and the connection won't last much longer." He nodded, not wanting to say goodbye. "I love you Garrus."
"I love you too. You know that, don't know you?"
"Of course I do. You're one of the only people in this galaxy that made it worth fighting for. I don't know what I'd do without you." She gave him one last smile. "I'll see you soon."
"Don't you doubt otherwise, love of my life." She laughed and he stood there watching as her image shifted then disappeared from his view.
He wasn't sure what to make of what Shepard had told him. He wasn't even sure that he completely understood everything she had said. It didn't make much sense, but he guessed that to fully understand he would have had to have been there. It didn't matter now. All he could do was try to figure out, with the help of Tali, EDI and Liara, how to fix the problem with EDI so they don't run into the same problem with the Geth, especially with Admiral Xen, the cold hearted bitch. When he was alone he'd have to contemplate what Shepard said, but for now he had to talk to Tali. He needed to tell her what Shepard said. Maybe it would shed some light onto the situation for her and she would think of something he couldn't.
It was worth a shot no matter what and at least he had gotten to see Shepard. It wasn't the reunion he had wanted or even hoped for but it was something. He got to hear her voice and see her. Now all he could do is bide his time until he could hold her and caress every inch of her body to ensure that she was okay and there was nothing seriously wrong with her. But for now, he had more important things to do. He could fantasize about her later.
They needed to fix EDI and fix her fast.
"Where is she?" Admiral Hackett turned at the furious voice his eyebrows raised. "Don't give me that goddamned look; tell me where the hell she is right now!"
"Admiral Shepard you need to calm-" Her dark green eyes flashed and he was reminded in that very instant that Commander Shepard was truly the daughter of Admiral Hannah Shepard.
"Don't tell me to calm down Steven! She's my daughter! I have a right, as a mother, to know where she is and what is being done about finding her," Hannah cried, angry tears streaming down her face. She collapsed in a chair near her, her body wracked in sobs. He ended the vid-call swiftly as he tossed the datapad in his hands onto the nearby desk and quickly strode across the room to hear, kneeling at her feet and gently taking her smaller hand in his.
"Hannah, she's fine. I promise," he said, his deep voice rumbling in his chest. He stroked her grey streaked red hair and forced her to look at him, his blue eyes piercing her forest green ones. "I promise you that Elizabeth is safe." She tossed her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.
"She's my baby Steven. My baby girl." He wrapped his arms around her back, rubbing his hands in circles, and kissed her hair softly.
"I know," he murmured into her ear. She pulled back and looked at him, her hair sticking to her face from the tears.
"Where is she?" she asked thickly, sniffing and swallowing. He kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair away from her face.
"She's on Earth in the care of Miranda Lawson. I've been receiving status updates on her whereabouts and condition from Dr. T'Soni as soon as she gets them." She closed her eyes and blew out a deep breath. She opened her eyes, biting her lip and looked at him.
"Can I talk to her? Can I see her? I have to know that my daughter is okay. I spent two years mourning her death because you told me she died. I had a funeral for my child, my baby, and then I found out that she was alive because of faulty intel. I can't go through that again, Steven." He brought her head down to his and planted a soft kiss on her lips, wiping the tears from her cheeks and gave her a small smile.
"I will work something out even if I have to contact the scientists who were working on building the Crucible." She breathed out a sigh of relief. She gave him a startled look, thinking of something.
"What about the Normandy? Did they make it? Garrus? She'll die if he didn't make it," she quickly said. He shushed her by placing a finger on her lips.
"The Normandy is on their way to Earth but we have no idea how they managed to initiate their stealth drives and slip away from the rendezvous point without anyone noticing," he said, enunciating every word and conveying his meaning with his eyes. "As far as the Normandy's crew goes, everyone made it off of Earth. Including Garrus. Their Reaper IFF came in handy it seems. You know Garrus is spearheading this act of rebellion." She laughed and nodded. She ran her hand through his short dark grey hair and fiddled with the collar on his dress blues.
"That's a relief to hear. She loves him very much, from what I gathered by her emails. I never expected her to fall in love with a Turian. What happened on Earth, Steven?" He sighed and sat back on his heels, shaking his head.
"I don't know. All I know is that whatever she did, it worked. As far as I know she hasn't spoken to anyone about what happened on the Citadel either except to say that Admiral Anderson has passed away." She blinked back unshed tears and sighed, leaning back against the chair she was sitting in.
"Anderson was a great man. The galaxy is lesser for his loss. He was a good friend," she said, wiping the tears off her cheeks looking up at the ceiling of his cabin peering at the stars in the night sky. He moved to sit next to her, pulling her against his chest and resting his chin on the top of her head.
"He was my best friend if I ever had one. He loved Shepard very much." She chuckled and he pulled back to look at her as she looked into his face.
"You still call her Shepard." He made a face and she laughed.
"Old habits die hard, my dear." She pushed up and gave him a soft kiss.
"You're right though. He always made excuses for her even when he shouldn't have. He was always there to back her when she needed someone the most."
"He died for her. I don't think he would have had it any other way." They sat in silence together, enjoying each other's company, remembering Admiral Anderson, before he spoke. "What do you mean when you say that you never expected her to fall in love with a Turian? Is it really that surprising coming from her?" She laughed a soft, quiet laugh and shook her head.
"I suppose not. I think that, for me, it's surprising because of the First Contact war. I remember it. She wasn't born yet so for her aliens are all she ever knew. From what I have heard about him, from her and various resources, he's an amazing man. I more or less expected her to stay with Liara. She really cared about her."
"Makes sense, but he was always there for her. They are very similar in many ways. They are both hard-headed for one."
"She always was stubborn." He chuckled, picturing Shepard as a young child. She glance at the clock and sighed.
"I need to get back to my duties. I have recruits to check on and more things to do than I care to." He groaned and pulled her closer to him, pressing his mouth against her ear.
"Stay with me. Those duties can wait. Admiral's orders." She gave him a look of surprise and her face crinkled into a bright smile.
"I'm tempted, but you also have to find a way for me to see my daughter," she said, patting his leg and standing, straightening her clothes, smoothing down the front of her blouse. He sighed.
"Alright, you made your point. But we will be catching up as soon as we are able, correct?" She gave him an impish grin and ran her hands through her hair.
"Of course," she said, turning and heading towards the door. She stopped and looked at him over her shoulder. "I love you Steven." He smiled as he grabbed the datapad and looked at her.
"I love you too."
She walked out, the door closing quietly behind her and he returned to his desk. He had to find a way to get in touch with Shepard. He pressed a button and Liara's face appeared.
"Admiral Hackett," she said with a smile. "What can I do for you?"
"I need to get in touch with Shepard. Can you help?" She smiled at him, her eyes glowing.
"Of course, Admiral. I am the Shadow Broker after all."
"Good. Then let's get to work."
