"Sebastian come on please!"

"NO all he does is call you and have you stay late what are you up to!"

"Nothing Sebastian please!"

I went over to him and he turned around punching me on the cheek. Stumbling back my hand to my cheek I looked at him about to cry. His eyes looked surprised and he took a step closer to me slowly. "Clary" I put my hand up to him and backed away against the wall. "I deserved it" he straightened up and nodded at me walking awkwardly out of our bedroom. Gloomily I crawled into bed and held back the tears. This was the third time this week he'd done this maybe I just wasn't trying hard enough. Maybe I just wasn't being good enough. If it killed me I would be good enough.

For the next few weeks I skipped work outings and meals taking two extra pills a day. Everyone said that I was getting thin but I thought it was stupid. Sebastian was hurting me less yes still hurting me but he was proud. So I kept on doing what I was doing going to the shoots and work then coming home and doing awful things. Then I got a call from Magnus.

"Hello?"

"Clarissa I need you to come over now"

"Ok"

Coughing I got up and walked down the steps in my new jeans. All my other ones were baggy now and falling off my limbs. Getting there Magnus buzzed me in there instantly and I knocked on the door. Alec opened it up and he was shirtless. God damn it why did he after to play for the other team. Both of our faces lit up red and I pushed past him slightly and found Magnus shirtless in the middle of the living room having Isabelle and Jace move a TV. Once again why did he had to be gay but thats not what upset me it was the fact Jace was there.

"Clary can we talk"

"Not with him in the room"

Sighing Magnus waved him out. Jace tried to protest but Isabelle pulled him out by his golden hair. Taking a seat Magnus sat down infront of me and took my hands in his. His eyes searched mine and I knew it was becoming serious what he was going to say.

"Clarissa look at yourself"

"What about it? Sebastian loves it why? don't you think I look nice?"

"Clary I don't want to say this but I'm going to have to let you go"

I felt like my world had shattered. He seriously had to messing with me.

"What do you mean i'm fired?"

"It's not perament clarissa just until you get better"

I got up and grabbed my purse angrily

"I'm as better as i'll ever fucking be you judgmental gay sonic the hedge hog! I don't need this "support group" or whatever hell is and I don't need any of you bringing me down!"

"I'll let the go considering that you are not well"

"GO TO HELL"

Storming out of there I stormed out the door and down the steps. I heard someone running behind me and when I turned my head there jace was. "Leave me alone you creep!" I screamed and smashed the elevator button. It closed right in his face and raced down to the lobby. Hurridly I ran out of the building and hailed a cab. I hurridly got in and it took off right as he bust out onto the street. I was not going through this and their patheic drama couldn't they see Sebastian was finally starting to be happy with me?

The next day I walked into work a giant black mark on my face. Everyday I walked into work new marks were everywhere usually on my face this time one of my eye. Everyone saw but no one said anything except Jace. I didn't listen to him though his opinion meant nothing to me anymore. He was the reason Sebastian was hurting me, the reason I was dying inside all I could think about was last night when I went home and told Sebastian about me being fired.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE FIRED YOU?!"

"He said I need to get better but everythings okay I promi-"

"NO you freaking dirty whore first I find out that guy kissed you multipule times he holds you past work and now you get fired from a modeling job god you're uglier than I thought!"

"I'm not ugly" I whispered and he smacked me across the face. "What did you say?" he asked and I cowered back. "Nothing" I said whimpering and he pulled my hair making me fall onto the floor. "Thats what I thought" and he stalked off and I crawled into the bathroom locking the door. Craddling myself I sobbed into my knees swoalling four diets pills extra. I was fine I didn't need help this was normal this was all normal. I grabbed the blades from my sink and dug it into my skin. Screaming out in pain the tears came harder and I bit my lip as the blood ran down from my cuts. I stared at them. They were comforting in a way. Like I could control my pain and it all was washed away in a blood red waterfall. Feeling light headed I cleaned up the small puddle of blood and wrapped up my arms, stomach and thighs. Just another day I thought just another day.

So now that you know what all went on why don't we go back to what's going on right now?

I stormed out of the office after I had collasped crying into him. I wasn't weak and I wasn't going to show him emotion I didn't need him. Sighing I kept going through paper work thinking about how late I was going to have to stay tonight. Maybe Sebastian wouldn't mind and he would let me go straight to bed with now problems. Yeah a girl can dream right? That night around eight Isabelle came up the to my desk. I didn't look up but I knew it was her, you can tell by the heels. Finally I lifted my head still filling out paper work and I saw Simon was with her. She sat a bowl of chipolte down on my desk and I pushed it away. "Don't want it" I said bitterly and she looked down on me with pity.

"Clary come on magnus got it for you, hes really sorry"

"Better reason not to want it"

"Come on pleaseee"

"No"

I threw it off the desk and it went all over the floor but I didn't care. Izzy looked like she was about to cry and my best friend looked at me sadly. I missed back when we were kids and I could stay at his house and play video games while watching anime but those days were over now. I grabbed the one meant for Jace and threw it in his office not caring. He could eat it off the floor for all I cared. I downed a diet pill and another pill my doctor had given me and took one extra of it. "CLARY" Isabelle half way screamed and Jace came running out covered in chipotle. "What happened?!" and he looked at me with the pill bottles in my hand. "She just over dosed!" Isabelle looked like it was something new that i've never done before.

"I'm fine now bye"

With that I ushered them out of the building and went back to my work. Jace gave me a look and I tried to slap him. "Don't" I said "Look at me like that." I was stuck in that hell hole till eleven when I finally punched my time card out. Without saying goodbye or doing anything I walked home and unlocked my apartment door. It was empty maybe I could get away with staying out late. Wrong.

Sebastian walked out obviously drunk beer bottle in hand. "Late again?" he said squeezing it tight slurring his words. "I was busy with paper work" he walked over to me and gripped my hair tight. "Sure" he said rubbing my face with another one. "It's true" he pushed me to the floor and I knew to just stay there and let him get it out of his system. Thinking it was over I went into our bedroom crying and called up Isabelle to apologise. "No clare i'm sorry." Right as we were in the middle of it he burst in and my phone hit the ground. "Sebastian?" I asked worridly and stood up but he said nothing just coming up to me and pressed his lips to mine. Surprised I pulled away and looked at him. "What was that for?" I asked sweetly pressing my head against his chest and his arms tightened around me.

"Just letting you get a last taste of heaven before I kill you"

"what?"

Before I knew it his fist was in my face and I screamed. Scrambling for the bathroom door he grabbed me around the waist pulling me back infront of him. There was another smack to my face and I bit him on the arm..hard. He screamed out and I ran out of the bedroom grabing my phone on the way. Isabelle was still on the other line "Isabelle?! Izzy help me!" you could hear her freaking out to the others all of them screaming.

"I'm an hour away clary let me call help!"

"Fine but hur-"

I slammed my body to the floor as a beer bottle and whatever over sharp object came flying at the wall. The bottle crashed and the screw driver stuck to the wall. Isabelle was already off of the line oh god I was going to die I was seriously going to die. Ten minutes later I was struggling underneath him while he pressed down on my throat. "Please!" I called out all breathy but he started pressing harder. The door burst open and there he was Jace standing there the light shining on him making his hair look like a halo around his head. Right as my vision went fuzzy Sebastian was being pulled off me and I could breath again. I took deep breaths and I heard yelling and hitting. Jace pushed Sebastian out the door and locked it. We were left there both of us staring at each other.

"Look at what he's done to you"

"I deserved it he only did it because i'm not good enough i'll never be good enough will I?"

"Clary"

He went to touch my shoulder and I backed away slowly. Finally I ran into my bedroom shutting the door and locked it slicing my wrist open and I got the pills in my hand. I was going home tonight. That is until he kicked open the door and we stood there both in shock as the pills slammed to the ground.

This next chapter is going to set the tone for the rest of the book YAYYYY