Why had he kissed her?
Why in the hell had he kissed her?
He was for sure that she had forgotten about that. It had been four years for Merlin's sake. How on earth did she still remember that?
It was close to two in the morning, but Draco could not sleep at all. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and questions . . . but no answers. He knew he'd have to give Hermione an answer some time.
Why did he kiss her?
He hadn't thought about it when he had done it and he had run away because he had done it. She had been yelling at him when he kissed her. He had been a bastard to her before he kissed her.
"I kissed you because . . . you looked kissable?" he said out loud. When he realized what he said he grabbed a pillow and put it over his face. That was a stupid reason. Hermione would laugh at him if he said that. Where was his brain tonight?
Trying to sleep, you git, it answered back.
"I kissed you because . . . I felt like it?" he said. Ha! He could just imagine the conversation with Hermione.
"You kissed me because . . . you felt like it," Hermione would say, staring at him with skeptical eyes and her arms across her chest.
"Yes," he would say.
"Right," she would say. And then she'd probably hex him out of the house.
You're avoiding the real reason, a voice (his conscious?) said in his head. Great, now he was going insane.
"I don't know the real reason," Draco answered it.
Of course you do. It's in here. You just don't want to jump to that conclusion.
He realized then that he did know the reason. But that couldn't be right, could it? How could that be for a girl he had ridiculed and tortured all through school?
". . . . That night, in the apartment . . . why – why did you kiss me?"
"Because . . . because I was scared too," Draco heard himself say. "Because . . . I was starting to care about you. And – and I needed to show myself that kissing you wouldn't mean a thing to me. . . . But it did and that scared me too."
Draco lifted the pillow from his face and threw it across the room, sitting up and slamming a fist on the headboard.
"And the scariest thing is . . . I think I still care, damn it."
Draco put his head in his hands, pressing the heels of his hand into his eyes.
He still cared. Merlin.
"And with these decisions, we've decided – That you two need to get married."
Before, the only reason he would have had for marrying Hermione was because of his kids.
Could he marry her just for her?
That you two need to get married
"Merlin," Draco said, flinging himself backward on his bed.
