I know the feeling of expecting a chapter and having it end up being an Author's note but I feel as if I need to do this, since reading some new reviews had ended up twisting something inside me and it doesn't really feel good leaving readers in the dark.

Don't worry, I didn't get sick or anything like that and it isn't even about school.

The reason I haven't been able to update is because of me growing up.

Things haven't been hectic in my life, no circumstance came that forced me to grow up or anything dramatic like that.

I have just been having an existential crisis, maybe anxiety? I dunno haven't been to a psychologist and I don't think I plan on going to one.

I feel as if my life isn't moving forward and growing older, this feeling just keeps rearing it's ugly head. I don't necessarily have any passion, even writing is just a hobby.

Whenever I go to school, I have friends to distract me but when the time comes I get home things just seem to get bleaker. As if my life is running on a routine and I think anxiety is making me afraid to try and break out of it. It even came to a point where I contemplated suicide or death and thinking how the people around me would react and honestly, it's starting to scare me at how casually I think of this.

But don't worry, I don't have the guts to follow through with suicide.

I am bored at having nothing to do but I am too lazy or afraid to try finding something to do. It's a paradox that I can't find a way to break. Let me tell you my routine every time I am home:

Facebook

Mangahere

Fanfiction

Youtube

Kissanime (On weekends)

League of Legends (1 to 5 games before I start getting bored)

I can finish everything except League in a good 2 - 3 hours and I always wake up at around 3 in the morning. I sleep early and wake up early hoping there would something new in the sites I constantly visit then after that then what? I enjoy watching a RWBY episode...but after an hour or two I get over it.

It feels as if my life is stagnant. I feel like the main character in Paulo Coehlo's "Veronica Decides to Die" where she decided to kill herself because of how stagnant her life felt AND I AM NOT EVEN 18 YET.

This might just be a case of teenage angst or maybe I do have anxiety but I hope you understand the reason why I haven't been able to update lately.

TL;DR

Existential crisis, bored but lazy to do anything