AN: 115 REVIEWS! I feel so incredibly loved.
I would like to dedicate this chapter to all my lovely amigos, but most especially Crizzy-bum, Georgi & Clo, because they are, and will always be, at the top of my to-do list. Lolz.
'Say What!?'
Hello and welcome to the 'Say What!?' on this lovely Valentines Day! We are joined by none other than 'The Marauders'! Hey Guys!
SIRIUS: Did you just say it was Valentines Day?
Yeah...
SIRIUS: Well, Valentines Day was last week.
Yes it was, but I was too busy to post this onto the website, even though I wrote it on Valentines Day.
JAMES (in the incredibly annoying and suggestive tone which most members of the male population seem to have): Why? What have you been up to?
PETER: Well, on Valentines Day she had to do homework for the following day, the fifteenth was her brother's birthday and also the day she went to stay in Yorkshire with her brother, parents and some family friends. In the house she stayed in there was no computer access and then she got back on Monday. Following this she realized that she had a family history project and a ton of revision to do and has spent the past few days doing that. Oh, and she slept at her friend Danielle's house last night and went shopping with her today.
REMUS: Have you been spying on her or something?
PETER: Nope. No, no, no. Negative. Not at all. Most especially not in the Topshop changing rooms.
Should I be scared?
SIRIUS: Very. I remember the last time Peter went all stalker. What was the poor girl's name again?
REMUS: It wasn't a girl, it was Arabella Figg.
SIRIUS: Oh yeah… --Shudders--
Anyway, as it's Valentines Day, and I can't think of what else we could talk about, let's discuss lurve. We'll go in alphabetical order, Mr. Potter.
REMUS: But Potter comes after Black, Lupin and Pettigrew.
Yes, but I am religiously canon unless the fic is beautifully written, which this isn't, and seeing as Remus' love life isn't canon until about 20 years time, Sirius has no canon relationships and Peter, I suspect to be asexual, except for the whole stalker incident. Therefore, we're starting with James.
SIRIUS: Oh. Makes sense.
Yep. So, James, any plans regarding a certain red-headed love interest?
PETER: Molly Weasley!? James that's disgusting…
SIRIUS: --Hits PETER around head with newspaper which has appeared, mysteriously, out of nowhere—
REMUS (Whispers): She means Lily you pinhead. (AN – Gotta love the word pinhead)
PETER: Oh. Yeah. I knew that.
So, James…
JAMES: Well, it's a bit embarrassing…
That's exactly what this show's all about.
JAMES: Well, I've written her a poem.
PETER: --Spazzes out--READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT!
SIRIUS: Yeah, James, c'mon - read it!
REMUS: Go on…
JAMES: --Unfolds a pink sheet of paper, dotted with love-hearts drawn in the glittery pink gel-pen that Sirius bought James for his birthday—
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
For thou art more temperate and lovel-
Sorry to interrupt, but someone's already written that.
REMUS: Yeah, James. Sorry - Shakespeare's already done that one.
JAMES: Damn. I thought it sounded familiar when I wrote it.
SIRIUS: You know, Our Dear William was gay.
PETER: The Bard was a BENDER!?
SIRIUS: --Hits Peter around the back of his head with that same mysterious newspaper— Don't be such a homophobe!
PETER (Squeakily): I wasn't.
REMUS: So, basically James, the bottom line is, you can't send that poem to Lily, because somebody's already done that, and he probably sent to a man anyway, which would be comparing Lily to a man and not a summer's day. Which she probably wouldn't like very much and this would result in blunt scissors in places where blunt scissors really have no right.
So, if you cannot dazzle her with your incredible poeticism and talent for writing, what could you do?
REMUS: You could serenade her.
JAMES: I could…
SIRIUS: What? And risk the life of every single glass item within a fifty-mile radius? I don't think so.
JAMES: Sirius, you are supposed to be supportive, it's in your contract.
SIRIUS: Right-o boss. Sing away, you have the voice of an angel, the song of a nightingale, the tone of a choir-boy, the-
X-Factor?
SIRIUS: Of course! Indubitably! Without a doubt!
JAMES: Slight overkill there Sirius… I liked it. I may have to consider a pay-rise…
Uh, James?
JAMES: Oh yeah, what am I going to sing to her?
PETER: A song?
Good start Peter, 10 points for Dumbass-dor, seeing as that's your house.
PETER: I don't get it.
REMUS: --Completely ignores PETER, everybody does nowadays-- So what song is James going to sing?
SIRIUS: Hmm… Everyday I Love You Less and Less by The Kaiser Chiefs (AN: Woo! Kaiser Chiefs!)
JAMES: Sirius, the pay-rise idea is over.
REMUS: And so is the singing I take it.
PETER: Aw, that's a shame I love your singing James.
REMUS: Only dogs can hear it, Peter, it's that high-pitched.
SIRIUS: And they wish they couldn't, trust me.
--Sighs— I guess James'll just have to opt for a box of chocolate and some roses.
SIRIUS: Or some kinky underwear.
JAMES: Sirius! That's brilliant! I knew I hired you for another reason other than that you were cheap.
And we wonder why she hates him?
REMUS: James, are you sure about this?
JAMES: Yep.
REMUS: Peter, although nobody values your opinion, the author of this wants you to speak anyway in order to put some humour into this sham.
PETER: --Looks up from licking the sofa cushion—Whah?
Do you agree with this idea?
PETER: I dunno. I wasn't listening, I was lost in my own thoughts about how berry-like the cushion tastes.
That's probably residue from what Dudley did when he came in during Interview Five.
PETER: --Continues licking--
Okaaay, disturbing. Anyway, that's it for this time and for the entire of this series. I hope you've enjoyed it. I certainly have.
SIRIUS: What!? The end of the series!
REMUS: --Looks Shocked--
JAMES: Hmm… black or pink? Satin or lace? Hmm… decisions.
PETER: Ooh, boysenberry…
--The entire of the people who have been in the show fall in through the ceiling—
ROOFING CONTRACTOR: Bloody hell! That's the third time that's happened!
BELLATRIX: Crucio!
VOLDEMORT: Good work minion! First roofing contractors, next THE WORLD!
HARRY: --Twitches—Must. Save. World. Voldie. Must. DIE!
I think we'd better say goodbye before a fight breaks out.
TONKS, HESTIA, KINGSLEY, MAD-EYE, MOLLY, LUCIUS, FENRIR, NARCISSA, BELLATRIX, CROUCH JR., MCGONAGALL, DUMBLEDORE, FLITWICK, SNAPE, SLUGHORN, TRELAWNEY, RANDOM HEALER, VOLDEMORT, HARRY, HERNIONE, RON, DARTH VADER, PARIS HILTON, DUDLEY, OLIVER, ALICIA, ANGELINA, FRED, GEORGE, RANDOM DOCTOR OFF 'HOLBY CITY' WHOS NAME STILL ESCAPES ME, SIRIUS, JAMES, REMUS, PETER: BYE! –Waves—
RANDOM DOCTOR OFF 'HOLBY CITY' WHOS NAME STILL ESCAPES ME: And now, the end is near. And so I face, my final curtain-
DARTH VADER: Shut up.
Ah, the end. I know I promised a DA chapter and a Slytherin chapter. I tried writing both, but alas! They sucked. That's why this took so long.
Anyway, tell me, what was your favourite part in fic? Best line? Let me know - I appreciate it so much. Thank you for reading!
Much Love
xxx
