"That's it!" Charming announced, storming through the front door and slamming the morning's newspaper onto the kitchen counter. "Hook's done it now."

Emma didn't bother to look up. "What did he do?" she monotoned, swirling an index finger through the whipped cream on top of the mug of hot chocolate in front of her.

Charming's face was turning slightly red with anger as he managed, "scratch marks all over my truck. All over it! The whole damn thing looks like a spiderweb...scrapes in the paint..."

Snow looked mildly horrified with her husband, if only for cursing in front of his grandson, while Henry looked amused and Emma seemed slightly uncomfortable.

"Um..." the blonde began, causing all heads to swivel in her direction, "...that might be indirectly my fault." She looked apologetic as she added quickly, "I'm sorry, but I kinda locked the guy on a beanstalk, then punched him in the side of the head with a compass the last time I saw him. He's probably not the most dedicated member of the Charming Family Fan Club, believe it or not."

Charming was close to spitting fire. "Why didn't he mess with your car, then?" he demanded.

Emma looked slightly guilty as she shared a look with her mother. "Regina kinda had it sent to the shop to get the brakes checked," she admitted. Henry snickered into his sleeve beside her, trying to pass the motion off as a sneeze.

"So what are you supposed to do about it?" Snow asked gently, attempting to calm her husband down. "There's nothing you can do now, so let's just settle down and find something else to-"

Charming shook his head, looking about ready to implode. "No. I have a better idea. Emma, you're coming with me. I mean...what's the worst that could happen?"


"You can stay here if you want," Charming told her.

Emma shook her head fiercely. "Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world! Although...I am a little worried about how well this plan was thought through."

Charming stood up from his spot, where he had been crouched behind a large crate resting on the docks. "Plan? What plan? I'm just making this up as I go along."

Somewhat excited to watch her father's strategy crash and burn, Emma followed enthusiastically behind.

"How do you expect to steal an invisible pirate ship?" she asked at long last, having to jog to keep up with Charming's brisk pace.

Her father shrugged. "I dunno. I guess I'll figure it out."

Emma stood a little ways away as Charming began to run his sneaker along the edge of the dock, searching for a catch in the wood. When his foot hit something solid, he bent over and ran his hand along it, grinning very matter-of-factly. "It's a ramp," he announced proudly. "I've found it!"

Emma nodded, holding her hands up in a disarming gesture. "Okay, okay. You've found it. Go on, then."

Hardly able to contain his smirk, Charming placed first one foot, then the other onto the invisible ramp, then began a confident swagger along it.

...which was right about when his foot found nothing but the empty air and he plunged over the edge and into the water.

Emma let out a gasp, stepping closer to the railing. "Dad...?" she began in a cautionary tone.

Charming's head broke the surface a moment later, gasping and spluttering, and he managed to choke out, "I'm fine, Emma! Just mis-stepped...there's an emergency ladder over there that I can climb out with." His hand appeared over the waterline and gestured to a point roughly forty feet away from him, where several slippery-looking metal rungs led from the street level to the water.

Emma nodded, keeping her expression impassive until her father had turned out of earshot...at which point she nearly collapsed from holding back her laughter. She played the moment over and over again in her mind...then again on fast-forward, then again on fast-forward while mentally listening to Yakety Sax...

It was a moment before Emma was aware of the other person standing in the shadows of the dock behind her. "Hello, Hook," she greeted stiffly.

"Ah, well, if it isn't the very embodiment of my misfortune. How do you like my little trick with the ramp?" a dark voice replied from behind her.

Emma nodded slowly, hardly wanting to admit she was impressed. "Moving the ship and turning the gangplank? Nice."

Hook's voice floated back to her: "thanks, lass. Glad to see you're not trying to kill me for it."

Emma shrugged, replying, "eh. He had it coming to him."

"Indeed. I rather figured your father would try something like this."

"I suppose he's a pretty predictable guy," she agreed. Then, after a moment, she added, "and I also suppose I should be arresting you, for destruction and vandalism of personally owned property."

"Well, love, if you'd wanted to break out the handcuffs, you could have just asked."

Emma sighed, still watching her father as he floundered around in the water not fifty feet from her, trying to climb out using the emergency ladder. "I suppose if you leave now, I might forget I ever saw you here."

"And why is that, love?" Hook replied. She could almost hear the wry smirk in his voice.

"You ever hear of that saying, 'two wrongs don't make a right?'" she asked, while watching Charming slip from the top of the ladder and plunge back into the icy harbor water. "Well, in this case, they do."

"Can't I stay and watch-"

"No," Emma replied flatly, "you may not. Only I may watch my father suffer and laugh about it. Now get out, pirate, before you find yourself missing another hand."

Hook slunk away quietly without another word, while Emma fished her cell phone out of her pocket. In record time, she held it facing the water, hit the record button in the camera, and began streaming live to YouTube.


Rule #7: Do not attempt to steal the Jolly Rodger because Charming wants to know what the "worst that could happen" is.


A/N: Hook's shameless flirting? I regret nothing. Besides...I had to bring in my favorite character. Had to. :P

Later, Dearies.

- Kat Carlyle