My first mate was back and better than ever. Well, minus the whole paralyzed from the waist down part, I guessed. Shit. It still didn't seem real, but I'd already, twice, gotten to see her come out of herself more than I'd ever seen her do before. The first time when she told me I needed to stop feeling guilty (though I doubted that would ever gonna happen) and the second time when she told off her parents like a fucking badass when they were talking about going back to Seattle.
I also couldn't help feeling terrified of the thought of her moving in. I'd had a crush on this girl for as long as I could remember, and now I was going to be sharing a bed with her? What the hell is happening. And she was always cute, but after five years in Seattle, I mean, wow… I'd also come to hugely regret ever telling Rachel how I felt about Max, because now she refused to give me one damned second of peace without teasing me about it. You'd think it'd be awkward having your ex tease you about a new girl, but Rachel and I had gotten past that a long time ago. We dated off and on, before ultimately realizing that, even if we both cared immensely for each other, we just weren't compatible in that sense. We resorted back to being best friends, and our relationship had gotten so much stronger because of it. Max probably didn't even like girls anyway, so it would just be another dead end.
All of this ran through my mind relentlessly as I sat next to Rachel in the corner of Max's hospital room, leaning my head against her shoulder. The nurse was helping Max learn how to get herself in and out of the wheelchair. Max looked so excited the first time she did it. She turned to look at me with this big goofy grin on her face, and holy hell she looked so adorable. I received an elbow to my side courtesy of Rachel who noticed I was staring. My face turned bright red, and Rachel and I started applauding her feat.
It was Max's second full day of wakefulness, and, for a girl who was recently shot and learned she'll never be able to use her legs again, she seemed weirdly ecstatic, like the paralysis was just a minor inconvenience. She still didn't have her full range of motion back yet, and she needed the nurse to help change her bandages. Some of her friends from Blackwell visited the day before. I recognized some of them, like Kate and Dana. They agreed to help Rachel move some of Max's things from her dorm to the house. There was also a boy, Warren I think was his name, who made it painfully obvious how madly in love he was with Max. Rachel took me aside at one point and whispered that he must be Max's boyfriend. I felt that wave of jealousy flow through me as I saw them chatting, but, ultimately, I knew that I could never have Max. Given that she had a boyfriend, she probably didn't swing that way, regardless. Besides, I didn't deserve her. She took a bullet for me, and, regardless of what she or her parents or anyone else told me, I knew it was my fault.
Her parents left earlier today, both saying long goodbyes to Max, me, Mom, and even Rachel, who they'd gotten to know pretty well. Max's mom fruitlessly tried once more to convince Max to return to Seattle, but Mr. Caulfield was able to pull her away. Max had said she was ready to go today, but Dr. Richard Moore (or Doctor Dick as I called him) thought it'd be best for her to at least stay the night, then head out in the morning. Max put up a fight but ultimately accepted.
The nurse looked at Max with approval as she had gotten into her chair all by herself, and she bid us all a farewell. Max swiveled around in her chair, and I saw that adorable grin again, as she starts wheeling herself over.
"Here comes speed racer!" I shouted, and Max giggled as she pulled over.
"Any update on the turbo?"
"Just gotta figure out the details." Rachel chimed in. Max looked at Rachel, then at me, then relaxed into her chair with a sigh, heavy with satisfaction, as if she'd finally accomplished some impossible task.
"I'm just so happy you're both here." Beyond the joy on her face, I could also see some immense exhaustion. I reckoned it did have to be pretty damn tiring to learn how to move without your legs. Long Max Silver had a stressful few days.
"What, you think we were gonna abandon you in this place?"
"No, no that's not what I meant." The exhaustion in her eyes seemed to overtake the rest of her face. "It's hard to explain. I just—I wasn't sure the letter would work—" She cut herself off as if she'd said something she wasn't supposed to. I turned to Rachel, only to see her staring back at Max, pale as a ghost.
"Max?" Rachel's voice was quiet but strong. Max kept staring into her lap, her fists clenched tightly. Rachel's voice became louder, "Max, what do you know about Kelly?" Who the hell is Kelly?
Max started to shiver, her head not moving from her lap. "Please." Her voice sounded broken, and I felt fear building up inside of me. Something was wrong, and it had something to do with a letter and a girl named Kelly.
"Max, is she okay? She saved me, I need to know this. Max." Saved her? What the hell is she talking about.
"I don't know." Max's voice was even quieter and somehow even more fragile, like she'd break at the slightest touch. I felt Rachel becoming more tense next to me. She needed to stop. I didn't know what's happening, but whatever Rachel was talking about was hurting Max.
"Rachel, stop. You're hurting her. Leave her alone." I put my hand on Rachel's shoulder to hold her back, but she shoved it away.
"Dammit Max!" Rachel screamed, and I froze in fear and confusion. "What do you mean you don't know? If you know about the letter, then you have to, unless—" Rachel stopped suddenly and put a hand to her mouth. "Unless she didn't write it. Max. Did—did you?"
Suddenly Max started thrashing in her chair.
"PLEASE NO! LET ME GO! I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" Max started screaming, and my body threw itself into action. I wrapped my arms around her trying to comfort her, but she shoved me away and knocked over her chair in the process, so she was curled into a ball on the floor. Terrified of her reaction from me touching her, I recoiled and stood frozen, not knowing what to do.
"HELP PLEASE! DON'T TOUCH ME! PLEASE! CHLOE HELP!" At my name, I snapped back into action. I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around her shaking body once more. She tried to throw me away, but I held on.
"Max! It's Chloe! It's me! Max, it's me! It's Chloe!" Her eyes were pouring tears, but slowly she stopped thrashing, and her eyes shivered open.
"C-Chloe?" She looked so small. So innocent. So broken.
"Max, it's me. It's Chloe. You're okay."
"Chloe!" She shrieked and threw her arms around me, sobbing into my shirt. "Chloe you were dead. You died. You kept dying. But I made it right. I fixed it. I did it. Chloe."
"Max, I didn't die. You saved me, remember? You're okay. You're okay. I promise." I snapped my head toward Rachel. She was standing, her face pale. "What the hell did you do, Rachel? What the fuck was that about?" But Rachel was still staring at Max.
"Max. You saved me?" Rachel's voice was barely over a whisper. Max froze for a moment, but didn't answer. "Oh God." Rachel dropped to her knees beside me and placed her hand on Max's shoulder. Slowly, Max's sobs slowed and stopped and she lifted her head to look at me, then at Rachel. "Max, can we talk about this?"
"N-not now. Let me get home. Tomorrow. I can explain. Don't tell Chloe yet. It should come from me. I'm sorry. I'm just not strong enough right now." I couldn't help but feel bitter about this.
"Gee, great to be kept in the loop. Thanks guys." Max turned her eyes to me, filled with sadness and apology, and, staring into those brilliant blue eyes, I felt horribly guilty for saying anything.
"I'm s-sorry, Chloe. I think you'll understand when I explain. Just can't now. Too tired." I sighed. Max's big, blue, beautiful doe eyes stared up at me, and it was hard to stay mad at those.
"It's okay. We'll figure it out. Let's just get you back up to your bed, yeah?" Max nodded her head, and I scooped her up into my arms. I saw her eyes slowly close and, almost immediately, she fell asleep in my arms. God, she's beautiful. I heard Rachel cough beside me and realised I was staring again. I carried Max to her bed and laid her down, pulling the blanket up to her chin. I turned to see Rachel grinning ear to ear.
"You are so in love."
"Oh, shut it."
