**(EDIT: Longer, grammar errors fixed, and MORE PLOT!)**
Chapter 7 – Diary of Gilbert
Well, here's my side of this torrent love affair that is starting between me and the sweet little Canadian. And yeah, this is going to be dark, but I can't let Matt hog all the attention now. I couldn't tell you when I fell in love with that little blond Canadian. I mean, freshmen year, he was just Antonio's boy toy, something dangerously off limits, where did that all change? Could it have been sophomore year? His once kinda ghetto wardrobe replaced with what could be only described as sexy punk. His thin body covered in a blood red button up and tight black jeans that clung to his legs. The studded belt only made things worse and I had to go make good friends with my hand that night. But that was just lust. So when did it turn to love?
Maybe it was junior year. I hung around with Reyane a lot that year and so by consequence, Matt too. I learned a lot about him then. He wanted to be in a band or start one, but with his parents always fighting, it seemed to be an impossible dream. I also discovered, through Reyane, that his parents had recently found out that their precious little Matthew was gay and they were greatly decreasing the time he was allowed with his friends, Reyane included.
"It's just fucked up. Matt's been my best friend since Pre-K and suddenly I'm a bad influence! If they asked me, I would say it was the other way around!" Reyane shook her head. "I'm worried about him, I really am. He's never been able to stand up to his parents and he sure as hell won't start now." But it wasn't love there either.
It had to have been this year; it just had to be this year. Maybe it was this year that I realized he had more than just sexual appeal and that this burning in my chest was more than lust. And now that was all ruined. I had taken advantage of a drunken Matt and taken the one thing that should've been given to someone who deserved it. Also I had just left when I woke up in the morning. I was afraid that Matt would freak out and I was afraid that Reyane would pummel me into the dirt if she caught me in Matt's bed.
I hate myself right now. I hate myself so fucking much. I've used the one person that I swore I would never hurt. Matt's going to hate me when he wakes up, and he's going to tell Reyane, who's going to come after me. Fuck. I think I'm going to go dig out the vodka, lose myself in my memories. It'll be a nice way to go when they come for me.
One memory sticks out in particular. It was a nasty day outside, one of those days where you know something is going to go wrong and it most often does. I heard a knock on the front door, it was one of urgency, and I thought that maybe Ludwig had gotten locked out or maybe Feliciano was running away from Antonio and Lovino fighting again, so I answered the door. I didn't expect what was on my doorstep. It was Al, Reyane, and Calthia. Al looked ready to kill; Cal had tear-stained cheeks and her look rivaled Al's. Reyane seemed to be the only calm one and that even seemed to be an understatement.
"What's wrong?" Reyane looked up at me and I saw the anger flashing in her eyes. I also noticed that someone was missing. "Where's Matt!"
"That's the problem. We can't get a hold of him. Me and Cal have called his house and his cell phone multiple times and there's been no answer. We want you to come with us over to the apartment cause Al thinks we might have to break the door in and that'll be easier to do with you and Al. I nodded; Matt had been living with his dad since the divorce, but had never failed to keep contact with the three standing before me. Some was definitely up.
"Just let me get some shoes on and leave a note for Ludwig, you know how he is." They nodded and waited for me while I did those two things. I locked the door behind me and we headed for the apartment that was located across town.
"I also blame that mother of mine for this damn mess." I looked at Al, confused. What did his idiot for a mother do this time? "She can't see to drop the fact that Matt is gay. HE'S STILL MATT! It's not as if he changed over night!" Yup, Janelle Williams was the biggest idiot ever; the only person who could ever give her a run for that title would be Matt and Al's father, Alexander Williams. We pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex and unloaded from the car. Matt and his beast of a father lived on the 3rd floor, so we came to a unanimous decision to take the stairs, rather than wait for the elevator.
"Here's the apartment." We stop in front of 305 and Al banged on the door.
"Matt!" No response, he hit the door again. "Matt, it's your brother, goddammit, now open this door!" We heard a slight whimper. "Matt! I know you're in there! I heard you! Please open the door!" I put a hand on his shoulder, gaining his attention.
"On 3?" He nodded.
"On 3." The girls moved to the side and the two of us backed up to the wall. "3!" We charged the door. I don't know if it was me and Al's combined force or that the door just sucked, and hell, it could've been a combo of both, but that door splintered and took me and Al down with it; a scene that would've been comical had it been in a different context. Matt was sitting in the corner, crying furiously and trying to hide his head; his father was towering over his with an evil gleam in his eye.
"MATT!" Cal and Reyane jumped over us and ran to Matt, pulling him into their arms and checking for damage done. I secretly hoped that they found a bruise on him, so I could beat the living shit out of that useless piece of crap known as Alexander Williams. I picked myself up off the door and made my way over to Matt, one eye on his father the whole time.
"Well, if it isn't my son and his useless friends here to play hero, cause that all Al likes to do with himself. You're just as pathetic as your brother." It was obvious that he had been drinking and that's when I saw it, the nasty bruise across his side. I didn't wait and question him about it, I just stormed up to his dad and knocked him one across his face, knocking him to the ground. Everyone's jaw dropped, it was obvious that they were confused on why I did that.
"Do you not see that bruise of his?" I point to his side, but look at little closer at it. It's slightly discolored and seems to be fading. Al rolls his eyes and Matthew sighs.
"Gil, I really appreciate you caring for me and all, but this bruise is from soccer practice a few weeks ago. I took a ball to the side from Lovino, and he kicks pretty damn hard for a short Italian." I laughed nervously and ran a hand through my hair; leave it to me to get all worked up.
"Is it too late to say…oops?" Matt sighed again and stood up from his crouched position.
"Probably, but he'll get over it…maybe it'll knock him sober for the next couple of days, but I highly doubt it." The atmosphere turned heavy again as we all remembered our reason for coming here.
"He didn't hit you, did he Matt?" I don't think their dad would survive the beating that Reyane and Calthia would give him if he did.
"No, he was just bitching at me about being gay and the usual bullshit. I'll be fine, I'm slowly starting to get used to it. And I apologize for not answering the phones, my dad ripped the house phone out of the wall after he hung up with mom and my cell phone is in my bedroom. We all did an internal sigh of relief.
"Alright, do you want us to stay or do you want us to go? Or, do you possibly want to go with us?" Matt thought it over for a second, before noticing that his dad was coming around.
"You guys should probably go, he's waking up. I'll call you guys tonight, 'kay?" We all nodded and left, stepping gingerly over the broken door. I really hoped that I wouldn't have to pay for that.
I feel so drunk right now. Yet I pull the bottle back to my lips, or I try to. The bottle is suddenly no longer in my hands and my brother is lording over, worry visible across his stern face. He's saying something, but it doesn't register in my head. I try to sit up, but he pushes me back down before reaching for the phone. Is he calling 911? I don't think I'm that drunk.
Then I see the bottles next to the couch and it kinda clicks. I've drunk at least two whole bottles of vodka and was working through my third, plus whatever I had at the party. I lean to side and puke my guts up at the memory of the party and everything that I've done. I hear Ludwig scream. I look down at the vomit on the floor. It's red, like the color of blood. I can feel my face going pale. I'm throwing up blood. I've never gotten this drunk before.
I feel my body going limp at the thought and I fall off the couch. Ludwig only just catches me before I faceplant into my own bodily fluids and hoists me back on the couch, telling me that the paramedics are on their way. I've never seen my brother so scared before and all I can register is that it's my fault. I slump against him with this thought and the thought that I'm a failure of a brother. It's these thoughts that pull me under, into the black, while my brother is clinging onto me, pleading for me to hang on.
A/N: EMO GILBERT! HOW I WANT TO HUG THEE! So, does anyone else think that emo Gilbert needs some love? A quick note on the italics, it's supposed to be flashbacks, but I didn't want to put all the typical bs that's involved with flashbacks, so I just did italics, much prettier if you ask me. So, I think that's all for this chapter. I'll return to Matthew's POV next chapter…sigh…I really liked writing this chapter…(yes, I edited this AN to fit the edited chapter. Hope you enjoy this twist.)
Au revoir!
