Warning: This is a romance between two men- NYPD SVU Detective Odafin Tutuola and my character Enrique J. Cruz. If you are uncomfortable with it, please don't read. You will not offend me. Rated T for now will change to M later.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. I own the people that don't appear on the show. I do own the idea of their romance.
Chapter 6: Questions
Monday morning found Detective Fin Tutuola with a smile on his face. Very unusual for him. He seemed to be floating on air. Why? He wasn't entirely sure; he just knew he felt differently than he normally did. Little did he know that he would be teased for it. But Munch was always like that.
"So….what's her name?"
"Who's name?" Fin said as he poured himself a second cup of coffee.
"Oh, maybe she didn't warrant you remembering her name. That's cool. Everyone needs a little anonymity every once in a while."
"Munch, what the hell are you talking about?"
"The reason you're smiling...does she or doesn't she have a name?" Fin was about to correct him and say "he" but he caught himself.
"Yes, she has a name." He replied and walked back to his desk.
"What? That's it? I don't get to hear her name?"
"No, not yet."
"Wow, she must be some kinda wonderful." Olivia said smiling.
"Oh come on Liv, not you too."
"Hey, I'm just saying, we haven't seen a smile on you like this in….well, I don't know when the last time was. It's a good look whatever it is."
"Thank you." Fin said rolling his eyes at John.
"What?" Munch replied. Fin waved him off and was off to forensics.
The rest of his day had been occupied by interrogating suspects and paperwork. He didn't forget his mental note from Saturday night though. While he was waiting on some results, he decided to see if Dr. Huang was available. The FBI Psychologist's office door was open but he was on the phone. Fin knocked on the door and George waved him in. Fin had kept his cool until that moment. He felt as if his heart was swimming in his stomach. He began to wonder if everyone who had to pour their most treasured secrets to someone else felt the same way. George finished his call.
"Hey Doc, you got a minute?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"I need some advice on a hypothetical."
"Case related?"
"No."
"Close the door and have a seat." Fin did. "Anything said here is confidential just like with any of my other patients or clients."
"Cool." Fin said sitting in a chair in front of the desk.
"I also have to tell you that if I think you are a danger to someone or yourself that I am required by law to let Cragen know."
"Ok."
"So, tell me your hypothetical."
"Ok, there's this straight guy who met this young woman at a club and he eventually asked her out. He finds out that she is a he. Knowing this, he continues the date and ends up kissing him, a lot. He asks the guy out again, they kiss a lot again. Now is he gay because he's kissing this guy or does he have this attraction to him because he's dressed like a woman?"
"Whoa, slow down. Let me get this correct, you're trying to find out if this man is gay?"
"Yeah." George thought a moment.
"So the gay guy was dressed as a woman…"
"Right."
"And the straight guy is trying to find out if his attraction is to the gay man or drag related?"
"Uh…yeah."
"Ok, let's get rid of the hypothetical and get real. I'm guessing you're the straight guy?"
"Yeah. See I met one of Kenny's friends while working security at the club Friday night, not knowing that she was a he."
"You asked Rikki out on a date?" George asked.
"Damn, I forgot you all knew each other. Ok, this is going to be awkward to talk to you about now."
"Fin wait, I can't tell them anything that we talk about here. Not even Kenny. So what happened?"
"I asked Rikki out and found out that he is Enrique. Knowing that he was a man, I ended up kissing him anyway. And I asked him out again yesterday. And we kissed again."
"Go on."
"So I'm trying to figure out if I'm gay or what. I got a feeling that is won't be easy to figure out."
"It won't be. The first thing that comes to mind is you are bi-sexual, attracted to both sexes."
"But I'm not attracted to all men, just one. Maybe."
"Ok. You clearly knew that he was a man and you kissed him anyway. That may mean that some part of you is bi-curious."
"So how do I figure out if I'm gay or not?"
"Spend more time with Enrique as Enrique, not Rikki. If you still have the same feelings when he's dressed as a man and not a woman, that will be a huge clue. If you constantly see him as Rikki, you will just feed the part of you that is attracted to women. If you see him more as Enrique then you will know it will be a heart thing. Does that make sense?"
"A little."
"How did you feel when you were kissing him?"
"Like it was the most natural and wonderful thing I could be doing at that moment. It just felt right."
"I think that's a start to your answer there. Here's what I suggest, spend more time with Enrique while he's dressed as a man. If the desire to kiss him and feelings are the same then I would say you would be a bi-sexual man attracted to one man."
"I have to have the term bi-sexual?"
"Yes because your attraction includes the same sex. Now if you become attracted to men in general, then you can use the term gay."
"Wow, this is giving me a headache."
"I know. Imagine being a teenager and trying to figure it out."
"Is that when you knew?"
"More or less. I'm attracted to manly men. My boyfriends were always muscular and taller than I am."
"Well Doc, I've seen ten year olds taller than you."
" Ha. Ha, very funny. But seriously, take that advice to start with. I have some brochures and pamphlets of support groups that you might want to look into. Some are even online."
"And what about my identity as a cop?"
"You'd be surprised at the number of NYPD boys and girls in blue that are a part of these groups. They thrive on secrecy. It's up to you if you want to explore them. I can suggest the ones I've personally used or currently use. I can vouch for the anonymity of those."
"Let me think about it. You might want to recommend a good family counselor if this turns out to be the real deal between us and not a phase."
"Oh, I'm sure Kenny will be fine as soon as he knows deep down no one will get hurt."
"Yeah. Thanks Doc."
"Anytime Fin."
