INTERLUDE:

A.N.: Journal entries – so who wants to know what the girls are thinking? Hee hee.

Sorry if it's kinda short – I honestly don't think two journal entries could take up six pages, let alone one. And plus, what both girls have to say can easily and bluntly be put in a few sentences. Their conflict takes up the rest of their entries.

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KIMBERLY'S JOURNAL ENTRY

Dear Journal,

So much has happened since the asylum fire. In what feels like a heartbeat I suddenly find Clear and myself cleaned up, owning new clothes and accessories, and sleeping in a warm bed at Mrs. Peters' house (Rory's mom). It's like a freakin' whirlwind! Ok, ok, enough of that.

It was my idea to come here, actually – go me! I thought that since Rory's mom had talked to me before Clear and I checked into Stonybrook that she'd be "sympathetic to our cause," our cause being to find shelter and food. She was MORE than sympathetic – she and Maria (Rory's twin sis) have given Clear and me so much in such a short space of time. I mean, I have new clothes, new stuff, new EVERYTHING, I'm clean, I'm safe…ok, rambling here, I know.

I should stop avoiding everything and write out my thoughts here. It's not like anyone's going to read it…I hope. The thing is, I think I'm starting to get feelings for Clear.

I know, how weird does that sound? I mean, of all things! But when I woke up hugging her… And even in the mall when I whapped her briefly, I felt something odd. Has all this drama/trauma completely changed the wiring of my brain? Or have I just not noticed it before?

And the shower! Oh my God! All I was doing was trying to scrub all the grime off when I start fantasizing about me and Clear doing…things! And not just a brief fantasy, oh no, this was a play-by-play with vivid detail! I could practically feel her running her hands all over my body – I could almost feel MY-self touching HER! And the thing is, in my mind, it felt so good. I mean, I never thought anything could feel so good in just a thought! I really, really, REALLY shouldn't be having thoughts like that about Clear, but… I dunno. It's all so strange.

I had a huge crush on Thomas, no doubts there, and I'd barely known him at all. But then, he did save my life and comfort me whenever I saw a death. How horrible does that sound: "every time I saw a death"? Yes, I felt something for him, and I cried hard when he died. But now…just being around Clear…it makes my stomach flutter, and a strange ache literally forms in my heart when our eyes meet. I don't know what to make of it, and I certainly have no intention of acting on it. What if Clear pulls away if I try to get too close? Oh my God, what am I SAYING??? I still can't believe these thoughts are running through my head.

I'm exhausted, so it's bedtime for me. Oh great – I just remembered that I'll be sleeping next to Clear. I just hope my strange new feelings don't control my body in my sleep. If that happened I don't know HOW I'd explain myself. I probably shouldn't even think about that possibility.

G'night,

Kimberly

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CLEAR'S JOURNAL ENTRY

Dear Journal,

More has happened in the past 24 hours than I can even hope to comprehend all at once, let alone write down. The only things I know for certain at the moment is that I am warm, safe, and with Kimberly. But that last bit has become a bit problematic. Of all the crazy things to happen in an already chaotic time, I've discovered I have feelings for my fellow survivor. But then, if it's craziness within chaos, does that make it normal? Either way, it's one of the strangest things to ever happen to me – and that's saying something.

Kimberly…Kimberly…Kimberly. I can't even begin to describe how much she's suddenly become intoxicating whenever I look at her. But it just doesn't make sense. Why am I falling for her if I loved Alex? Is it that I'm desperate in some way?

Loved. Past tense. Loved Alex before, and yet not now. His memory will always be with me of course, but somehow I've been letting go and moving on – without my even knowing! Has Kimberly been a part of that? Again I wonder if I only have feelings for her because until 24 hours ago we shared the same room for a year. Ironically enough, we're now sharing the same bed, which really does not help matters. I'm really hoping that I don't do anything in my sleep that will haunt me for the rest of eternity along with the memories I wish were just nightmares.

I'm still finding my new feelings hard to believe. I had a vivid fantasy of Kimberly and I (God, I hope no one reads this) making love in the shower, and all I was doing was trying to clean up. Why now? Why not when we were still in the asylum? Or was I attracted to her in the asylum but just didn't notice? Either way, I can't change my thoughts and feelings even if I want to.

…But I'm not so sure I want to.

- Clear