Garfield's Creed III episode 7 – Chasing Lee

Garfield was at Valley Forge having philosophical debate about liberty with Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin and teaching them manly enlightening lessons about manliness while they drank hot chocolate and laughed merrily.

"Garfield you truly are a well-versed thinking man!" Complimented Thomas Jefferson as he savored taste of hot chocolate and thought of fine Monticello home.

"I have no traipsed upon such a renaissance man before in my journeys." Admitted Benjamin Franklin of Garfields intellectual superiority.

"Intellect is not the only field of manhood in which I am well-versed for I am the thinker lover and fighter man." Said Garfield with a wink leading to chuckles from Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin as they realized brilliance subtle meaning of Garfields saying.

"Garfield the hour has arrived!" Said George Washington as he walked in with Connor. "Have you made further progress in tracking down the traitor Charles Lee?"

Garfield walked to the big war table where map of the USA was laid out. Then with thundering fist Garfield slammed it into spot of New York City splitting the table into a million splinters.

"CHARLES LEE IS HERE!" Said Garfield with answers.

"Wow Garfield how did you know he would be there?" Asked Connor with amazement at Garfield's tracking talents.

"Simple logic, my friend. Stick with me all of you and you may learn how to be super man like me just yet." Said Garfield with intelligent sleuthing.

"But Garfield New York the City of New York is under British control!" Informed Samuel Adams of war situation.

"Not for long! The harvest of war is coming and I have come to collect redcoat crops." Garfield said as he loaded Desert Eagles with ammunition ready for planting the seeds of death.

"Hear Hear!" Said Israel Putnam as he started roar of applause for brilliant battle stratego of Garfield.

With snap of finger brave Patriot women came in wheeling on wagons warm bloodpumping lasagna of war.

"Eat heartily Founding Fathers for soon we shall wash down this meal with BRITISH BLOOD." Announced Garfield as he proceeded to vigorously gulp down all the lasagna with great chomps of orgasmic ravishment and soon all joined in great party that lasted until the dawn of dawn the next day.

The next morning Garfield and Connor rode out with Founding Fathers and American Army to set out to begin preemptive strike into heart of redcoat operations in New York City.

"What appears to be troubling your mind? Are you man or are you little boy?" Questioned Garfield of Connor.

"I worry for that we might being set for inevitable clash to the death with my father." Said Connor with respectful response to Garfield. "At heart he is good man deluded by the lies of Charles Lee manipulations."

"If he dies he dies in the name of freedom!" Said Garfield with straightforward truth.

"Garfield you are correct!" Realized Connor hearing Garfield's insight. "But it shall make his passing no less difficult!"

"REAL MEN DON'T HESISTATE OR REGRET, THEY KEEP FIGHTING." Garfield said with raging fire in heart. "But to calm your nerves boy I will be sure not to draw first blood… but I shall draw last!"

"Garfield you truly are the greatest man and war leader I have ever met!" Beamed Connor with gratitude admirings.

Garfield and company traveled for many days past sunsets and sunrises of much. Wherever they set step they brought freedom and left behind in their trail wake the rotting corpses of redcoat dogs.

"It is magnificent life that I have lived and will continue to live." Garfield said of himself as he enjoyed lasagna cheeseburger as the FREEDOM ARMY set camp at Niagara Falls, breathing in the great freedom in the fresh pine air mixed with the crispness of churning liberty water.

"We are nearing New York City." Said Thomas Jefferson with his architectural know-how. "Soon all will come to big bang."

"I once let the people of New York down and let them fall prey to the Redcoat Carrion." Said George Washington as his voice boiled with redemption. "But for not a second more! Together Garfield we shall make up to them for my past failure!"

"Remember gentlemen show no mercy!" Said Benjamin Franklin as he inspected the weaponry. "A redcoat slain is a bluecoat saved!"

"Where is Connor?" Asked Samuel Adams with curiosity. "He too should be right here in heart discussing matters of freedom with us."

With master tracking skills Garfield sniffed the air and then leapt high into the air and landed at the base of Niagara Falls were Connor was standing monologue.

"Connor what are you doing here America needs you!" Said Garfield voice brimming with patriotism.

"Garfield I am monologue in my inner conflicts! I have been long torn between duties and desires and I am stuck between realm of boy and man!" Connor explained with troubles.

"If just one soldier strays from fight of freedom the war is lost!" Realized Garfield with direness. "There is only thing we can be doing Connor – accelerating your ascent to manhood!"

"How do you intend to go about with that?" Asked Connor but he was answered by the sound of trumpeting angels! Descending from the sky heavens was buxom women clad in scant American flags – it was none other than the Spirit of Liberty!

"Hello valiant American men! I have heard your prayer to the heavens and I have arrived to dispense my assistance for America!" Said Spirit of Liberty with sweet voice like ripe strawberries and love.

"What is this?" Connor asked with interest at unexpected developments.

"If you are ever to be hoping to be a man you must learn how to loving like one!" Said Garfield with instructions.

"Show me the path, Master Garfield!" Said Connor with obedience.

Upon Garfield's command Connor was taken by the Spirit of Liberty with her liberty hands and he took her underneath the falling waters of Niagara and there they consummated sweet romance with fast loading musket motions as they stripped each other of their clothes. Liberty glowed bright and wet in the waters as Connor shot several cannon balls of love into the Spirit of Liberty who screamed a freedom liberating cry of passion as their romances were enveloped by a giant American flag.

"HAHAHAHAHA FREE ME CONNOR!" Begged the Spirit of Liberty for more of his loving.

"Thank you Garfield I finally know what it is like to feel like man!" Said Connor as he and the Spirit of Liberty rolled into the shadows to continue maximum loving.

"Always works like a charm." Said Garfield with nod of approval as he walked off sipping lasagna martini.

Garfield then heard rustling from bush. He whipped his head around with suspicions to see that it was Aveline hiding in the bushes!

"Hello my little mulatto princess." Said Garfield with a sly wink. "Care to partake in those festivities of liberty?"

"Eww!" Said Aveline with disgust as she held her nose. "I will not degrade myself by sleeping with inferior Native American men! But Garfield… you I would be willing to dispense the secrets of the love triangle trade!"

"RACIST! I WILL NOT TAINT MY BODY WITH YOUR FALSE LOVING! FEEL MY JUDGMENT!" Said Garfield with vengeance as he put his fist through Aveline's chest, ripping out her heart.

"No Garfield how did you know my intentions of backstab for the British Empire?" Said Aveline with horror at defeat as she morphed back into an enemy spy.

"I have a PHD in spychecking!" Said Garfield with lies destroyed as he slashed Aveline in half with the Garfield Cutter technique.

Aveline twitched briefly on the ground before blowing up as Garfield put on his shades and walked away without another glance smoking his lasagna cigarettes.

The next day Garfield and company had reached the limits of New York City and had set up camp where they had played poker and drank beer all night to raise morale.

"Samuel Adams this is quite the delicious brew you have concocted!" Said Garfield with rare compliments while counting all his poker winnings. "It is befitting drink for men and you would do yourself fortunate favors to expand after winning of war."

"Wow that is very wise advice Garfield what would I have done after war without you?" Said Samuel Adams with gratitude as he began to formulate retirement plans.

"Garfield you have played brilliant moves in game last night let us pray you withdraw the ace once more today." Said Thomas Jefferson with words of support.

"Do not worry for me Thomas Jefferson." Said Garfield with cool hand confidence. "I have kept the dead man's hand saved for just an occasion."

"When is the fighting to come!" Said Israel Putnam with impatience as he lit a cigar for Garfield.

"Let us not push Garfield for a good General does not rush his battle strategy." Said George Washington with respect as he polished his sword, readying for bloodletting.

"I have heard your pleas and I have decided not to dawdle any longer. Let us serve the British some afternoon teatime of bullets." Said Garfield as he strolled outside to make some final preparations.

With whistle Garfield summoned Pooky who came bounding at him like spirit of the wilds.

"Pooky we have stood shoulder to shoulder amidst fighting for long!" Said Garfield to Pooky with friendship. "But now the time of your return to wilds has come!"

"Roar?" Said Pooky with hesitance.

"Go on Pooky return to your people!" Said Garfield with one manly tear strolling down his cheek at farewell. "I will make sure to never forget you!"

"ROAR!" Said Pooky with farewell as he bounded off into the wilds to eat redcoats.

Later large carriage driven by Benjamin Franklin drove up to New York City gates.

"Halt!" Said the redcoat guard. "What do you intend by showing your head here Franklin?"

"I have come here with aims of betrayal!" Said Benjamin Franklin with a sinister smile. "Take me to your leader now so we may discuss plans to crush enemy!"

The Redcoats led Benjamin Franklin's carriage through the city of New York City to the fortress both where Redcoat Commander Cornwallis and the Templars were.

"Well now Benjamin Franklin I am glad to see that you have finally realized the greatness feeling of betraylings!" Laughed Commander Cornwallis with wickedtree as he stood at balcony enjoying tea and crumpets.

"Yes I am but it is not America who I betray!" Said Benjamin Franklin with a jolly laugh at Commander Cornwallis' gullibility.

Commander Cornwallis spit out his tea. "WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?"

"No, it is your trust that I betray!" Joked Benjamin Franklin at his good wit as the door of the carriage opened up revealing George Washington in golden commander armor behind gatling gun. With battle roar set to heavy pumping rock music, George Washington unleashed rain of molten lead into redcoat legions.

"BETRAYALS!" Cried out Commander Cornwallis in anger. "KILL THEM ALL, MY REDCOAT MINIONS!"

"Not if we kill you all first!" Said Thomas Jefferson as he landed with freefall descent on Commander Cornwallis crushing him flatter than goomba. With stylish movies Thomas Jefferson dual-wielded revolver and sword together and began to slay redcoats.

The battle for New York raged between Patriots and Redcoats when suddenly the Aquila captained by Connor and legion of French aid ships commanded by Lafayette pulled up in harbor.

"FIRE!" Commanded Connor and Lafayette as they fired thousands of cannonballs shattering the forts walls.

Then Garfield emerged from below deck and lit cannon before riding the cannonball into the heart of the raging battle!

"Hello John Bulls. Do not mind if I break a few horns!" Said Garfield as he easily dispensed several Redcoats coming with intents of fight towards him leaving trail of blood in his wake as he sniffed out the Cheese of Eden.

Meanwhile inside the Templar building Haytham Kenway, Shay Patrick Morrissey, Germain, Madeleine, and Charles Lee were enjoying a spot of tea when they heard the commotions emerging from outside.

"Dear Charles I do believe I have made proper arrangements for both American and British to not fight when I am having tea time." Said Haytham with much displeasure.

"Do not worry my English counterpart!" Said Germain as he sipped Coffee like true Frenchman. "I shall make sure to check what is disturbing our afternoon social hour!"

Germain then rolled the curtains open and saw that it was none other than mighty manly orange character slaying his way through redcoats and other minions towards their building. Then he promptly died of a heart attack as he realized that it was none other than the Garfield!

Haytham shook his head with taunting scorn. "You can take the Frenchmen out of France but you cannot take France out of the Frenchman."

"What? GARFIELD?" Said Charles Lee as all his hair turned white with fright at the mere thought of the feline fighter.

"Charles Lee do you intend to flee us in our most critical hour?" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey with disgust.

"Lee there is no need to flee. You are all my friends and friends do not let friends down when they are in need." Haytham said as he put his hands on Lee's shoulders with reassurance. "I am sure that you would do the same for us."

"Yes I would!" Said Charles Lee with lies hiding his self-interest cowardice.

Garfield then kicked down the door with angry roar which flew across the room splattering Madeleine to death. "GIVE ME LEE!"

"I think not. You will have to go through me first." Said Haytham as he withdrew his sword.

"Father do not do this!" Connor said as he leapt in through hole in roof that cannonball made.

"Ah you my spastic half-breed bastard." Haytham shook his head in disapproval. "Sometimes dear Connor I wish that you were a daughter so I could pleasure myself to you while thinking of your mother."

"Haytham Kenway you disgust me!" Said Garfield with revulsion. "You risk descending down same path of madness and evil as your father!"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT ABOUT MY FATHER!" Screamed Haytham as he angrily waved his sword around in air.

"Haytham there is whole story of your father you do not know." Said Garfield as he reluctantly continued to use his speech skill holding back murder urge.

"I KNOW ENOUGH! I KNOW THAT YOU KILLED HIM!" Said Haytham as tears ran down his eyes.

"Quit your little baby tears or I will not grant you dignity in your final pathetic seconds." Said Garfield with mocking derision.

Then walked in through the door was Jenny from earlier, now legally aged.

"Garfield is right about our father!" Said Jenny with truth. "He was absolute monster!"

"Prove it!" Demanded Haytham as he wiped tears with Winnie the Pooh handkerchief. "I WANT THE TRUTH!"

"Haytham… YOU'RE MY BROTHER AND MY SON!" Cried out Jenny with tears as she handed Haytham birth certificate.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cried Haytham as he fell to his knees in defeat. "My whole life has been a lie!"

"Father it is not too late!" Said Connor as he held out his hand with passioned plea. "Let us set aside this petty, ancient war. On this land, we have the chance for new beginnings. To put away old hatreds. We no longer need to be Assassins or Templars. Freedom and liberty are being spun as we speak, and it would do us both good to make the best of it, Father! Father… we should realize that we should not be enemies. Rather, we should realize that we are Americans and that we are here to help, not fight!"

"You are right, son!" Haytham said with newfound convictions. "We have been bound down by hatred for too long, Connor! We must realize that while Assassin and Templar blood ends with blades, family blood is FOREVER. Connor, my son, I love you!"

"This is just like the ending of masterpiece film Austin Powers in Goldmember!" Said Garfield with fine cinema appreciation as Haytham and Connor reconciled.

"In the end, love prevails!" Said Jenny with tears of joy. But then suddenly she was blasted away with bloodiness.

"Not so fast! The Assassins and Templars must never be at peace! How else will we sell games then?" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey as he held smoking air rifle in hands.

"MONGREL!" Yelled Garfield with ire at innocent female life wasted as he charged Shay Patrick Morrissey, smashing him through into the air for duel.

Garfield and Shay Patrick Morrissey flew in the air, exchanging furious sword strikes.

"Oh no Garfield I have terrible secret to reveal for I am not really Shay Patrick Morrissey!" Said Shay Patrick Morrissey as he and Garfield locked their blades in heated fight.

"Whaaaaaaaaaa?" Said Garfield as he cut Shay Patrick Morrissey's face revealing that it was actually an ornate mask of Shay Patrick Morrissey!

"You see Garfield I killed Shay Patrick Morrissey while he was sailing here and replaced him!" Said Fake Shay Patrick Morrissey with deceptive laughter. "I am none other than…"

The Fake Shay Patrick Morrissey pulled off his remaining Shay Patrick Morrissey mask revealing true face: "Nermal the World's Cutest Kitten!"

"Nermal." Screamed Garfield with recognition of nemesis. "You should be dead."

"Yes I was but the Shadow Master has given me new life of vengeance against you!" Said Nermal with hatred oozing from his tear ducts. "Now Garfield I shall slay you and become a superior Garfield."

Nermal and Garfield then rushed at each other causing great energy explosion as they collided head-on to begin their final duel.

Meanwhile Haytham and Connor were chasing after Charles Lee who was fleeing with the Cheese of Eden as they build father-son relationship.

"After this is all done I shall take you to get ice cream and hot chocolate." Said Haytham with promises.

"Wow Dad you are better than I ever thought!" Said Connor with thanks.

"All those years we wasted fighting each other must be made up for now starting with the blood of Lee." Said Haytham and Connor as they cornered Charles Lee, and withdrew their weapons.

"Haytham wait spare me for after all have I not been loyal aide all these years?" Weaseled Charles Lee as he wet himself as stitches on his pants seams burst revealing embarrassing extension for all to see.

"No Charles in hindsight you were AIDS and now I am the cure!" Haytham said with rattling of sabers.

But before either Haytham or Connor could act there was loud sound of water rumbling. Then exploding from water was giant mechanical shark that ate up Charles Lee.

"Ha ha ha!" Said King George III as he emerged from the Shark's mouth accompanied by none other than the resurrected Captain Edward Kenway. "You Revolutionaries have been thorn in my side for far too long! And now the Cheese of Eden is mine! Freedom dies here!"

"Father what are you doing by his side?" Asked Haytham with disbelief.

"Garfield did not count on my immortality hax! And on the day he thought he killed me, he only killed my soul and with it the mass pleasures of the power of love! For taking that from me I shall have vengeance on all of humanity." Explained Captain Edward Kenway as he brandished his sword with menace. "Now I shall assist the great King George III in destroying the freedom that Garfield holds so dear! And now, my son and grandson… COME TO PAPA!"

Captain Edward Kenway laughed evilly as he took out dual swords as King George III returned to England in his Giant Mechanical Shark and he started to fight Haytham and Connor in family reunion of tainted blood. Meanwhile in the skies above Garfield and Nermal continued to battle with large explosions and high velocity blows. Would the forces of freedom and good triumph in this final battle? Or would the light of civilization forever be extinguished by the evil time-spanning machinations of the Shadow Master? These questions raged in the head of the Founding Fathers as they could only stand back and witness the final chapter of the storybook of Revolution being written before their eyes.

To be continued…