Again, thank you for you reviews - they keep me motivated. There'll be more updates this week. Anyway, enjoy!
7. Mistakes
For the second time they sat in Mrs. Hanson's waiting room, and for some reason no less nervous than the first time. It was a Thursday afternoon, and tomorrow they would fly out to New York to meet Derek's family. Derek thought about his therapy sessions with Addison. That was very different, probably because somewhere underneath they knew what they had couldn't be fixed. What he and Meredith have, now that needed to be fixed. He needed her too much not to give everything he had.
The receptionist told them that Mrs. Hanson was now ready for them. As they entered Mrs. Hanson greeted them and signaled them to have a seat.
She started to ask them about the past week, how things had been. They had not seen much of each other since it had been a busy week at the hospital but now they were going away for the weekend. Meeting the family's a big step forward, she said.
"Okay, now. Last week we talked about Addison coming to Seattle and Derek trying to fix their marriage," she started. "Now, Meredith. Did you see other men while he was with Addison."
Meredith had known this was the subject of this session all week and yet she had not been able to prepare herself. Derek knew she had slept around; for god's sake he called her a whore.
"Yes, I did," she said quietly. Derek didn't say anything. This was something he really found hard to discuss. They never had talked about it, with the possible exception of when he yelled at her in the hospital stairwell.
"Was it one man, or did you date many men?"
Meredith took a deep breath. Just get this over with. "At first it wasn't... I didn't date... I... it..." She took another breath. "It was just sex," she then said noticing the hurt in Derek's eyes.
"Okay, did sleeping with other men help you move on?"
Like the last time she was there, she had absolutely no control over her tear ducts.
"No, I just..." she took a deep breath. Just get this over with. "When I was little my dad left, and I didn't see him for twenty years. My mom was never there... She regretted having had kids... I never had that family like my friends had... That unconditional love. I know you're not supposed to drink a bottle of tequila at the age of seventeen, and that you're not supposed to sleep with whoever's there next to you. But my mom didn't care, as long as I kept my grades up. And the tequila it numbed me, and the sex... well... I know it was just temporary affection but I needed that. So that's what I did... until I met him. You know my life had been this long and painful struggle, and he was the answer. The first person to love me no matter what. Even after he went back to Addison, he was there when I broke down in supply closets and whatever... So I don't know... I guess I kind of went back to my old ways after he left."
Derek looked at her. Her eyes were red and she was doing the best she could not to break down. On some level he knew all the things that she just said. He knew she's had a horrible childhood and a history of inappropriate men and tequila. But he never thought that he was the only one to love her no matter what. How could people not love a person as amazing as she was.
"Okay, Meredith. Take a deep breath. You are doing great," Mrs. Hanson said and gave her a convincing smile as Derek took her hand. "Now, Derek. Did you know that she was sleeping with other men?"
"Well, there was one who came to the hospital with medical issues," he started. "Then... well... she told me about George and then there was the vet..."
"I never slept with Finn," Meredith interrupted.
"What!?" Derek said in surprised tone. "But, when I brought Doc to see him you were there. In his shirt with wet hair..."
"That's a long story, including a pony birth... but no sex," she said awkwardly.
"But when I... When I was yelling in..." he started.
"When you called me whore in the stairwell... ?"
Derek frowned. "Yeah... Why didn't you correct me?"
"I told you, I said that..."
"You said you'd make no apologies for how you chose to repair what I broke,"
"Yeah."
"So, from that yelling, I think I can say you were jealous Derek?" Mrs. Hanson said.
Meredith couldn't help but giggle a little. She knew how hard it was for him to admit to jealousy.
"Maybe a little," he said timidly.
"Well, that's the understatement of the year. Even Addison noticed it..." Meredith's voice trailed off.
"Fine, yes. She was dating the vet and..."
"You know, the vet has a name Derek!" Meredith said.
"She was dating Finn and I hated it, it was like I realized that this time I was really losing her."
"So, what happened next?" Mrs. Hanson said with a calm voice.
This time they were both awkward. They looked at each other.
"Then... we had sex in an exam room," Derek finally said.
"Okay, well. We'll start there next week. You know for a couple with a lot of baggage you are extremely close. I don't think anything will tear you apart at this point." Mrs. Hanson smiled at them. Although it was nice to hear her say that, it was something the both of them already knew, so they just smiled back at her. "Enjoy you weekend in New York!"
