Katarina and Natalya called a few times in the following years. Neither listened to the station regularly, they said it was between Ludwig and Ivan.

In 2000 Ludwig asked them to find him. They would not. He wanted to be alone. They would grant him that.

In 2001 Gilbert still drank.

Ludwig still cried.

The radio still played.

The door to Ludwig's bedroom opened one night. Gilbert tottered in, tired and hung-over.

His body hit the bed with a thump. He kicked his way under the blankets in the dark.

"Ludwig," the older brother whispered.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"I know, Gilbert."

"It's been four years."

"It's been four years."

Gilbert's head flopped to the side, he laughed, "You sound like me…" He paused, "A long time ago."

"You're still you."

"I'm not the same, Ludwig; we're not the same…" They peered through the darkness, where they thought each other's eyes were.

"You don't call me 'Lutz' anymore."

A pause.

A pale hand reached across and stroked his cheek. "I love you, Ludwig."

"Did you love me when you jumped?"

The hand stopped, warm on his face.

"I was drunk."

"You were dead."

The radio was deafening in the silence.

"Do you forgive me?"

"I'll always forgive you, Gilbert."

The night was deep, and dark, and sleepless.

"What's it like to die?" Ludwig asked.

"You mean… You've never tried it, Ludwig?"

The pillow rustled as he shook his head.

Gilbert bit his lip, cries welled in his throat, "You're so brave, you know that? Never to have tried it…" He paused for a moment. "It's like getting high, like the best high you've ever gotten, but, god, you fall just as fuckin' hard. Headaches from bashin' your head open on the ground, bullets taste horrible comin' outta your brains…"

Ludwig thought back to the acrid opium dens. He and Gilbert had indulged themselves every so often, many countries did. He still had scars. Silvery webs up and down his left arm, tattooed by the latest and greatest in poison.

Neither had enjoyed smoking the lovely opioids, their pleasure came as needles pierced their skin. The immediate pulsing high took their breath away. Ludwig had met him there, in the sinner's room.

They were all alike in their faults.

"How many times did he do it?"

"What?"

"How many times did Ivan try to kill himself?"

Gilbert stared at his brother. "Twice, when I was there… I cleaned it all up both times… Didn't want his sisters to see it… He liked his pistols…"

Ludwig tensed, Ivan, dead, several times. "D-did you find him?"

"God, Ludwig… Yeah, I did, watched him do it once."

"What did you do?"

"Nearly picked up the gun and shot him again, for being so selfish… But I couldn't, so I took out that picture of you I keep with me, you know, the little one, from that summer in 1914... And I held it in front of him when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw, was you. I left it on his desk. I ran out then, I was crying so much, couldn't let him see me like that…"

Gilbert looked up to the ceiling, "He gave it back in the morning; I don't think he stopped crying at all that night…"

"Gilbert…"

"Yes, Ludwig?"

"Who have you loved?"

"You."

"Who else?"

"No one."

"Not even Fredrick?"

"A great friend, but no… Only you."

"I love you, Gilbert."

"I love you too, Ludwig…"

The pulse of the radio filled their ears, slowing their breath.

In the dark the older brother whispered, "Only you, it was only ever you…"

And they knew it was true.

000

Ludwig dreamed that night.

Of needles and drugs.

And Ivan.

The smoke was thick; Ludwig's head lolled back on the chaise, eyes narrowed. The needle slipped from his skin. Syringe cold in his hand.

Footsteps nearing were muffled.

They stopped, a man chuckled. "What's a lovely boy like you doing here?"

The dreaming teenager raised his head. Hair fell over his eyes; a smile split his face, "Gettin' high…"

The tall man laughed again, "What a lovely, lovely boy…"

Ludwig's smile was droopy, "I'll tell Gilbert you said that, he'll be upset." He giggled.

"Oh, you must be Ludwig then, I'm sure your brother will make an exception for me."

Ludwig hummed. He tried to focus on the man, ashy hair and violet eyes. Tall, and pretty.

"Mm, who are you?"

"I'm going to talk to your brother…" Ludwig watched as the man took a step and stumbled, the man was just as high as he was.

Balancing himself, the newcomer sauntered over to the bar where Gilbert sat. They shook hands and laughed.

Ludwig gripped the pillows and stood. He limped to the bar.

"Lutz," Gilbert wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "This is Ivan Braginsky." He gestured to the man.

"Oh, Russia, yeah?"

"Yes, I am, and you are the German Empire. Gilbert, you never told me you had such a nice boy for a brother."

"He's no boy, Ivan, he's nineteen… Or at least he looks that way…"

Ivan laughed, deep and loud, "What are ages to us anyhow?"

The pair continued to talk. Ludwig narrowed his eyes, the fog swam in his head. Ivan Braginsky looked as if he was in his twenties.

"Gilbert, Gilbert, I am still a boy…" He murmured, his brother looked at him.

"Lutz, who let you get so high?" Gilbert's arm slid off the youth's still sloped shoulders.

Ludwig began to crash, he giggled, "You did, brother."

Ivan was smiling endlessly; when he looked at Ludwig his smile touched his eyes.

"Well, remind me next time not to…"

"Gilbert," Ivan chuckled, "You'll forget as soon as you get the needle in your hand."

Gilbert laughed, he held Ludwig close, "I guess so."

Ludwig's head rolled onto his brother's shoulder, his dimming eyes staring up at Ivan.

"I guess we'll be going, Ivan, Lutz is already down…"

"Come and visit sometime, Katarina and Natalya would love to meet such a nice boy."

As they shuffled to the door, Ludwig could here Ivan's muttering, heavy with drugs, "Such a lovely boy, such a lovely boy…"

Ludwig dreamed of the dark and smoky rooms were they kissed, their blood hot, and their lips gentle, loosened by morphine.


Reviews! Oh, I love reviews! Thanks for the comments by Baron von Riktenstein, TiggitNeko, and izzy1229anime! And to those who followed this story! It means a lot to me. I've got chapters on hand and the story is far from over! Please comment or review!