Inuyasha's memories become Kikyo's. She sees through his eyes, hears through his ears, touches through his hands, feels through his heart. She uses her powers to manipulate Inuyasha's mind, bringing forth his memories as she desires.
In the days before Naraku, Inuyasha had been everpresent--mostly by watching from afar. Once she had become aware of his eyes on her, Kikyo had invited him down--and everything began to change from that moment. Kikyo watches the story unfold before her internal eyes as she views one memory after another. She feels Inuyasha's heartbeat increase at the sight of her as she purified herself in the river beneath his tree-branch perch. She feels his inward smile and hears her own voice speaking to him as they sat side-by-side on the plain overlooking the village. She feels how shy he was so many times when trying to speak to her, often becoming flustered and thus ill-tempered. She hears his thoughts of her when he watched her in battle--both proud of her strength and afraid for her life. She feels how magical her lips felt to him as they shared a kiss that day on the boat. Then she learns, unquestionably, what he knew at that moment--that he loved her. She sees it in his soft-light image of her through his view. She feels it in the aching longing in his chest. She hears the words in his mind, ready to leave his moving lips until her past self stilled them, having heard all she needed to hear.
Now Kikyo knows... Even after finding out the truth about Naraku's set-up, the 'born-again' Kikyo still had doubt about Inuyasha's true feelings for her. Now she knows--Inuyasha had really loved her. Enough to become fully human just to be with her. She visits the memory of that discussion too, to find the intent within him sincere.
Then the nightmare begins. Kikyo saw herself--Naraku in disguise--uttering the most deplorable of words to Inuyasha, 'her' bow trained on his position. He was shocked. He couldn't believe his own eyes. Then came the arrows. Inuyasha was crestfallen. Kikyo could feel the anguish and subsequent outrage of betrayal well up in his heart as the arrows came straight at him. Her heart broke with his. She experienced every ghastly moment that he had experienced, all the way up to the final arrow of sealing. She witnessed her former self saying cruel things, even as she bled away her own life, all owing to the lust for vengeance that Naraku had created. She felt Inuyasha's confusion at her accusations of betrayal, and his attempts to understand why she had betrayed him. But in the final moments...Inuyasha's last thoughts as he considered the fallen Kikyo, whom he thought had decieved him, were not of hatred or vengeance. Kikyo felt his feelings of love and forgiveness, though still mixed with grief and ire. He did not hate her. Even then, he did not hate her. Instead, he was almost grateful that fate had chosen the woman he loved to be the bringer of his death. Thus, he slept in peace for those 50 years, despite the dreadful events leading up to the moment that spell was cast.
Kikyo witnessed every scene up to that point with Inuyasha--and felt it all as he did. His thoughts and feelings within the images viewed were overwhelming. Tears couldn't help themselves; they slipped from Kikyo's eyes of their own accord. Thus it had to be, for as a priestess, Kikyo would never yield to such weakness. Yet she felt that the harsh onslaught of Inuyasha's emotions and even the unwanted tears were worth going through--for now she understood Inuyasha in a way that she never had before. She was awed by the depths and purity of his feelings--love, loyalty, forgiveness, compassion, trust--side by side with fury, resentment, insecurity, pain, doubt. There was far more beneath the hanyou's surface than she ever suspected. She was glad to have had such intimate contact with his soul before her return to eternal rest.
At this point, Kikyo momentarily thinks to end her journey into Inuyasha's mind. She had already gained far more during this experience than she ever could have expected or hoped for--and the ride was not a gentle one. Yet to fully find peace, she feels she must go further. She must now know how Inuyasha percieved her after her death and resurrection. Thus, she proceeds forward--to the memory of the first time the two saw one another after their last terrible, Naraku-orchestrated encounter--the day she was revived by Urasue.
The scene is more unpleasant than she expects. She sees herself reborn, standing before a stunned Inuyasha. His emotions are a brutal mix: Anger, hurt, love, compassion, longing, resentment, awe, dismay--all running deep. When she first lays eyes on herself through Inuyasha's, she feels first the shock he experiences at seeing her again--but then she feels the love he had for her in the past resurface, and hears his internal appraisal of her beauty. The biting words she utters next, however, bring out his wrath. Kikyo watches as Inuyasha and herself exchange verbal blows. She understands now how he had used his rage as a shield against her beratement--and a disguise for his despair. Then came the blood.
Kikyo remembers this day well, and knows what follows. This time, however, she has the privilege--and curse--of being Inuyasha instead of herself.
She feels Inuyasha's rage fizzle out completely at the site of her injury, gushing red liquid. Then she listens as Inuyasha is treated to her own retelling of events, ending in how Inuyasha betrayed her. Nonetheless, he lowers his guard for her, allowing her to approach and touch him--only to be thrown to the ground in pain with a burst of her powerful energy. The memory then shifts to Kikyo once again picking up her tirade--all of which Inuyasha tries desperately to refute. Kikyo feels his determination, his pleading heart. Yet at the time such things went unheeded. Rather, he was entreated to a double arrow attack--the second reaching its target. That's when, as Kikyo herself remembers better than anyone, Kagome called most of her soul back to her body, stopping the second arrow from fully penetrating Inuyasha's chest. Kagome had saved Inuyasha from death at Kikyo's own hands. However, Kikyo's only interest at the time was in escaping before Kagome took back the last bit of her soul. So she ran--right into trouble.
Kikyo remembers well how she slid nearly off a cliff moments later, but she did not know what Inuyasha was feeling as he gripped her wrist to keep her from falling. She had only heard him trying to convince her to give The Girl back her soul--but now knows there was no malice in it. In fact, at that moment, he was only thinking of saving a life, not taking one. He did not wish her to die, as her next words indicated. Her saying as much, however, had brought into the foreground that ugly fact Inuyasha had been ignoring--that doing as he asked would mean her death. All her venomous words pierced his heart that day, unbeknownst to her then. And when she slipped away from him...he felt wounded to the core, calling after her. Kikyo then witnesses what happened to Inuyasha after that. He collapses from the injuries she had inflicted upon him, lamenting how wrongly everything had turned out. His heart is filled with grief. After everything she had just put him through, he did not hate her. He never hated her. He only ever loved her. Nothing she did could remove it, change it, or kill it. He loved her. He loved her.
Now Kikyo feels satisfied that she has seen, heard, and felt everything she needs to in order to override her own horror-story memories with Inuyasha's. His were perhaps equally grisly recollections, but they contained Inuyasha's thoughts and feelings--the truths she needed in order to move on. She knew now. Inuyasha had never betrayed her. He had never hated her. No matter what happened, he always loved her. That was the most important thing she needed to know--and to know it firsthand. She prepares to break the connection.
However, something calls to her...faint, but perceptible...what is it? Something is telling her to move forward, to continue on. There is something--or somethings--left for her to see--learn. It is her soul...her one little piece of a living soul that has remained since that horrid day...it is whispering to her intuition. She will follow it.
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A/N: Sorry so terribly awfully horribly late!! Personal issues + Writer's Block + HARD chapter contentone late chapter!
As for said chapter...I hope it wasn't too confusing, and please don't shoot me for all the English language rules I broke writing this, but you have NO IDEA how ridiculously difficult it is to write in the present tense about participating in a past event in the present time. Exhasperating!! :) But I hope you guys were able to stay with me...I know it had to be confusing from your end. I apologize for that, but I really did the best I could!
Kagome Lovers and/or Kikyo Haters--don't worry, there's not too much more of Kikyo. I'm giving her this sympathetic treatment and a nice send-off, and then it's just InuKag again! Bear with me! :)
The next update you get will be my re-write of the first chapter. I think it's much better! More story to it! Please give it a look-see when I post it, (which will be anywhere from a few hours from now and oh, about a week on the long end--I'm editing now) and then tell me what you think in a message from my profile page, or email me directly at missycamp at hotmail dot com. (have to do it that way or it won't show up right)
Thank you so much for reading! I worked incredibly hard on this so I sure hope you like it! :)
