Okay fellers here is another chapter for you. I wrote it at four oclock this morning after going out for a friends birthday. Needless to say alot of alcohol had passed my lips before I wrote this. Even now i am suffering from a large hangover and might possibly still be slightly affected by the booze, just so you know my proofreading isn't the best and i don't know if this chapter will be any good or not but i will let you decide. Thank you all for the reviews. Enjoy.

Tony was pacing back and forth in front of his couch waiting for the tell tale ding of his intercom, waiting for Ziva's voice to come over the speakers announcing her arrival at his building. His mind had been racing a mile a minute since he left the office. What would he tell her? Would he lay it all on the line or just tell her the bare facts?

He had been waiting for two hours for her to show up. He had called central dispatch and he knew that team Gibbs had left the crime scene already.

Tony sank into the comfort of his couch ready to hear the shrill chirp of his intercom. He had already had three beers to try to ease the tension he would have talking to the woman who had had such a clear and evident affect on his mental state. He had thought he was falling for her but the way she had reacted earlier that day when he was trying to tell her he left the team had somewhat dimmed that particular prospect in his mind. When she thought he was talking about him and her she seemed to have a clear mind on what she would say and that did kind of temper his thoughts towards her, besides If she just thought of them as friends he was not going to make her life more difficult than it already was by professing his feelings towards her.

Although as he thought about the many different directions tonight's conversation might go he would have to have something on the backburner if it went that direction. He was beyond the fact of hiding it from her especially now that he wasn't under Gibbs's particular set of rules anymore. Now that they were both under regular NCIS guidelines the dating thing would not be as big of an issue. But still doubt clogged his mind. He had a thing for her yes, there was no denying that fact. But as to whether she felt anything for him was another story.

(Ziva's Point of View)

It was eleven thirty at night but she knew he would still be up. He had never once disappointed her. He had told her they would talk tonight and therefore he would be waiting until she showed up. The case that day had taken quite a lot longer than she had anticipated but she still knew that know matter what her partner, whether he was gone or not, would be there for her. He always was. If she wanted him to be or not he was always there. He had been there for her when a few cases had hit too close to home for her liking. He had shown up at her door without acknowledgment and not really forced her to deal with it but made her more comfortable by providing something she could deal with instead. And that by itself had endeared her to the man.

She had no idea as to why Tony had left the team but she was determined to find out why. He had seemed so happy that Gibbs was back at the beginning. She had noticed certain changes in the man she had come to know as a friend and confidant since Gibbs had left though. But in her mind all of the changes were a good thing. But something was off most certainly. She couldn't quite place her finger on it but she knew deep down that something was wrong.

She sighed to herself as she stood in front of Tony's door. It was way past time for a normal visit and she knew that she had to be at work early in the morning but this was a conversation that she could not put off for long. Too many things were weighing upon her mind. At the crime scene today she had a hard time concentrating. From the questions and grumblings of McGee as to why Tony wasn't there to help to the extra work that she had to do due to Tony's absence she had had enough and the only thing that would satisfy her now were honest answers. And from their conversation earlier today she knew that no matter what Tony would give them to her.

She stood up to her full potential and knocked lightly on the door in front of her. She looked down one section of the hall then the other wondering if the surveillance of her was still present since her meeting with the Israeli Officer Bashan. She took quick stock of the area and noticed no real threats so she knocked again.

(Tony's POV again)

A tapping noise broke Tony from his reverie. He knew in a moment who it was. Only his ninja would bypass the buzzer that was connected to the entrance to his apartment complex only to knock on his door.

Tony took a deep breath as he stood from the couch and walked to the door. He grasped the handle of the door and held it for a second as he braced himself for the conversation that followed.

He opened the door only to see a disheveled Ziva standing in the hallway. She looked like she had been through hell. Her hair was all mussed up, which he concluded only, made her look sexier, and he concluded that whatever case they had been sent out on today was not run of the mill.

Once the door was halfway opened and he saw her disheveled state he opened it up all the way and leaned against the door. He looked her over from head to toe and took in the despondent feeling she radiated and said, "Come on in."

She took no time and silently crossed the threshold into his apartment. As soon as he had closed the door she turned to him and said, "Tony, I am in no mood for any games tonight. He have to talk."

Tony breathed deeply and simply led her to one of the twin lazy boy recliners he had in his living room. He asked her, "Do you want a beer or anything before we start. I mean no offense Ziva, but you look like you could use some booze right about now." He cast a small smile at her that he knew she would recognize as buying for time.

She leaned back into the recliner and said, "A beer would be good. Thank You." Tony nodded at her and went into the open kitchen to retrieve two beers from the fridge. When he walked back into the living room and twisted the top off of her beer and handed it to her. He watched as she took a long pull off of the beverage before placing it on the small coffee table in front of her. Tony followed suit and took a long pull off of his own beer before sitting taking a seat on the sofa closest to where she was sitting. After savoring the momentary reprieve that the alcohol provided he placed the bottle on the table next to hers.

They sat there for a few moments just looking at each other. Both knowing that no matter what words passed between them that no matter what things from this point on would be different.

Ziva looked down at her hands that were clasped between her knees and asked in a small voice, " You said you were different now." She looked at him to measure the reaction her words would have. She continued, "What makes you so different from last week that you have to leave?"

Tony looked down and stared at his beer. A few drops of condensation were starting to appear on it as he answered, "A lot of things." Ziva returned her gaze to her hands and replied, "That is not an answer Tony."

Tony took a deep breath and said, "Ziva, everyone has what they want now. There is no reason for me to stand in the way of that." Ziva slowly raised her head from her hands and focused her gaze on Tony. He had not raised his eyes from the bottle in front of him when she asked, "And what is it that we want Tony?"

A sad smile spread across Tony's lips as he regarded his bottle. Without looking up at her he said, "Gibbs. You all wanted Gibbs."

Ziva leaned forward in her seat and placed an hand on Tony's shoulder and asked, "Is that what this is about? Tony, nothing has changed. We are a team again. Gibbs leads and we follow. It is like it was before he left."

Tony leaned back into the comfort of his couch nonchalantly shrugging off the hand that Ziva placed on his shoulder. His eyes wandered to the beautiful face seated across from him and he asked, "What if we don't want to go back to the way it was? What if I don't want to be the same guy I was before he left?"

Ziva shook her head and looked down at the coffee table and said, "I do not know why you would not want to. You were always so happy back then. You were without the responsibility of the team. You had at least some free time. You had your women. It is what every man dreams of yes?"

Tony placed his elbow on the arm of the couch he was sitting on and placed his fingers on his temple and he said, "I guess back then I thought of it as a good thing." Tony leaned forward and picked up his beer from the table and began to peel along its edges where the condensation had made the label pliable.

Ziva's eyes stole down to Tony's hands working on the malleable paper and asked, "You do not think of it as a good thing now?"

Tony slammed his beer back onto the table making a small amount shoot out of the top and landing on the table making a frothy testament to his anger. He said, "No Ziva I don't. You and everyone else might not have seen it but I have grown up at least a little bit."

Ziva eyed the spilt beer on the table and muttered, "Clearly." Tony heard her words and stood up. He paced back and forth between the coffee table and the couch and said, "You know what? Screw you David!"

Ziva sat there not quite sure of what to do. Tony had never yelled at her before. At least not in the capacity that he was now. She thought to herself that she had annoyed and angered him before but never to this extent. The worse thing is she did not know exactly what she said to make him mad in the first place. She had numerously made fun of his frat boy antics but never had he taken it this personally before.

As Tony paced in front of the couch he started his rant and asked, "I guess it doesn't matter if my life went to hell huh?" When all he received was Ziva's blank face he continued, "So what if I spend every night for two months trying to get Abby to smile. So what if I take her to every concert she has ever wanted to see. Oh and who cares if Tony breaks a collar bone in a mosh pit just to see Abby show some sign of life?"

Ziva was now too taken with Tony's line of thought to even utter a comment back. Again he began to speak more to himself than her, "I guess it doesn't matter that I spent almost three years trying to toughen McGee up. I guess it doesn't matter now that almost anything that happens with a suspect he can handle it. Oh no DiNozzo, McGee can let anything a suspect says roll off his back without the slightest hurt feeling had nothing to do with you. And I guess when Gibbs left I didn't go out of my way to help him break in the new girl either. I spose I could have let him feel like he was the low man on the totem pole forever huh? I guess I could have let him go to the shooting range and take those self-defense courses by himself to let him know that he was alone out there huh?"

After Tony finished ranting on McGee he cast a look at Ziva and became silent. He sat down on his couch and took a long pull off of his beer. They sat there is complete silence. Tony was ashamed that all that was bottled up came out in such a way and Ziva was trying to process the words that he had said.

Ziva took in his words and was still confused by them. Yes Tony had gone out of his way to help the team but she could not understand why he had to quit them. She had thought that he would want to be around more the see them flourish more under his influence as well as Gibbs's now that he was back. Another thought occurred to her as she was processing his anger induced bout of truth. He had talked about Abby and McGee but where did she fit into his ideals. He had mentioned that he had helped both out but never once mentioned her. This thought confused her. He had indeed had a large impact on her life. Through trying to see life through Tony's eyes she had seen the delight by living life to it's fullest. She had taken the steps to attempt to build friendships where when she worked for Mossad all she had was aquaintances and contacts. Here she had friends and through some weird chain of events Tony had wormed his way into her heart and had taken up a permanent residence there. Did he not think that he had influenced her in at least some way over Gibbs's absence or did he not think of her at all? She could not quite place it but that same eerie gut feeling she had earlier that day made it's way back into her stomach as she pondered that question. Saving her question for later she chose to focus on the things he seemed to be zeroing in on. He had mentioned all of the things he had helped McGee and Abby with but she wondered if he knew how much he would hurt them by his leaving so she asked, "Tony, how do you think they will react to you leaving? After all you have said you have done for them, what do you think they will do?"

Tony regarded her coolly for a moment and said, "It doesn't matter anymore." Again the confused expression crossed her face and she demanded, "Tony! Tell me what is going on! If you meant what you said earlier about us always being partners no matter who we are assigned to, I need to know what you are saying."

Tony leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. His hands reached up to hide his face from her as he thought about whether to reveal everything to her or not. In the end he figured that if he really wanted to keep her in his life whether as a friend or anything more than that this was the time for perfect honesty.

Even though the palms of his hands filtered his words he said, "You all wanted Gibbs. I did everything I could do but you still wanted him."

Ziva could feel the feeling of failure radiating off of him but had no words to console him. She reached out her hand to place it on his shoulder but when her hand was about to make contact with him he uttered the word, "No." to her. She pulled her hand back resolute to hear all of his words to fully understand what pain he was putting himself through imaginary or not.

Once Ziva had pulled her hand back from the pity that Tony thought she was showing him he continued, "I just don't get it. He abandoned all of us. He left with no explanation. Granted I spose in that circumstance no explanation was needed but still. Everyone was in hell pretty much. We had no great leader to fall in behind. Abby was a mess. Even though he told McGee he was a good agent I don't think McGee believed it. You and him had your little moment where he said he owed you and you said you would collect." He paused for a moment and asked, "You know what he said to me when he left?"

He waited for a moment until he was sure no answer was forthcoming and said, "He told me I would do."

He scoffed and continued, "No, you can lead them or your ready just I would do." Tony shook his head at the memory. 'You"ll do". Those words would fly through his memory on a daily basis. Not enough to acknowledge that you were believed in but enough to let you know that you couldn't mess up as much as someone pulled in off of the street.

Ziva was starting to get an idea as to where Tony's train of thought was leading him. She said, "You were a good leader Tony." Tony scoffed at her and got up off of the couch to go look out his living room window at the streetlights that were casting their orange haze through the window. He turned his head towards her and asked, "If I was such a good leader why were you all asking for Gibbs when things turned south? I was a cheap imitation nothing more." Tony refocused his attention out the window at a couple of kids running down the sidewalk to make it home in time for curfew and said, "You know Ziva, I thought we were all a team. You , me, Abby, McGee, Ducky and even Palmer. We were the original team. After he left I did the best I could. I tried to get Abby back to herself, and it worked. The last two months she was getting over being abandoned and was back to being her old self. But still every time I walked in that damn lab I saw his face on every screen."

Tony turned his face towards his kitchen across from his living room without even glancing at Ziva and continued, "McGee withdrew into himself and forgot how good of an agent he could be. With a little bit of help he finally started to get how good he really was. I didn't give him the computer assignments unless I had to and made him rely more on his field skills. Helped him with his guns and self-defense. Tried to help him feel a little more in control by antagonizing Lee."

Tony leaned up against the wall next to the windows and slowly began to slide down it. A quick thought entered his mind about how he wanted to tell Ziva what was going on in his head but he didn't think it would be as chick flicky as it was coming out. He pushed that to the side and said, "I tried and failed to be what everyone needed. Now Gibbs is back and like you said earlier it's just like it used to be."

Tony sent his gaze in Ziva's direction and said, "Abby just plain forgot all the pain she went through. She feels like some kid's whose parents got divorced and she thought it was her fault but now it's all better because daddy came home again. McGee went back to being the agent who is always second guessing himself wondering when the big foot of his boss is gonna drop on him and he's gonna get sent down into cyber crimes or some such nonsense."

Ziva sat in contemplation for a moment before she carefully asked the question, "So you are not mad that Gibbs is back, you are mad how we are acting now that he is back?"

A small smile graced Tony's face as he thought of his next words. He formulated his words carefully in his mind before he said, "It's not that he's back. You wanted the best so I am glad you have the best. I am mad because of all the strides we made together as a team without him seems to have gone to the wayside. Like you said everything is the same as it was before he left. I won't deal with that. Everyone else might not want to think that but I know for a fact that I will not go back to that."

Ziva thinking that they may have taken a turning point in the conversation reached out and took another pull off of the beer that had sat there after her first drink off of it. Feeling that she had better knowledge of what Tony was thinking now she asked, "And what had changed you so much that you will not work for him? He was you're hero it seemed."

Tony picked himself up off of the floor and retook his placed on the couch and reached forward to grab the bottle of beer that had half of it's label missing and said, "Yeah well first off you have to have respect for you're hero's. I lost that the day he quit. Once the hero thing went out the window you kind of see who he really is. It might sound shallow but I am not going to work for a man who's really only means of encouragement is either intimidation by staring at you or berating you in front of your colleagues."

Tony shook his head as he chugged down the last of his beer. He turned to Ziva as he placed the now empty bottle back on the table and said, "I don't know how to explain it. The few day's I worked with him now that he was back it felt like I was a probie again. He kept reminding us on how to do our jobs like we didn't do anything while he was on vacation. I don't mind a headslap if I am being out of line but it seemed like he did it just to prove the point that he still could. I guess I was just tired of being Gibbs's whipping boy."

Ziva nodded her head at Tony letting him know that she had noticed that what she thought were small abuses that Gibbs was taking with Tony but now knowing they were much larger on one side at least.

Ziva also finished her beer and placed it on the table and asked, "So, you took the lead over another team because you think the team has reverted and forgotten you and Gibbs is not showing you the respect you think you deserve?"

Tony furrowed his brow as he thought about her question. There was certain logic to it but it didn't quite grasp what he was thinking. He finally figured beating around the bush was getting him nowhere. He had to let her know exactly how he felt. Something that would let her know how betrayed he felt. He would tell her exactly what he was thinking since Gibbs came back whether she agreed with it or not, at least she would listen.

Tony reached over and grabbed Ziva's chin with his forefinger and thumb and gently pulled her face up to meet his. He looked her straight in the eye and in a broken voice said, "He took my family away." Ziva took in the words and some of the meaning but wanted to hear more and she nodded her head for him to continue. Without breaking eye contact he said, "I don't know if you'll understand this but I'll try. When Gibbs came back he took Abby. Not literally. But the Abby I came to know. The Abby who worked through her heartache and came out stronger and more caring for those around her than she was before."

He continued with, "He took McGee. Again not literally, but the McGee I watched flourish without him around. The confident agent who only took crap from me and no one else. The agent who glued Lee's hands to her keyboard and had to have Palmer come up and help her out. The agent who never second guessed himself and always had the right answer whether he knew it or not."

He took a deep breath and repeated the words he had told Gibbs in the elevator. He said, "He didn't take them. He took who they had become and reconciled them to being who they were before, even after all the large steps we made together. He took my family."

After hearing Tony's speech her mind instantly clicked into what he was saying. She had noticed the team dynamic was the way it used to be but never thought of that as a bad thing. Now that Tony had shared his point of view with her she could see the obvious failings that the team had endured on the last case. Things that McGee would have told Tony went unsaid until Tony brought it to the attention of Gibbs. Abby not having anything to report after two hours she would have joked about with Tony holding the reigns not brought a shimmer to her eyes that she didn't have anything to give Gibbs in his pursuits.

Again she thought too earlier in their conversation. The thought that Tony had only talked about McGee and Abby. What of her? What trouble had she caused the man that she had considered her best friend?

With a shaky voice she asked, "What of me Tony? You have talked of Abby and McGee but you have not said anything on what I have done."

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and replied, "Your different Ziva." Not satisfied by his answer she asked, "And what does that mean? How am I different?"

Tony stood up and walked towards his large entertainment center. When he reached it he placed both hands down flat upon the wooden surface and said, "You just are. Your different."

After hearing these words Ziva was beyond irritated. She had gotten him to open up on so many things tonight she had to finish with him. Call it Mossad training push and push and push until you get and answer. But this was beyond a mission. This was someone she had let into her life, something she did not do often. She needed him to answer her, not only for his benefit but also for hers.

She stood up from the recliner she had been sitting on for the duration of the conversation so far and angrily stomped up behind him. She forcefully grabbed him by the arm and tried to spin him to face her as she angrily asked, "Why am I different? You say your family has been broken, am I not part of your family then?"

Tony refused to be spun around by her as she began to ask the question but by the end he turned around by himself and yelled, "No, your not!"

Ziva looked up at him stunned. She had come to think of the people at NCIS as her family and she had thought that Tony had felt the same way. She knew that he had had a troubled childhood and from his earlier statement she thought that the same was true for him as for her. That the coworkers at NCIS had formed some sort of surrogate family that they could rely on. Before she could process anymore information his next words stunned her.

Tony looked her straight in the eye and said, "Your more." With that he tromped into his kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from a shelf next to his refrigerator and a glass from the rack next to his sink.

He poured himself a full glass and began to take a full drink at a time.

The words swam through Ziva's mind. "Your more". What exactly was Tony trying to say in those words? She followed Tony into the kitchen and tried to ask a question but her mouth refused to work. She opened and closed her mouth several times with questions on the tip of her tongue but never having the right of way to make into coherent messages.

Tony noticed her discomfort and decided he might as well lay everything on the line all at once. He asked her, "Ziva, since I took over as team lead how many dates have I been on?"

Ziva's mind was sluggish from trying to comprehend his meaning by his earlier words but somehow managed to sort through the last few months to try and attempt a figure. The problem was she couldn't think of an instance within that time that he had told her of a date that he had been on which was unusual for Tony. She gave him the only answer she could think of, "I do not know."

Tony took another long pull off of his whiskey and said, "Fifteen. Pretty sure she never thought of them that way but I know I did. Ever since I met her every woman I meet I compare to her and no one come even close."

Ziva's mind ran calculations compared to what he had said of her earlier. She was more. Then the dating thing. He hadn't said anything about his dates since Gibbs left. Four months. Four weeks per month. 16 weeks. Her and Tony had spent every Wednesday together for sixteen weeks. Except for last week when she was out with Abby buying a welcome home present for Gibbs. He thought of their time together as dates?

Her mind was racing beyond belief. Her mossad trained mind was able to think of several things at once but this revelation had rendered her mind useless. She could only get a basic sentence out and it was, "Tony I,…"

Tony seemed to anticipate this response and said, "That's why I never mentioned you tonight. I know you don't feel the same way about me as I do for you, and that's ok. I spent too many years trying to find miss right now and not miss right. Just goes to show how bad I suck at it because the minute I do find what I think is miss right she can kill me with her pinky or office supplies it I make her mad."

Tony let a sad smile grace his face as he took in Ziva's bewildered expression. He said, "Don't be so surprised. I always thought you were beautiful and you knew that. Since we started to work together I have started to like you probably more than I should. When Gibbs left we spent a lot of time together and I let you in more than I ever have anyone else. In part I think it was because I had the 'my partner' excuse but I have come to realize it is more than that."

He continued staring into her brown eyes as he said, "For four months me and you broke down walls. We became more than partners in my book. Probably not in yours but still. We tore walls down together and have shared more than anyone knows about either of us. That's kinda what hurt the most. The moment Gibbs stepped off that elevator I saw all those walls pop back up into place. I don't know what the deal is between you two and I don't care. Maybe it's because you were both there when Ari died and because of that you think that you two are connected somehow. But you and me had a connection that was not based on death. And from you have told me of yourself that doesn't happen for you."

Gibbs and Ziva's secrets ran through her mind. She knew what Tony was talking about. Throughout her life as an agent of Mossad most people she knew and considered friends had death connected to them in some way. Thinking about it the friends she had made and NCIS were the only ones in too long that were friends for no ulterior motive. Only Gibbs and Jenny shared secrets with her. Everyone else here took her as she was and she knew that if Tony knew the things that she had done in her earlier life he would still be her friend no matter how bad it was. But he had these feelings for her.

She had thought earlier that day that he was going to announce his feelings for her and she felt flattered but she knew they could never engage in a relationship with Gibbs's rules. But now that Tony was free of those rules did her mind change any? The worst feeling in the world she thought was not knowing what your heart says of someone. She liked being around him and he always made her life interesting. He was good to look at and all but was it something more than friends? She had no idea, which scared her. If it was a simple no she would know what to do. Not knowing was scary.

Putting this new information in the back of her mind for now she decided to change topics altogether. She asked, "So you asked for a new position?" She tried to keep the nerves from her voice.

Tony seemed to sense her unease and decided to go with her. He said, "No, the director offered me a team lead in Rota, Spain. I turned it down because I was not going to pull a Gibbs and abandon my friends. She offered me a different position here in D.C. as a team lead for cold cases and I took it."

She tore her eyes from his and cast it down at the floor and asked, "So what do we do now Tony?"

Tony finished the glass of whiskey he had poured himself and said, "I don't know. If you're satisfied with my reasons for leaving I was thinking we could order a pizza." Tony smirked at her.

Tony's confession as to his feelings about her rattled inside her head. She now understood why Tony had taken the other position and actually applauded him on it. She had thought back to all the times that the team, her included, had said or wished that Gibbs had lead the team instead of Tony. And she finally realized all that Tony had done for them whether they realized it or not. Tony deserved more. It amazed Ziva that the director had seen Tony's potential while the rest of the team went unaware. She had to sort out what she was feeling for Tony though. Whether good or bad he had at least let her know how he felt. She could at least do the same. But there was time enough for that tomorrow.

She smiled up at Tony and leaned up against the counter top and said, "Pepperoni and Sausage."