Tetsuhiro returned home that night in a distracted daze. So much so that he didn't notice the large, white truck parked outside his apartment until Gabe popped his head out from behind it.
"Hey babe!"
Tetsuhiro paused in his step, flicking his eyes from Gabe to the truck in confusion.
"Um, hi. What's going on here?"
Gabe gave the side of the car a brief pound of his fist and beamed as he approached. "I thought we could start putting your stuff in boxes tonight. I think I ordered this a little too soon though since we have a lot to get through."
"But..." Tetsuhiro rubbed the back of his neck, the warmth he had felt a few hours before fading rapidly. "Gabe, I thought I was moving two weeks from now. I wanted to organize and give things away to charity. I wish you had talked to me first."
Gabe's smile wilted. "But we did talk. You said you would do those things weeks ago."
Tetsuhiro grew irritated under Gabe's disappointed stare. "I haven't gotten around to them yet. Work's been crazy and this project is overwhelming. I'm still trying to get through the work I missed while we were in Italy.
"You asked me on that vacation. You wanted to go."
Tetsuhiro sighed. "I know, Gabe. I'm not blaming you. I just..."
"You just what?"
Tetsuhiro gestured up the stairs to his apartment. He didn't want to continue this where anyone could stumble upon the impending argument. "Can we speak inside?"
Gabe gave a huff and turned on his heel, climbing the stairs in a quick and angry manner.
Tetsuhiro followed him with legs that suddenly felt sluggish. He couldn't believe just a few hours ago he was happy, content, and holding Souichi in his arms like no time had passed at all.
He glanced back at the offending white truck as he unlocked the door to let them both in.
"Is this about Souichi?" Gabe said the moment the front door shut.
Tetsuhiro, startled, shook his head. "What are you talking about?"
"Ever since this project began and ever since he got here, you've become distant. We were happy, we wanted to move in together, and now suddenly these tasks that could have easily taken a weekend to finish is too difficult. It's like you don't even..." He paused as if contemplating whether he wanted to continue his train of thought. Gabe locked eyes with him, crossing his arms. "Do you even want to live with me anymore?"
Tetsuhiro's stomach plummeted. "Gabe, nothing has changed. He's just a friend."
"Do you want to move in together?" Gabe repeated slowly, eyes scanning his face.
"Of course I do."
Gabe looked at him for a few more moments. Really looked. But what he had been searching for was not what he found on Tetsuhiro's face. "I think that's the first time you've lied to me."
The trouble was that Tetsuhiro couldn't fault him. If he answered now, it would only be another lie. So he kept quiet even though the silence weighed down and threatened to crush his resolve.
His mind and his heart were a complete mess. Everything that had made sense two months ago was shattered. He had known what he had wanted. He had. It was enough to make his eyes water, matching what he saw in Gabe's and hating himself all over again.
"I think I need to leave." Gabe said, voice cracking and betraying his hurt.
Tetsuhiro wiped at his eyes and stepped forward, placing a hand on Gabe's shoulder. "Please just don't...will you come back?"
Gabe paused with his hand on the door handle and dipped his head. "I...don't know. I'm sorry."
Tetsuhiro let him leave. Anything else would have been cruel, he told himself. He had hurt enough people to know when to stop.
That night, he didn't sleep. It wasn't a surprise. The first few weeks after he'd left Souichi, he didn't get more than an hour each night.
This time though, he couldn't seem to regret his words.
Tetsuhiro got up from his place in bed, the suffocating heat of the blanket too much, and padded to the kitchen to make some hot tea.
Gabe didn't like hot tea. He preferred the iced, peach kind. Tetsuhiro had taken to keeping it around the house for that purpose but...now it sat at the back of the refrigerator.
It took up too much space. So he grabbed it, went over to the sink, and let the remnants slide down the drain, throwing the empty container away.
He told himself it was because he didn't want the reminder as it hurt too much. But really, it took up space. Too much space.
Once he'd boiled and poured the water, he sat down on the couch instead of returning to his room. Gabe's side of the bed had that hollow emptiness to it, the kind you felt when something you were accustomed to suddenly disappeared.
He touched the screen of his phone and though he knew it wouldn't help, found his way to the photos. He realized as he scrolled upwards that the photos of Gabe or of them together were recently more sparse. Even the pictures of their vacation were mostly buildings and landscapes.
There was something wrong with that.
He felt it deep within his chest. Tetsuhiro hadn't realized just how much Souichi's presence had changed everything. How much it had affected his relationship. It hurt to think Gabe had probably felt it far before he'd even noticed. That he saw it crumbling the moment Souichi arrived.
He called Hiroto.
"Wha...hello? Angel-kun? What's wrong? What's happened?" A tired and panicked voice answered him.
Tetsuhiro winced, glancing at the clock and only just realizing it was 2:54 in the morning.
"I'm sorry, Hiroto. It's nothing, I'll call you tomorrow."
"Wait! No, you don't sound right. What's wrong?" A pause. "Is it Gabe?"
Tetsuhiro glanced at the picture frames on the coffee table, his view becoming more and more blurred. He rubbed at his watering eyes.
"We broke up tonight."
"Oh, Angel-kun. I'm so sorry. Are you alright? I know how hard you take these things."
Tetsuhiro took in a stuttering breath. Hiroto was referring to the past, to him and Souichi and how much that relationship filled him with passion and love and when something went wrong, it burned. It hurt so badly he didn't know what he'd do.
"That's the thing, Hiroto. It hurts but...not as much as it should." Tetsuhiro paused, wiping under his eyes once more, ashamed at himself. "It should hurt more than this."
Hiroto went quiet for a little while. "What happened?" He asked.
"Souichi happened."
Tetsuhiro winced and drew the phone quickly away from his ear as a loud crash sounded on the other side.
"Hiroto! Are you alright?"
There was a rushed clamber as Hiroto righted the phone and filled Tetsuhiro's ears with harsh breathing.
"Yes, yes. Sorry, dropped the phone hehe. Um...so Souichi. Wow. Haven't heard that name in awhile. Yea that's...crazy."
Tetsuhiro leaned into the sofa cushion, thoroughly confused as to why guilt had seeped into Hiroto's voice.
"Yes. Crazy. He showed up here a few months ago for a special project at my work."
"What?! That's madness! I am...wow. I can't believe that." Hiroto said, high pitched and voice cracking.
Tetsuhiro sighed, the pieces falling into place. So this was how Souichi found out. "You told him didn't you."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry! I gave him your business card after I left my job at the bar." Hiroto admitted.
"Why would you do that?" Tetsuhiro asked. He wasn't angry, far from it, but he was curious as to why and how Souichi came to be.
Hiroto hesitated, as if he were unsure of whether he should continue. "Angel-kun. I love you. You're my best friend. But I saw what it did to you and I saw what it did to Tatsumi-kun when you left." He paused. "I'll always support you but I didn't agree with how you left things."
Tetsuhiro lowered his eyes, knowing this to be true because he had recently come to the same conclusion.
Wait
"Hold on. How did you see Souichi?"
"He would come by the bar every year. He'd ask about you."
Tetsuhiro sat up straighter, tea forgotten on the coffee table in front of him. "He...he did? What uh...what kinds of things did he ask?"
"Just if you were safe and happy. I didn't mention anything else."
Or anyone else. Hiroto had meant Gabe. About his personal life. Which is why Souichi had seemed so surprised when Tetsuhiro had a partner.
Souichi had worried about him. He'd wanted to know about his well-being, if he was happy or not. It filled him with a strange mixture of emotions he didn't particularly want to scrutinize.
"I didn't know." He admitted solemnly.
"So, he's there?" Hiroto inquired.
"Yea he's been here for about two months now."
Hiroto hesitated again, voice low and serious. "And...has it...picked up where it left off?"
Tetsuhiro tensed. "You're asking me if I cheated on Gabe. No, the answer is no. I would never do that." He answered in a hushed, angry tone. He was many things but he wasn't a cheater and it hurt slightly that Hiroto would think he was capable of doing so.
"I didn't mean have you slept together. There are more ways to cheat on someone than sex."
And then it all made sense. Why he felt guilty and ashamed and regretful. Of Gabe, of their relationship and how he left things with Souichi. He had tried so hard not to fall into the hopeless emotions of his past but Souichi had managed to make him do so in just a few months.
"Angel-kun?"
Tetsuhiro had allowed it to happen; stripping away everything that was good with his life. The life he had rebuilt in a desperate attempt to be happy after Souichi.
"You're right. I pushed Gabe away. Not intentionally but...when Souichi came I...I tried. I really did."
"You love him still?" Hiroto said and though it was posed like a question, it came across more like he was stating a fact.
Tetsuhiro had tried to prevent it from happening. He had but...
"Yes." He said, the tears he'd managed to quell wetting his eyes once more. "I never stopped."
The words should have filled him with something. A sudden epiphany, a shock to his system at the very least. But it was like acknowledging a truth he had known all along, a fact about himself he'd numbed for a little while. It had waited quietly for him to find it again but there it was. Waiting. True and pure.
Tetsuhiro stood suddenly and effectively knocked his knee into the coffee table. The pictures of Gabe fell forward and he couldn't find the strength to right them again. "I'm such a shitty person."
"No! Don't think like that! You can't help who you fall in love with. Tatsumi-kun treated you badly in school, Angel-kun. I don't agree with how you left things but I can see why you did it."
"Then why did you give him my card? Why did you bring him here?"
Why did you help in reminding me what I really wanted?
"Because it was obvious that that man missed you. Missed you more than any friend would. He was a different person without you, even after 5 years. I wanted closure for him. And for you." Hiroto replied gently.
Tetsuhiro shook his head, knowing Hiroto couldn't see it but doing it regardless.
"Sorry. You're right. I left thinking only of myself, knowing what it did to him the last time. But now it's like...I tried so hard not to let him affect me. Affect my life or my relationship with Gabe but none of the progress I made...all 5 years was for nothing. I feel the same as I did when we first kissed."
"Well, it's not for nothing. How much longer is he there for?"
"A month, most likely 3 weeks." Tetsuhiro replied, the thought making his stomach clench.
"I'm not going to pretend to know what the best course of action here is, Angel-kun. But I do know that he was devastated when you left. He came by the bar every single year asking about you. And when he found out where you were, he accepted a project hundreds of miles away just to see you again. What do you have to lose here?"
When it was laid out so simply, it didn't seem complicated at all. But Tetsuhiro remembered the feeling of despair during their last fight, when he'd decided enough was enough. He didn't know if he would survive another.
"My sanity. I can't do this again and then lose it. I just...I can't. It would destroy me. I don't know how I would even begin to approach it."
"Then let him decide. Put it on him to make the first move."
Tetsuhiro laughed humorlessly. "You obviously don't know Souichi."
"No, but you do."
They hung up shortly after. He sat staring at his phone, switching it on and off again for something to do.
It was Souichi's messages he went to next.
Before his eyes, three bubbles appeared for a moment and then disappeared. He blinked rapidly, confused and heart thumping a little faster. It was 3 in the morning and Souichi was awake and thinking of him.
Tetsuhiro fell asleep on the couch with his phone clutched to his chest.
Souichi arrived uncharacteristically late to work, his hair frazzled and only halfway into a ponytail. Tetsuhiro noticed the dark circles under his eyes but didn't comment. He was hardly the picture of mental health this morning.
"Morning." Tetsuhiro said, his eyes lifting from the microscope just a little.
Souichi nodded to him, shrugging on his lab coat so hurriedly that his first attempt at sticking his arm through resulted in him hitting the side of the table.
"Ow, fuck. Fucking coat."
Tetsuhiro waited until Souichi settled in his chair and handed over the sample he'd been working on.
"Could you please analyze this? I need a second opinion."
"Sure."
Though Souichi went about dutifully checking the sample, Tetsuhiro could tell he was distracted. Not only was his hair a blonde mess, but his clothes had been pulled on haphazardly and Tetsuhiro was fairly certain his shoes were mismatched.
Souichi caught his eye as he lifted them from under the table they shared, and tucked his feet under his chair with a sharp squeak.
"What?" He demanded, cheeks slightly reddening.
"So was everything alright last night?" Tetsuhiro asked.
Souichi huffed and returned to his sample, waving his hand in the air. "What? Oh, yea. Just some Mai stuff."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Uh...Mai and her...partner."
"Girlfriend?"
"I guess, yea."
Tetsuhiro enjoyed Souichi's face redden even further before they fell back into silence. You're still so beautiful, he thought, silently.
Souichi wasn't usually one to share and Tetsuhiro knew that if he weren't so tired from an obviously stressful night, he wouldn't be divulging as much as he already had. Tetsuhiro should have felt guilty but his curiosity far outweighed it.
"What was the problem?" Tetsuhiro tried, pretending to go back to his work.
Souichi sighed heavily, a hand running through his hair and effectively loosening his hair tie even further.
"Why do you even want to know?"
Tetsuhiro shrugged. "Just thought I could help."
They stayed silent for a moment more before Souichi leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Tetsuhiro felt badly about taking advantage of Souichi's obvious exhaustion and was about to apologize for pursuing the topic when Souichi spoke over him.
"Her girlfriend came over last night and they had a huge fight about the engagement. She thinks we need to break it off and Mai isn't sure the time is right yet." Souichi murmured, eyes still closed against the harsh light of the lab. "She was upset yesterday."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Tetsuhiro said quietly. "When do you think the right time is?"
Souichi let out a humorless laugh. "I don't know. A year ago?"
Tetsuhiro really looked at the man seated beside him. When Souichi had arrived, he had looked content. Maybe not happy and maybe not as passionate as he remembered, but content. Over the past few months and even more so the past few weeks, the old Souichi, the one he had fallen head over heels with, was slowly coming through.
Souichi's presence may have affected Tetsuhiro's life beyond repair but it was starting to become apparent that the sentiment was returned.
"Are you happy, Souichi?"
Startled by the question, Souichi opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"
"Are you happy?" Tetsuhiro repeated. The answer was suddenly very important.
Souichi leaned forward again and began shuffling the paperwork in front of him. "How should I know, idiot." He scoffed.
But Tetsuhiro persevered. "If this engagement is keeping you from moving on with your life, then you need to talk to Mai about it."
"It's not so much that. It's living a lie. I hate it." Souichi mumbled, words trailing off and choking as he neared the end of his sentence, like he hadn't meant to relay his thoughts.
"When was the last time you were happy?" Tetsuhiro asked. His work sat forgotten on the tabletop as the conversation continued.
Souichi cast an annoyed glare toward him and stood from his seat, ignoring the question completely.
"Did coming here make you happy?" Tetsuhiro asked, also standing and following Souichi across the room.
"Just...shut up. God what is with all the questions?" Souichi said, rifling through the cabinet and retrieving another sample. He turned, realized their proximity and crossed his arms in a protective gesture. "Who are you to even talk? You've looked miserable the majority of the time I've been here. Maybe you should ask yourself that question."
Tetsuhiro considered him for a moment. Souichi wasn't the most intuitive person but the fact that even he'd noticed that something was amiss made Tetsuhiro rethink how happy he thought he'd been. Over the past two weeks, two months, five years.
He paused for a moment. Souichi leaned lightly on the cabinet door he had just pushed closed, arms still protectively crossed in front of him, looking up at Tetsuhiro with an expression that was too intense and too familiar.
What do you have to lose here?
Tetsuhiro took a step forward, watching as a deeper flush rose to Souichi's cheeks and he blinked rapidly as the move pushed him backwards. "You're right. Maybe I haven't been as happy as I was." Tetsuhiro said quietly, hoping that the tremor he felt and the prickles of heat working their way through his limbs weren't obvious in his tone. "Can you think of a reason why?"
Souichi's mouth worked up and down as his back pressed into the cabinet behind him even further. "I...I don't..."
Tetsuhiro took another step closer, the space between them growing smaller. Though his eyes were locked with Souichi's, he could see the moment Souichi's arms dropped and pressed backwards, fingers making scrambling movements against the wood of the cabinet. It put their chests in the perfect position to press together.
"Really? What could have possibly changed in the past two months?"
Souichi, pinned under Tetsuhiro's gaze, looked vaguely affronted. "So...you're blaming me then." He said, lowly, and took a shuddering breath.
"Yes. Yes I am." Tetsuhiro said, daring to take another step. It brought them within a breath of each other and his heart picked up to a dangerous speed.
Then let him decide. Put it on him to make the first move.
Though the ache to close the gap was agonizing, Tetsuhiro kept the space there. He wanted Souichi to want it.
Souichi made no move to get closer but he didn't try to leave.
He remained quiet and helplessly traced Tetsuhiro's face, mouth soft and full and cheeks still deep with color. His body was angled towards Tetsuhiro but still more or less flat to the cabinet behind him.
If this had happened five years ago, Tetsuhiro would have thought he was dreaming.
"Souichi, my first kiss with you was in a laboratory. Do you remember?" He asked, fully expecting to be rebuffed.
But in such a vulnerable position, Souichi's face betrayed his emotions and his eyes flicked down to where Tetsuhiro spoke.
"Yes."
Tetsuhiro's own face started to heat and he began leaning in closer, hands flat on either side of Souichi's head. Souichi's eyes widened but he didn't move.
"What would happen if I kissed you right now"
Souichi's shot up to his own, wide and questioning. "We're...we're at school."
Tetsuhiro reached up, Souichi's body stiffening, and he tugged at the hair tie that threatened to fall out. He watched as Souichi's gorgeous hair cascaded down his shoulders and framed his face. Tetsuhiro picked up a few strands and raised them to his own lips. "And what if we weren't at school?"
A loud bang on the lab door startled them but as it didn't open, Tetsuhiro stayed where he was, the coconut and jasmine of Souichi's hair assaulting his senses.
"Morinaga-San! Mr. Tsukuda wants you to work up in the office today to cover for Yuuki." It was Kauro. For once, Tetsuhiro was thankful that Souichi's tyrant reputation prevented the poor man from entering.
Tetsuhiro let the hair slip from his fingers and without turning or breaking eye contact he shouted, "Be right there!" He stepped back suddenly, the rush of cool air startling Souichi, and began gathering his things in what he hoped was a calm manner.
Souichi looked at him with shock and confusion from his place still plastered to the wall.
You obviously don't know Souichi.
No, but you do.
"If you want to know what comes next, come to my apartment tonight. After work." Tetsuhiro said, sparing him one last glance before heading towards the door.
Tetsuhiro heard a quiet, "But I...I don't..." as he made his way down the hallway but he didn't turn again.
His heart racing and his body still over-stimulated, he waited until he was around the corner to slump against the wall.
It was the longest night of Tetsuhiro's life.
The mounds of paperwork he had had to sort through did nothing to distract him at work but he finished quickly so he wouldn't have to see Souichi possibly leave in another direction.
As midnight approached, he convinced himself that it was for the best. If Souichi had come, if he had showed up…
Tetsuhiro paused where he walked back and forth in front of the couch.
A faint and hurried step.
It approached and then retreated and approached again.
He flew to the front door, wrenching it open as Souichi appeared in his view.
Souichi stayed frozen, a look of embarrassment threatening to overwhelm and ruin everything.
Tetsuhiro didn't stop moving forward and grabbed at Souichi's wrist, pulling him roughly inside. He shut the door forcefully and pinned Souichi against it, only pausing for a moment to hold Souichi's head in his hands and claiming his mouth in a desperate kiss.
Tetsuhiro's body cried with relief, his entire being reacting to the unbearable softness of Souichi's mouth against his own. He groaned and moved his lips with a sense of urgency, surprised and relieved when Souichi's began tentatively moving along with his. His body trembled with how much he wanted this man.
He took advantage of his position and tilted Souichi's head further, opening his mouth and letting his tongue glide along his lower lip.
"Ah-" Souichi sounded against Tetsuhiro's lips. It only encouraged him further and he pressed closer still, hungrily exploring Souichi's mouth.
When Tetsuhiro pulled back, he heard Souichi take in quick, stuttering breaths, and pressed their foreheads together.
His hands, from where they were braced on either side of Souichi's head, trembled as they ran through Souichi's soft hair, the smell overwhelming his senses.
"God I missed you." Tetsuhiro said, his voice thick with emotion. He had the inappropriate urge to cry, unable to comprehend Souichi pressed against him, allowed to touch and to kiss wherever he pleased.
When he opened his eyes, Souichi was already looking into his own with a mixture of emotions he couldn't quite define. There was a deep blush painting his cheeks and where Tetsuhiro's fingers teased his ear.
Tetsuhiro stayed very still as Souichi's thumbs found their way to his face, his cheeks, and under his eyes, shakily brushing away the tears that had managed to escape his eyes.
"Nothing to cry over, idiot." Souichi said, the embarrassment in his voice slowly making way for something else. Affection, Tetsuhiro's mind supplied, filling his chest with warmth.
Tetsuhiro laughed and beamed and kissed him again because he could.
They'd always moved fast when it came to this. Tetsuhiro knew how to touch Souichi to make him squirm and lose his senses.
But an unpleasant thought in the back of his mind made him slow it down. This could be the only time he could do this. The work, the deadline that fast approached, everything threatened to take this away.
So he kissed Souichi, yes. But took his time exploring his mouth, kissing his upper lip, then his lower, then pressing their tongues together slow and deliberate.
Souichi's fingers dropped from his cheeks to his shoulders, each small motion Tetsuhiro made with his tongue causing Souichi to squeeze his hands where they rested.
Tetsuhiro pressed closer so that their chests connected and let his right leg fall naturally in the divet Souichi made with his. He moved one of his hands to Souichi's lower back and pushed their lower bodies together to fill the remaining space. It was a light touch, afterall, a small part of Tetsuhiro wondered how long it had been for Souichi, but the action elicited such a loud groan that he found his resolve weakening.
He pulled back to look, not wanting to miss a second. Souichi's face was flushed and his eyes shut, his lips parted and stuttering breaths finding their way out. His eyes fluttered open and his eyebrows furrowed slightly in question.
"What?"
Tetsuhiro smiled, shaking his head, and dipped his mouth into Souichi's neck, biting and licking the skin there.
"Ahh!" Souichi exclaimed, his voice rough and broken with feeling.
Tetsuhiro couldn't keep the slow speed he had valiantly tried to maintain and with his hand still on Souichi's lower back, pushed them together even closer, grinding into Souichi's obvious erection with his own. He sucked at the skin of Souichi's neck, knowing it would leave a mark but not caring enough to stop.
Souichi's chest heaved against his, fingers scrambling at his back and digging in slightly as Tetsuhiro moved faster against him.
"I'm...I can't…" Souichi exhaled shakily, holding on tightly.
Tetsuhiro, with an incredible amount of effort, captured Souichi's mouth again and pulled at him, moving them backwards deeper into the apartment. Souichi went easily, distracted by Tetsuhiro's tongue swiping across his lips, and then tumbled into his bedroom.
Souichi's shirt tore a little as Tetsuhiro ripped it upwards and threw it on the carpeted bedroom floor but neither seemed to notice. His hands immediately stroked his chest, lowering his head to the pink and erect nipple and biting gently.
Souichi's back arched toward him, bringing their erections together once more and Tetsuhiro nudged them so Souichi fell backwards onto the bed.
Tetsuhiro took a moment to divest of his own shirt and straddled Souichi's legs which trembled against the bottom of his thighs. Souichi looked up at him and then to the ceiling, toward the door as if in a stupor, most likely wondering how they had ended up in his bedroom. For a brief terrifying moment, Tetsuhiro thought he may try to leave. It was too much too soon.
But Souichi lay beneath him, his hair splayed elegantly on the blue blanket, chest heaving and cheeks and chest flushed with color. Tetsuhiro could see the bite on Souichi's neck reddening and a deep pulse of arousal surged through him.
When Tetsuhiro leaned down to kiss him, Souichi met him halfway.
It devolved into more their style: wet, messy, hot, and fast.
Tetsuhiro removed Souichi's remaining clothes, desperate to touch and to see. He wanted badly to bring Souichi off, his cock was pulsing and red and looked almost painful.
But he didn't know at what point the spell would break and if they only had one chance at this, he wanted to make it good.
So he teased, squeezing Souichi's erection, stroking, kissing his neck and chest and face. He'd stop and observe, earning him a dazed and frustrated look, and then he'd continue slower than before.
The pace was killing him but the noises Souichi made were worth the effort to keep collected.
He reached into his bedside drawer effectively leaning above and over Souichi, scrambling for the bottle of lube he kept in there. He finally retrieved the bottle, almost jumping when he felt hands lay gently against his chest.
Tetsuhiro looked down, Souichi's eyes half shut and looking at him like...like…
He popped the lid of the bottle, liberally soaking his fingers, and moved down Souichi's body, kissing where he went.
He paused for a moment, looking up through hooded eyes at Souichi.
"Is this...is it okay?"
Souichi, seemingly lost in sensation, glanced down at him and must have been too overwhelmed at what he saw because he shut his eyes tightly, letting his head fall back against the bed, and nodded sharply.
Tetsuhiro was filled with relief and though he'd wanted to go slow, he couldn't resist licking the underside of Souichi's length, taking it sharply into his mouth.
"Ahhh-god…" Souichi moaned loudly, his voice trailing off and silencing as Tetsuhiro moved.
While Tetsuhiro's mouth worked, his fingers found Souichi's entrance and gently prodded there. He pushed one finger in slowly, trying to find a rhythm with his mouth while making it as comfortable as possible.
He crooked his finger, knowing he'd hit the correct spot when Souichi's eyes shot open and his entire body arched upwards. Tetsuhiro's free hand settled on Souichi's stomach and he pushed him gently back down. He stroked with his tongue and his fingertip once, twice, and Souichi was coming.
Souichi yelled, his voice hoarse and rough and his body sagged as Tetsuhiro swallowed and removed his mouth. He left his finger where it was, warm inside Souichi's body and crawled upwards.
Souichi's overly sensitive body shivered and he winced a little as Tetsuhiro slowly moved his finger in and out.
"Does it feel okay?" Tetsuhiro asked, suddenly concerned.
Souichi, still breathing quite heavily, managed to look flustered as he looked up into Tetsuhiro's eyes.
"It's...fine. Just been awhile." Souichi answered, voice pitched low.
And because he couldn't quite help himself he asked, "How long is awhile?"
Souichi huffed, partly in annoyance and partly because Tetsuhiro had added another finger.
"You know how long." Embarrassment colored Souichi's tone.
Tetsuhiro smiled, his chest swelling with emotion, and leaned down to kiss Souichi. In his darkest hours, when the loneliness was unbearable, he'd imagine Souichi with another person. But to find out that not only was there no person in the time they were apart but that Souichi was still beneath him, his face flushing once more as his arousal grew anew, was enough to make his chest burst with happiness.
When he added a third finger, he must have hit the spot just right because Souichi groaned and pushed back against his hand.
"Is this…" Tetsuhiro started and startled when a hand came up and behind his head, pushing down roughly and he was being kissed with a vigor that bordered on ferocity.
He was so distracted by the kiss that Souichi had initiated that his fingers stilled. It was only when Souichi's hips twitched in a downwards motion that he realized he was growing impatient. Tetsuhiro glanced down to confirm that Souichi was now fully erect again, a sight that made him almost come himself.
He removed his fingers slowly, watching Souichi wince a little at the loss, and coat himself with the lube he'd set aside. He lined himself up to Souichi's entrance and very slowly pushed inside.
Souichi gasped, throwing his head back against the pillows and hands grasping the bed and the air above him.
Tetsuhiro was reminded sharply of their second time together, how lost Souichi had looked with the foreign sensations.
So he reached down, placing one of Souichi's hands on his shoulder and the other in his own hand, linked their fingers together and pressing down into the bed.
Tetsuhiro tried to hold back but he had been so close for so long and pushed in further, slowly, watching Souichi's face the entire time.
"Souichi, look at me." He mumbled, voice cracking. Souichi opened his eyes where they were squeezed shut and locked with his own. "You're so beautiful and I've missed you so much."
And there it was again, the emotion he'd been trying to clamp down on to make it through. But Souichi didn't seem to mind what he saw in Tetsuhiro's face. In fact, as deep brown eyes traced his own, he let the hand that rested on Tetsuhiro's shoulder make its way to his face once more and lay against his cheek in silent answer.
Tetsuhiro's lower belly erupted in butterflies, the affection this time clear in Souichi's face. He took it as permission to move fully inside Souichi and did so with pleasure.
Souichi hissed but didn't look to be in pain. He pulled Tetsuhiro's face down once more, their sweat-coated foreheads resting together.
It was all consuming, overwhelming to the point of agony. Tetsuhiro moved slowly, pulling almost all the way out and then sliding back in again. It was delicious and agonizing. It always was with Souichi.
Souichi, though still tighter than Tetsuhiro remembered, was pushing back against his thrusts. Tetsuhiro gasped as a particularly hard move was met with equal force and he sloppily captured the groan that erupted from Souichi's throat.
His movements grew frantic as he felt his orgasm approach quicker than he'd anticipated but Souichi's active participation was pushing him closer and closer.
He reached down with the little sanity he had left and stroked Souichi hard and fast, slicking his hand with what was already leaking there.
"Hah-I'm…" Souichi gasped out between thrusts, the movements quicker and harder. "I'm...Tetsu-Ahh!"
Tetsuhiro watched as Souichi arched once again, pushing them together and deeper and he came without warning, spilling within and against Souichi with a force he hadn't felt in years.
The room was reduced to nothing, the world quieted and all he could focus on was the feel of Souichi and his panting breath matching his own.
His arms gave out and he collapsed onto Souichi, sweat and skin mingling between them.
In his hazy mind, he managed to move off of Souichi and rest beside him, their hands still clasped together.
He remembered stroking his thumb against the back of Souichi's soft hand.
He remembered whispering into the darkness that it was wonderful.
And then he remembered a voice whispering back that he'd been missed too.
And then sleep overcame him. This time, however, it was painted with long blonde hair and brown eyes.
Author's Notes: Finally some sexy times! Thank you to everyone for your patience with this chapter. I usually get a nice jolt of inspiration from the newest Koisuru Boukun chapter (which came out last month and loving the storyline so far!). Will try very hard to not have as long of a break between chapters for future xxx
