Hello, a few minor fixes have been made such as punctuation/grammer and the like!
He couldn't stop, he had to do something before it got a little weird in this elevator and Garrus wouldn't be able to look at Fay ever again. But what could he do that would help sate his urges?...Maybe if he tried to embrace the smell instead of trying to fight it he could gain a little more control. It couldn't hurt to try.
"Garrus I-"
FayLynn began to speak, probably to try and pry information out of him, but before she could finish he dove at her and knocked her to the floor of the elevator. He tried to be mindful so he didn't hurt her, but it couldn't be helped since they both still had all of their armor on.
"Ooof!"
The wind was knocked from her lungs as his weight landed on top of her own and she instinctively tried to wriggle out from under him, but as she tried to move Garrus used his steely grip and took a hold of her shoulders firmly; though he was careful not to inflict any pain upon her. The touch of his hands on her shoulders stopped all of Fay's movement, her eyes widening in surprise and her breathing picking up in pace from the feeling. Every ounce of confusion in her body could be heard in her voice as she spoke.
"What are you-"
"Please trust me. I can't..."
His breathing was ragged as he looked into her eyes for the first time since the elevator became stuck, seeing an apology not bothering to hide in their depths, and FayLynn gasped at their intensity. Garrus proceeded to then, gently, lower his head to her neck and press his face against the spot right below where her human ears would be if she still possessed them, inhaling deeply. The smell was intoxicating and a rush all at the same time. It was like taking a dive from a moving car or chasing down and catching a criminal you had been pursuing. He felt FayLynn's body tense immediately as she gasped and uttered his name with a noise of shock.
"Garrus!"
"I'm sorry, I know this is crossing the line but the smell-" As soon as he mentioned it she immediately relaxed. Her skin began to heat up in embarrassment and she slapped a hand over her face to hide her expression.
"I know about it Garrus and I'm sorry too. I should have controlled myself, I'm so embarrassed! Oh my spirits I'll never live this down!."
He chuckled at that and snuggle a little deeper into her hair, enjoying the feeling of being close to the one he cared for.
"You're embarrassed? I'm the one who tackled you and is buried into your neck like some sort of parasite, but I am feeling a bit better now."
Fay smiled softly and began to purr, the noise was deep and vibrated throughout her whole being until they were both shaking with the noise. Her hand went to his fringe and stroked it lightly in comfort, dispersing the tension in the enclosed space and bringing about a feeling of peace and serenity. Neither one said anything as the moment stretched on, simply enjoying the feeling of belonging and closeness. FayLynn was still incredibly embarrassed about the whole situation, considering she had been aroused no more than a few seconds ago, but it had settled in to a comfortable feeling. There was now nothing sexual or perverse about their embrace, it was simply a connection between friends. That was when the mechanic finally finished his repairs.
The metal contraption groaned as the gears whirred to life and the slight jostle of the lift moving once more surprised both the human and the turian currently laying on the floor. Both of them sprang apart and quickly stood to try and seem like nothing had happened. Fay picked her helmet up off of the floor from where it had fallen and then slipped it on so that no one could see her blush. Being a turian Garrus didn't have to worry about anyone figuring out what he was feeling so he just settled for keeping his helmet off for now. As soon as the doors opened the bashful agent slipped past the few people that had been waiting and headed up to the observation deck. For now she would try to put some distance between her and her turian friend so they could both cool off; though the moment was one to remember. A perceptive pair of brown eyes followed both of the crew members as they exited the elevator.
"What got into her?"
Kaidan eyed the spot where FayLynn had just disappeared before turning to Garrus, expecting the turian to have the answer. Of course he did, but he wasn't going to tell the oh so curious Lieutenant. Instead the sniper played it off like he had no idea what was going on.
"Um not sure. I think she mentioned something about a joke she wanted to tell Joker. Ironic right?"
"Huh, yeah. Ironic. Well if you see her before I do again tell her that the food she requested is in the mess hall."
"Will do."
And with that the biotic shrugged it off and went back to his station to tinker. Good thing Alenko didn't look too far into other people's business or Garrus would have caved. Now feeling like he really needed something to eat the turian made his way over to the mess and looked through all the dextro amino foods that they had stocked up on. Maybe he would be able to get a restful sleep later on when his mind had cleared up.
"You wanna fuck Garrus!"
"Joker stop it! Don't be a child. And I don't want to fuck Garrus!"
"Then why was he buried in your neck on the elevator...and why did you let him?!"
"Rrrrgh! Erase those now!"
I wanted to grab the pilot by his neck and throttle him until all the little bones in his body were shattered into a million different pieces! I had merely come up here to relax and chat, but no, the annoyingly quick pilot had to bring up the footage from the elevator and accuse me of 'getting busy' with my teammate. The notion was ridiculous... I would never start something like that in an elevator. But that wasn't the point right now.
I continued to struggle with him and make him erase the footage when all of a sudden, a very authoritative voice sounded out behind us, making both of our bodies freeze and our heads turn. A guilty look crossed both Joker's and my own face.
"What are you two doing? We are supposed to be closing in on Therum to get Liara T'Soni yet we seem to be off schedule." Shepard had her hands on her hips and her icy blue eyes were narrowed suspiciously. It wasn't until she let her composure slip only slightly that I realized what she was doing. Fortunately for the both of us the ginger-haired man beside me got hung up as soon as he heard the words 'off schedule'. The man probably didn't even know what they meant.
Jokers eyes nearly bugged out of his head at her words and I barely contained the burst of laughter that threatened to escape me at the sight. Not many were able to tell when Shepard was taking a jab at you, but there was always that telltale gleam in her eyes when she did it. Even soldiers had to feel sometimes; we weren't machines built for war...or at least everyone else around me wasn't.
"That's impossible there's no way that we- Hey wait a minute! We're on exact time Commander what the hell?! Why would you yank me around like that?" His brows pulled down in irritation and his voice went up in pitch as he half whined half tried to sound irritated towards our superior. I could tell she wasn't buying it my eyes gleamed as she merely smirked in response while answering.
"Because I love to torture little children."
Her tone was matter of fact and I couldn't help but let the laughter flow freely now, oh how this crew picked on one another put me to tears. Ever since I had joined this little expedition to take down a rouge specter there hadn't been a moment yet when I regretted it. Yes, sometimes it got rough and we would be down on our luck, but that didn't stop nor deter us in the least. Determination is what drove us and Shepard was chocked full of the stuff. No to mention she was one of the most skilled and amazing N7 operatives to ever graduate from the program.
There was always action and adventure, no C-sec to hold me back with all their rules, and my agent status had been put into full effect once more. Although now that I thought about it I did miss Sterling an awful lot; the poor little Nalpa was probably confused as to why I hadn't returned yet. And even though I had Trace looking after him it didn't put my feelings at ease. What if he didn't get enough food? Or what if Trace didn't exercise and walk him enough? Nalpas got very destructive when their extra energy wasn't run off properly!
"Why don't you get some sleep Fay, you look like you could use it."
"Huh?"
I looked at Shepard in confusion and blinked a few times. I really had to stop spacing out like that; getting drawn in to my thoughts usually made me over-think just about everything. That in turn made small situations seem like the biggest problems in the galaxy. I leveled my stare with my Commander's blue one as she kept talking, obviously not deterred that I hadn't been listening all that much.
"Sleep. Go get it. I'm glad that you've been feeling better but the only way to keep that up is too stay on a healthy sleep schedule."
There was no denying the order in her voice at this point and all I could do was nod and excuse myself quietly. I knew she was just making sure that her crew stayed in good shape, and I appreciated that, but the underlying fear of the nightmares coming back was just too much. I looked at my omni-tool and saw that the time read as 10:00. When had it gotten that late? Had I really been sitting up in the observation deck for four hours? Damn my sense of time was really off. It was then that I looked up and realized that I was in front of the elevator's panel, unsure of where I wanted to go or do. If I went to try and sleep in my pod then I would just end up sitting there for hours and worry myself into a coma...but maybe there was somewhere else I could go to sleep.
Deciding on the second option I hit the button to engineering and let the elevator go through its slow descent. The lights passed by me and illuminated the metal of the box like streetlamps on a sidewalk. So many things were passing through my mind right now. What would happen after we caught Saren and brought him back to the Citadel to be convicted and put on trial? Even if we did take him out there was still the problem of these so called 'Reapers'. If they were real then we, and by we I mean Shepard, had to convince the Council to take action and prepare. And then there were my own personal problems.
Whether or not I should come clean about my past, telling Garrus about where my nightmares came from...I didn't know if these things would help ease my conscious or just make me nervous. Never in my life have I felt normal, not even after I had met Garrus and Nira, and they were the closest... Garrus is the closest person to me now. I blinked harshly to clear the slight rush of tears that I felt welling up. No. It was going to be ok, I could do this. With my feelings of determination in place I composed myself and stepped out of the elevator, making my way over towards the Mako; rounding the side of it and finding what I knew I would.
Garrus didn't like to sleep in the pods either so he chose to make a bed for himself down in engineering. Shepard allowed it without any complaints and now, as I stood here waiting for him to notice that I was standing there, I could see why he liked it. No one was usually down here at this time of night besides Wrex and the lights were dimmed quite a bit. The thrum of the Normandy's engine could be heard but it wasn't loud enough to be disturbing, instead it created a type of lulling background noise that one could easily fall asleep to. It wasn't until a flanged voice spoke up and jarred me from my thoughts.
"Fay? What're you doing down here this late? Everything alright?"
"I..." Of course, I wouldn't have anything to say when it came time. Nice going there champ.
My eyes focused on how he was lying back on his bed, propping his head up so that he could read the holo pad he was holding in front of his face. Great. And here I thought I had all this confidence, but when push came to shove I couldn't string together a simple coherent sentence. Just had to relax, it was only Garrus. Hopefully he didn't see how my tail was frizzing up because I feel like that would be a clear indicator of my stress at the moment. Were my ears laying flat on my head right now? Rgggh, just focus. Finally finding the words that I wanted to speak for the most part I began speaking once more.
"Um. I was wondering if... maybe if you didn't mind...I don't want to impose but..." I really needed to control that stutter of mine if I ever wanted to make a complete sentence. This of course made Garrus suspect me even more and turn his full attention to me.
"You okay?"
He was now standing and had moved to place a hand on my arm in comfort, the holo pad tossed aside and forgotten. His armor had been removed earlier and he was in much more casual attire than I usually saw him in.; it was kind of weird seeing him like this. I took a breath and didn't look at his face as I spoke, not wanting to lose my nerves again. My hands had automatically moved to grab my tail and run it through my hands, sort of a fidgety habit I had acquired over the years. Breathe in, breathe out.
"I wanted to talk to you about my nightmares..."
The words were so quiet that I almost didn't hear them myself. This was going to be very difficult, that I could already tell. But it was something I wanted to do. I knew that I could trust telling this to him without facing any backlash. As he answered me his voice was just as quiet and gentle, like I was a caged animal he was trying not to scare.
"Of course. You know that if there's anything that you need to tell me then I'll be here to listen. C'mon, let's sit down."
He pulled me back over to his bed, moving his sniper rifle to lean against the mako, and we both sat on the edge. My hands immediately went back to my tail and my usual steely gaze was cast downwards to the floor, eyebrows drawn together in concentration as I tried to think about how shiny the metal was; it was a lame distraction but anything was better than eye contact at this point. I thought about how I had acted the last time we had talked down here and guilt struck me like lightning. The apology never happened like I had planned. It had just been forgotten about like most other things.
'Just calm down...this is Garrus. You guys are best friends, there's nothing to be afraid of.' I chanted this over and over in my mind like a mantra. Finally feeling sure enough with my emotions and stable enough that I could look him in the eye without breaking down I looked back up to his blue-gray eyes. His gaze was unreadable as usual.
"Ok. So, you know about how I used to work for a company before going to the academy right?"
The nod I received was curt and ushered me to continue.
"And you know that they made me who, what, I am now... but you don't know how they did that. That's what my nightmare had been about... what they have been about. My time there as an operative and the things that they did to me...what they made me do for them. That's why I didn't want to say anything."
I realized that towards the end of my sentence my voice had become harsh so I tried to tone it back, no reason to get worked up talking about it. Garrus was quiet as I explained and he remained that way when I had stopped; maybe he was contemplating whether or not he should send me away. It did sound like I was just telling my little sob story, but in all reality, it was anything but. This wasn't something that I made public about my life just for attention and pity. In fact, it was something that I kept hidden from as many people, and organizations, as possible because it showed my lowest point in life. A time when I had been ashamed to even look in the mirror.
The silence was almost agonizing as it stretched on, nothing being said between us as the turian beside me seemed to contemplate what he wanted to say. It was probably his quiet way of brushing this off and asking me to leave, and honestly, I was almost eager to comply. But it wasn't until I began to move that he spoke up and stopped me, his voice sounding rougher than usual. Almost pain filled.
"What did they do to you FayLynn."
So close. The gasp was on the tip of my tongue, almost escaping before I caught it, but I did. The only indication that his question had caught me off guard was that my body went rigid as I turned back to face him. One that he probably didn't miss what with his keen eyesight. The blue of his eyes had darkened considerably and were now solely focused on me, almost as if he were trying to will the answers out of me. He really wanted to know that bad.
My resolve to hide it crumbled to dust in that very moment and I let the yearn to tell someone, to confide in another being, enter my heart and guide my mind. My voice was strong now as I spoke to him, something that I don't think either of us really expected.
"Garrus...they did things that no being, human or otherwise, would ever think to do to something living. It was like they just stripped me of what made me a person layer by layer, day by day, until there was just a skeleton for them to build on. So they could shape me and make me into what they wanted. To them I wasn't a 14-year-old girl that they had ruined and taken the spirit from after three years of conditioning; I was merely a vessel that was there to host any and every experiment they could think of that wouldn't kill me...I wish they would have. I wanted them to."
That one made my voice crack. Not just because of the memory of being stuck in a cell, alone and cold, suddenly popped into my mind. It was the anger and repressed rage that had begun to bubble up at the mention of their treatment to my younger self. How they had pushed a child yearn for death.
"It's ok, take your time."
"No, it's not okay. It's not okay and I'm not fine, but I have to be. They took away my only chance of normal and left me like this...they left me broken. I've tried fixing myself but I just...I'm so tired. Garrus, I'm so tired of acting like there's nothing wrong with me and that it's just going to go away." Tears began to fall down my face, staining my skin and falling on to my currently clenched fists. I didn't care if I was crying in front of anybody anymore, it didn't matter.
"FayLynn, I am telling you that there is nothing wrong with you. Yes, you have some extra parts, and you went through hell as a child. But don't think for a second that it makes you any less of a person than anybody on board this ship, hell, than anybody on the damn Citadel! And if you really are broken, well. I'll always be here to pick up the pieces."
"Garrus." My heart fluttered and I couldn't help but sniffle as I looked at the turian whom had been my friend when no one else would. I was lucky to have him here with me, and it was only right that I finish my story now.
I took another moment to collect myself once more, breathing deeply and leaning against Garrus's shoulder out of instinct; it was something I had always used to do when I had a long day. There was just something about the feeling of having someone to lean on, a thing that I had never used to have, that gave me the extra strength to move on. No matter how angry he made me sometimes I knew that Garrus would be there no matter what. Realizing this as I spoke, my voice was laced with a new found yet quiet confidence. Unfortunately, I was still sniffling every few seconds.
"When they took me away from my cell that night...I could tell something was different. I had been lead to the usual room and put on the same old table, but this time they shackled me down and layered straps over my body; it made moving impossible. Then they put this...collar type thing around my neck really tightly. I remember the feeling of the cool metal against my skin and how it made me shiver. There were spiked studs on the inside so that I didn't try to pull away. That's what these scars are from."
I slowly pulled down the collar of my uniform whilst looking away, being careful not to reveal anymore because of other blemishes I didn't wish to show quite yet. His eyes pinpointed on the light circle scars that littered the skin around my neck. Garrus seemed floored at this revelation and struggled to find the right words at first.
"These marks... how have I not seen them before?"
"Because I cover them up with makeup, they're not my proudest part."
I could tell that there was an oncoming question, there always was, but I stopped it before he could even ask. Patience was a virtue.
"Needle after needle was pushed into my body. They started at my lower calf and just worked their way up, not bothering to even prepare me for any of them. The head scientist was there to oversee the operation. I used to refer to him as Dr. Doom."
A type of sardonic smile graced my features as the doctor's image popped into my mind. He had striking green eyes quite like my own and slightly graying chocolate brown hair, scruff on his chin and neck while a scar ran across his jugular. Must have been from a previous incident. But my eyes looked up to the turian that was currently shaking from a chuckle, the noise drawing me away from the memory of my captor. The one memory that never hurt me to think about oddly enough. I could always think about it and it never once got blocked, it just kind of seeped through the cracks. Like there was something different about it.
"What?"
"I'm sorry, it's kind of inappropriate of me to laugh but, Dr. Doom?"
I returned a smile, though not a true one, to convey that it was alright to laugh. Finding the humor in things like this now is how I got past the memories.
"Yeah. He would always be talking about how our species was doomed to be extinct if we kept going on like we were, so negative. His voice was always dark. You wouldn't have guessed by the way he smiled so brightly or laughed, but there was just something about him that made my blood run cold. I remember him trying to console me as I began to cry; the needles were being injected into my sides and abdomen at that point. 'You're going to be something magnificent, extraordinary... beautiful.' It was like he really thought that those words would make every stick not burn like fire. I don't know why but... he would always give me extra praise when I performed a task correctly. He would even slip me extra food and water when possible. But after what he helped those people do to me I-..."
The words seemed to escape me in that moment as I thought about it. I had really begun to trust him there, my young and naive 9 year old mind being easily fooled when I had first been taken by the seemingly kind gestures and needing something to cling to. Yearning for some kind of human contact that he had filled at the time.
"I trusted him. But like I said, that bridge was burned down after the procedure. After all the injections were finished and I had fought against the restraints, my wrists were rubbed raw and the spikes had dug into my neck. Unfortunately, they deemed this behavior inappropriate and decided to punish me by sending waves of electricity coursing through my body via the collar. I had thought that it was the worst pain I had endured so far. Looking back at it now though, my nightmare made me realize how wrong I was about that. With my body no longer being capable of struggling I just lay there, waiting to be brought back to my cell, but instead the charge of a laser beam of some sort filled the room... and what happened next is an indescribable mix of pain and blinding white lights. My screams were the only thing that I remember hearing after that." Silence followed that last part for nearly two minutes. At this point I wasn't sure if he was afraid of speaking or simply to shocked to. When Garrus finally spoke up his voice was quiet once more; restrained.
"And when you woke up you were... like this?"
"Yeah. I was like this. But there's nothing I really remember with accuracy. All this information has come from my dreams, and even then the memories are hard to make out."
I hadn't mean for the words to come out sounding so distasteful but it just couldn't be helped, remembering when I woke up afterwards always brought a sour taste to my mouth. Just the feeling of being violated down to my very core was a feeling that I never knew I would experience and it was one that I resented to have ever known. But I knew that Garrus hadn't meant to say it like that.
Neither one of us said anything to the other as we just sat in a semi-comfortable silence once again. Though I wasn't sure if it was because he didn't know how to respond to what I had said, or if he was afraid to say the wrong thing and set me off; which was unlikely at this point. My chest that had once been weighted with the thought of talking about this was now free of any burden and allowed me to breathe easily. It had been awhile since I could do that. Maybe opening up wasn't the worst thing I could do...but then again it probably wouldn't go as smoothly as this had every time.
"...do you think you'll ever find them? The people who did this to you."
His voice was slightly lower than usual though I wasn't sure as to why, and he had shifted to where we were now sitting completely on his makeshift bed instead of teetering on the edge.
"I don't know. I'm not even sure if I want to find them Garrus."
And it was true. My mind was split into two different sides, one being the side that wanted to get my revenge and make those bastards pay, and the other side that was afraid to know just who they were. The illusion of secrecy kept me safe from them.
I moved closer to my turian friend and sighed before letting my eyes close. Sometimes it was just nice to be close to someone you cared for with no interruptions, no stress or work to worry about. Just relaxing in one anothers company. I guess Garrus had the same idea and before I knew it we were both laying down and pressed against each other, warmth radiating between us both. He pulled out a blanket and covered me up while I moved my head to lay against his neck, feeling like it was the safest place in the world; at least I didn't have to ask to sleep down here with him now. I let my eyes flutter closed and breathed deeply as I got comfortable, trying not to let the severity of the memories spoil my sleep.
"I won't let them hurt you again." He sounded so sure when he said that statement and remained calm, almost as if he hadn't been worked up no more than a few minutes ago. Probably putting on a strong facade so that I wouldn't worry.
"I know..."
Letting his promise wrap itself around me securely I tried to focus on sleep, but one question was still plaguing my thoughts. I wanted to believe him, so much that it made my heart constrict painfully. But how could he protect me from something that I couldn't even protect myself from?
