Holograph

The weeks passed quickly, almost too quickly for Leia's taste. It wasn't that she wanted time to linger as much as the more time that went by, it was just more time without Han. Sure, every day was one step closer to finding him, but at the same time it was longer he was in the carbonate. Longer he was stuck there. More nights without him, and more time spent worrying.

Leia hadn't talked with the medical team about the complications of the carbonate, but she knew it wasn't an ideal situation to be in. Each day could mean one step closer to death for him, and that wasn't a truth she was willing to face either. It was almost as if not knowing was better than knowing. If she waited until they found him to ask about his health, it meant less time to worry and more time to focus. Once the time for that mission came, it would be easy to throw herself into the planning, unlike now, when she was a sitting bantha. There was absolutely nothing she could do, and that was killing her.

But more than anything, and aside from Han, she was concerned about Chewie and Lando. There hadn't been any communication since they had left the Alliance almost a month previous. It worried her that something had happened, either they were dead or captured by the Empire, and at this point she wasn't sure what was worse. Then the idea that they abandoned crossed her mind, but there was no point to that either. Even if they did abandon the Alliance and find Han, he would come back. Han would force them to, because he loved her.

Yet that was something she had been debating for a while now too. Sure, when she had said she loved him he didn't disagree, but he didn't agree either. Chewie told her Han loved her, and she heard him say it himself near the start of the trip to Bespin, but that could have been fake too, since Han was in the middle of an argument at the time. But that didn't seem possible either. This was Han, the man who had been there for her every single time she grew upset. The man who shared his deepest and darkest secrets with her. The man who allowed her to sleep in his bed for many nights, nightmares and all, and when she finally woke up, his arms were around her, calming her by rubbing her back and whispering in her ear. This was Han, and to anyone else it was plain to see that he loved her, just not to the one he loved.

Still, he had never actually said it to her face. Instead he just said "I know" and left her. Well, 'left' wasn't exactly the correct word. 'Taken' maybe, but not 'left.' Either way, he made the decision to say "I know" instead of "I love you too" even when staring death in the eye. What in the galaxy was that supposed to mean anyway? She was sure it was obvious she loved him, even though she tried to hide it. Granted, her sudden change in both wardrobe and personality didn't leave anyone believing her cover up. They knew just as well as she did that Han was more than just a close friend.

In fact, some knew it a little too well. Bets had been ongoing since her return to the Alliance. Initially they were focused on what happened to Han, but now it was the key to figure out just how far their relationship had gone. Leia tried her best to ignore them, not that it really worked, but she couldn't stay curled up and hidden away in her quarters forever. No matter what, she still had a job to do.

Lately Leia had spent a large amount of time in inventory. New shipments of supplies came in regularly, and it was her job to make sure each portion of the Alliance had what it needed. Currently the rebels were still split in several smaller groups. Only when the time for a large scale attack came would they mass together as one. While it would be easy for the Empire to focus in on one portion at a time, whipping the Alliance out that way, it was also safer. At the moment they were nowhere near ready for a battle against the Empire, so splitting up meant safety for most members at one time. If the Empire attacked one group, the others stayed in safety. Plus, with smaller groups it was easy to move around, something the rebels did often. At this point in the war it was dangerous to stay in one spot at a time, so moving around a lot was ideal.

Of course, there were plenty of rations to count out, and for the first time, Leia found herself in charge of all the military shipments. She had always been in charge of inventory, but it had always been rations, medications, and plenty of weapons. Now there were huge shipments everything came, including ships they would use in battle, which each had to be logged correctly. She was constantly busy, although that was perfectly fine with her. The less time she had to herself, the less time she had to worry about Han. And if she worked herself enough, even sleep became easier.

While the idea of Han being gone had grown a bit easier with time, the nightmares did not. Each night brought a new chain of frightful dreams. Often times they still focused around Alderaan, and sometimes it was Bespin, but lately they began to center on Han after they found him. That he'd be dead or would die from complications of the carbonate. And each night she woke, her armed reached for the body that was not there. Working to exhaustion helped, but not all the time, especially since Han had given specific instructions for her not to work so hard.

But right now wasn't a great time to be thinking about any of that anyway. Rogue Squadron had previously announced plans for a party of sorts. They'd been planning it since Luke and Leia had returned, and while she had done her best to get out of it, Wedge heard nothing of it.

The party was being held in the hangar bay, and when she reached it she was silently thankful that the party was located on the furthest end from where the Falcon usually sat. Music was already playing and she spotted Luke, surrounded by some of the newest pilots. He threw her a quick smile and she returned it as she sat on a nearby crate. Moments later she found Wedge sitting next to her.

"Glad to see you decided to come" he said sarcastically, obviously hinting to the fact that he had forced her to.

"It's not like I had much of a choice, is it?" she returned, her voice short.

"I just thought it would be a nice distraction."

She turned to face him a little more, "And what makes you think a party is going to be a distraction?"

"Well," he started, leaning back and crossing his arms in the normal Corellian fashion. "I figured sitting in your quarters all the time wasn't working too well. And I know the reason you never came to parties is because we basically tied you and Han together."

Leia turned back away to look at Luke and the other pilots, although she knew it was obvious he had hit the nail on the head. "That may be true" she replied, deciding there was no point in countering him further, "but that still doesn't answer my question."

Wedge laughed, "you just wait here. I'll be right back." The pilot stood and moved toward Luke and the pilots. Leia watched as he pulled a few away and introduced himself. The young men were obviously excited to be talking with yet another hero of the Rebellion, so they didn't even notice as he started moving them back towards Leia. When they reached her, Leia had an expression on her face that she knew Han would only describe as her "Princess look."

"Boy's, I'd like you to meet my friend Leia" Wedge told them with a smile on his face. Each pilot was eager to introduce themselves to the former Princess turned Senator and Alliance hero. Leia, on the other hand, simply responded with a polite "hello" to each of them.

After a few minutes of small talk, however, Wedge asked if there was anyone else they wanted to meet.

"Well, I've always wanted to meet Han Solo" one quipped. Wedge opened his mouth as if to speak and then closed it, and Leia's small smile fell and she simply looked away. Obviously one of the pilots recognized the awkwardness because he added, "And I've always been looking forward to meeting Wes Janson."

"I'm sorry to tell you this fellas, but Jason died a few months back. You see, what happened is this. Janson and I, along with the rest of Rogue Squadron, were headed out on a mission. We knew it was gonna be dangerous, every mission is" Wedge commented. "Anyway, so we're headed to this planet called Yaronn, all fine and ready for this mission. When we get there, it was easy to land, almost too easy. Apparently some Imperials had set up camp on this planet, so we were wary from the start. We set up our supplies and stuff pretty easily, and then Janson and I headed out to start tracking down these Imperials. What we didn't know, however, is that they had already found us."

"What happened next?" asked one of the new rebels, and another agreed quickly, completely engrossed in the story.

"They started shooting at us, of course. We took a few of them out and made it back to everyone else, but the Empire was hot on our heels. We ran for our X-wings, and from in mine I could see my friends dying, shot down by blaster fire just before they could reach their ships. Janson tried to help as many as possible, and he attempted to pack up the supplies too. He would have made it, if it weren't for the beast."

"The beast?" one of them asked nervously.

"Yes, the beast. Scariest thing I've ever seen. It was huge, probably 6 meters tall, and it had these fangs that just stuck out of his mouth. He wasn't especially quick, but he caught Janson unaware, and although I tried to take it down with my guns, its skin was so tough the shots just bounced right off. Janson tried to fight it off, but once the beast grabbed him there was no escape. Next thing I know, the beast ripped Janson's head clean off, and that…that was the end of Wes Janson. He was a noble pilot and a great friend. I'm sure he would have loved to meet you."

Leia glanced over to Wedge to find him with an expression of sadness, and she found that her own expression matched, although the corners of her mouth turned up in a small smile.

The pilots, of course, were all shocked and began to apologize, but it didn't last long. A moment later a very smug Wes Janson walked up.

"Hey Wedge. Leia. These the new recruits?"

"You bet they are! Boys, meet Wes Janson." A look of shock came over each of their faces.

"I thought…he just said…how are you?" the young men stammered all at once, looking back and forth between Leia, Wedge and Wes.

Leia found herself laughing with Wedge as the three pilots walked away quickly, obviously embarrassed for falling into the trap. Leia found herself feeling sorry for the young rebels, as she knew how it felt to be in their position, but she couldn't bring herself to bring a stop to Wedge's story, even after she had figured out what he was doing.

"What's going on?" Luke asked as he joined them.

"Just trying to cheer Leia up," Wedge answered. Leia knew she really shouldn't be laughing, but he was right, the joke had cheered her up. Apparently she had been spending too much time around Corellians.


The remainder of the party was uneventful. Leia found herself easily mingling with the other rebels, but there wasn't a lack of awkward moments. Lately she spent most of her time with High Command, planning for upcoming attacks, and with Luke and Wedge, who were continuously trying to get her to eat and laugh and do anything other than work. So naturally, many members of the Alliance were curious about what had happened while she was missing, where Han had disappeared to, and what had happened between them. Luke had saved her from questions several times, but she couldn't ignore them altogether.

When the party had reached an end, she quietly said goodbye to Wedge, who attempted once more to make her laugh, before heading back to her quarters. She knew another night of fitful sleep awaited her, so instead she pulled out the box Chewie had brought her weeks ago.

It had taken her a while to first look through it, but now it seemed to be almost a nightly ritual to go through the items Chewie had pulled from the Falcon. Some of the items had been removed and were scattered across her quarters. His childhood journal, as well as her datapad, sat on the nightstand next to her bed, and one of Han's jackets was thrown haphazardly over the chair in the corner of the room.

First, just as every other night, Leia pulled out the starbox and set it on a nearby table. She opened it and the room was filled with stars. She spent a few moments looking through the stars, trying to find Alderaan, and eventually she found it, its light burning just as bright as any of the others, as if nothing had ever happened. Sometimes she debated enlarging it as Han had done back on the Falcon, but for some reason she could never do it.

Sighing, she turned back to the box, and pulled out some books and several of the holofilms they had watched. Vici of Alderaan, Passion Taboo, even Chewie's favorite, A Hike on Kashyyyk.

There were various holographs Han had kept of them, and she glanced at the picture sitting on her dresser, the one she had of her makeshift family. It was similar to one Han had kept, but hers had everyone in it. Glancing through the photos she came across those of Han and Chewie since they had been with the Alliance, some of him and Luke together, and other various members of the Rebellion.

There were a few of the three of them together, her Han and Luke, but it was just one picture that always caught her eye. It was from a while back, before Hoth. Probably closer to Yavin actually. The reason it caught her eye, however, was because it was a picture of just the two of them. Han stood, towering over her, with his arm wrapped around her shoulder. They were both smiling, and Leia remembered that right after the holo had been taken, they had looked at each ther as if standing that way was a common occurrence.

There weren't many pictures of her and Han, or at least, if there were, she had never seen them. Standing, she went and placed the holo on her nightstand, and she noticed how it seemed to belong there.

Leia sighed again as she moved back to the box and began to put the items away, not bothering to go through the remainder of them. As much comfort as it provided, it still didn't make up for the fact that Han was stuck somewhere in a block of carbonate. But as she placed the box away on the shelf, she realized going on like this wasn't going to be of any help. Leia had know it for a long time, but just couldn't bring herself to admit it.

So, Leia quickly changed back into her uniform, but instead of pulling on her usual jacket, she grabbed Han's off the chair. She knew it wouldn't fit properly, but she pulled it on anyway, pausing briefly to take in the slight scent of Han that still lingered, before leaving her quarters.

Minutes later Leia knocked on Luke's door. She had already commed Wedge and told him to meet her here, and she tried to ignore his smirk when he walked around the corner, directed at her jacket. He didn't say anything though, and soon Luke opened his door, a confused look on his face.

"Leia? Wedge? It's late. What are you…?" he asked, but he was cut off as Leia pushed past him into the room. He looked to Wedge.

"Don't ask me," he commented, shrugging. "But if you were to ask" he said with a smile, "I'd bet you this has something to do with Solo."

Luke returned a knowing glance as he let Wedge in, closing the door behind him.


Greetings everyone! I am back from the (almost) dead!

For those that have been wondering or waiting, my laptop is finally...not fixed. But I do have a new laptop, and that means I can continue to write. I haven't transferred any files yet though, so we'll see how that goes sometime in the future. Either way, I'm writing again!

This isn't my favorite chapter by far, but the next one promises (LOL) to bring a journal entry from Leia (Something we haven't had in a while) and we'll soon get back to Lando, Chewie and Mila as well. I still don't really know where I'm going with this...well, I have some idea now, but I do know that this story won't be as long as 40 Days. It will most likely be quite a bit shorter. We'll see though. I'm looking right now at at least 20+ chapters, so it will be about half the length...but this isn't like 40 Days where I wanted to do a chapter for every single day. This is over a period of six months...so that would be a lot of boring chapters if I wrote one for every single day!

My other comment for the day is a question. I do suggest you all read my blog, which you can find a web address for on my profile, but I was wondering if any of you would be interested in reading one of my non-Han and Leia, non-Fanfiction short stories. It is, in part, inspired by Han and Leia anyway (and if you read it I'm sure you'll see the similarities). If you review you can just let me know there and if there's some interest I'll post it on my blog sometime this week. =)

And so, I'd like to thank you, as always, for reading, and for sticking with me! Please review if you feel so inclined, and thanks again!