Kotetsu is alone on the couch when he wakes late the next morning, the two previous days finally catching up to him, but he doesn't know exactly when Barnaby left. He can hear his partner's voice coming from the kitchen, as well as Kaede and his mother. It sounds like they are… baking cookies?

"Hey, Dad!" Kaede greets him cheerfully when he stumbles into the kitchen with a yawn. She is standing at the counter, her hands and face and clothes covered in flour. "Grandma and I are making cookies! Fuel for decorating the tree!"

"I'm supposed to take that as a hint, right?" he says, pausing to kiss the top of her head before stealing a banana from the basket.

"There are a few boxes of old decorations in the attic," his mother adds, opening the oven to insert a completed tray. "But I bought a new string of lights for you when everyone was sledding yesterday."

Barnaby is sitting at the kitchen table sipping at a cup of tea, though he avoids Kotetsu's gaze when his partner sits down across to join him. "I was just offering to string the lights on the tree."

"Always so fussy about the lighting, Bunny," Kotetsu teases, studying Barnaby carefully even as he pretends to be very absorbed in his banana. He can't help but worry about what happened last night, even though it seemed to have ended well.

"I just think that old men are better suited for dusty attics," Barnaby delivers the line smoothly as he looks up, but there's a twinkle in his eyes that tells Kotetsu he is only teasing back. He smiles when Kotetsu nearly chokes on the banana in response.

Kotetsu feels like the wind's been knocked out of him when their eyes meet, but he covers it well with his usual bluster. "Ah, so cruel! Kaede, do you see how mean my partner is to me?"

Kaede rolls her eyes at the two of them and hands them each a cookie, fresh from the oven. "It's only as much as I bet you deserve," she sticks up for Barnaby, of course. "But I'll come to the attic with you if you need help, Dad."

The comment is actually meant to be kind, but Kotetsu pretends to take it as an extra insult to his age instead, lowering his head with an exaggerated sigh. "I'm not that old, am I?"

"You'll always be a child to me," his mother cuts in, which causes Kaede to laugh before she points at the cookies.

"Well? Do you like them?"

Kotetsu looks down at the cookie in his hands – it's shaped like the Tiger symbol on his suit and sprinkled with green sugar. He doesn't even need to look to guess that Barnaby is holding a red-sprinkled Bunny. "It's… really cool," he reaches out to grab his daughter by one floured hand and plants a big kiss on her forehead.

"Daaad!" Kaede complains, squirming away and leaving him dusted in white. "You're supposed to at least taste it first."

Barnaby is already eating his cookie, which is soft and chewy, and he takes another sip of tea before complimenting Kaede. "It's absolutely delicious, Kaede. It'll be tough not to eat too many."

Kaede beams with pleasure and turns back to the counter, leaving them to eat their cookies as she prepares the next tray.

The cookie really is too awesome to eat, but not wanting to insult Kaede, Kotetsu takes a big chomp out of it, spraying crumbs everywhere. Barnaby shakes his head as if Kotetsu is shaming himself yet again and Kotetsu kicks at him under the table.

Barnaby almost wishes he hadn't offered to do the lights, so that he can get Kotetsu alone and see whether or not he is going to play dumb for the second time. They were definitely not so drunk last night that Barnaby doesn't remember what happened. For the first time in many months, he finds himself wondering why he ever let it go the first time it happened.

As Kotetsu purposefully tries to aim his crumbs in Barnaby's direction on the next bite, he remembers. Because he's a silly, messy, clumsy, impulsive, perverted old man and no matter how hard I try, I can't help but "Well, I'm going to start on the lights," Barnaby stands abruptly and without a second glance at his partner, disappears to the living room.

As tempting as it is to follow him, Kotetsu finishes his cookie and heads for the attic instead, pulling down the stairs and climbing them easily. He hasn't been up here in years, and he yanks the single light bulb on as he sits under the low ceiling.

There's a bunch of Kaede's baby stuff up here, including her crib, which makes him smile with nostalgia, but he avoids all of the boxes with his late wife's name. Maybe someday he'll be ready to go through them, but that day is not today. Now is not the time for picking through old memories, and he shifts the boxes around quickly, trying to find the decorations before he lets his mind wander too far.

The first marked box is full of nothing but garlands and wreaths and Kotetsu nudges it towards the open stairway with satisfaction. The second is the tree decorations, and although he thinks some of them are pretty ugly, they get kicked over to the stairs as well. It is the last box that surprises him, because nestled in between the stockings is a photo album. He recognizes it immediately, but hasn't seen it in years.

Pulling it carefully from the box, he flips the green velvet cover open to the first page, not knowing whether to smile or cry. It's Kaede's first Christmas, and he and his wife are standing holding their baby together in front of the Christmas tree. In the picture, he is beaming and Tomoe is trying not to laugh and they look… so happy. So, so happy.

Kotetsu turns the page, and it's the next year, Kaede is trying to rip the red bow out of her hair, Tomoe is laughing and he's… not even looking at the camera because he's smiling at them. Closing his eyes for a moment, Kotetsu takes a deep breath and flips the next few pages faster, until he finds that year.

In place of the usual picture, there is only a shot of a very young Kaede, too young, sitting in a window, holding a plush bunny he'd sent her that year, on the verge of falling asleep.

The next year, the scene moves to the tree in town, but Kaede is still alone. This time she's grinning, maybe a little forced, wearing the pink scarf he'd sent, and waving.

There's one in the middle, three years ago, he thinks, where he joins her in the picture. It was the year that Antonio had convinced him to go home, Christmas Day. They look a little awkward, standing together in front of the tree. Kotetsu is holding her hand like she's younger than she is, but Kaede doesn't seem to mind. She's looking up at him with a smile, but her hand is tight, tugging him in a little as if she doesn't want him to go.

Two more pictures in the book might as well be identical. Kaede is still in front of the tree in town, but the polite smile on her face doesn't do anything to cover up the sad aura surrounding her.

Kotetsu slams the book shut with a sigh, tossing it back in the box with the stockings. He knows there's a reason for everything he's done, knows Kaede had a better, safer life here than if he'd kept her in Sternbild with him, but it doesn't make him feel any less guilty.

Kaede knows who you are and what you've done now and I don't think she's holding your absence against you anymore…

Barnaby's words float back to Kotetsu before he can let himself fall too far, and he steadies himself with another deep breath. The best thing he can do is make the moments they have together now special. Hadn't he wished for more time with his daughter? He needs to forget about his life as a hero.

With renewed vigor for decorating, Kotetsu carries the boxes down the stairs and into the living room where Barnaby is still stringing the lights. Kaede is watching him, and when Kotetsu sets the last box down, she leans in to whisper, hand to mouth.

"I tried to help, Dad, but… he's kind of fussy."

"I heard that," Barnaby says sharply and Kaede jumps, giggles, but he doesn't turn around. One arm is stretched around the girth of the tree as he balances on one leg, trying to pull the lights around at the right angle with his other hand.

Kotetsu laughs and steps in, untangling the strand where it's caught on a long branch, smiling at Barnaby through the evergreen. "Sure you don't want help?"

"They have to be evenly placed," Barnaby says quickly, as if that somehow automatically implies that he is the best one for the job. The lights were always his favorite part as a child, the way they made the room seem warmer somehow.

Kotetsu steps back to admire Barnaby's work, as he is about halfway finished, and nods thoughtfully. "My favorite part."

Somehow, Barnaby isn't surprised, and he steps back for a moment too, side-by-side with Kotetsu, the bundle of lights tucked under his arm. "Mine too."

Kaede is the process of opening the boxes of ornaments, but she sees the smile that passes between her father and Barnaby. She doesn't know exactly why, but, something seems different about them today. It's kinda nice when they don't fight so mucheven if it's also kinda weird.

"Mm, but that light is too low," Barnaby suddenly says, stepping in and undoing half a circle again.

While Kaede unboxes and lays out the ornaments, Kotetsu goes about hanging up the garlands and stockings. At the bottom, cushioned in between some tablecloths, he finds a sprig of fake mistletoe and cackles to himself. He knows he's supposed to hang it up somewhere to catch unsuspecting people, but he can't resist having a little fun with it first.

Sneaking up behind Kaede as she's hanging small red bows in places where Barnaby has finished the lights, he grabs her around the middle with one arm. "Ho ho ho! Look who I've got under the mistletoe!"

"Dad! Hentai!" Kaede yelps, laughing as her father showers her face with quick, little kisses. "That's not how it works!"

Satisfied that he's stolen enough love, Kotetsu lets his daughter go and waggles an eyebrow. "Oh? How does it work then?"

"You… you pick a spot and hang it up!" she exclaims, pointing to the archway between the kitchen and the living room. "Baka hentai oji-san," she mutters as she walks back to the boxes to get the golden bells to hang.

Kotetsu laughs loudly as he overhears her, but can't decide if she sounds more like him for the language choice or Barnaby for the insult choice. Either way, she's been hanging out with them too much.

Barnaby snickers a little as well, but hides it better, tucked halfway behind the tree as he finally finishes the bottom circle of lights. By the time he crawls out and takes a seat on the couch to study the design one last time, Kotetsu reappears with the tin of cookies, munching on one shaped like a Christmas tree.

The tiny white lights twinkle, placed ever-so-perfectly in the spaces of the tree to make it appear fullest, and Kotetsu smiles at it as he sits down beside Barnaby. "Thanks… the lights look great."

"It was no problem," Barnaby shrugs, but his small smile in return gives away that he is just as pleased. He's always thought that having a tree might recall horrible images from his childhood, but it thankfully does not. Maybe it's the different place, the different company… but sitting beside Kotetsu and watching as Kaede hangs the last of the tiny candy canes, he feels oddly soothed. When Kotetsu slowly reaches to place his hand atop Barnaby's where it rests on his knee, the blond turns his own hand over to twine their fingers together.

"I'm glad you came home with us for the holiday, Bunny," Kotetsu says softly. He can't bring himself to finish the thought, but he hopes that Barnaby can see it in his eyes. I would have missed you too much if you hadn't. I don't know that I could have done this without you. Kotetsu doesn't know when he and Barnaby became so inseparable.

Barnaby can tell that there's something bothering Kotetsu, something he is not saying, as usual, but all he can do is respond in kind. "As I've said, there was… no point in staying without you." He can make all the excuses he wants about Maverick, but the truth is that he and Kotetsu have spent very few days apart in the last year. He doesn't know when he started feeling more comfortable at his partner's side than alone.

"Okay, who wants to help me with the star?" Kaede is digging in the box for the final piece, which she unwraps from tissue paper and holds out triumphantly. When both adults snap apart and turn to face her with the same sheepish expression, she gives them a peculiar look. "Umm…?"

"What she means is who's going to lift her up so she can do it herself," Kotetsu says with a grin, but before he can set the cookies aside, Barnaby is already on his feet.

"I'll help you, Kaede."

Kaede certainly isn't going to turn down the offer, and in fact she's a little bit tickled when Barnaby lifts her so easily into the air beside the tree, like she's a feather. Oh wow, if the forum could see me right now! L-u-c-k-y~!

Kotetsu watches them quietly, his partner and his daughter, and it feels like his stomach punches his heart. He suddenly wants to freeze-frame this moment and fumbles in his pocket for his phone, flipping to the camera function.

Barnaby waits until she's satisfied before setting her down again, and then all three of them stand side by side to admire their work. The entire room looks magically transformed in red, green and gold. Music drifts from the kitchen where Kotetsu's mother has been cooking for the last hour, and everyone drifts in that direction, exhausted from the artistic effort.

o/~ Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight ~/o

Dinner is a thick, hot soup with fresh bread, served around the fire and followed by the roasting of marshmallows. Kaede takes it upon herself to roast some for Barnaby when he expresses his dislike of being too close, and when she finally dozes off, her head is resting against Barnaby's knee where he is seated on the couch.

Kotetsu carries her to bed, tucks her in with the bunny plushie, and wonders if he can get used to being here all the time. He wonders if it will get easier. He wonders if he can convince Barnaby to stay longer than just the holiday. He wonders if he's selfish for wanting that when Barnaby is finally free to live his own life for the first time ever. He was supposed to stay in Sternbild and make this decision easier on Kotetsu. Nothing makes sense and everything makes sense and Kotetsu has done so much for the sake of helping other people in the last ten years that he has almost forgotten how to want anything for himself.

Almost.

Returning to the living room, he finds Barnaby sitting on the couch alone, his arms folded and his eyes closed. He looks deep in thought, but at the sound of Kotetsu's footsteps, his eyes open, his expression hesitant. "I suppose this is goodnight?"

"Actually… if you'd stay with me for awhile, Bunny?" Kotetsu crosses the room and sits down on the couch beside his partner, never once breaking their gaze. For some reason, he really doesn't want to be alone right now.

"Are you okay?" Barnaby asks tentatively, shifting until they are facing each other, knee to knee, each with one leg tucked up, mirror images. He leaves the topic purposefully open-ended, because he doesn't know how to bridge the gap, how to turn that crack in the wall into a window. The feelings he has for Kotetsu run deep, so deep he hasn't even managed to untangle it all, doesn't know what to call it. It's all been unraveling since that day… that day he'd almost killed his partner. But Barnaby doesn't know how Kotetsu feels and he doesn't know how to ask, especially when he can't even admit his own answers to himself. "I can tell that something is really weighing on you."

"I don't know how to do this," Kotetsu says with a vague wave of his hand, avoiding Barnaby's eyes to stare into the smoldering fire instead. There's pain in his voice that surprises even himself. Where is it coming from? "I don't know what you want me to say." He's on a precipice, it seems, with so many things.

"What I want you to say?" Barnaby asks in confusion, then shakes his head. "Why are you worried about that? Kotetsu… I… usually spend Christmas alone, alone in the dark, trying to forget that it's Christmas." It's hard to rein in his feelings on the subject and he gestures to the decorated room with one sweep of his arm. "Don't you realize that this is the best Christmas I've known in twenty years? The first time I've really been able to try and put it all behind me? You and your family… I am so very out of place here, and yet, you…"

"I meant it when I said I was glad you came with me," Kotetsu interrupts, deflects. He feels just as out of place, like he's left his real life behind in Sternbild, or he's living in some strange parallel existence, but he doesn't want Barnaby to see that. He doesn't want to put any pressure on him. "You're no more out of place than me. And it's okay if you don't know what you want now."

"But you act like I'm the only one who doesn't know what the hell to do next!" Barnaby snaps in frustration, his hands reaching out to grip Kotetsu's shoulders, forcing him to meet his eyes. "I don't know any more than you do, about any of it! So why do you continue to try and hold things back from me? Back when I was breaking down, you said you'd stick by me as my partner until it was all sorted out with no regard for yourself! Why, why can't you let me do the same thing for you?"

Kotetsu is startled by the sudden emotion behind Barnaby's words and he lets himself be shaken a little before he responds. "Let you…? I…I never wanted you to feel like had to, Bunny. Me losing my powers… I never wanted to hold you back. I never wanted my problems to be yours."

"Then you're just as I always say – a stupid old man! And a hypocrite too!" Barnaby's eyes are tearing, but he blinks them furiously away.

Kotetsu winces and averts his eyes again. They are talking in circles and layers, avoiding the heart of everything, making the same mistakes again. "Harsh, Bunny, harsh…"

"True!" Barnaby cuts him off, but softens at the wounded expression on Kotetsu's face. His mind races, searching for the right thing to say, but the harder he pushes, the easier it is to get hurt. How to make him understand?"You… want to meddle in all of my business, want to be the one I can confide in and rely on…" Barnaby isn't sure if they're talking about their jobs, Kotetsu's power, his family, Maverick, Kaede or the two kisses they're still pretending didn't happen. "But then you refuse the same! You tell me nothing! You leave me guessing!" It's all become one and the same thing, after all, a bond between them that defies definition. "Aren't partners supposed to support each other?"

"We're not partners anymore."

The words are out of Kotetsu's mouth before he even thinks them through, he's fighting himself so hard now. Why can't I let Bunny be there for me? What am I so afraid of?

Barnaby looks as stunned as that day at the skating rink when Kotetsu had slapped him, but he says nothing, tears running down his cheeks silently.

Kotetsu immediately apologizes, stumbling over himself in his frustration. "Bunny, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you know I didn't mean it like that, I don't know what I was thinking – don't, don't look at me like that, I can't take it when you look that sad!"

It takes Barnaby a moment to compose himself and then he reaches to take one of Kotetsu's hands between his own two, slowly shaking his head. "Not technically, I guess… but we're friends… which means we will figure it out together. It means I'm allowed to meddle… I'm allowed to care."

Kotetsu chokes up a little bit hearing his own words played back at him and he reaches for Barnaby, pulling him close to hug him tightly. "When did you start to sound like me?"

Barnaby sighs, returning the hug, lingering. It has long stopped being exceptions. "We've always been more alike than either of us wanted to admit."

"Does that mean I'm supposed to admit to it now?"

"You can start by admitting to me that you have as little clue what to do with the rest of your life as I do. Then stop feeling guilty about it."

Kotetsu chuckles weakly in response, his arms still tight around Barnaby's middle, head tucked into his shoulder, and Barnaby has the grace not to mention the growing dampness in the neckline of his t-shirt. "You just like hearing that you're right."

"That's also true," Barnaby murmurs, lifting one hand to smooth Kotetsu's hair back before he says softly, but sternly. "And now I'm going to stay here with you and you're going to be happy about it."

It's been a long time since anyone has had the nerve to call him on his bullshit and put him in his place, Kotetsu thinks as Barnaby stretches out on the couch beside him and pulls the blanket over them. A long time since he's felt so vulnerable… or grateful.

Only one other person in his life has ever affected him in this way, and he is fucking terrified to admit why.

o/~ Through the years we all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now ~/o