He just needed a nap. Really, that was all. He wasn't looking for company, and he certainly wasn't looking to spend his evening dealing with…
"Arrived!" Lying across his couch the kunoichi almost looked… cute. Her eyes were shut, her leg dangled over the back of the seat. He inwardly cringed seeing her though. His thoughts of rest were dashed. But there was still hope…
"Hello Anko. I hope you don't think I'm rude but…"
"Oh you're never rude, Iruka." She cooed. "Always a perfect host." She sat up and gave a long stretch, then stood and walked over, wrapping her arms around Iruka's neck. He blushed and tried to step back. She leaned her weight on him, forcing him to catch her up before she fell into the floor. "See? Such a good man…" She purred and Iruka carefully deposited her onto the couch.
"This isn't like you." He said quietly. "You're pushy with men… but not me." He sat beside her and put a hand over her head, wondering if she was sick, or perhaps had been poisoned. She did spend a lot of time in the presence of snakes… maybe she had been bitten and was hallucinating. Her skin felt cool… Maybe a bit clammy. He started undoing her clothes to look for a bite. She giggled.
"Wow, Iruka-sensei… never knew you'd be so dominating." She wrapped her arms back around him and licked his cheek. He blushed and tried to push her away.
"Anko… you might be sick. Did you get hurt by those snakes of yours?" He asked, holding one of her eyelids up a little to look at her pupil.
"Huh? No of course not." Anko said, for once pushing him away. He landed on the floor. "My babies love and devote themselves to me…. They'd never harm me." She said, looking angry that Iruka would imply ill will towards her "babies". Iruka was quiet, remembering the time she had walked through town petting a six-foot long viper slung around her shoulder. "Besides. I'm immune." She shrugged and stood up, snooping through Iruka's kitchen.
"You were always such a good cook… My kitchen just has instant ramen and beer right now…" She lamented. Iruka sighed, but had an idea.
"Let me make you some dinner then… I'll walk you home afterwards and…" But Anko laughed.
"Silly. I came for a very important reason you know. I need to protect you from getting your innocent heart broken… you're so young and naïve…"
Iruka glared. "Hey! I'm only a year younger than you!" He said and stormed in. Anko giggled and sat on his counter. Iruka blushed and wished she would either wear more substantial underthings, or close her legs… even if he wasn't that way her damned pink lace underwear was distracting. "And stop that… I didn't want to see your panties as a child, and I still don't!"
Anko laughed. "You know you did." She stretched. "Besides, I have something vitally important to tell you…. You have to stop what you're doing with Kakashi…. He's bad for you."
Iruka twitched. "Where the hell did that come from… we're not…" Anko cut him off by wrapping her arms around him.
"Aww, Fishie." She cooed. "Don't be so defensive… I know you like dangerous men, and I can understand… but you're so delicate and fragile… you need to find a nice strong man to treat you like the fishie princess you are…. I recommend Gai…." Iruka yelped in shock and stared at her.
"That was wrong… on… so many levels…." He managed. "First of all, Gai is… Gai is a no. And second, haven't YOU slept with Kakashi? How can you lecture me?" Anko shrugged, seeming confused why that mattered.
"So? I've slept with everyone you've slept with… how else could I tell if they're worthy of you, Fishie?" She said sweetly. Iruka sighed.
"You are strange… ever since we were kids you've been strange." He said, pulling free a bit and sitting on a kitchen chair. "And as for Kakashi… well, why would I take advice from you? You're completely immoral." He said, and Anko, in typical fashion just shrugged, seeming unoffended.
"I'm not immoral. I'm… err… sampling genetics. For the good of the village after all." Anko defended. She gestured down to her stomach, implying that her wandering affections were somehow all a noble sacrifice to create a strong next generation.
"Yeah. Lots of genetics. Face it, you're a dominatrix, easily bribed with fast food."
"When you put it that way it's so…. Cheap. But this isn't about me or what I did to Gai last night, this is about you."
"Yeah but… Wait what?!" Iruka stared at her and she continued to talk.
"Kakashi is a horrible lover for you. He's never around, and you might catch pink eye." Iruka stared at her, wondering if she seriously thought a Sharingan was contagious. She smiled sweetly. "Besides, can you name one good quality he was as a boyfriend?"
Iruka thought for a minute. "Umm… he's…" he almost said considerate, but that really wasn't true. He considered loving, but the fact remained that Kakashi occasionally forgot Iruka's name entirely. (But only after longer missions… that might be normal, right?) "He's…. Housebroken." Iruka said decisively.
Anko burst out laughing. "So are my snakes… but I don't have sex with them…"
Iruka was quiet, deciding he didn't want to know whether she was lying or not. He went into the living room and sat down, this might be a long night.
((A/N: This is just kinda a "Part One" for this storyline… it was getting way too long. I'll write more about it soon. ^^))
