S o m e t i m e s L i f e H a p p e n s . . .
No... I loved Logan. Not Nick. Demi was wrong. Why would I love Nick and how could I not love Logan? He was perfect. Literally perfect!
I looked over at my cell phone, trying to see what time it was. 6:48. I sighed, snuggling farther into the pillow that Demi gave me to use. I still couldn't fall asleep. It was just too hard. Now it was late enough that I was about to give up.
After the conversation between Demi and I she decided for us that it was time to go to bed. About five minutes after her head hit the pillow she was completely out. So far I couldn't get drowsy. There was too much to think about.
I gave up, grabbing the phone and texting a message. Taylor probably wouldn't even be up by now if she wasn't working, and if she was working she wouldn't answer but it didn't matter. I just needed to type it and I knew she'd reply the second she got time.
It wasn't that I doubted Demi at all, I just needed a second person's input and there was no way that I would ever ask Brandi. I think she was more upset that me and Nick broke up than I was. And I was devastated.
My fingers slid over the keypad one by one, clicking letters repeatedly. I pressed the green button the second that I was done.
Do you think I'm still in love with Nick?
I tapped my fingers on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It took two minutes for my phone to light up the dark room again.
As much as I love Logsterr & you two are engaged or whatevs, i dont really know :l haha. sorry. i wish i could answer. but i DO think you two had something really special.. & whatever it was i dont see it anymore. why? do you think you are?
I thought about it for a second.
Demi's been on my case about it a lot lately. & i don't really know if i am but... i think i might be. what do i do!?
Nothing was going right in California. Nothing was supposed to happen. Now I'm two weeks into the trip and it's blatantly obvious that I loved Nick in that small place in my heart too. It was pretty easy to ignore, but now that I knew it was there it'd be impossible to forget about it.
It's fine. Just calm down first, okayy? lol. honestly; i have no idea wtf you should do but it's your choice. you could tell logan or you can hide it from him. if you really dont see the point in telling Logan, or if you think you can forget about Nick again, i totally understand why you'd hide it, but if you think that you should tell him you better tell him now. but its up to youu...
Thanks Tay :) you can always make me feel better :D
no problem, grl. so whatchya gonna do?
Well, im gonna think about if i really love nick first. cuzz i really don't know right now. But if i do i honestly dont think ill tell logan. he loves me so much, ya know? Nick and i are over. we have been. Losing Log wouldn't solve anything.
But the minute I pressed send I realized that I didn't want to be left with no one. Logan couldn't go out of my life, because even if I did break-up with him it wouldn't solve anything. Nick's obviously moved on and it's time that I should too. I already had until I came back here.
Still, I knew after rereading the conversation with Taylor that I didn't love him. Or at least I wasn't in love with Logan. I owed everything good that had happened in the past six years to him, and he had made me the happiest I'd been in a long time, but I wasn't in love with him.
I racked my brain of possible ways to go about trying to figure out what to do but came out with nothing. I guess sleep wasn't gonna be an option tonight.
Finally I just decided to stand up, going down to Demi's kitchen and slowly finding my way around. I spotted some Eggo's in her freezer that I simply placed in the toaster.
After they popped out burnt I drowned them in syrup, not even caring anymore. How could I have let this happen? Not only to me, but to Logan. He deserved so much more.
My phone buzzed in my hand again.
I know girl. i understand. do what you gotta do.
I scowled at my phone. Taylor was a songwriter. She was supposed to be all deep and mushy gushy, and know exactly what to do and all she did was tell me to figure it out. I wanted to hear someone other than Demi just tell me what I was supposed to do, because for once I'll admit that I can't handle this problem on my own.
-
"Logan!" I smiled, giving him a long hug. I glanced at Nick from the corner of my eye, smiling and saying hi to him as well. Demi gave me a knowing look when I pulled away, knowing exactly what was going through my mind.
"Shut it," I mumbled in her ear.
"You know you thought it," she singsonged, pulling Joe away in a corner for them to do what all couples do best: make-out.
"How was the sleepover?"
"Okay. Let's just say we both got to know each other a lot more," I stated vaguely, scrunching my eyebrows.
"I don't wanna know," Nick put his hands up.
Logan was with him, shaking his head.
"Believe me," I looked at them both seriously. "You don't.
It wasn't a lie, but I knew that it was misleading by my tone. The look on Logan's face, the way that it was naturally so happy. I couldn't be the one to steal that away from him. To give him up only so that I could have my happy ending.
"Well, I gotta go to a business meeting," Nick gave me another hug. A hug that was absolutely amazing as we both just held on tight.
"I'll text you," I promised him.
"'Kay. Bye, Miles," he shouted a quick goodbye to Demi, then began to head out. I watched him pass only to see Logan staring at me. He wasn't angry, but I knew that he was beginning to slowly piece things together. Even if he didn't want to bring it up yet, he wasn't clueless. I'm already halfway through, and my family is coming up tomorrow. Just a little over two weeks until I could go back to easily sliding him lies.
I bit my lip, not believing that I could do this to him.
"I'm still so glad that Nick and I were able to become best friends again."
"Yeah," Logan smiled, pulling me into a hug. "Me too."
"Thanks for bringing me here," I wrapped my arms around him. The truth was, I honestly was happy that he brought me. Sure, it caused a little pain, but in the end it was worth it. I got my best friend back.
"You didn't realize that you fell in love with him while you were gone did you?" Logan playfully asked me in the privacy of Noah's dressing room.
"No," I smiled up at him. "I love you, babe."
"So far," he threw me a wink across the room. I playfully hit him with my sweatshirt as he caught it and threw it back to hit me. "Hey, I just want to keep your options open."
"I'm getting married to you," I told him, placing my hand on his chest. He smiled, leaning down and kissing me.
"But I don't want you to if you love him. Don't forget."
I sighed. It doesn't matter what he wants. He should know that I could never just call off a wedding.
"I know," I leaned into his chest, letting it support me. "But odds are I'm probably never going to love him. Don't forget."
"I just wanted to make sure you knew."
"You seem pretty sure that I'm going to fall for him again, you know?"
Logan closed his eyes, a faint smile playing on his lips. "I guess I just have a feeling you will."
"Well I wont," I traced around his lips with my finger. His eyes lit up a little as he beamed at me, wrapping my tiny frame into his arms.
"I'm sorry, I know that," Logan rested his head on top of mine. "It's just everybody still always tells me that you had something with him that you didn't have with me and-"
"They don't know anything," I promised him. I was beginning to convince myself that I wasn't in love with him. "They just like to see drama and I guess it's been low lately."
"Tell your sister to get in a feud," he chuckled.
"I wish we could. I love you so much, and I really don't want to lose you. I would never – not in a million years – trade you for Nick." And that was legit.
"I know," he swayed us back and forth slowly, almost as if we were dancing. "It's just hard right now."
"Told ya' not to come."
"It's worth it though. To find out something this important... It's completely worth it."
"Well, I think it's a waste of money."
"I think you're still a little scared. You're pretty sure that you aren't in-love with him, but there's still that small percent of you that knows you might be."
"You can never forget your first love," I murmured.
Logan nodded to agree. "Yeah... But you can forget how they made you feel."
"Yeah, but it'd be the worst thing to forget how much more I feel with you."
"That was cheesy."
"I grew up on Disney. If you want un-cheesy go to some normal chick."
"Nah. I love cheesy," he grinned. "And I love you."
"And I'm the cheesy one?"
Logan smiled. "Yeah."
"Then what are you?"
"The romantic one."
I grinned. "I love you."
"And you love me more than Nick, right?" he rose his eyebrows, completely joking.
"So much more."
And for once, I honestly believed myself when I said that. It was the truth.
"I love you, too."
ohmygosh :D hi guys(: how are you? umm, well, sorry for taking this long to update. last week there was a ton of drama & i was too stressed. & that's pretty much my only excuse ;) so; i wrote how/when/if leaves nick for good/gets together with him. it's bittersweet. I can't wait til you guys read it(: but i still have to write a few more chapters. i cant wait for you guys to see the rest. im really excited. & i have some other good ideas for stories after this is done. buttt, to speed my lazy self up & remind me, anyone wanna review?
& wooo. thanks for the NJK awards nominations guys(: i appreciate it SOOO much. seriously, thanks. iLoveYou ;D
oh yeah, & if any of you guys know of a good story or want me to read yours just let me know :)
